"Seven Brides for Seven Weasleys"
By: Me
Adam: Ron
Milly: Hermione
BROTHERS
Ben: Bill
Caleb: Harry
Dan: Fred
Eaf: George
Frank: Charlie
Gideon: Percy
BRIDES
Dorcus: Lavender
Ruth: Cho
Liza: Parvarti
Martha: Padma
Sara: Katie
Alice: Alicia
That night, after a wild dinner that Hermione had never been a part of
in her life and didn't plan to be, she went up to her and Ron's bedroom.
She thought that if she didn't do something about these seven wild men she
was living with, she run away and never come back again.
Ron and his brothers were in the living room. The clock chimed nine times.
"Nine o'clock," said Ron, "Hour past your bedtime."
"Yours too, Ron," said Bill. The brothers laughed rudly.
"Well," said Ron, "I am a bit sleepy. Good night boys,"
"Goodnight Ron," said the brothers.
Ron knocked on the door of the bedroom. His brothers were looking at him.
"Who is it?" called Hermione.
"It's Ron. Your husband," he said.
"Come in, Ron."
Ron walked in. Hermoine was sitting in a rocking chair reading a book titled
"Sobbin Women"
"I thought you'd be in bed," said Ron.
"Did'ya," she said.
"It's been a right busy day," he said.
"Yes it was," she Hermione.
"Should I uh, turn down the covers?"
"You can if you like," she said, "But I'm not goin to bed. Oh Ron, you
don't want a wife. You want a cook, a washer woman, a hired girl. Well a
hired girl has a right to a sleepin' place of her own."
"Now Hermione, I didn't mean to - "
"To trick me?" she said.
"Herm, pretty soon the boys'll be all growed up and married with wives of their
own. I-I wanted to marry you Hermione, real bad,"
"Yes, because you knew there I was young and strong and still had a
lot of work left in me." She said.
"Now that's partly true," said Ron, "It's a rough life out here, there's
fields waitin to be plowed, and livestock to be fed...a man wants a wife to
work along side of him."
"Well I'll work along side ya, Ron. But I'm not sleepin alongside ya.
Goodnight Mr. Weasley."
Ron stormed out of the room and slammed the door. His brothers were
staring at him. "She's nervous," he said, "gonna let her get out of her duds."
"Oh she's...a little nervous," said George. The brothers laughed
hysterically. Ron stormed back upstairs and slammed the door again.
Hermione was still in there. Ron climbed out of the window and onto the roof.
"Ron, what are you doing?" said Hermione.
"Beddin' down for the night," said Ron. "Don't know what the cats see
in it. Goodnight Hermione. You can close the window if you like,"
"Yes of course," said Hermione. "Ron, I know what happened today isnt
gonna happen again. I wanna be able to trust you."
"You can Hermione,"
"Did you really wanna marry me?" said Hermione.
"Yes," said Ron, "Real bad I did."
"Well," said Hermione, "all things considered. Maybe you oughta come
back inside."
Ron went to get in but he tripped on the window sill and fell on the bed. The
bed fell apart.
The brothers heard the clatter. "Yeah baby Yeah!"
"Ow!"
"Woo Woo!" were their remarks. Etc.
The next morning, Ron just finished his breakfast and set out to work. He called to
his brothers. "Hey get up in there...it's workin' time!"
The brothers groaned.
"Ron," said Hermione, "I was thinkin' about what you said last night about your
brothers-"
"Now Hermione, if they give you any trouble, they'll have to answer to me!" he said
so his brothers could hear him. They groaned again.
"Would you like some more coffee Ron?" said Hermione.
"No I'm fine Hermione," Ron walked outside. Hermione went out too to milk the cow.
Harry, Percy and Charlie went into the kitchen in a trance.
"Bacon!" said Charlie, "Fresh made coffe!"
"Hot bread, it's Hermione's cookin'!" said Harry.
"Ron musta showed her what was what!" said Percy. They raced to the table.
