Movie Mischeif # 1: Walker, Texas Power Ranger
Disclaimer: I don't own Walker Texas Ranger (too bad) or Power Rangers (Thank God).
What is Movie Mischeif?
I take two totally unrelated TV Shows or movies and splice them into a completly idiotic
Parody-type Mel Brooks type story. Enjoy. Send comments to ghimpyg@ezclick.net !
Two men with panty hose on their heads with loaded shotguns step into a bar.
One walks up to the counter, and makes an ugly face at the cashier.
"Give me all the honey !" said the robber.
"Don't you mean Money ?" said the cashier.
"Yeah. Give me all your bunnies !" he replied.
"He's new at this." said the second robber. "Give us the green, then."
"Sorry. I was confused. I mean..." mumbled the cashier.
"Don't worry. You're blonde anyway." said the second robber.
The cashier started unloading rolls of pennies into the burlap sack that they held out.
Then, the swinging doors opened, and in stepped Chuck Norris in all of his kung-fu glory in a western. That is so
Jackie Chan of him, isn't it ?
Well, he beats them up, arrests them, saves the bar, gets a date with the cashier chick, what else is new ?
I'll tell you what's new. At that big castle place in the desert, that head in a tube was talking to his hyperactive robot.
"Ei-ei-ei-yi" screamed the robot.
"You sound like Nelly. Is this all the sudden rapfest or something ?" replied the head.
"No Zordon ! Ei-ei-ei ! The purple ranger just got shoted !" he screamed back.
"Uh...what purple ranger ?"
"Wait a minute.....Ei-ei oh !"
"What's happening now ?"
"Well, It's horrible ! Jenny dumped Bill because she's cheating on him with Jared ! Why ?"
"Quit watching that soap opera ! It will melt your mind."
"We need a new ranger, or that ugly purple dude will get his revenge !"
"Revenge ? We should've put him in that second movie. I told you."
All the sudden, Walker teleported from the bar and landed at the castle. They told him that stupid story about the battle for
a thousand years, and gave him a suit for the Texas Ranger. They gave him a little beeping thing that makes him call his big robo-cowboy
to fight all those big monsters.
They all ran onto the battle field and that big pig guy that ate everything and that Ritardo guy (the beetle with the guitar)
were ready for battle.
"Oh no ! " said the Camo Ranger.
"We need dinosaur power now !" said the Vomit Green Ranger.
"Let's go, me laddies." said the Plaid Ranger.
They all turned into their ranger forms. They had this big fight with all those grey guys that go "blub-bli-blub-bloo" and beat them all.
In the moon base of that purple guy, he sat on the crapper looking over earth.
"Those stupid rangers. Grrrrr...." he squealed inbetween bowel movements.
"More monsters NOW !!!!!"
The rangers were soon confronted with Godzilla !
"Oh great, another monster." said the Baige Ranger.
She put down a pet mouse that ran straight for him. It ran at the fire-breathing beast.
"EEK ! A Rat !" said Godzilla.
He ran of into the sunset.
Then, the biggest monster yet appeared. MARLYN BRANDO !
He destroyed everything with a footstep, including the Power Rangers.
The Big Bad Beetle Borgs sat at ringside. "Yeah ! We don't get pay cuts no more !" they sqeaked.
It was up to Walker now. He pulled out his beeping thingy and called out "Texas Ranger.....Cowboy Zord Now !"
A giant cowboy appeared and gave Walker a joystick.
"Ooh....I love Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots." said Walker.
No duh, he won. He whooped MARLYN BRANDO and MARLYN BRANDO ran all the way back to Godfather Part One.
Walker gave up the Ranger gig after that. He still, to this day, remembers the terrible MARLYN BRANDO.
He also rejoices daily. Not in his victory, but in the fact that someone finally had the guts to kill the Power Rangers.
THE END
NEXT MONTH: What happens when Darth Vader is bitten by a vampire ? Can Buffy fly an X-Wing ?
Do they make lightsaber stakes ? Find out next time in BUFFY THE EMPIRE SLAYER !
