THE FOURTH UNIVERSE
CHAPTER 14
A year ago, Squall met a curly-topped old lady with a cat in this pub. As he stood just beyond the doorpost, the SeeD commander inadvertently recalled the moment. He didn't like her, she seemed unfriendly and even derisive when she tried to tell them off. The encounter that would have been extremely unpleasant turned to an appallingly depressing experience when he saw what looked like an apparition of the pub's original proprietor, the much loved Winhill resident named Raine. Much later, he gathered nigh-conclusive evidence that the late Ms. Raine Leonhart who then assumed the last name Loire might have been his real mother.
Squall reached forward, touching the wooden door post with his fingers while closing his eyes. His exasperated groan echoed resoundingly when his meditation didn't reveal any remote memory of the place. If ever he was indeed born in this place, he must have left so early in his life that he never got the chance to make a memory of the place. And for some reason, that saddened him.
"I never got to thank you for saving my life." a voice resonated from behind him. Squall turned around to the surprisingly pleasant sight of Mina Ranziel.
"Oh, hi."
"Here, these are my special variety of flowers." Mina returned while handing him the bunch of pink and light-blue blossoms. "I want you to have these as a token of my gratitude."
Squall smiled, remembering the subsequent moment after that life-and-death battle against Vesta when the same ritual performed by their Guardian allies in reviving Selphie likewise aided in saving the meek sorceress from the brink of death. He never bothered to discuss it with anyone, but the SeeD commander cannot deny the warm emotion that touched his heart when Mina sought him first with a heartfelt embrace. And he couldn't be happier to see her standing before him, alive and well.
However, the grateful Mina didn't exactly reflect his silent jubilation, as she trained somber eyes on the worn down doors of the now abandoned pub.
"So what's going to happen to Lucresia?" She asked sullenly, feeling sorry for her long time neighbor despite the horrific transgression the latter committed against her. Squall detected her regret, which made his statement a bit harder to voice out.
"She will be tried for her crimes after the joint Galbadia-Esthar task force finished rounding up the other members of their group." He retorted in referring to the misguided constituents of the Temple of the Distant Sisters.
Mina's eyes again reflected the pity she felt for the convicted old lady. "I never really expected her to do something like this. But maybe I was wrong in not expecting it. Lucresia had always been so lonely. She used to tell me about how her eldest child made a fortune out of manufacturing cheaper but more effective HD cables, and his youngest making his mark in school. I guess she was just trying to tell me that it was understandable that they weren't calling her, but I know better. She was bored, lonely and bitter. I guess that's what happens to some elderly people when their children leave them behind just like that they tend to be led astray to do ill-advised things."
Elderly people abandoned by their children? Squall almost scoffed at the thought. What about children who were abandoned by their parents?
"I just hope the government would go easy on her."
Squall had to briefly turn away from Mina to hide the sad look on his face. Apparently, she doesn't know anything about the international code on supernatural crimes. How could he explain to her that the crime Lucresia committed is punishable by death?
He can't. So Squall opted to change the subject.
"How about you, how are you doing?"
"Me? Oh, uhh, I'm okay, I guess. I'm still having some difficulty recovering from what they did to me. But as long as nobody gives me any trouble, I think I'll get by just fine."
"Okay, good to hear that." the SeeD leader replied. "Look, I don't usually do this. But would you mind if I ask you a question?"
"No, go ahead." Mina's gentle voice came back.
"Why Why didn't you put up a fight?"
Mina felt a slight sting. Training her eyes toward the alley way that leads to the outskirts of Winhill, she recalled how, beyond the confines of the stone and brick pavement lining the town quadrangle, she lost control of her faculties and led to the senseless murder of her friend. She then turned back to Squall, and narrated everything as far as she can bear to remember. He was mildly astounded by the account of the vision of stars and the destruction of the Lunar Base that nearly cost his life and that of his comrade and his beloved. He never imagined Ultimecia's vile influence to have reached that far and touched on the consciousness of an unsuspecting innocent.
But that threat was over. He could have chosen to tell her of that sorceress from the future, and how her schemes nearly led to the destruction of everything past, present and future. But the SeeD commander relented, deeming it futile to discuss a threat long vanquished. Instead, he simply laid his consoling hand upon the sorceress' shoulder.