"Hey!" called Bill from the bedroom, "Where's my pants? Where's my shirt and
pants?" Harry, Percy and Fred noticed that they were in boxers, and only boxers, and
havent even looked for their clothes when they woke up.
"Good mornin' boys!" said Hermione, coming in. Harry, Charlie and Percy
screamed and ran into the bedroom. "Oh, if you're looking for your outside clothes
there out hangin on the line, I came in while you were asleep and got them."
The other brothers suddenly realized what happened to. Only they had enough
sense not walk out in boxers.
"I couldn't get you inside clothes so I'll take them now," called Hermione from the
kitchen.
"Our underwear?!" said Harry.
"Yes, the winter underwear that your sleepin' in!" said Hermione. The brothers
looked at each other.
"Where's Ron?" said Bill, "we wanna talk to Ron!"
"He's out in the field and had his breakfast a half an hour ago!" said Hermione. "I
got hot muffins waitin'. Buttery toast, crisp bacon, hot cakes, potaoes...fresh made coffee!
Now do I get that winter underwear or am I gonna have to come in and take it off ya!"
Percy stared to take his off. But Bill stoped her. "Don't listen to her, she wouldn't
dare!" he said.
"Oh would I?" said Hermione and opened the door. The brothers screamed.
"All right all right, you'll get it!" they said. They wrapped a blanket around
themsleves and gave Hermione their underwear. Then she gave them their pants. They
came out, shirtless, but in pants.
"You know last night I never knew I'd married into such a handsome family," she
said as she poured their coffee, "why ya are every last one of ya. How come I never seen
you at any of the socials? Don't you like girls?"
"Well, we used to go and have a drink with the townsfolk," said Bill, "but then we'd
start fightin' and somehow the place'd get all torn up!" they laughed.
"Yeah, us Weasleys ain't allowed inta town any more," said George.
"Well, " said Hermione, "haven't you ever thought about bein' with a girl all your
own?"
The brothers looked at each other. "Well I-I-Ive thought about it," said Percy.
"Oh shut up Perce, we're too busy ta think about gals," said Bill.
"Well then, we'll just find something else to talk about," said Hermione.
"Oh, I think about girls all the time!" said Harry.
"Yeah!" said the bros.
"Oh Hermione," said Ben getting up from the table, "Me and my brothers, we don't
know how ta act around girls." The others got up too and went to the living room.
"Well then lemme teach you," said Hermione. "We have about 3 months before the
next church social. They'll be plenty of girls, and plenty of competition. Cause every one
of those girls is gonna have about 10 fellers buzzin' around her."
"Well, we'll clean them out first thing," said Bill.
"Yeah, the whole bloody lot of 'em!" said Charlie.
"No no! that's something you musn't do!" said Hermione, "show those girls you
know some ettiquite."
"Etti what?" said Percy.
"Ettiquite. Let's say I'm a girl, and you meet me commin' outta church. You raise
your hat," the brothers pretended to raise hats. Except for Harry. "Harry, what's the
matter?"
"My hair ain't combed," he said. Hermione turned back to Percy.
"When you meet a girl don't just grab her like she was a flap jack! Hold off for a
while. Offer her your arm. Take her for a stroll and say something nice. Go on, Percy,
say something nice."
"Nice, night fer a-a coon hunt," he said. The brothers laughed. Hermione shook her
head.
"No no you gotta tell her how, how perty she looks. You call her 'my dear,' 'my
darlin', 'my precious,' 'my pet', ::music::
Goin' courtin, goin courtin, oh it sets your senses in a whirl,
Goin' courtin, goin' courtin, dudin' up to go and see a girl.
Oh it's fun to hunt and shoot a gun,
Or to catch a rabbit on the run,
But you'll find it, twice as sportin
Goin Courtin!"
"Like this Hermione?" said Harry grabbing her and preparing to dance,
"Now you gotta wait a minute!" she said,
"Yes Ma'am."
"Now there's lots of things you gotta know,
Be sure the parlor light, is low.
You sidle up, and squeeze her hand,
Let me tell ya fellas that is grand.
