I fell asleep on the couch sometime during the night. I woke up with tears staining my cheeks, I could feel their sticky, bitter salt clinging to my skin, feeding off of it. I looked at the clock. One o'clock in the morning, great. At least I hadn't had another dream, at least not one I could remember.
My mother hadn't come home. Her purse wasn't in it's spot on the chair and her bedroom door was still open. But there was a light on in the kitchen. I got up, not sure what to do. I walked towards the door way, there was a figure rummaging through our refrigerator. A hungry burglar, my favorite.
I watched for a few minutes as he took everything out, examined it and put it back wherever he pleased. So much for keeping the refrigerator clean. I thought maybe mom had brought the sheriff home with her, but I doubted she would.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked harshly, more confident than I really was. The person spun around. Michael. What the hell was he doing here? Was he part of the rent or something? A visit from Michael a day so that we could keep his bill down and he could get his kicks. Not while I was living here it wouldn't be.
"Do you always use such profane language?" he asked, his sentence so uncharacteristic. I supposed he'd used worse in his day, although I didn't know if anything was worse according to parents.
"No, only when I'm dealing with creepy aliens who have a tendency to break into houses. What are you doing here?"
"Checking up on you," he smirked and turned back to the refrigerator.
"Checking up on me?" I repeated. "What, are you my babysitter? Did my mommy call you and tell you I needed to be taken care of? Cause I'll tell you something. I'm hard core, boy. I'm more than you could ever handle."
"Wanna find out?" he said suggestively. I stared at his ass, nice piece of meat it was. I just wanted to…There I go again. I scolded myself for my slip up and slapped my arm.
"You'd explode," I said trying to remember how to play the game. He could make me forget everything I knew, my name, my address, sex. I couldn't understand how a man as sexy as him could make me forget about sex, but it did. When I felt him in the room, smelled his spaceboy smell, my mind just cleared. It was refreshing. Maybe that's why I liked him so much.
"At least I'd die happy."
"You wish. Really why are you here?" I asked nicely, well as nice as I could be to a man. Even this man, as wonderful as he seemed, couldn't be trusted. He still couldn't make me forget the guilt of my past, the dirty secrets that lay beneath my surface, itching to break free.
"You seemed upset this afternoon, I just wanted to make sure you were ok," he said softly turning again to face me. He stepped closer and I felt the heat between us intensify. It sizzled and crackled like water thrown on a hot, dry pan. It was different from anything I'd ever felt before. Maybe this was supposed to be how it was, passion, fire. Not just stuffy and sweaty and dirty, oh how dirty it all was. But with him everything seemed radiant, it was all lit up with new lighting, sparkly and clean.
"And you came here at one in the morning to find this out?" I said skeptically. 'Don't trust him,' I told myself. 'He's a snake like the rest of them.' But somehow I didn't believe myself. I sensed he was different from all those rats that walked the sewers of New York City.
"Actually I knocked on your door around 9 o'clock, but nobody answered."
"So you just let yourself in?" I questioned. The boy didn't know how to save his ass if it caught on fire and there was a bucket of water sitting right behind him. I wondered how he's lived through seventeen years of his life already. It was quite amazing.
He just kind of looked at me and then proceeded with his own thought process. "So are you all right?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I'm fine."
"You don't look fine," he replied.
"And how does fine look, may I ask?"
"Not like you. Not tired and worn out all the time. Not scared every time a man walks across your path, like a superstitious brat who just saw a black cat. Not like that."
His words stung, they touched me deep inside and hurt me to the core. I was surprised he had noticed. I knew he had been through some shit in his life, maybe that had made him sensitive to others. But I wasn't about to admit he was right. Because he wasn't. I was fine. I was alive and that's enough.
"Well you don't look fine to me," I snapped at him. "Why can't you just leave me alone. I'm not your business anymore, I never was. I want nothing to do with you or your alien friends." He looked …hurt by my words. I didn't understand. He was so rude to me, yet so sweet in his own way. It just made me want him more, and made me feel dirtier than ever before.
