Tour de Force
by Soul Hunter
Part 7
"Strange..." she mumbles.
"What is?"
"... ..."
"Quisty...?"
"Oh, nothing, Squall. Nothing..." the instructor answers. But Squall knows Quistis too well to disregard her unusual mood. However, the typical attitude of the SeeD leader prevails, opting to continue on with his impromptu meeting with his comrade.
"... Okay. Governor Markkon said he's been receiving the death threats since he went to Trabia Garden for that benefit convention."
"Benefit convention? Trabia Garden? My, Governor Markkon is sure going places these days. I wonder what his agenda is..." Quistis thinks aloud.
Squall remains still, groping furiously for anything and any clue they may have missed. Looking down from the the first floor mezzanine, he catches sight of Selphie loitering around the the entrance to the training center. He fails to notice that Quistis is likewise observing the Trabian lass intently.
Hatching an idea, Squall turns to the instructor to share his thoughts. He was nevertheless baffled by her irrelevant remark.
"Aren't you noticing anything strange about Selphie lately?"
Squall tosses another glance at Selphie, then comes back to Quistis. "No... Do I look like I'm someone who goes about observing other people's behavior?"
The instructor scoffs. "Yeah, silly of me. Anyway... I just noticed that... she seems somewhat detached since you guys came back from Esthar this afternoon."
"What's so strange about that? Maybe she's tired. Or maybe she's just griping about not seeing that new Daryll Ng movie. I mean, there could be a lot of possible reasons behind her behavior."
Quistis shakes her head. "I don't know... I just have this feeling... ... Do you think something happened when they were in Trabia? Something... out of the ordinary?"
"Like what?"
"Like... I don't know. Something really, really out of the ordinary."
A wild thought invades the mind of the SeeD leader that made him gawk at his colleague with wrinkled eyebrows. Quistis returns his questioning look, then raises her right brows when he suddenly burst out laughing.
"What in the world is so funny?" the instructor questions, almost annoyed by the somewhat condescending guffaw.
"Nothing..." Squall retorts amidst frenzied snickers. "The way you're alluding this 'out of the ordinary thing', someone would think you're suggesting Zell and Selphie had an affair or something."
With lips pouting, Quistis glares at Squall, not knowing whether to be insulted or not. However, the comical appearance of the chortling SeeD commander eventually brought the instructor to a laughing fit of her own. They were so engrossed with the spirited hilarity that they didn't notice the approaching Cid Kramer.
"Glad to see that Balamb Garden's two foremost SeeDs are getting along quite well." he opens. "Mind sharing the object of your rather vigorous delight?"
"Nothing, Headmaster..." Quistis replies while wiping off the moisture from her eyes. "It's just that Squall here..."
"Squall here what?" Cid gropes, but Quistis was laughing so hard she wasn't able to go on with her statement.
"Nevermind, Headmaster." Quistis finally exclaims while regrouping. "It's just so silly I... Oh my...!"
A wondering Cid had to wait, scratching his head in amusement until the two SeeDs finally stopped their rambunctious laughing fit. Squall was the first one to talk.
"That was a good one... man!" he quips. "You'd have to excuse me, Headmaster, Quistis. I need to be back at Esthar City early tomorrow. Quistis, let's continue this later."
"Sure. Good night, Squall"
Unknown to the trio, Selphie heard their excessively noisy gathering, bringing her to hide herself from their view. Looking at her watch, she impatiently fidgets after realizing that it's already way past 10 PM. Shortly, she hears approaching footsteps. Her heart starts beating rapidly when Irvine emerged from the hallway leading to the parking lot.
"Sef, what are you doing here?"
"Hi Irvy..." she greets back. "Nothing, just taking a walk."
"But shouldn't you be back in your quarters and resting?" Irvine echoes his concern. "You still look like roadkill, you know."
"Yeah, I know... But I can't sleep..." Selphie answers, abruptly stopping herself for fear she might spew out something that she shouldn't.
Noticing her unusually somber mood, the gunslinger pulls the Trabian lass close to her and puts his arm over her shoulders. "Been thinking about Trabia Garden, huh. I kinda expected that after I heard your mission objective was there."
She looks at him, trying hard to hide the guilt threatening to manifest in her face. "Yeah... that's right. I'm thinking about Trabia..."
"Tell you what. First thing tomorrow morning, let's go over to the Headmaster and ask for a few days off so we can visit Trabia Garden together. How does that sound?"
A hollow gorge promptly opens up inside her chest. Selphie wanted to cry due to this terrible guilt overwhelming her fragile conscience in the midst of her lover's tender display of affection. Fearing that she might just be unable to contain herself, she opts to maintain her silence until they reached the door to her quarters. Selphie faces Irvine, who then lands a gentle kiss on her lips. She consequently feels that gorge grow even bigger.
