Who's Usagi?
By Moon Faery
(crystalmilleniu@bolt.com)
Rated pg13 (language)
This is *not* a songfic. I just got my inspiration from the
song Desperado by Garth Brooks. I would *LIKE* to make a
Desperado SongFic with a different storyline, but I don't have
the lyrics! If anybody has the lyrics to Desperado by Garth
Brooks (Double Live Album) Please tell me! I'll give you a nice
note. Thanks. And don't bother asking how my twisted mind got
this atrocity from a beautiful song like Desperado. I wasn't
really in control, my evil alter ego, Sailor Celestia, was. Don't
read this! I be- *BONK!*
Celestia: Hehe, don't listen to that pansy. She just doesn't
like to admit that I'm the better ego.
Crys (rubbing head): Are not!
Celestia: Are too!
Crys: You are- hey! What are yo- mmmpph, mummp grr!
Celestia (finished hogg tying and gagging Crystaline): Now,
where was I? Oh yes...
And kinda is a spoof about Mamo-chan's bouts of amnesia. Not
very funny though, by my twisted standards.
Quote Of The Week (by Celestia): YKYWTMSMW... You have been
aressted for "Negligance with a Tiara" and "Random Mass
Moondusting".
*****************************************************************
Mamoru sighed and looked down at his coffee. The encounter
earlier with Odango Atama was still rolling through his head. It
had gone something like this:
Mamoru: Well, Odango. I see you're doing well. What are you
up to now, 7 full meals a day?
Usagi: Mamoru-Baka! I *do not* need this from you today, do
you hear me, you giant jerk?!
Mamoru: Aww, Odango. What will I do if I don't tease you?
(He was serious He *LIVED* for these daily arguments.)
Usagi: Listen you creep, I don't know why you do this to me,
but I've had it! *I HATE YOU!!!* If I *ever* see you're asshole
face again, I'll call the cops! Do you hear me, Mamoru-Baka?
Mamoru: You're joking! Usagi-san, you wouldn't call the
police on me, would you? (He thought it was just another
meaningless threat.)
Usagi (slaping him): Try me, jackass. (She stomps off)
Mamoru (staring after her and feeling like a baka): She
meant it this time.
"Konnichi'wa. Mamoru-kun!" Motoki greets him jovialy. "Hey,
man. You look terrible. Bad day?"
Mamoru just stared into his coffee some more, not noticing
that it was icy cold. "She meant it," he muttered. His blue eyes
looked aimlessly into the dark depths of the black liquid.
"Mamoru-kun?" Motoki tried again. "*MAMORU-KUN!*" Motoki
screamed, slapping his friend upside the head. "Genki desuka?!"
Mamoru didn't even notice. He just pushed his cold coffee
aside and started slamming his head into the counter. "Baka,
baka, baka..."
Motoki, worried for his friend's mental stability, grabbed
Mamoru's shoulders and bodily dragged him from his chair. "Mamoru-
kun! Are you insane?! You're 18, not 3! Do you want amnesia,
again?!" Motoki yelled into the stricken man's ear. "What's
wrong?"
"Konnichi'wa, Motoki-san," Mamoru said, looking up from
where Matoki had thrown him. "How long have you been there?" He
didn't even notice that he was on the floor.
"Alright, Mamoru-kun. Something's wrong with Usagi-chan?
It's the only thing that would get you this upset." Motoki sighed
and waved Mamoru to a stool. "What's wrong with Usagi-san?"
"Usagi-san?" Mamoru asked, confused. "Who's Usagi?"
Motoki looked deep into his friend's curlean eyes. He didn't
look like he was joking. "The girl you've been sprung over since
she threw a test paper on your head. That Usagi."
Mamoru shook his head. "Doesn't ring a bell."
Motoki smacked his buddy upside the head. Again. "This isn't
funny, man. Don't play with the amnesia jokes."
"Who's joking?" Mamoru asked seriously. "Look, I gotta test
tomorrow. See ya, Motoki-san." Mamoru slapped some money on the
counter and walked outside. He almost ran Usagi down. "Oh, excuse
me, miss." He walked past. Usagi stared at him, blue eyes wide.
She walked into the arcade and almost ran to Motoki. "What's
wrong with him?" she asked worriedly. "He was nice to *ME*." Then
she blinked, remembering something. "Oh, iie. He didn't think I
was serious, did he?"
"WHAT?!" Motoki almost screamed. "Do you know what's wrong
with Mamoru?" He looked ready to pull out his hair.