"You can stop living in fear now. I can tell you about all those things that happened in the past, but I'd rather not. Just suffice it to say that everything will be alright from this point on."
She can't explain why, but somehow Mina felt at peace after hearing Squall's utterance.
"Thank you. I owe you and Balamb Garden much."
Squall retorted with another smile before turning his attention back to the pub. His silence was immediately noticed by the flower girl.
"Oh, looks like you wish to be alone."
"No, it's not that." Squall replied. "There's just something I need to settle here. Something personal"
"Well, whatever it is, I wish you godspeed." She came back with the sweetest smile she ever mustered. "I'll be on my way then. Thanks, again, for everything."
"Take care of yourself." Squall echoed. "We'll call you."
Finally deciding to turn the knob, the SeeD slowly pushed the creaking door back, taking note of the splintered arm rail destroyed during their past scuffle with the Tengu beast. He then proceeded upstairs, where he was met by the surprising presence of the man whom he believes to be his father. Laguna turned around when he heard Squall's foot steps.
"Hey, there you are." The Esthar leader exclaimed before walking in front of the fireplace. Squall stood silently, observing Laguna intently as the latter kneeled beside the soot-covered furnace. The silence that permeated was deafening, almost dreadful. Neither one knew what to say next, as if suddenly forgetting the reason why they agreed to meet here in the first place. And being the more extroverted of the two, Laguna reacted in accordance with his character by being the first to break the ice.
"First time we kissed was right here." Laguna reminisced. "She was looking at me, and I was looking back at her. She looked so pretty, with those mesmerizing eyes the same eyes that you have"
Squall allowed a modest smile. He liked the fact that he came after his mother more than the man before him.
"Anyway, there I was, shivering like crazy with the flu. Raine went beside me to check my temperature. I tell you, the way she looked at me, I felt hotter than the fever ever made me feel. So what's a guy supposed to do?
"So I brought my face closer to hers. She didn't say a thing. I don't know why, but she was just there, looking at me. So I kissed her Then she slapped me."
Squall's hand moved to his mouth to muffle a chortle.
"I was like 'Hey! You're the one who's coming on to me!' But then she just laughed, and I got the joke. Actually, I got way more than just that. And then there was you"
The SeeD leader's face then lost its jovial expression, assuming a more familiar dark façade, coupled with a faint scoff if displeasure. He threw a skeptical look at Laguna, who didn't appear to notice his expression.
"Wait a minute was it on that night or the night after, when I gave her the ring? Oh well, doesn't matter."
"You really have a way of romanticizing your exploits." Squall interrupted. "Whoop, bang! And then you leave."
He almost regretted those evidently accusing words.
"On the contrary," the older man came back, "that was the night when I decided I would never leave Winhill anymore. When I realized just how much I love loved love Raine, I threw everything away. All my dreams and aspirations, about journalism, traveling, everything. Out the window."
Pulling his hand out of his pocket, Laguna then locked his eyes on the shimmering trinket wrapped around his ring finger. A streak of dull pain consequently cut a swath across his chest, but not something that he didn't expect.
"And in its place was a simple pair of platinum rings: one for me, one for Raine. You'd never believe what I had to go through to travel from here to Deling City and back, in just one day, only to get those rings. But I guess it's true what they say love makes the world spin."
"'Go round'." Squall interjected, as his face assumed another smile. "I believe the adage says 'go round' instead of 'spin'."
"Ahh, whatever."
"But I guess I know exactly how you felt." The SeeD commander followed up. "Of course, it wasn't as grand a scale as yours. But I do remember being so carried away that I actually felt I was walking in outer space"
"Well, good for you, Squall." Laguna enthused. His statement was followed by a long interval of silence before Squall spoke out once more.
"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if Ellone wasn't abducted by the Estharians?"
The very resonance of that thoughtful question inevitably brought the president of Esthar to a somber contemplation. Silently, he wished that he never had to listen to something that will only awaken the bludgeoning load of guilt that had been making its dwelling inside his heart all these years. Laguna has had his fill of the torment, of the stormy ordeal that lashed on his soul whenever he considered the possibility of how things could have been different.
"I think about it all the time." He answered softly, the grief now slowly becoming manifest. "Who knows? Maybe Raine would still be alive. Maybe I wouldn't be president of Esthar now"
"And maybe we'd all be together." Squall interjected, eliciting a somber reaction from Laguna.