You hem and haw a little while
She gives you kinda, half a smile
You cuddle up, she moves away
Then the strategy comes into play!
Goin courtin, goin courtin, if you find it hard to break the ice,
Goin courtin, goin courtin, here's a little feminine advice,
Roll you eyes and heave a little sigh,"
The brothers, except Charlie sighed.
"Groan and grunt like you're about to die!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOHHHH!" said Charlie, pretending to die a horrible death.
"That is what's known as emoatin' goin courtin!"
"Uh, how bout sparkin?" said Fred.
"Parlor's darkened? And you're longin' for a fond embrace?" said Hermione.
"How 'bout pettin'? Sofa settin'?" asked George.
"Uh, suppose she up and slaps your face?" said Percy.
"Yeah!" they said.
"Just remember blessed are the meek,
and don't forget to turn the other cheek,
pretty soon you'll both be larkin'
goin' sparkin'!
Goin Dancin'!"
"Goin Dancin'?" said the brothers.
"At a fancy ball or minuete," sang Hermione, "C'mon Harry," she said, dancing with
him, "Goin' dancin you'll impress her with your ettiquitte." Her and Harry danced.
"You mean men and women gotta dance?" said Charlie.
"Yes it came direct from Paris, France!" sang Hermione, "It'll help with your
romancin' goin' dancin'!" Hermione and the brothers soon broke out into a number of
dance moves, each brother trying to out-do the other.
"Are you sure men do this stuff?" asked Charlie.
"Why of course!" said Hermione.
"Well I don't want my girl to be thinkin' that I do alotta 'sissy stuff'".
"Now why would a big, strong man like you, be afraid of a little thing like dancing?"
So for the next three months, Hermione taught the brothers all to know about courting
girls. Three months later, the brothers were all cleaned up, fingernails and all, and
Hermione put on her best gown.
"Keep your fishin'!" said Hermione.
"And fightin'!" said the brothers.
"And cussin'!"
"And trappin'!"
"'Cause we're goin Couuuuuurrrrrrrtin!"
end of Part III. R/r as always. Thank you. Part 4 coming up.
By: Me
Adam: Ron
Milly: Hermione
BROTHERS
Ben: Bill
Caleb: Harry
Dan: Fred
Eaf: George
Frank: Charlie
Gideon: Percy
BRIDES
Dorcus: Lavender
Ruth: Cho
Liza: Parvarti
Martha: Padma
Sara: Katie
Alice: Alicia
That night, after a wild dinner that Hermione had never been a part of
in her life and didn't plan to be, she went up to her and Ron's bedroom.
She thought that if she didn't do something about these seven wild men she
was living with, she run away and never come back again.
Ron and his brothers were in the living room. The clock chimed nine times.
"Nine o'clock," said Ron, "Hour past your bedtime."
"Yours too, Ron," said Bill. The brothers laughed rudly.
"Well," said Ron, "I am a bit sleepy. Good night boys,"
"Goodnight Ron," said the brothers.
Ron knocked on the door of the bedroom. His brothers were looking at him.
"Who is it?" called Hermione.
"It's Ron. Your husband," he said.
"Come in, Ron."
Ron walked in. Hermoine was sitting in a rocking chair reading a book titled
"Sobbin Women"
"I thought you'd be in bed," said Ron.
"Did'ya," she said.
"It's been a right busy day," he said.
"Yes it was," she Hermione.
"Should I uh, turn down the covers?"
"You can if you like," she said, "But I'm not goin to bed. Oh Ron, you
don't want a wife. You want a cook, a washer woman, a hired girl. Well a
hired girl has a right to a sleepin' place of her own."
"Now Hermione, I didn't mean to - "
"To trick me?" she said.
"Herm, pretty soon the boys'll be all growed up and married with wives of their
own. I-I wanted to marry you Hermione, real bad,"
"Yes, because you knew there I was young and strong and still had a
lot of work left in me." She said.
"Now that's partly true," said Ron, "It's a rough life out here, there's
fields waitin to be plowed, and livestock to be fed...a man wants a wife to
work along side of him."
