What's
Meant to Be
At six o'clock the next day. Trowa
showed up at my office, looking more nervous than I'd ever seen him. I began to dread talking to Heero.
"Don't you ever stop working?" Trowa
asked with a sigh.
"No," I laughed. "I'll be done in a second—I just have to
finish this message to Rashid. He wants
me to give up this 'political folly' and return to the colony." I continued typing and sent the
message.
A moment later I was done and I
stretched luxuriously. Trowa grabbed my
jacket, and within minutes we were driving over to Heero's. It was pouring down rain—the perfect weather
for a confrontation. It was a short
trip, and we were both too nervous to talk. I wondered how angry Heero was going to get. Trowa looked confident, but I could easily see through his calm
exterior. I parked the car in front of
the apartment building, but Trowa didn't move.
"Quatre," he said in a gentle tone
that surprised me. "I just want you to
know . . . there hasn't been anything between Heero and me since the war
ended. I haven't avoided earth because
of his relationship with Relena—it was never like that." He paused to swallow and breathe
deeply. "I stayed away because I was
afraid of having to stand by and watch you and Duo together. I was so jealous of Duo." He stared out the other window, avoiding my
gaze.
I didn't say anything, wondering why
he was explaining all this now. The
romantic mood he was putting me in wouldn't be helpful when I tried to support
Duo. Still, I smiled softly at him, my
Trowa, as he traced idle patterns in the fogged window.
"I-if I had known that I was wrong all that
time, well, I doubt I could've been convinced to ever leave your side. I loved you so much it hurt to think of you
with him. I'm sorry I didn't tell you
how I felt, and I want you to know that I won't even think of leaving you
again."
"You're not going back to outer
space?" Even to my own ears, my voice
sounded incredulous.
"Never again, if you'll let me stay
here with you."
I was speechless. I took his hand in mine, squeezing it gently as he looked back at
me.
"So . . . Are we okay now?" He studied me nervously, twining his fingers
around mine.
"I—I think so," I whispered.
"Good." He smiled at me. I grinned
back like an idiot. For a long time we
just sat there, happy.
"Um, we should go in now," he said, his
face coloring slightly.
In the hall outside Heero's
apartment, we found Duo pacing nervously. "Ah, you're here," he said, wringing his hands.
"Are you okay?" I asked. "You don't have to do this now, you know."
"I'm all right," he answered. "I think WuFei's worse than me."
"WuFei?" Trowa asked, nervously
glancing around. They hallway was
empty, other than the three of us.
"He's down the street at a café,"
Duo explained. "He said he'd come get
me if I'm not there in forty-five minutes. I think he suspects that either Heero or I will be half-dead by the end
of the evening."
I sort of figured the same
thing. The only thing I'd ever seen that
rivaled Duo's short temper was Heero's. I crossed my fingers absently as Duo rang the doorbell.
When Heero saw all of us he raised
his eyebrows and silently let us in—he clearly hadn't been expecting a
group. He ushered us into the living
room and gestured to the chairs. I took
a seat next to Trowa, and Heero sat nearby, crossing his legs casually. Duo hovered behind my chair, too antsy to
sit down.
Heero broke the silence. "I take it we're going to spend the evening
reminiscing?" he asked dryly.
Duo wasted no time getting
started. "Why didn't you ever tell
me?" he demanded, ignoring Heero's sarcasm.
Heero glared at Trowa pointedly,
then shifted his icy gaze toward Duo. "Because it was personal. You
never discussed your sexual partners with me."
I flinched for my friend. Heero was so hard sometimes.
"No," Duo growled, "I didn't tell
you because I had no one to discuss. I
wasn't with anyone, not for years. I
was too stuck on you to even consider it."
Heero glanced at me, his expression clearly
surprised. I shook my head, already
sick of the question I was positive he was asking.
"They were never together," Trowa
explained quickly. "We were wrong—we
must've misinterpreted them."
Heero shook his head in denial, his
expression stony again. "But, come on—"
he stammered, disbelieving. "You two
were always together. You shared rooms
and took long walks. Hell, didn't you
just spend the weekend together?"
