Bimbo Bagless lived in a hole. Not a comfortable, cozy hole, oh no. He lived in a Hobo hole, and that meant rats and snakes. He ate those rats and snakes six time a day because that's the only thing Hobos got to eat. "What exactly are Hobos?" you may ask. Well, Hobos are these short fat freaks who live in a small country called New York City. Hobos don't wear shoes because they can't afford them and because they get so high off "pipe weed" that they lose the feeling in their feet anyway.

Well, Bimbo was sitting by his hole one morning smoking his weed when Gandalfag the Gay came by with a bunch of midgets. Bimbo didn't like Gandalfag because he went on to many adventures, and Bimbo couldn't pronounce that word. Well, Gandalfag and the midgets came into Bimbo's hole and ate all his rats and snakes. Then, Gandalfag said to Bimbo, "I'll give you a couple of bucks if you come on an adventure with us. So, Bimbo said, "Sure I'll go on an andevinturer if you give me money to buy weed!" So, Bimbo went on a great adventure of which he could only remember the following part when he became old and senile (and coincidentally, this is the only relevant part):

Bimbo fell down a deep, deep hole. He landed with a great WHUMP and he feared that his joints had been crushed. When he was sure that they were all intact, he felt around him because he couldn't see well in the dark. He was surprised to find an extra joint beside him because he knew exactly how many he had brought and that he had them all. He absentmindedly slipped the joint into his left pocket, which he didn't usually put weed in, because his right one was already full. After that he forgot all about it.

A creature had observed Bimbo's fall into the cave. This creature used to live on the surface, but now lived in the big cave under the mountain. He ate fish and Mexicans who wandered into his lair. He paddled himself around on a little boat with his big ugly feet and was now watching Bimbo stumble around from a short distance away. His name was Hchakk, which was given to him by his grandmother because he made nasty phlegm noises in his throat. He now spoke softly to himself as he paddled slowly toward Bimbo. "What is it, preciouss? Is it yummy, CHAKK tasty, good to sssmoke? I wonderss, precious HCHAA." Bimbo heard Hchakk coming and looked up.

"Hello," he said rather politely, "what the freak are you?!"

"Nonono," Hchakk answered, "what iss it? HCHACK what is it, precious ssss?"

"I," said Bimbo, "am Bimbo Bagless the Hobo of New York City. Who are you?

"Hchakk," answered Hchakk.

"That's nasty."

"Nonono, Baglesss doesn't Ahk understand, preciouss. Hchakk is Hchakk's name, it iss. Yessss. Does Bagless want to play riddless? If Bagless winss, we will show it out, we will. If it loseseses, we will smoke its weed and eat it chahk. Tasssty."

Bimbo became very afraid. He surely didn't want some ugly niglet to smoke his weed. But, he didn't have much of a choice, so he agreed reluctantly.

"We will go firsst," said Hchakk. He decided to start with an easy one.

"I, look like weed

I smell like weed,

I taste like weed,

I am weed.

What am I?"

Bimbo wasn't as big of an idiot as you thought he was, so he answered, "Weed," fairly quickly. "Now it's my turn," he said.

"Yellow face in blue face

Looks down on

Green face that you smoke and it gets you high."

Hchakk had to think back to his days on the surface when he used to watch his grandmother harvest her crops (and I'm sure you can guess what those were). "Ssunshine on weeed it is, yess precious." Now Hchakk decided to use what he thought was an easy one.

Always smoking,

Never breathing,

Always drinking,

Never peeing (at least as far as I can tell)

Clad in mail,

Never clinking.

This one stumped Bimbo until he saw a fish poke it's head out of the murky water. He could distinctly see something in the fish's mouth and he realized that all of the fish around here smoked pot. "A fish smoking pot!" he cried. "Now try this one:

It is gray and twirly.

The smell makes you hurly.

It always goes up,

And it always disappears

"Weed smoke! From precious weeed!" Hchakk said quickly, for he was tiring of the game by now. "Bagless won't guesss this one, oh no yahch.

To have me once

Is to want me twice.

So you will buy me and smoke me

No matter the price.

You would think that Bimbo had realized by now that all the answers either were weed or had something to do with weed, but being from New York City, he naturally didn't. He took so long in answering, in fact, that Hchakk began hissing and gagging impatiently. Finally, he stood up, licked his black lips and said, "Bagless must answer, it musst. Answer quickly!"

This scared the pee out of poor Bimbo, and he was about to do what any Hobo would have done: squeal like a pig and run like a horse. But, Hchakk took Bimbo's frightened, "Eeek!" to be the word "weed", so he sat down and said, "Assk uss," very sulkily.

Bimbo felt very nervous at this point and decided to smoke a joint. He slipped his hand into his left pocket, and when it was halfway in, he remembered that all of his weed was in the other pocket. But, then he felt that there was something in his left pocket. "What's in my left pocket?" he wondered out loud.

Hchakk, being the dumb niglet that he was, took this to be a riddle. "No fair!" he cried angrily. "Bagless issn't fair! Ya stupid Hobo! How the @#$% should we know what the *&%# is in it's G-d %$^&ed pocketsesesesessssss!?"

"Oh no," said Bimbo, laughing. "You must guess! Those are the rules!"

Hchakk would have guessed "weed" but, he knew that everyone always kept their weed in their right pocket. "We get three guesseses hyachh because it isn't fair riddle." Bimbo had to agree to this. "Iss it… cocaine?" Hchakk asked. Bimbo smiled and shook his head. "Heroine?" he ventured. Again, Bimbo shook his head. "Booze?"

Bimbo jumped triumphantly to his feet. "I win!" he cried. "Now you must show me how to get out!"

"Cheater!" hissed Hchakk. "You must tell us what it is in your nassty pocketseses."

"No, I don't," replied Bimbo, "That's not what the rules say."

Hchakk spit at Bimbo and walked away despite Bimbo's protests. He never meant to let Bimbo out either way. He had something that could help him eat Bimbo and smoke his weed before Bimbo would know what had hit him: A magic joint that could turn you invisible. Coincidentally, this was the same joint that Bimbo had found earlier.

"PRECIOUSSSSSSSS!" cried Hchakk so loudly that Bimbo nearly swallowed the joint he was smoking. He saw Hchakk run wildly back in his direction, screeching hideously. He was very surprised when he ran right past him as if he were invisible. He wondered where Hchakk was going if not to him. So, he decided to follow him. Well, Hchakk ran straight to the exit of the cave, screaming "Precious! Bagless has my Precioussss!" Bimbo jumped right over him, out into the open world, and ran all the way back to rejoin the midgets. He only stopped to yell, "Sucka!" to Hchakk before vanishing into the night.