"Well I'll work along side ya, Ron. But I'm not sleepin alongside ya.
Goodnight Mr. Weasley."
Ron stormed out of the room and slammed the door. His brothers were
staring at him. "She's nervous," he said, "gonna let her get out of her duds."
"Oh she's...a little nervous," said George. The brothers laughed
hysterically. Ron stormed back upstairs and slammed the door again.
Hermione was still in there. Ron climbed out of the window and onto the roof.
"Ron, what are you doing?" said Hermione.
"Beddin' down for the night," said Ron. "Don't know what the cats see
in it. Goodnight Hermione. You can close the window if you like,"
"Yes of course," said Hermione. "Ron, I know what happened today isnt
gonna happen again. I wanna be able to trust you."
"You can Hermione,"
"Did you really wanna marry me?" said Hermione.
"Yes," said Ron, "Real bad I did."
"Well," said Hermione, "all things considered. Maybe you oughta come
back inside."
Ron went to get in but he tripped on the window sill and fell on the bed. The
bed fell apart.
The brothers heard the clatter. "Yeah baby Yeah!"
"Ow!"
"Woo Woo!" were their remarks. Etc.
The next morning, Ron just finished his breakfast and set out to work. He called to
his brothers. "Hey get up in there...it's workin' time!"
The brothers groaned.
"Ron," said Hermione, "I was thinkin' about what you said last night about your
brothers-"
"Now Hermione, if they give you any trouble, they'll have to answer to me!" he said
so his brothers could hear him. They groaned again.
"Would you like some more coffee Ron?" said Hermione.
"No I'm fine Hermione," Ron walked outside. Hermione went out too to milk the cow.
Harry, Percy and Charlie went into the kitchen in a trance.
"Bacon!" said Charlie, "Fresh made coffe!"
"Hot bread, it's Hermione's cookin'!" said Harry.
"Ron musta showed her what was what!" said Percy. They raced to the table.
"Hey!" called Bill from the bedroom, "Where's my pants? Where's my shirt and
pants?" Harry, Percy and Fred noticed that they were in boxers, and only boxers, and
havent even looked for their clothes when they woke up.
"Good mornin' boys!" said Hermione, coming in. Harry, Charlie and Percy
screamed and ran into the bedroom. "Oh, if you're looking for your outside clothes
there out hangin on the line, I came in while you were asleep and got them."
The other brothers suddenly realized what happened to. Only they had enough
sense not walk out in boxers.
"I couldn't get you inside clothes so I'll take them now," called Hermione from the
kitchen.
"Our underwear?!" said Harry.
"Yes, the winter underwear that your sleepin' in!" said Hermione. The brothers
looked at each other.
"Where's Ron?" said Bill, "we wanna talk to Ron!"
"He's out in the field and had his breakfast a half an hour ago!" said Hermione. "I
got hot muffins waitin'. Buttery toast, crisp bacon, hot cakes, potaoes...fresh made coffee!
Now do I get that winter underwear or am I gonna have to come in and take it off ya!"
Percy stared to take his off. But Bill stoped her. "Don't listen to her, she wouldn't
dare!" he said.
"Oh would I?" said Hermione and opened the door. The brothers screamed.
"All right all right, you'll get it!" they said. They wrapped a blanket around
themsleves and gave Hermione their underwear. Then she gave them their pants. They
came out, shirtless, but in pants.
"You know last night I never knew I'd married into such a handsome family," she
said as she poured their coffee, "why ya are every last one of ya. How come I never seen
you at any of the socials? Don't you like girls?"
"Well, we used to go and have a drink with the townsfolk," said Bill, "but then we'd
start fightin' and somehow the place'd get all torn up!" they laughed.
"Yeah, us Weasleys ain't allowed inta town any more," said George.
"Well, " said Hermione, "haven't you ever thought about bein' with a girl all your
own?"
The brothers looked at each other. "Well I-I-Ive thought about it," said Percy.
"Oh shut up Perce, we're too busy ta think about gals," said Bill.
"Well then, we'll just find something else to talk about," said Hermione.