I sighed. I was tired of explaining this. "We're not lovers, just friends. And we've never been anything more than friends."
Heero nodded slightly, seeming to
accept the misunderstanding.
"That doesn't matter, though," Duo
challenged, his voice hostile. "I want
to know why the hell you slept with Trowa—for an entire fucking year—if you
were in love with me. Why didn't you
just tell me how you felt instead of screwing around with the next guy you
could find?"
Heero's eyes flashed furiously at
Trowa. "You told him how I felt?" he
asked incredulously, rising to his feet. He clenched his hands into fists.
Trowa jumped up, grabbing Heero's arm. "I had to tell him that half the reason we
hooked up in the first place was because you didn't think anything could've
happened with him!"
Heero yanked his arm away, causing Trowa to
stumble backward. I jumped out of my
seat, steadying Trowa protectively. As
far as I was concerned, there was no reason for Heero to lash out at Trowa for
doing the right thing.
Heero turned back to Duo, his voice
cold. "It doesn't matter now, don't you
realize it? I'm in love with Relena,
and drudging up old feelings won't change that."
"I don't want to change that," Duo
insisted, grabbing the back of my chair. I craned my neck to see his face. "Six years ago all I ever wanted was a chance to love you, and you kept
pushing me away! Now I just want to
know why you pushed me instead of telling me how you felt. You never said anything! What the hell were you afraid of?"
"You never said anything either!" Heero ground
out in an uncharacteristic display of anger and defensiveness. "If you cared about me so much for such a
long time, you should've said something!"
"I tried," Duo retorted, still surprisingly
steady, "but every time I began a serious conversation you changed the subject,
or told me to shut up for once! After a
while I gave up because I figured you knew what I was trying to say. I knew that if I actually said it out loud
you would kill me! I thought you'd call
me a queer and refuse to talk to me again. I thought I was unnatural to like guys. Don't you understand?"
Heero shook his head slightly. "I felt the same way, Duo."
"Bullshit!" Duo shouted. "None of you guys know what it's like! For you, sex with other men is variety. You may be attracted to a man, you may even
fall in love with a man, but you're at least attracted to women, too! You can tell yourself that your feelings are
just a result of curiosity, nothing more. You don't run the risk of being considered a pervert! It's different with me—I have never been
interested in girls. I've always liked
guys, and I was scared that you all would think less of me. And you, Heero. I thought you'd hate me if you knew how badly I wanted you. That's why it hurt me so much when I found
out you'd been fucking Trowa the whole time!" He gasped for a breath, his face pale and tense. He blinked his eyes furiously, always
unwilling to cry.
Heero clenched his fists, his face white
with rage. "Well, if you weren't doing
the same with Quatre you made it pretty damn obvious that it was what you
wanted! You would've been fucking him
at a moment's notice if he'd ever given you a chance!" His voice was hoarse and furious. He didn't even see Duo's punch coming.
Heero was knocked to the floor, but quickly
jumped back up to return the blow. He
was at least as angry as Duo—he had murder in his eyes.
I stepped forward, wanting to
intervene, but I felt Trowa's hand clamp down on my shoulder. "Let them fight it out," he said
calmly.
"But did you hear what he said?" I
shouted angrily, realizing that I wanted a piece of Heero for myself. I tried to pull away, but Trowa's grip
tightened.
"Yes," Trowa's voice was stern. "Let it go." I obeyed.
Heero and Duo continued fighting,
and through it all I could still hear Duo yelling, though his heavy breathing
and angry tears muffled his words. He
punctuated his blows with curses, coming up with obscenities of which I could
only guess the meaning. Heero didn't
speak, and after a while his punches seemed to lose their vigor. I wondered if it was sinking in, that he was
fighting the same guy he used to care so much for.
"Damn it, Heero," Duo choked out,
pinning him against the wall. "Why the
hell do I still—?" With a roar and a
burst of energy, he lit into him again.
