AUTHOR: Tam
E-MAIL: onetruelady21@yahoo.com
FEEDBACK: Yes please! :)
DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere just email me and let me know
first. SPOILERS: "Blood Ties" and minor spoilers for from
past seasons (2 and 3)
CONTENT: VA
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Making no profit. Only Borrowing from
Joss, Fox, and Mutant Enemy.
SUMMARY: Dawn thinks about life
I'm not real.
I'm a key.
Pure energy.
Thousands of years old.
A few days ago, I was the typical fourteen-year-old.
The biggest problems I faced were getting to the music
store in time before the latest *NSYNC CD sold out,
wondering when my crush-of-the moment was going to ask
me out, and figuring out how to prove to my big slayer
sis that I wasn't a little kid anymore. Now I find out
that I was never a little kid to begin with. I'm just
a big ball of energy that was made a fourteen-year-old
human girl six months ago.
Damn monks.
Sometimes I wish I never broke into the magic shop with Spike.
I'd still think I'm a normal teenager, and I wouldn't have a demon goddess whatever from hell after to me. I'd be at Wendy
Monroe's sleepover right now enjoying a night of carefree fun.
Instead I was here sitting in my room, staring at the stars,
thinking.
I pretend to be ok when Mom and Buffy are around. After the
incident in the hospital with Glory, I knew Buffy and everyone
else really cared for me. It didn't matter to them that I wasn't
real. But it mattered to me. I feel as if I don't belong here.
And I really don't. Their lives would be so much easier if I
wasn't here. They wouldn't have to risk their lives trying to
fight someone that seems impossible to beat in order to protect
me. If one of them dies because of me, I'd never forgive myself.
That is if I survive this whole thing. I know If Glory gets her
hands on me its all over. I should save her the trouble. I could
take a bottle of pills, and fall into a peaceful never-ending
sleep. Maybe then everyone would forget about me, and their
lives would go back to normal. Well at least way it was before I
came. Nothing on the Hellmouth is ever normal. I have to laugh
bitterly at that. I talk as I really have been here all this
time. How would I know about life on the Hellmouth? How do I
even know those monks got my memories correct. Giles wrote in
his diary that they didn't get a chance to complete whatever it
was they were doing. Maybe Buffy really didn't send Angel to
Hell like I remember it. Or maybe they didn't blow up the high
school to kill the mayor. Was Faith really evil? Or was she good
like Buffy? I could always just ask, but then that'll probably
blow my whole cover. Wouldn't want them to think I wasn't
adjusting properly. They were just starting to not give me does
sad, pitiful looks I've come to loathe.
Someone knocks on my door. I get to my bed quickly and pretend
I'm sleeping. I hear the slight squeak as my door opens.
Fotsteps softly make their way over to me. I feel a soft hand
stroke my cheek gently, lovingly. A small sigh and footsteps softly leave again.
I get back up and take my place back at the
window.
I know that was Mom. She does that every night. I think to
reassure herself that I'm still here. She has one daughter
that's a slayer who could die on any given night. And her other
daughter is not really hers, and not even human originally.
Tough break for her. She'll survive though. She's a strong
person. Her and Buffy both are. Maybe if I was a true Summers
I would be just as strong as them. But I'm not. I'm weak. So
weak that I just don't know how long I can go on knowing the
truth about myself. But I gotta try to go on. Try to become a
true Summers.
I look up at the sky and wonder are the heavens really up there.
And if they are would they listen to my prayers. Listen to the shell of a person that is me.