Maybe boys didn't grow up, well I knew they didn't grow up. It was like in kindergarten when the little boys pulled the little girl's hair when they had a crush. But instead of pulling hair, this little boy pushed buttons, and pulled heartstrings. He played mind games, and to me they were dangerous.
I turned and stalked out of the kitchen and sat on the couch. I put the t.v. on and tried to concentrate on the stupid infomercial for the ab-roller or some other nonsense exercise equipment. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Michael walk to the door. He grabbed the door knob, but paused for a split second. He spun around and walked toward the couch. I stood up ready to walk away should he ask more dumb questions. But he grabbed me by the shoulders and suddenly his lips were on mine.
The sparks that had been between us since we met ignited and heat spread like wildfire through my limbs. Never had a kiss meant so much, had so much effect on my body. I usually stayed away from it. Lips were cold and disgusting, the bearer of germs.
But Michael's lips were heavenly, like the warm sun shining against bare skin. I leaned into him, wanting to attach myself to his mouth for the rest of eternity.
Suddenly the room began to spin and I saw a flash of something on my closed eyelids. It was like a movie was being projected onto them, but the movie kept skipping.
//A man with his hand up/ a woman with big breasts and alcohol on her breath/Me walking into the Crashdown/Me, sleeping//
I broke away. I didn't want to see anymore. The images were coming from Michael. Like I was pulling memories from him, memories embedded deep within him. But it wasn't just pictures. There were emotions too. And they were emotions I recognized, fear, disgust, love, confusion. They were all mixed together into a twisted color, one that made me dizzy. The emotions were mine, but they were his, they were all his.
Tears sprang to my eyes at the realization. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know that anyone had gone through what I did. I didn't want to know how he felt about me, that he cared about me. I didn't want any part of it.
I turned away from him as the tears left salty tracks on my face. I felt strong arms envelop me. Michael kissed the back of my neck softly, moving his lips up to kiss away the tears on my cheek. His head moved to the other side of my face and he cooled the burns my tears had left there. Never had anyone been gentle with me. Never had they kissed my eyes and just let me cry. Never.
Then I collapsed onto him. It must have been from exhaustion, or excitement, or confusion. But I fainted slipping into a world of purple stars.
My mother hadn't come home. Her purse wasn't in it's spot on the chair and her bedroom door was still open. But there was a light on in the kitchen. I got up, not sure what to do. I walked towards the door way, there was a figure rummaging through our refrigerator. A hungry burglar, my favorite.
I watched for a few minutes as he took everything out, examined it and put it back wherever he pleased. So much for keeping the refrigerator clean. I thought maybe mom had brought the sheriff home with her, but I doubted she would.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked harshly, more confident than I really was. The person spun around. Michael. What the hell was he doing here? Was he part of the rent or something? A visit from Michael a day so that we could keep his bill down and he could get his kicks. Not while I was living here it wouldn't be.
"Do you always use such profane language?" he asked, his sentence so uncharacteristic. I supposed he'd used worse in his day, although I didn't know if anything was worse according to parents.
"No, only when I'm dealing with creepy aliens who have a tendency to break into houses. What are you doing here?"
"Checking up on you," he smirked and turned back to the refrigerator.
"Checking up on me?" I repeated. "What, are you my babysitter? Did my mommy call you and tell you I needed to be taken care of? Cause I'll tell you something. I'm hard core, boy. I'm more than you could ever handle."
"Wanna find out?" he said suggestively. I stared at his ass, nice piece of meat it was. I just wanted to…There I go again. I scolded myself for my slip up and slapped my arm.
"You'd explode," I said trying to remember how to play the game. He could make me forget everything I knew, my name, my address, sex. I couldn't understand how a man as sexy as him could make me forget about sex, but it did. When I felt him in the room, smelled his spaceboy smell, my mind just cleared. It was refreshing. Maybe that's why I liked him so much.
"At least I'd die happy."
"You wish. Really why are you here?" I asked nicely, well as nice as I could be to a man. Even this man, as wonderful as he seemed, couldn't be trusted. He still couldn't make me forget the guilt of my past, the dirty secrets that lay beneath my surface, itching to break free.
