Chapter III: The Knowledge
by Troll Princess
I showed up in an entirely different world.
No, wait. Let me rephrase. It's Sunnydale ... I feel like I should clear that up.
You ever meet someone, and then a little while later, you find out some huge secret about them, and suddenly, you have no idea how to talk to them the next time you see them? That's how it was, landing back in that hallway, hearing the party.
I was distracted for a split second by the little old woman who lived across the hall -- I had no reason to know she was home, but I just knew that not only was she home, but she was using her Internet connection to look up websites I'd rather not know she knew about -- but I quickly dragged my gaze back to the door of my own apartment.
I didn't have to open my door or lean up against it and listen to know what was going on in there.
Willow and Buffy were digging through my refrigerator looking for the Velveeta to make more pizza dip. Tara was showing Dawn how to float a pencil, and Giles was discouraging them from trying it at all. And Anya was watching the door, waiting for me to come back in.
Well, the sooner, the better.
I came back in expecting ... I don't know. Fireworks. Everybody clamoring for info. Something. But most everybody kept occupied with whatever they were involved in. To be honest, I don't think -- no, they didn't. None of the others had noticed my parents had been at the door.
No one but Anya.
She quickly got up from the couch and rushed over, and for once managed to keep her voice down. "Xander, are you okay?" she asked, grabbing my arm.
I gave her a quick kiss and smiled to reassure her. "I'm fine. They're gone. Which is why I'm fine. No worries, I swear."
She relaxed, then glanced down at my hand. "Are they your birthday presents?"
Oh ... God. I was still holding the book. And the purse. "Uh ... yes?" Please don't let her ask about the purse --
So, of course, she immediately grabs the thing and starts playing with it. "This is nice," she said. "I don't like the book but I wish someone had given this to me --"
"It's yours," I blurted out.
There. No more agonizing about that stupid thing.
I couldn't sleep.
Well, I guess, I could have. If I'd tried. But I couldn't. Because I couldn't stop staring at Anya.
She was asleep already when I started, just watching her, fascinated with the rise and fall of her chest as she slept. God, she's beautiful when she sleeps. I mean, she's beautiful when she's awake, too, but still.
I didn't want to lose her.
That was my first thought as I lie there, my gaze fixed on her sleeping face. It's like that when you suddenly know everything about the woman you love.
My mind's eye ran this movie over and over in my head, of Anya's life from beginning to end. Born a human girl, sweet and gentle. Broken-hearted and seeking revenge. Being turned into a demon, and spending the next thousand years getting revenge for other girls who hadn't been as inventive as she had. Regaining her humanity and returning to a confusing life she barely remembered.
She wasn't keeping any secrets from me.
Not that I had thought she was. It was just ... I was afraid if I dug too far, I'd find out something about her I didn't want to know. But she wasn't keeping anything from me, nothing that could separate us. It almost terrified me how much I knew about her all of a sudden.
It didn't occur to me until I curled up with Anya in my arms that something was missing from my now voluminous knowledge.
Voluminous. Great, now I'm using vocabulary words in actual sentences.
I looked for it, I did. I thought about it for the longest time, trying to dig through all those new ideas and memories, and I couldn't for the life of me find what I was looking for in my head.
Of all the things I knew now, I didn't know a goddamn thing about Orrick demons.
There was nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. It was like a vast empty lot in the middle of a major metropolitan city. Tons of noise and taken space around it, and a black hole where the knowledge should be. Shouldn't I know something about my own kind? I mean, hell, I can know what Alexander the Great had for breakfast two weeks before he died, but I can't know what I am?
Color me crazy, but that did not bode well. Trust me, I know what boding well looks like, and that wasn't it.
I had to talk to Giles. It was the only thing I could think of the next morning. I have to get out of this apartment and get to the man with all the pretty books on demons. That's what I was thinking. Because while I knew every other thing that he knew about everything else, I didn't know what he knew that related in the least bit to Orrick demons at all.
The man had studied for years in the finest colleges in England, and there were so many blank spots in the memories I now had of his that I suddenly wondered if he was going senile on us and hadn't bothered to mention it.
Anya, meanwhile, was in the middle of finishing getting dressed for work. "Xander, aren't you going to work?"
I shook my head as I finished eating my Pop-Tart. "Not today. Water main break down at the site," I said.