Usagi blushed. "I-I sorta.. told him I'd call the cops on
him if I saw him again." She stared at her feet as Motoki got the
full picture.
He pushed Mamoru's coffee aside and started banging his head
on the counter. "Baka, baka, baka..."
Usagi was getting upset. First Mamo-chan is *nice* to her
for the first time in the R series, now Motoki seems determined
to get as bad a case of amnesia as Mamoru always has. Between
deaths, that is. "Motoki-san? Genki desuka?"
"Hai, genki desu." Motoki stopped hurting himself.
"What's wrong?"
"Mamoru thought you were serious, so he came in here and
started doing what I just did. Now he doesn't know you exist, Usa-
chan." Motoki propped his elbows on the counter. "Rita sure is
purtty, ain't she?" he asked dreamily.
"Uhh... Motoki-san? We were talking about Mamoru-kun," Usagi
reminded him.
"Mamoru-san reminds me of Rita," he murmured.
"Ha-i, Motoki-san, I suggest you never mention this to Rita-
sama." Usagi then realized what he had said about Mamo-chan.
SHIMATTA! You mean he doesn't remember me *AGAIN*?! Damn it! This
is almost as bad as what that bitch Beryl did to him!"
"Beryl?" Motoki asked. "I thought she was the mortal enemy
of that hotty Sailor Moon last season. Hey!" he looked at Usagi
with awe. "You're Sailor Moon, ne?" He looked almost fanatical.
"Can I get an autograph? Can you introduce me to Sailor V? Are
those fuku's as short as they look?"
Usagi was backed into a corner. Desperate, she pulled the
Crescent Moon Wand out of last season and bonked him on the head
with it.
"Serena? he asked. "Where's Darien? Why'd you hit me?"
"Oh, damn it! DiC got ahold of this fic too?!" the newly
translated Serena screamed. "S*** Beeeeeepppp! Now they're
censoring me? I'll show those
M****bbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppbeepbeeeeeeppeeebe crack!
(censor breaks down from trying to handle the long string of
profanity) And the damned horse you rode in on!" Serena finished
proudly.
Andrew stared at her in awe. "Man, I'm 16 and *I* can't
curse like that."
"What the F***?!" (AN: I censored that one, use your
imagination.) Serena yelled. "Now they changed the ages?!" She
walked out of the scene for a moment, and came back with an
executive of some sort. She was dragging him by the feet, and the
suit and tie man was clawing at the side of the film and
screaming for his mommy.
Serena shoved the hideous man into a chair, then grabbed his
tie and pulled some sciccors out of thin air. "Think graphic,"
she said threatening. She pulled his tie out and snipped it's
tail end off roughly, leaving many tattered pieces of cloth
hanging. "Do you understand what will happen to you if things get
worse?"
The man nodded, then took a deep breath. "I refuse to change
our ways," he declared fanatically. "Soon you'll be no better
than Barney!" He started laughing hysterically.
A man named Pioneer and a woman named Kondasha (name tags)
walked on stage, bowing appologetically. "We don't know how this
atrocity got past us," Kondasha murmured. "We need to be more
careful who gets what rights."
"I now have the rights to translate Sailor Moon," Pioneer
explained. "I'll take care of the problems."
The man Serena now recognized as the slimy, disgusting,
ultimate evil of DiC himself pulled out of Serena's grasp.
"I've already produced two seasons!" he screamed. "You'll never
get rid of me! Bwahahahaha!" DiC ran out the doors of the arcade.
Pioneer and Kondasha cased after him. Soon a mob of angry fans
joined in the pursuit, howling for blood.
Serena turned back to Andy. "Why don't we wait for the
pissed people to pass before we pick up where we left off?" And
nodded, and the two started lounging around.
***3 HOURS LATER***
"It's about time!" Serena muttered as the last angry person
passed the arcade. "I didn't know I had so many fans! Now, where
were we? Oh yeah!" Serena pushed Andy back into his former
position on the floor. "Well that takes care of that problem,"
she said, brushing off her hands and returning the Crescent Moon
Wand back to Season 1. "I gotta go catch Mamo-chan!"
"Mamo-chan?" Andrew asked, lost.
"Opps. We're Americanized now. I forgot," Serena blushed. "I
mean that Jackass Muffin of mine." Andrew still looked
confounded. "Darien." she clarified. Serena ran out of the
arcade...
Only to be almost run down by a clown choking on something.