"Oh, I think about girls all the time!" said Harry.
"Yeah!" said the bros.
"Oh Hermione," said Ben getting up from the table, "Me and my brothers, we don't
know how ta act around girls." The others got up too and went to the living room.
"Well then lemme teach you," said Hermione. "We have about 3 months before the
next church social. They'll be plenty of girls, and plenty of competition. Cause every one
of those girls is gonna have about 10 fellers buzzin' around her."
"Well, we'll clean them out first thing," said Bill.
"Yeah, the whole bloody lot of 'em!" said Charlie.
"No no! that's something you musn't do!" said Hermione, "show those girls you
know some ettiquite."
"Etti what?" said Percy.
"Ettiquite. Let's say I'm a girl, and you meet me commin' outta church. You raise
your hat," the brothers pretended to raise hats. Except for Harry. "Harry, what's the
matter?"
"My hair ain't combed," he said. Hermione turned back to Percy.
"When you meet a girl don't just grab her like she was a flap jack! Hold off for a
while. Offer her your arm. Take her for a stroll and say something nice. Go on, Percy,
say something nice."
"Nice, night fer a-a coon hunt," he said. The brothers laughed. Hermione shook her
head.
"No no you gotta tell her how, how perty she looks. You call her 'my dear,' 'my
darlin', 'my precious,' 'my pet', ::music::
Goin' courtin, goin courtin, oh it sets your senses in a whirl,
Goin' courtin, goin' courtin, dudin' up to go and see a girl.
Oh it's fun to hunt and shoot a gun,
Or to catch a rabbit on the run,
But you'll find it, twice as sportin
Goin Courtin!"
"Like this Hermione?" said Harry grabbing her and preparing to dance,
"Now you gotta wait a minute!" she said,
"Yes Ma'am."
"Now there's lots of things you gotta know,
Be sure the parlor light, is low.
You sidle up, and squeeze her hand,
Let me tell ya fellas that is grand.
You hem and haw a little while
She gives you kinda, half a smile
You cuddle up, she moves away
Then the strategy comes into play!
Goin courtin, goin courtin, if you find it hard to break the ice,
Goin courtin, goin courtin, here's a little feminine advice,
Roll you eyes and heave a little sigh,"
The brothers, except Charlie sighed.
"Groan and grunt like you're about to die!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOHHHH!" said Charlie, pretending to die a horrible death.
"That is what's known as emoatin' goin courtin!"
"Uh, how bout sparkin?" said Fred.
"Parlor's darkened? And you're longin' for a fond embrace?" said Hermione.
"How 'bout pettin'? Sofa settin'?" asked George.
"Uh, suppose she up and slaps your face?" said Percy.
"Yeah!" they said.
"Just remember blessed are the meek,
and don't forget to turn the other cheek,
pretty soon you'll both be larkin'
goin' sparkin'!
Goin Dancin'!"
"Goin Dancin'?" said the brothers.
"At a fancy ball or minuete," sang Hermione, "C'mon Harry," she said, dancing with
him, "Goin' dancin you'll impress her with your ettiquitte." Her and Harry danced.
"You mean men and women gotta dance?" said Charlie.
"Yes it came direct from Paris, France!" sang Hermione, "It'll help with your
romancin' goin' dancin'!" Hermione and the brothers soon broke out into a number of
dance moves, each brother trying to out-do the other.
"Are you sure men do this stuff?" asked Charlie.
"Why of course!" said Hermione.
"Well I don't want my girl to be thinkin' that I do alotta 'sissy stuff'".
"Now why would a big, strong man like you, be afraid of a little thing like dancing?"
So for the next three months, Hermione taught the brothers all to know about courting
girls. Three months later, the brothers were all cleaned up, fingernails and all, and
Hermione put on her best gown.
"Keep your fishin'!" said Hermione.
"And fightin'!" said the brothers.
"And cussin'!"
"And trappin'!"
"'Cause we're goin Couuuuuurrrrrrrtin!"
end of Part III. R/r as always. Thank you. Part 4 coming up.