Father sullenly gazed at his son. His heart overflowing with repentance, his mind racing to find the right words to describe how remorseful he had been and still is, for that erroneous and ultimately fatal decision he made nineteen years ago.
"Squall I'm so sorry. Maybe maybe I shoulda just went home with Ellone. Maybe I should never have taken on that offer by the Adel resistance group."
The SeeD didn't answer, opting instead to slowly make his way closer to Laguna. Standing in front of his estranged father, Squall pulled a deep breath while training his gaze beyond the open window, looking at nothing in particular. Laguna stared with repentant eyes at the eighteen year old man in front of him. When Squall looked back at him, he lowered his head, as if waiting to be slapped with scornful remarks that he believes he deserves for that wrong decision. It took a great deal of effort for Laguna to raise his eyes again to meet his son's. But when he did, a most unexpected sight met him.
Squall was smiling. This time, it was sincere, genuine. His eyes smiled along with his lips.
"Everything happened for a reason." The young warrior started anew. "We may never live long enough to fully understand it, but I guess that's all immaterial now. We're both here, now. In this place where it all started. I just get so tired of looking back and searching for how things could have been different and who I should blame for what happened. But in truth, we were all simply victims of the unfortunate circumstances that came with the past crisis. The whole world was shaken by it, and countless lives changed. General Caraway lost his daughter's trust, Headmaster Cid almost lost his wife, and my comrades lost their parents. I examined all of them and realized that I'm not the only one who suffered."
"Squall"
"I just thought that there's at least one suffering that I can do something about. In our case well, everything started here, in this very home. The love between you and Ra. between you and mom took its roots here and then went forward. The future may not have turned out as bright. But that future has already passed. It's now part of the past."
Bringing his eyes up once more, Laguna stared at Squall quizzically. The SeeD then discerned his father's questioning look, subsequently coming back to it with the smile that he's beginning to get used to doing.
"I think it would be fitting for all the pain and suffering to end here as well."
Laguna smiled back. And for the first time in nineteen years, he felt the oppressive load of guilt in his chest disappear. He reflected the peaceful sentiment back to the SeeD commander; the son whom he never knew existed until recently, his firstborn who now stands before him as a man. A strong and accomplished man. He was about to give Squall a long-overdue hug when the latter jerked in reaction to his watch's alarm.
"Oh shoot! Damn, totally forgot. I'm supposed to meet Rinoa at Edea's house in one hour. How can I possibly make it on time now?"
"The presidential shuttle is standing by just beyond the town limits. If you want you can tell Kiros and Ward to give you a ride there."
"Geez, thanks. You're a life saver!" Squall exclaimed while running for the stairs. "I'll see you 'round"
Halfway down, Squall momentarily stopped to complete the sentence in his mind.
" Dad."
A quarter before two in the afternoon. Quistis brushed her wristwatch to rid it of the dust particles clinging along its clear, crystal face. She's still got fifteen minutes to do the thing that's been nagging on her for the last couple of days.
The golden-locked SeeD sighed in apparent melancholy, questioning herself of the wisdom of this rather drastic measure she plans to undertake. She threw a brief glance at the electronically locked door in front of her with her sullen eyes, then checked her watch once more. Dribbling her fingers on her lap, Quistis ultimately decided to get it over with. Drawing a deep breath, she then stepped towards the door, consequently triggering the photoelectric sensors that slid it open.
"Hey, your up?" she remarked upon seeing Siegfried buttoning his maroon coat. "Wow, that was a fast recovery."
Siegfried flashed a relaxed grin. "Yeah, thanks to Soul Hunter there." He quipped while pointing to his battle staff. "But please don't tell the doctors about it."
"Huh? Oh" the enlightened instructor voiced out. "Okay, I guess that completes the eight elementals." She then remarked upon catching Siegfried's hint regarding the weapon's Holy-based healing ability. But her amazement didn't last long, as her disposition fell to a prompt silence that the pacifist immediately noticed.
"So, uhh would you like to go for a walk?"
Minutes later, the pair was already chuckling at the same time while watched a little girl profusely tugging at her mother's gown, vehemently insisting her to buy a Gysahl Green. They continued their leisurely trek until they cleared the area of the shopping center en route to the transport pod station in front of the city entrance.
