Well the life of a teenager was never supposed to be easy, they were right. In Liz's car on the way to my mother's place I felt ready to throw up. I had missed her when I was little, cried for her every night. But daddy had disciplined me, yelling at me to stop my "silly tears" but he only made them worse. After a while I just forgot she existed, wonder if she had forgotten about me. Now she had me thrown onto her to take care of.
I should have just emancipated myself. I'm old enough. in a year I could be on my own anyway. But I had always depended on someone, my father. I was afraid to be alone, but afraid to be attached. I was confused and scared and had no clue, but I was strong. My mother was my best bet.
I breathed deep as I mounted the steps to the apartment building. She had to sell the house after Dad and I left, selling alien souvenirs was not enough to keep it up. I rang the buzzer and heard a woman answer. "Who is it?" She sounded old, tired.
"Um….it's Maria," I answered.
"One moment." This was definitely not the same lady she had left nine years previous. She had changed, I could tell without even looking at her. A moment later, true to her word, a woman appeared in front of her, standing in the doorway of the now open door. I had to keep my jaw from dropping at the sight before me. This was not my mother, my mother was young, pretty, the lady I used to cuddle with, the woman I used to love and admire. The one before me now was almost old looking, fine wrinkles outlined her mouth and forehead, her eyes dull and clouded.
"Hello?" she said. It was obvious she had spoken already, but I had been engrossed in thought.
"Hello," I replied, my eyes darting every which way, trying to avoid her face. It was strange standing here in front of her, nerve racking. But what did I expect, her to take me into her arms and forget time had ever gone by? Liz had.
'Oh shut up,' I berated myself. Of course it wouldn't be the same. I closed my eyes and for a moment saw the mother I once had known, hugging me close while my father ripped apart the house. I saw the woman I had dreamt about every day of my life, the one I had called Mommy, the one who had protected me and kissed away my tears. I saw the mother I had been torn from one night in an angry rage. I saw a woman standing in the doorway, sobbing. I saw all the memories I had, the only ones I had been able to keep, the only piece of Roswell that had stayed with me. Maybe they would stop haunting me now that I was back. But then there was NYC…
I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me from my daydream. "Maria, why don't you come inside?" my mother said. She had a funny look on her face. What a first impression I had made.
I entered the building and followed my mother up the stairs to a small apartment. I was surprised at the inside; a small living room, scarcely furnished; a kitchen, well if you wanna call it that, a stove and a microwave, basically; and I could see a bedroom in the back; and another closed door. The rooms only made me pity her more, although I hadn't exactly lived like a princess.
"Um…I know it's not Buckingham Palace…" Amy let her voice trail.
"Don't worry," I replied, reassuring her. "It's great, very homey." And it was, little touches, like the candles and incense, lacy curtains, accented the tiny place, giving it a welcoming look. Silence fell on the place and I felt awkward. I wish I had made Liz come in with me, but I told her I would be okay. At this moment I felt anything but okay.
'Suck it up,' I said to myself. 'You're not a child anymore.'
"You must be tired," my mother said.
"Well a little. It's been a long day." She moved towards the closed door and I followed, like a lost sheep. Since when had I become such a baby? I had always been the leader, the one in control. Maybe I was tired, who knew.
"This will be your room," she said. I peeked my head inside. It was a gorgeous room, she must have fixed it up. "We can fix it however you want it…"
"No, I like it," I said, still looking dreamily at the small space. Finally, a clean room, all for myself. I wandered in as my mother rattled on about towels and sheets or some sort of household stuff. I answered with the appropriate noises, I was good at that, listening without listening.
Then she turned to leave, "Mom," I said unsure, my voice wavering. I was venturing into unknown territory, it was scary. My mother turned slowly, tears in her eyes.
"I've been waiting almost ten years to hear you say that. I've missed you," she said, rushing towards me and enveloping me in a hug that could kill a bear.
"I've missed you too," I siad, tears filling my eyes. "Everyday."
"Welcome home, Maria," she said.
I should have just emancipated myself. I'm old enough. in a year I could be on my own anyway. But I had always depended on someone, my father. I was afraid to be alone, but afraid to be attached. I was confused and scared and had no clue, but I was strong. My mother was my best bet.
I breathed deep as I mounted the steps to the apartment building. She had to sell the house after Dad and I left, selling alien souvenirs was not enough to keep it up. I rang the buzzer and heard a woman answer. "Who is it?" She sounded old, tired.
"Um….it's Maria," I answered.
"One moment." This was definitely not the same lady she had left nine years previous. She had changed, I could tell without even looking at her. A moment later, true to her word, a woman appeared in front of her, standing in the doorway of the now open door. I had to keep my jaw from dropping at the sight before me. This was not my mother, my mother was young, pretty, the lady I used to cuddle with, the woman I used to love and admire. The one before me now was almost old looking, fine wrinkles outlined her mouth and forehead, her eyes dull and clouded.
"Hello?" she said. It was obvious she had spoken already, but I had been engrossed in thought.
"Hello," I replied, my eyes darting every which way, trying to avoid her face. It was strange standing here in front of her, nerve racking. But what did I expect, her to take me into her arms and forget time had ever gone by? Liz had.
'Oh shut up,' I berated myself. Of course it wouldn't be the same. I closed my eyes and for a moment saw the mother I once had known, hugging me close while my father ripped apart the house. I saw the woman I had dreamt about every day of my life, the one I had called Mommy, the one who had protected me and kissed away my tears. I saw the mother I had been torn from one night in an angry rage. I saw a woman standing in the doorway, sobbing. I saw all the memories I had, the only ones I had been able to keep, the only piece of Roswell that had stayed with me. Maybe they would stop haunting me now that I was back. But then there was NYC…
I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me from my daydream. "Maria, why don't you come inside?" my mother said. She had a funny look on her face. What a first impression I had made.
I entered the building and followed my mother up the stairs to a small apartment. I was surprised at the inside; a small living room, scarcely furnished; a kitchen, well if you wanna call it that, a stove and a microwave, basically; and I could see a bedroom in the back; and another closed door. The rooms only made me pity her more, although I hadn't exactly lived like a princess.
"Um…I know it's not Buckingham Palace…" Amy let her voice trail.
"Don't worry," I replied, reassuring her. "It's great, very homey." And it was, little touches, like the candles and incense, lacy curtains, accented the tiny place, giving it a welcoming look. Silence fell on the place and I felt awkward. I wish I had made Liz come in with me, but I told her I would be okay. At this moment I felt anything but okay.
'Suck it up,' I said to myself. 'You're not a child anymore.'
"You must be tired," my mother said.
"Well a little. It's been a long day." She moved towards the closed door and I followed, like a lost sheep. Since when had I become such a baby? I had always been the leader, the one in control. Maybe I was tired, who knew.
"This will be your room," she said. I peeked my head inside. It was a gorgeous room, she must have fixed it up. "We can fix it however you want it…"
"No, I like it," I said, still looking dreamily at the small space. Finally, a clean room, all for myself. I wandered in as my mother rattled on about towels and sheets or some sort of household stuff. I answered with the appropriate noises, I was good at that, listening without listening.
Then she turned to leave, "Mom," I said unsure, my voice wavering. I was venturing into unknown territory, it was scary. My mother turned slowly, tears in her eyes.
"I've been waiting almost ten years to hear you say that. I've missed you," she said, rushing towards me and enveloping me in a hug that could kill a bear.
"I've missed you too," I siad, tears filling my eyes. "Everyday."
"Welcome home, Maria," she said.