Anya smiled. Any other person might have asked me how I knew about the water main. "Oh. Lucky you, huh? Day off and all." She playfully punched me in the arm and said, "So, slugger, want to go have some sex? I could call Giles and ask for a day off, and we can just --"
"No, Anya, you'd better go." I kissed her forehead and added, "We can do it tonight, okay?"
Her smile faded a little, but she threw on a jacket and said, "I'll try to wait, but I'll probably be having sex thoughts all day," as she walked out the door.
I grinned as I watched her leave. Hmm. She kept saying things like that, and I'd be mentally rupturing water mains all the time.
I knocked at the door to Giles's apartment half-expecting him to be gone already. But apparently, he hadn't left yet. He opened the door, dressed for the day and carrying a teacup. "Xander? Shouldn't you be at --"
"Water main break," I said, breezing past him and heading directly for the kitchen.
"Oh," he said, in that nice-of-you-to-commandeer-my-home tone of voice. "How unfortunate for you."
"Yeah, a paid day off of work. Poor, unfortunate me. Next thing you know, Pamela Anderson Lee will walk in here and throw herself at me and my entire week will be shot to hell." I dug through his kitchen cabinets as I yelled back, "Giles, I have to ask you a question."
"No, Xander, I have run out of Twinkies. And you shouldn't be eating them for breakfast anyway. You ever thought of eating something remotely resembling breakfast at breakfast?"
I stood back up, a bag of Cheetos left over from our last demonic study session in one hand. "Actually, I wanted to ask you something a little more Hellmouth-y."
He instantly tensed. "Is there a problem?"
"Nothing that that Club Med of brain cells in your head can't solve," I said, as I popped a few Cheetos in my mouth and he took a sip of his tea. "What do you know about Orrick demons?"
I hadn't seen a spit take in ages. It was nice to know Book Boy could still do one.
His skin went ashen as he hastily picked up his cup and saucer. "I'm sorry, I went momentarily, hysterically deaf. Did you ask me what I knew about Orrick demons?"
Now, I know when Giles is scared. It's hard not to notice, actually. The guy used to be the best ass-kicker in London, so the little things don't make him look the way he did at that moment. It was the big things, the everybody-get-ready-for-another-armageddon events that took the Ripper right out of him. He was terrified. Quaking. Horrified. But he was that solemn British kind of terrified that he did so well.
And for the first time, I was scared. Because whatever I was, it was frightening the one guy who should never get like this.
"Giles? What's wrong?"
He gently placed his teacup and saucer off to the side, removed his glasses and steadily, slowly polished them. Ah, the nervous trait any Scooby learns to recognize as bad, bad, bad. When he spoke, it was carefully, in a soft, tight tone of voice, and he stared at me as if I'd grown an extra head. "Xander, where did you hear about Orrick demons?"
An excuse. Oh, my God, I hadn't bothered to think up a "where." Hell, I hadn't thought I'd need a "where." Or more likely, a "who." The only two options were Anya and Spike, and something told me bringing either one of them into this was not of the good.
Evac, Xander!, a screeching voice in my head screamed. Out! Get Out!
I nervously rubbed at the back of my head and said, "Just ... just forget I asked, all right?" I started to walk towards the door, but froze at the next thing Giles said to my retreating back.
"You found out last night, didn't you?"
I didn't say anything. Didn't move, didn't turn around, nothing. Times like this, you let Giles do the talking and practice your listening.
"When you left the party? That's when you found out."
Like I said, no talking. I just nodded.
"God ... I can't believe I never noticed until just this moment ..." I heard him walking towards me. "Let me guess. You find out your father is not really your father, and you open a book and get some knowledge, and open a sack of some sort and out comes this demon, and the next thing you know, you're naked in a field with some drop-dead gorgeous tart throwing you a robe --"
Okay, now I'm saying something. "Don't call her names," I said, suddenly feeling defensive.
I heard the crunch of something on the floor -- did Giles just squish his glasses? -- then felt the weight of his hand on my shoulder as he turned me to face him.
"Xander, she's my mother. I can call her whatever the hell I want."
I've got to speak. I have to say something. I can't leave this thing hanging out there.
Wait. Okay, brain fry.
Say something, stupid ...
"Huh?"
Smooth move, Einstein.
Author's note: Just figured I'd add -- aren't I evil? ;) Oh, and just to scare you guys, when I write a chapter at a time, I REALLY write a chapter at a time. I have NO idea how I'm going to pull this Giles thing off. But hey, it's more fun this way. *veg* And it's not like I haven't done this before ...