"You seemed upset this afternoon, I just wanted to make sure you were ok," he said softly turning again to face me. He stepped closer and I felt the heat between us intensify. It sizzled and crackled like water thrown on a hot, dry pan. It was different from anything I'd ever felt before. Maybe this was supposed to be how it was, passion, fire. Not just stuffy and sweaty and dirty, oh how dirty it all was. But with him everything seemed radiant, it was all lit up with new lighting, sparkly and clean.
"And you came here at one in the morning to find this out?" I said skeptically. 'Don't trust him,' I told myself. 'He's a snake like the rest of them.' But somehow I didn't believe myself. I sensed he was different from all those rats that walked the sewers of New York City.
"Actually I knocked on your door around 9 o'clock, but nobody answered."
"So you just let yourself in?" I questioned. The boy didn't know how to save his ass if it caught on fire and there was a bucket of water sitting right behind him. I wondered how he's lived through seventeen years of his life already. It was quite amazing.
He just kind of looked at me and then proceeded with his own thought process. "So are you all right?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I'm fine."
"You don't look fine," he replied.
"And how does fine look, may I ask?"
"Not like you. Not tired and worn out all the time. Not scared every time a man walks across your path, like a superstitious brat who just saw a black cat. Not like that."
His words stung, they touched me deep inside and hurt me to the core. I was surprised he had noticed. I knew he had been through some shit in his life, maybe that had made him sensitive to others. But I wasn't about to admit he was right. Because he wasn't. I was fine. I was alive and that's enough.
"Well you don't look fine to me," I snapped at him. "Why can't you just leave me alone. I'm not your business anymore, I never was. I want nothing to do with you or your alien friends." He looked …hurt by my words. I didn't understand. He was so rude to me, yet so sweet in his own way. It just made me want him more, and made me feel dirtier than ever before.
Maybe boys didn't grow up, well I knew they didn't grow up. It was like in kindergarten when the little boys pulled the little girl's hair when they had a crush. But instead of pulling hair, this little boy pushed buttons, and pulled heartstrings. He played mind games, and to me they were dangerous.
I turned and stalked out of the kitchen and sat on the couch. I put the t.v. on and tried to concentrate on the stupid infomercial for the ab-roller or some other nonsense exercise equipment. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Michael walk to the door. He grabbed the door knob, but paused for a split second. He spun around and walked toward the couch. I stood up ready to walk away should he ask more dumb questions. But he grabbed me by the shoulders and suddenly his lips were on mine.
The sparks that had been between us since we met ignited and heat spread like wildfire through my limbs. Never had a kiss meant so much, had so much effect on my body. I usually stayed away from it. Lips were cold and disgusting, the bearer of germs.
But Michael's lips were heavenly, like the warm sun shining against bare skin. I leaned into him, wanting to attach myself to his mouth for the rest of eternity.
Suddenly the room began to spin and I saw a flash of something on my closed eyelids. It was like a movie was being projected onto them, but the movie kept skipping.
//A man with his hand up/ a woman with big breasts and alcohol on her breath/Me walking into the Crashdown/Me, sleeping//
I broke away. I didn't want to see anymore. The images were coming from Michael. Like I was pulling memories from him, memories embedded deep within him. But it wasn't just pictures. There were emotions too. And they were emotions I recognized, fear, disgust, love, confusion. They were all mixed together into a twisted color, one that made me dizzy. The emotions were mine, but they were his, they were all his.
Tears sprang to my eyes at the realization. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know that anyone had gone through what I did. I didn't want to know how he felt about me, that he cared about me. I didn't want any part of it.
I turned away from him as the tears left salty tracks on my face. I felt strong arms envelop me. Michael kissed the back of my neck softly, moving his lips up to kiss away the tears on my cheek. His head moved to the other side of my face and he cooled the burns my tears had left there. Never had anyone been gentle with me. Never had they kissed my eyes and just let me cry. Never.
Then I collapsed onto him. It must have been from exhaustion, or excitement, or confusion. But I fainted slipping into a world of purple stars.