"Good night." he softly echoes. "Get some rest, okay? I love you..."
"Thanks..." she mutters. "I... I love you too..."
He looks at the digital display in his alarm clock. It's past 11 PM. Turning his head to the other side, Zell sees the serene form of Iris, soundly sleeping beside him. He mumbles silent words of envy on his girlfriend for her evident peace of mind that easily allowed her to fall to a deep slumber. Unlike her, he can't sleep. For the last hour, Zell's mind has been preoccupied with a dilemma born of recently transpired events. He then remembers something.
"Oh shit...!" he exclaims in his mind. Consequently, the exhausted SeeD sets the ringer on the phone next to him to silent mode. And just in time too, as he notices the call indicator lighting up almost as soon as he flipped the switch.
Lifting the handset slowly, Zell answers with a cautious whisper.
"Hello..."
"You stood me up." a crestfallen voice echoes from the earpiece.
"Selphie, I'm sorry..."
"What happened to you?"
"Iris is here." he quietly mutters. "She's asleep right now."
At the other end of the line, a disappointed Selphie bites her lips while feeling a terrible stabbing sensation in her heart. She nevertheless chooses to take control of her emotions.
"So that's why you're whispering." she voices out gloomily. "Anyway, sorry I bothered you. I'm hanging up now..."
"Wait-wait-wait-wait..." Zell speedily comes back. "I'm moving to the bathroom. You wanna tell me something...?"
"No. Let's just talk tomorrow, okay? You might wake Iris up."
"It's alright. I'm in the bathroom now. Come on, talk to me."
"Zell..." Selphie sighs, almost reluctant to continue. "This... this is impossible."
He didn't answer, terribly dreading the potential follow up to this obviously suggestive remark made by his teammate-turned-secret-lover. And as if knowing what's happening on the other end, Selphie clutches her chest, as if the meager strength of her hand is enough to quell the growing storm of despondency threatening to devour her fortitude.
"I'm sorry." Selphie continues. "I know you're having a hard time right now with what I said."
"Yes, I am." he shoots back. "But..."
Zell hesitates, not knowing whether to continue his statement or not. Because he knows that by carrying on with what he has to say, he might just reflect an impression of wanting to suggest an end to all of this. Zell doesn't want to give Selphie that impression; he knows that he will be hurting her if he makes that mistake. Besides, he's also aware that he will be hurting himself in the process.
"But what...?" she urges him to continue. Zell then deems that whatever reluctance he has at the moment, he still has to voice out his sentiments.
"But... but I understand you. I do..."
"You understand me. So... does that mean you want us to stop this...?"
"That's what you're going to tell me, right?"
Selphie closes her eyes. Objectively speaking, she knows what should be done to give a finality to all this repressed feelings and imprisoned desires to expressed their emotions. She thinks that maybe, just maybe, if they both agree to just forget about everything that happened back in Trabia, it will kill whatever longing they have to secretly pursue this relationship.
"That's the right thing to do, right?" she comes back. "... Right...?"
"... R... Right..." Zell sullenly concurs. "I think that's exactly what we should do... to be fair with everyone..."
Selphie bellows a warm groan replete with utter frustration. "Oh well... we'd be better off that way..."
But the thought of not seeing Zell again, not touching him again, and not kissing him again, the way the two of them did during their escape from the eco-terrorist base, is -- admittedly -- killing her. Frankly, she doesn't know if she can deal with the thought.
"Is... is that what you really want to happen, Zell?"
He wanted to say yes, yet Zell finds the task incredibly difficult. He was just about to bang his head against the bathroom mirror when Iris' voice starts penetrating through the closed door.
"Selphie, I gotta go." he falls back to a whisper. "Let's just talk tomorrow, okay? Iris and Xu are going to Dollet tomorrow for the annual trainee consultation."
"Okay..." she mutters, hesitant to place the phone back to the main set. A resounding click at the other end then echoes, prompting the confused girl to put the receiver down. Drumming her fingers along the phone's keypad, Selphie ponders for a way to resolve this horrible dilemma, cussing at herself for not thinking of any way out. She then looks at the framed picture of Irvine standing on top of the bedside table.
"Irvy... you had better be extra-wonderful starting tomorrow." she says to the picture. "Or else... or else..."
Or else what?
"... I can't go on like this..."
"Sef? Sefie?" Irvine's voice reverberates through the closed door. Waking up with a start, Selphie sluggishly rubs her eyes. They feel sore, fatigued, stemming from the fact that it was merely two hours ago when she fell asleep. Now it's already six in the morning and she feels like she had just fought Ultimecia all over again.
Trying not to stumble, Selphie gets up and wobbles toward the door which opened to the sight of her sheepish-looking lover. She blinks her eyes some more, then tries to focus them to her early visitor.
"Hi Irv... What's up?"