It took us a few minutes to realize that
Heero had stopped throwing punches altogether. I was amazed when he then
dropped his arms to his sides, refusing to block. Duo continued to pummel him, though his attacks became gradually
weaker. With a sob, he collapsed
against Heero's chest, sending them both to the floor. Heero hesitated a moment, then wrapped his
arms around him, letting him cry.
I looked away, embarrassed to be
intruding. In all the years I'd known
Duo, I don't know that I'd ever seen him cry. Certainly not like this. Trowa
slipped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him, resting his head
on my hair. I closed my eyes and leaned
into him.
"Duo, I'm sorry," I heard Heero
whisper, his voice choked. I lifted my
head to see him stroke Duo's hair. They
sat on the floor, wrapped together until Duo's sobs quieted.
"Am I interrupting something?" WuFei's usually haughty voice was cold and
unemotional. We turned to see him
standing in the doorway, rainwater streaming from his coat to puddle on the
floor. His hostility showed clearly
behind the calm façade.
I glanced at my watch, startled. Only twenty-five minutes had passed. "You're early," I commented, smirking.
"No," Duo answered WuFei, unaware that I
had spoken. He untangled himself from
Heero and wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands. He stood. "We were just
straightening things out."
"Should I kill him?"
Duo almost laughed. "Down boy!" he chided softly. "I think we're okay now." He glanced quizzically over his shoulder to
where Heero still sat on the floor.
WuFei's eyes softened a bit as he watched
Duo. He looked nervously down at Heero,
apparently wondering just how okay things had become. I was amazed at how my friend had managed to win him over so
quickly. I was happy that he had.
Heero stood quietly, watching Duo and
WuFei's interaction. He smiled slightly
at the sight of a jealous WuFei. His
gaze suddenly shifted to focus on me, and his expression changed to one laced
with confusion.
"So you and Duo never slept together?" he asked.
"No!" I heard Trowa's chuckle behind me and kicked him playfully. Emitting an overly-exasperated sigh, I
insisted, "I have never slept with
him!"
"Quatre and me?" Duo laughed weakly. "Yeah right, Quatre's never been with a
guy." He looked at me pointedly, one
eyebrow raised. I could hear the
question running through his mind: or have you?
Heero snorted, looking away, and Trowa
coughed uncomfortably. WuFei's eyes
shifted back and forth between Trowa and me, widening in surprise. Then the corners of his mouth turned up
slightly.
Duo, picking up on all of this, grinned
wolfishly. "It's about damn time!"
I was still amazed when, six months
later it was all water under the bridge. The more time went by, the more we could all understand it. And it brought us closer together; closer,
even, than we had been as pilots. Duo
and I realized that Heero had been right all along—we really had to put the
past behind us.
We were asked to be groomsmen at Heero and
Relena's wedding, and Trowa was to be the best man. I thought it was a little eccentric that Relena accepted her
fiancé's former lover as the best man, but she was an open-minded person. Heero had told her all about his old feelings
for Duo, as well, a little after their confrontation. He said was tired of keeping secrets. All in all, a kinder Heero came out of the whole fiasco.
The wedding reception seemed to go on for
years, though it was barely dusk when people began leaving. It had been beautiful, though, with everyone
wearing uniforms of state. Relena had
never looked lovelier, and Heero had been grinning all day.
"Could Trowa's toast have been any less
moving?" WuFei asked dryly as we watched the remaining guests dance. Despite the number of guests who had already
left, the gardens were still full of diplomats and government officials.
Duo snorted. "I don't know how Quatre can get anywhere with him. He's an emotional iceberg."
I smiled to myself, not wanting to tell Duo
just how wrong he was. From where I was
sitting I could see Trowa talking to Relena and Heero. Our eyes met briefly and he smiled. He'd opened up a lot since September,
actually, and we were discovering new things about each other every day—and
night.
Duo ran off to join them, jumping into
Heero's lap playfully. He was
immediately shoved off. Some things
never change.
"He still throws himself at Yuy," WuFei
grumbled.
I shrugged. "It's a habit. Maybe you
should complain to him. He'll try to stop,
I'm sure."