Disclaimer: I don't own Walker Texas Ranger (too bad) or Power Rangers (Thank God).
What is Movie Mischeif?
I take two totally unrelated TV Shows or movies and splice them into a completly idiotic
Parody-type Mel Brooks type story. Enjoy. Send comments to ghimpyg@ezclick.net !
Two men with panty hose on their heads with loaded shotguns step into a bar.
One walks up to the counter, and makes an ugly face at the cashier.
"Give me all the honey !" said the robber.
"Don't you mean Money ?" said the cashier.
"Yeah. Give me all your bunnies !" he replied.
"He's new at this." said the second robber. "Give us the green, then."
"Sorry. I was confused. I mean..." mumbled the cashier.
"Don't worry. You're blonde anyway." said the second robber.
The cashier started unloading rolls of pennies into the burlap sack that they held out.
Then, the swinging doors opened, and in stepped Chuck Norris in all of his kung-fu glory in a western. That is so
Jackie Chan of him, isn't it ?
Well, he beats them up, arrests them, saves the bar, gets a date with the cashier chick, what else is new ?
I'll tell you what's new. At that big castle place in the desert, that head in a tube was talking to his hyperactive robot.
"Ei-ei-ei-yi" screamed the robot.
"You sound like Nelly. Is this all the sudden rapfest or something ?" replied the head.
"No Zordon ! Ei-ei-ei ! The purple ranger just got shoted !" he screamed back.
"Uh...what purple ranger ?"
"Wait a minute.....Ei-ei oh !"
"What's happening now ?"
"Well, It's horrible ! Jenny dumped Bill because she's cheating on him with Jared ! Why ?"
"Quit watching that soap opera ! It will melt your mind."
"We need a new ranger, or that ugly purple dude will get his revenge !"
"Revenge ? We should've put him in that second movie. I told you."
All the sudden, Walker teleported from the bar and landed at the castle. They told him that stupid story about the battle for
a thousand years, and gave him a suit for the Texas Ranger. They gave him a little beeping thing that makes him call his big robo-cowboy
to fight all those big monsters.
They all ran onto the battle field and that big pig guy that ate everything and that Ritardo guy (the beetle with the guitar)
were ready for battle.
"Oh no ! " said the Camo Ranger.
"We need dinosaur power now !" said the Vomit Green Ranger.
"Let's go, me laddies." said the Plaid Ranger.
They all turned into their ranger forms. They had this big fight with all those grey guys that go "blub-bli-blub-bloo" and beat them all.
In the moon base of that purple guy, he sat on the crapper looking over earth.
"Those stupid rangers. Grrrrr...." he squealed inbetween bowel movements.
"More monsters NOW !!!!!"
The rangers were soon confronted with Godzilla !
"Oh great, another monster." said the Baige Ranger.
She put down a pet mouse that ran straight for him. It ran at the fire-breathing beast.
"EEK ! A Rat !" said Godzilla.
He ran of into the sunset.
Then, the biggest monster yet appeared. MARLYN BRANDO !
He destroyed everything with a footstep, including the Power Rangers.
The Big Bad Beetle Borgs sat at ringside. "Yeah ! We don't get pay cuts no more !" they sqeaked.
It was up to Walker now. He pulled out his beeping thingy and called out "Texas Ranger.....Cowboy Zord Now !"
A giant cowboy appeared and gave Walker a joystick.
"Ooh....I love Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots." said Walker.
No duh, he won. He whooped MARLYN BRANDO and MARLYN BRANDO ran all the way back to Godfather Part One.
Walker gave up the Ranger gig after that. He still, to this day, remembers the terrible MARLYN BRANDO.
He also rejoices daily. Not in his victory, but in the fact that someone finally had the guts to kill the Power Rangers.
THE END
NEXT MONTH: What happens when Darth Vader is bitten by a vampire ? Can Buffy fly an X-Wing ?
Do they make lightsaber stakes ? Find out next time in BUFFY THE EMPIRE SLAYER !