"Well, so how do you find the city? Magnificent, isn't it?" Quistis spoke out to break the silence.
"Uhh, Quisty I used to live here, you know."
"Oh Oh yeah!" Quisty blurted out while blushing. "Heh silly me."
Another stretch of silence intervened, with both Quistis and Siegfried unsure of what to say next. Growing uncomfortable of the silence, the pretty instructor opted once more to break the ice.
"How long did you live her anyway?" Quistis asked passively. She was nevertheless mildly startled with her companion's abrupt and rather irrelevant rejoinder.
"Okay, spill it."
"Wh-What?"
"Let's hear it. I know you have something important to tell me, so"
Quistis lowered her head, and struggled hard to keep her emotions at bay. Siegfried already knows her enough to read through her mannerisms. How can she possibly do something like the one she had been planning to do? She then opted to remain quiet throughout the time they took a transport pod westward, subsequently getting off at the drop point near the Airstation. After dismounting from the pod, Siegfried lagged behind, staring with adoring eyes at the gaiting form of the Balamb instructor as she made her way towards the airport.
"Well?" He subsequently blurted out.
"Excuse me?"
"C'mon, Quisty. I know you want to tell me something."
Quistis stopped to face Siegfried squarely while he walked alongside her. Sadness was undeniably written in her eyes. Finally, the instructor started to talk amidst heaving yet another deep breath.
"I I can't see you anymore."
" Okay" He softly responded.
"'Okay'? Is that all you're going to say?"
The FH resident paused for awhile before returning with an apparently totally irrelevant answer.
"I used to be engaged, you know"
"Really..?" Quistis quipped back, her interest piqued anew. "Um what's her name?"
Siegfried eyed her firmly before coming back with a reply. "Geraldine."
"Okay" Quistis mumbled her reluctant reply. "What happened to her?"
The former soldier cleared his throat before continuing. "She was my platoon commander in Squad Pi Alpha back in the Esthar army"
"Squad Pi Alpha?" The SeeD interrupted. "That's the covert task force that tried to assassinate President Deling five years ago." Her remark evoked a surprised reaction from Siegfried.
"Hey, that was classified information. How'd you know about that?"
Quistis didn't answer, opting instead to swing back to their original topic. "Forget it. Anyway, you were saying?"
"I was saying oh yeah. Geraldine she was so intelligent and intensely dedicated to her duties, yet radiated a kind heart that no one even once missed. She was a lot like you, actually."
" Was?"
Siegfried crossed his arms and stopped walking. "Yeah. If you know about Squad Pi Alpha, you're probably aware that the mission suffered massive failure during that assassination attempt. Geraldine she was one of the casualties."
"Oh I'm so sorry"
"But before she passed away, she made me make a promise." The former Estharian soldier trailed off before continuing. "You see, like me, she was what you could call a 'disciple' of teacher Dobe. Because of his teachings, we were both converted to the concept of pacifism and later became its most intense advocates
"I still remember the day quite clearly. Prior to carrying out our mission, Geraldine and I promised each other that that would be the last. That we'd request for honorable discharge and then get married I never thought that being 'the last' carried an entirely different meaning in her case."
Quistis just looked at Siegfried sympathetically. He responded by staring back at her with an almost forced smile on his lips.
"Anyway, there I was, holding her bloodied hand inside the airlift unit that carried what remained of our platoon out of Galbadia. Even at the brink of death, she was still adamant about our plans. I felt like a stupid dork, still professing my promise, not realizing that she had already stopped breathing."
A stretch of tense silence then followed his last utterance. Quistis didn't know what to say and was totally unsure whether to attempt a consoling speech or just continue listening to her beau. In the end, she simply abided by her instinct, and rested a sympathizing hand on his arm.
"Siegfried"
"Oh" the FH resident turned towards the SeeD. "Don't worry. I think I've already gotten over it. But Geraldine she was perhaps one of the most wonderful things that ever happened to my life. You see, by conviction I am a very strong believer of pacifism. But additionally, adhering to its principles is also one way of cherishing her memories. So now perhaps you can understand where I'm coming from."
"Yes, I do." The instructor nodded. "I can understand it. And believe me when I say that I fully respect your sentiments. But" she paused, firmly fixing her sad eyes at the man in front of her. "I cannot live like this. We both can't."