"Sef..." he starts. "Uhh... Sorry to say this, but I'm afraid we have to postpone our vacation. Headmaster Cid ordered me to go back to Esthar with Squall."
"Really...?" she responds, still feeling tired. "Okay. I need to get some more sleep anyway. Take care, okay? And hurry back."
She sinks down to the floor after locking the door behind her. Looking back at the desk clock, Selphie moans before lazily picking herself up. She then remembers the phone conversation she had with Zell during the previous night... and how the lack of resolution in their predicament has brought her to a somewhat conlicted sense of looking forward to the day's events.
Maybe they can find a way to resolve this, she thinks. Or maybe, some dumb luck will strike the two of them, and they'll find out that their respective partners really don't care about them as much as before.
A cutting feeling streaks across her heart. Irvine not loving her anymore? Doesn't it sound a bit too far-fetched?
Far-fetched? Or Unthinkable. Is she ready to accept such a truth if it does become truth?
No use thinking about it, she concludes. Absentmindedly grabbing a fresh towel, Selphie goes for the shower room. The gushing lukewarm water feels so good flowing down her entirety. Selphie needs this. She welcomes this. As the soothing touch of pouring water gently caresses her unprotected form, Selphie smiles in recollection of the many times she shared moments like this with Irvine.
Her face then forms a sad grimace. Has Zell already done that with Iris too?
Maybe. Most likely.
Would she then want to be in Iris' place? Is she ready for that next step?
Selphie curses. How could she be thinking of the next step when they both have yet to decide on a clear direction for this relationship? And besides, they still have to worry about the people they'll be hurting.
Like Irvine.
"Damn..."
It's already been more than a minute now, Iris estimates. She had momentarily stepped to the next table to talk to Xu about the consultation mission they'll be embarking on an hour from now. It took her a measly minute. Yet when she came back to her table, the five hotdogs lying on Zell's plate are still five hotdogs.
Iris never, ever thought she'd see the day.
"Zell?" she calls while resting her forehand on the side of his neck. "Are you sick? You haven't touched your hotdogs yet."
"Whu...?" he quips, as if awaking from a trance. "Oh... uh, no, I'm fine. I'm just... I'm not hungry, that's all."
"Not hungry? Zell," Iris returns with slight confusion. "I've never seen anything freakier than Deed dating a lamer. What's wrong you? You still... tired?" She adds, her lips forming a somewhat naughty grin. Though feeling forlorn, Zell can't help but smile at the pigtailed girl's joke.
"No, I'm fine. Just thinking about something..."
"Oh alright." she relinquishes. "We'll be leaving in a few minutes, and we might not be back until tomorrow so..." Iris trails off, subsequently smothering Zell with a tight kiss. He would have welcomed it if he hadn't glanced toward the direction of the cafeteria entrance, where the surprised martial artist saw Selphie looking on to them. Her eyes are sad, jealousy evident in them.
"Hi Selphie!" Iris waves at the Trabian girl after letting go of Zell. Somewhat hesitant, Selphie nevertheless decides to approach them, with the pigtailed girl landing a cheerful kiss on her cheeks when she came within reach.
Both Zell and Selphie feel a disturbing diffidence at the scenario.
"Do me a favor, Sef, and keep an eye on Zell for me. I'll never know when some hopeless fangirl will try to come on to him again." Iris says, more in jesting. But it all the more made Selphie feel immensely uncomfortable.
"S-Sure, Iris." she forces out. "Don't worry. I won't let him out of my sight."
He taps his fingers lightly along the round edge of the untouched plate. Iris has been gone for close to five minutes, yet the two fidgety SeeDs remain there, unmoving and silent. Selphie then leans toward Zell, her voice soft and wispy with the first utterance of words for this day aimed at communicating with her teammate.
"So..."
"... So..." he looks back at her.
"You heard what Iris said. I mustn't take my eyes off you."
"Hmph..." he scoffs. Looking around, Zell tries to observe the behaviors of the others students, thinking that someone might be observing the two of them too.
"Don't worry." Selphie says upon noticing his intent. "They are quite used to seeing us together, you know."
"So, you wanna talk?" Zell finally asks. "Where to?"
"Um... Certainly not here. There's a lot of rather... important things I wanna tell you since last night..."
"Uh... yeah..." his voice fades, feeling a slight guilt in light of his awareness of her knowledge of the previous night's event. "Sorry but... she insisted on spending the night."
"Hey, don't apologize to me, Zell." Selphie returns firmly. "I myself won't apologize to you if Irvine had spent the night in my room."
"Okay, point taken. So..." he continues. "Where to?"
Feigning a look of deep thought, Selphie mumbles incoherently. When she came back to Zell, her face is serious, intentful. Seeing her expression, the martial artist wasn't even half-surprised by her hard-hitting suggestion.
"Come on, let's go to my room."
- end of part 7 -