Dr. Taco's Day of Insanity, part 1 of 1. ^_^
Narrator:
Harry, Hermione and Ron were sitting in their Gryffindor Common Room one day,
bored to hell. If this were a Dawson's Creek fanfic, they would be playing
truth or dare, but alas, I didn't watch the last episode so I'm kinda lost with
the plot.
Ron:
Hey, guys, let's play truth or dare!
Narrator:
Darn.
Hermione:
B-b-b-but Ron, that g-g-g-game's d-d-d-d-dangerous!
Ron:
Pfft, Hermione, settle down. Go with the flooooooow.
Harry:
… [begins to sing] I like fudge, I like fudge! If you ask me what I like, I'll
say 'I like DUDGE!', er, fudge!
Ron,
Hermione: Riiiiight.
Neville:
[walks into the room] Hey, yo, whoa!
Ron:
HEY!
Harry:
YO!
Hermione:
[crosses arms and mutters 'whoa']
Neville:
Usually I'm just a side character for these sugar high fics, but today I am the
great, evil Dr. Taco! Ask me a question and I will answer with a vague
philosophical phrase!
Harry:
Dude.
Neville:
So, ask Dr. Taco. Why is the world round? Why does a peanut change colour when
you put it on a mushroom? Why does –
Dean:
[enters] PRAISE THE CUBE!
Seamus:
[also enters] OMNIS CUBIS VENERATIO!
Hermione:
Yeah… you too.
Harry:
Cubism is the latest fashionable religion, did you know, Hermione.
Ron:
Yeah, be a Cubist from Cuba and were a sombrero!
Neville,
Dean, Seamus: Hey, yo, whoa!
Hermione:
Not this again.
Parvati,
Lavender: [enter, singing as choir girls with angel wings and halos and books
that glitter in twenty different colours] Not this again! Not this again! No,
no, no, not this agaaiaiaiaaaaain!
Harry:
Pervade, Larvate, shut up.
Narrator:
Soo… they're not going to play truth or dare? [dun dun dunnnn]
Ron:
Let's play truth or dare!
Narrator:
Dammit! Why didn't I the feck watch Dawson's Creek? Augh… [hits head] stupid,
stupid, stupid…
Hermione:
D-d-d-d-d-d-daanger…
Neville:
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Hermione! Truth or dare isn't dangero— [piano
falls on him]
Hermione:
[womanly scream]
Harry:
I'll save you, Hermione! [picks Herm up in a Superman-like gesture]
Hermione:
[siiiiiiigh] My hero!
Cho:
[enters] Back off my boy, beotch! He's mine, not yers!
Hermione:
What's 265 times 368?
Cho:
[dies in confusion, is swept out of the room by a couple of cleaners in
trenchcoats]
Parvati,
Lavender: [singing, their angel wings flutter] Cho just died! Cho just died!
Yay, yay, yay, Cho just diiiiiieieieieieeeeed!
Ron:
Soo, are we gonna play the game or not?
Narrator:
I should very well think so!
Ron:
No-one asked you!
Narrator:
Pffffft, no-one usually does. No-one talks to the 'wee ickle Narrrator', I'm
just a background figure. I'LL CHANGE HISTORY! I'LL BE THE FIRST EVER
FOREGROUND NARRATOR! HO HO HO! [jumps down from his place in the sky, and
confronts the Gryffindors]
Harry:
[womanly scream]
Hermione:
I'll save you, Harry! [tries to pick Harry up but they both fall over in the
process]
Harry:
[confusion] My … hero. Ugh…
Parvati,
Lavender: [singing again] My hero! My hero! Oh Hermione, you're my
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeero!
Neville:
[from under the piano] My head hurts… where did the Narrator go?
Dean:
[looks around] Yeah- where did he go?
Gay
voice: Whe-hehehehehe-ere's Wally? Erm, I mean, Narrator.
[A
'Where's Wally?' screen pops up, except it is named 'Where's Narrator?'. A
little clock in the corner says that the group have 30 seconds to find our
Narrator, except only Herm knows what he looks like and is in a terrible state
of confusion at the moment. Time ticks away, and then the screen circles down
on an owl in flight over the castle, holding a bottle of Heineken. The owl
winks, and materializes into the Gryffindor Common Room.]
Harry:
… Hedwig?
Hedwig:
Yes, it's meeeeee! Hoo hoo!
Harry:
But aren't you a girl?
Hedwig:
… Oh yeah. Whoops. [blows up]
Parvati,
Lavender: [still singing] Hedwig blew up! Hedwig blew up! She or he was the
narrator, but she or he blew up! [fall over]
Dean,
Seamus: We'll help you! [both pick up either Lavender or Parvati and race out
of the room]
Harry:
… I like fudge.
Hermione:
Fudge ain't all that bad. Truth or dare IS!
Ron:
Kids, don't try this at home.
Neville:
[still under the piano] Dr. Taco can fix this situation!!!
A/N:
…
I only just found this a couple of days ago. I think it was either when I was
high on Fanta or when I got my first home run in a softball match. [shrugs
shoulder] I dunno. Rate this insanity, and you get a free cookie!
Cooooooookieeeee… and I think I got the name 'Dr. Taco' from misspelling Draco,
like 'Drtaco'. Pffffft.