"No," WuFei said with an evil grin. "It irritates him more when I don't get
jealous."
I
had some advice on how to get Duo really kicking, but was cut short when he
dragged Heero and Trowa back over to our table.
"Hey!" he called, excitedly. "I just realized something!"
His voice got quieter as they came to where
we were standing. "Now we've all
turned. We've all been to the gayer
side of life and c'mon—every one of us liked it better."
Trowa cleared his throat and motioned
toward Heero. "He just married a girl."
Heero smirked, resting his arm across
Trowa's shoulders. "That doesn't
necessarily mean . . ."
Trowa jerked away in shock as everyone
burst out laughing. It wasn't every day
that Heero Yuy made a joke.
Duo looked serious, eyeing Trowa with new
interest. "Well, well, well. It seems like you're getting glowing
recommendations from everyone. Maybe
icebergs can be fun." He slipped his
arm around Trowa's waist and nuzzled his shoulder. "Wanna come home with me?"
Before Trowa could answer, WuFei stepped
up, grasping Duo's arm. "No," he said
quietly. "I don't think so." As Trowa came back to stand by me, I chuckled
lightly. WuFei was the steadying
influence that Duo had needed for so long, and Heero looked genuinely happy with
Relena. I glanced up at Trowa. Yep, things were perfect.
"It's time for a real toast," Duo declared,
refilling our champagne glasses. "One
that doesn't suck as much as Trowa's did!"
"Hey!" Trowa protested playfully.
Heero raised his eyebrows suspiciously. "Who's making this toast?"
"Me." Duo raised his glass high. "To
love."
"And friendship," Heero added for good
measure.
We clinked our five glasses together and
drank. I silently wished that we could
remain this close forever. I felt
Trowa's hand slip into mine—he was learning to read my mind. Our fingers laced together and I squeezed
his hand gently. Our eyes met over the
rims of our champagne glasses and I realized that I didn't want to ever part
with him. I was inspired by Relena and
Heero, and I wanted to ask him to stay with me, I wanted to ask him to share
the rest of our lives.
"Let's live together," he whispered. I choked—Trowa had been thinking the same
thing?
Coughing and sputtering, I looked at him
with wide eyes. "What?"
"Let's live together—forever." His voice was brimming with excitement, his
eyes were bright with joy. "We can live
at my place—or yours, since it's bigger. It'll be great! We'll be great!"
I couldn't have been any happier. I nodded, and was swept up into Trowa's
embrace. I could vaguely hear the words
of congratulations from the others—I was too lost in Trowa's eyes to
respond. He leaned down and kissed me
gently.
"I knew it," Duo sneered. "Even his kisses are unemotional. Be prepared for a boring life, Quatre!"
Trowa glared down at the American and then,
as if to prove him wrong, kissed me fervently. I responded in kind, wondering if perhaps I should hire Duo to taunt him
regularly.
"Ah, that's more like it!" Duo cried
between cheers and whistles.
WuFei cleared his throat loudly.
"Umm, you guys can stop it now," Heero said
dryly.
We pulled away from each other,
grinning. I pulled him close,
whispering, "I'm ready to go home whenever you are."
Trowa looked at me with a mischievous smile
and then turned to Heero, delivering a string of really lame excuses. Relena walked over to us, taking her
husband's arm.
"I'm sorry, guys," she told us, "but Heero
and I have to go receive the colonial delegations now."
Heero rolled his eyes. "Remind me not to marry a monarch next time
around."
"Next time?" Relena asked, lifting an
eyebrow.
"Good luck, Yuy," WuFei snorted. "You'll need it."
"Congratulations, both of you," Trowa added
with a smile.
"Go!" Heero said with a grin, waving us
away as he and Relena made their way toward the reception room.
"Come on," WuFei said, tugging on Duo's
long braid. "Let's say goodnight." They headed off after a quick goodbye.
I grabbed my heavily embroidered jacket and
slid it on.
"Let's go celebrate at home," Trowa said
huskily, making my toes curl.