"I know" He replied softly.
"Sieg, let me just tell how wonderful it has been to have someone to hold me, to listen to me whenever I feel like talking, and just to be there for me when I need someone. I once witnessed a friend of mine risk life and limb and never considered his own safety in saving the woman he loves. Back then, I felt like a pathetic fool, asking myself if someone would actually do the same thing for me. And when you did, well you just don't know how happy it made me.
"But the fact is: this is not your life. And your life is not mine. I live a life of endless battles while you, your principle demands that you stay away from the very precepts that govern my life. I'm extremely elated by the fact that you'd push them all aside just to stay with me. But we both know how it will eventually end up."
Siegfried didn't answer. Much as he hated to admit it, Quistis was right on the mark.
"Siegfried, you are a man of strength. A man of honor and conviction. I admire you so much because of that. And I definitely would hate to change the man whose very basic trait brought me to love him. I won't have it. If you're going to change, let it be because of some factor that would completely reverse your way of thinking. Setting aside your ideals just so we can be together is immensely elating but it's also not real. It's a lie. And we can't go on living a lie. It would only backfire on us when the time comes."
She folded a finger and ran it down the corner of her left eye. And for a moment, Quistis felt as if she had just run into a solid brick wall. She knows what to do and what to say next. But despite her firm conviction, new throes of doubt suddenly shot forth from her objecting heart. A decision to voice out the next sentence playing in her mind would amount to the end of their short-lived relationship. A relationship that brought her the contentment she had been seeking.
And a relationship that she knew ultimately to be based on a critically unstable compromise.
It was a no contest.
"Let's end this now for both our sakes. It would only be much more painful for me if we try to delay the inevitable. I'd rather lose you now than at a time when I can no longer bear to lose you I'm so sorry"
"Quistis I have already fallen for you" Siegfried retorted. A soul-rending repartee that almost shattered the instructor's heart.
"Please stop that" she snapped while turning away from him. Melancholy then aggravated to dreadful grief when she caught sight of the Ragnarok slowly descending atop the Airstation's landing pad. Deeming that this is indeed the final moment, she turned her weeping face back to Siegfried.
"I called them earlier to come pick me up." Quistis said with a false chuckle. "Isn't it astounding how modern technology made this planet seem so small?"
Training his sight upward, Siegfried caught sight of a speeding pod traversing the green transport tube above them. His mind, however, was evidently occupied on a different thought.
He didn't want to show it, but every fiber of his being is screaming its desire to feel Quistis' body pressed tight against his for the last time. He wanted to shout, and let the whole world know just how much he is hurting at this very moment. But eventually, the very words that have been furiously seeking release from his tormented heart became hopelessly entrapped inside his anviled chest. He will be denied expression, the same way he will be refused happiness in the company of the woman he loves.
Siegfried looked back at Quistis. His mind cried out
"I love you, Quistis Trepe."
And her heart heard.
"Thank you, Sieg." She quietly replied, running her soft hands along his ashen cheeks before finally turning away.
A few harrowing moments later, the instructor reached the main entrance of the Airstation, where Irvine and Selphie waited patiently for her. The pair, who already had an inkling of the sad event that had just transpired, was consequently rendered uncertain of how to approach their distraught comrade. Quistis tried to straighten her facial cast just before they came within earshot.
"Oh well..." The instructor sighed heavily as she passed her two teammates by. Her trembling voice didn't escape Irvine's attention. Momentarily glancing at the FH resident who was by that time already walking away, the gunslinger then reached for the instructor's hand to pull her toward him. Her sobs poured out in torrents when her SeeD colleague wrapped his sympathizing arms around her.
"It's okay" Irvine muttered as Quistis wept profusely on his shoulders. Selphie consolingly rested her left hand on the instructor's back.
"Quisty we're here for you."
"I know" She retorted amidst the sobs. "It's just that well story of my life."
After a few seconds, Quistis gently pushed against Irvine while taking note of the dampness on his coat. "Oh look at what I did to your jacket"
"Don't worry. What good is my coat anyway if it can't wipe away your tears?" He kidded with a smile while gently squeezing her hand. Though grief-stricken, Quistis can't help but chuckle back at her comrade. She then took a moment to wipe the tears flowing down her cheeks before forcing a strained smile.
"Come one, guys. Let's go home."