G-Wing Dating Service
You sit yourself down in front of a chair
and slowly select a tape from the box and pop it into the VCR. Then you sit back and enjoy what you see on
the screen…
The Guys
Heero walks onto the screen and sits
down on a chair.
"My name is Heero Yuy. I'm Japanese and looking for a girl who is
NOT Relina *shudders at the thought of Relina* and she's longs, smooth, sleek
and loves to blow things up…just like my gun here!"
Heero whips his gun out and begins
to polish it.
Wufei walks onto the screen with his
arms crossed and refuses to sit down.
"My name is Chang Wufei and I'm the
descendent of a legendary Chinese warrior clan. I'm serious about justice and I hate the Bad Guys. I'm looking for a girl who's a bit like my
Gundam, Nataku, but since no girls out there has extendable "dragon fang" arms and can withstand pretty much any
explosion (except self-destruct), I'm looking for an older woman. I'm hoping she's been in the army and fought
on my side when the war was going on…
Wufei suddenly looks off into space
(not literally) and begins to think of Sally.
Quatre smiles sweetly at the camera
and waves.
"Hello! My name's Quatre Raberba Winner! I'm the only son of the Winner Family and I got twenty-nine sisters-but
having so many sisters does not make me less of a man. I'm still manly…aren't I?"
Duo pops up on the screen, scaring
the cameraman and causing the screen the shutter for a while.
"Oops, didn't do any harm to ya, did
I? No? Good. So-Yo! I'm Duo Maxwell, the God of Death. So common babe, why won't you come over and
be my goddess of…um…something. I know,
that was lame, but I'm the most cheerful and happiest of the Gundam Team, plus
I got a sense of humor! And, not to
mention, I'm not as serious as some people I know!"
"Ah…shut up!" Wufei cries out from
behind the screen.
Duo sticks his tongue out at him and
cries back: "Make me!"
Trowa walks up to the screen and
turns his head so the camera can see his face, but his hair knocks the camera a
couple of times.
"My names is Trowa Barton, but
that's not my real name. I don't know
what my real name is, but if you must call me something, call me NoName. I'm work for a traveling circus with my
"sister". I don't know what I'm looking
for in a girl…but if I must state what I'm looking for in a woman, then she
must be a sisterly figure."
A translucent figure floats onto the
screen.
"My name is Treize and for the
records, I'm already dead, killed on the battle field. I'm looking for a headstrong woman who loves
me enough to have split personalities."
Suddenly, Treize turns to smoke and
disappears.
Milliardo steps up into view and
removes his mask.
"I have two identities, I am both
Zechs Marquise and Milliardo Peacecraft."
A hand pops up on the screen and hands
Milliardo a note. He takes a look at
it, looks up and screams behind him, "NO TROWA, CANNOT HAVE ONE OF MY
IDENTITIES!"
The Girls
Relina walks onto the screen and
gives one of her sickening grins.
"Hi! I have two names as brother does; I'm both Relina Peacecraft and
Relina Darlian. If you think you seen
my face before, you're right, because I was on the big screen once as the Queen
of the World (who everyone loved). I'm
looking for an emotionless man and who loves to fight for peace…kinda like
Heero."
"I'm still not going to go out with
you Relina!" Heero cried out.
Relina continues to smile at the
screen. "We'll see."
Dorothy sits down on a chair and
begins to smooth out her eyebrows.
"I'm a war crazy chick and my man
better be as well!"
"No kidding you're crazy," Quatre
stumbles onto the screen, grasping his gut, and then turns towards the
camera. "Watch out boys, when she get
the chance, she just might stab you, like she did to me."
Quatre faints and Dorothy just sits
there and shrugs.
"Hi, I'm Hilde and I'm looking for a
guy who's a fighter and won't mind if I accidentally try to shoot him in space…
Hilde begins to think of Duo.
Lady Une walks into view.
"My name is Lady Une. How dare you ask me to do this, my heart
belongs to Mister Treize and no one else."
Noin step onto the screen and takes
a seat.
"Hi, my name's Lucrezia Noin. There's not much to say, but I'm after a guy
who lead two different lives and he's into try to conquer all."
Catherine's face suddenly appears
and she's wearing something really revealing.
"Hello! My name's Cathy! I work
for a traveling circus and I do the knives stunt. My perfec date would be to chuck knives at the guy's head just to
show him how trust worthy I am. (Oh and
a word of warning about Trowa. If you're
ever going to kiss Trowa, tilt your head to the side so he doesn't jab his hair
into your eye. I speak from experience.)"
"I HEARD THAT!" Trowa cries from off
screen.
"Remember, tilt to the side,"
Catherine whispers before the screen blacks out.
Sally's face appears on the screen.
"My name's Sally Po and-"
Wufei stumbles onto the screen.
"Maxwell…" he growls.
"Go on Wu-man, ask her," Duo
whispers.
Wufei clears his throat and holds
out a small flower towards Sally. "Sally, would you like to go out with me sometime?"
"Aww, Wufei, I'm sorry but I can't,"
Sally takes the flower from this grasp and sniffs it. "I'm five years older than you, it just wouldn't be right."
"Damn it!" Wufei screams. "I'm gonna kill you Maxwell!"
You put the last of the tapes back
into the box and push it slowly away from you, thinking it just might
explode. And it does.
Tape entrails cover you and you're
thinking unpleasant thoughts about Heero, because you know he set that bomb in
there.
Author's Note: Pathetic? Yes, very. I don't know what I
was thinking. Bored I suppose. The dumbest things come out of me when I'm
bored. Some of the characters were hard
to think up something for, so they're really stupid, but so is the whole thing.