Raye chased it, swinging a broom. "Damned gag! Why can't I ever
get it?" she demanded in passing.
"Hehe," Serena looked sick, with a large sweatdrop on her
forehead. "Running gag, very funny. Hehe."
Then she took off pell mell down the road. She ended up near the
high rise apartment that Darien called home. Actually, she hadn't
ever heard him call it anything.
Running up to her Muffin's apartment, she knocked the door
down. Darien jumped up from his couch. "Who.. Mmph!?" Serena
tackled him.
"Damn it Darien! You are the biggest jackass I've ever met,
but I'll be damned if I'll let you have two cases of amnesia in
one season!" She kissed him hard. Darien's hands automatically
slipped up to her waist. After several minutes, they broke apart,
gasping for air.
"Serenity?" he gasped. "What happened?"
Serena pulled him up off the floor. "We defeated Beyrl, you
died, I killed Metallia, I died, we came back... You forgot us!"
she screamed this last part.
Darien jumped at the loud noise and slipped on a rug. His
head hit the coffee table hard. Serena looked over him worriedly.
"Muffin? Are you okay?"
"Meatball Head?" he asked disbelievingly. "What are you
doing in my apartment?" He rubbed his head.
Serena sighed. "It'll do," she muttered. Then walked out the
door, leaving a very confused Darien.
Mina stood off to the side. "Parting is such sweet ice
cream," she sighed.
Lita looked at a guy walking down the hall. "He looks like
my old boyfriend."
Amy hushed them both, her nose in a book. "I'm only 10
chapters ahead, guys." she paused to think for a mamoent. "And
we really shouldn't be doing this," Amy threw in for goood measure.
Darien just stared as a guy in black wearing a bucket on his
head walked up to him. "Luke, I am your father. It is true."
An old timey bar fight crashed through the walls. Horses
reared and guns were fired.
The author (ME!) walked out onto the scene. "Excuse me?" I ask. No
one notices. "Hey! *EXCUSE ME YOU JACKASSES!*" Everything
stopped. "You," I point at the guy in black. "Two doors down, the
Star Wars set." I looked at the cowboys, one of whom was in a
pink teddy that showed off his hairy, 700 pound figure nicely.
"You belong on the Warner Brother's set for Blazing Saddles."
They walked out of the hole in the scene.
The cowboy in pink started to walk off with his head
hanging.
"Not you," I stopped him. "You need the room three doors
down. It's padded and there are people there who'll give you a
nice, long sleeved white jacket, to keep you all toasty warm."
He smiled a green, broken tooth smile and walked off in the
other direction.
"And *you*," I glared at the Scouts. "You haven't had your
memories revived yet. Out!" I pointed to the door.
"But we-" they started.
"I know what you!" I screamed. "OUT! *BITCHS!*" They pouted
and left the scene.
I turn to Darien and smile. "Sorry about that."
Darien smiles that blinding smile that makes you wanna melt
into a puddle of goo. "It's no problem."
I take the smile as a sign and jump into his arms; damsel in
distress style, grabbing a kiss while I can. "Now, how 'bout you
and me, Muffin?" I murmured seductively in his ear.
"Let *GO* of *MY* Muffin!" Serena screamed, jumping back on
stage. She dragged me out of Darien's arms.
"But Serena!" I whined. "You hogg him all the time! You
gotta share!"
"No I don't" Serena spits out spitefully. Then, me still
sqirming, she reaches up and grabs a cord hanging from the
ceiling. She pulls down, and the screen is replaced as a tie die
picture rolls down. Large black letters spell out...
"The End."
Then a mob of screaming fans break through the picture, hot
on the heels of a terrified DiC.
*****************************************************************
Well, what cha think? E-mail me peeps! You know, Serena
should have to share. (Grumblings) Enjoy insanity while you have
it!!! O_o;; Celestia
By Moon Faery
(crystalmilleniu@bolt.com)
Rated pg13 (language)
This is *not* a songfic. I just got my inspiration from the
song Desperado by Garth Brooks. I would *LIKE* to make a
Desperado SongFic with a different storyline, but I don't have
the lyrics! If anybody has the lyrics to Desperado by Garth
Brooks (Double Live Album) Please tell me! I'll give you a nice
note. Thanks. And don't bother asking how my twisted mind got
this atrocity from a beautiful song like Desperado. I wasn't
really in control, my evil alter ego, Sailor Celestia, was. Don't
read this! I be- *BONK!*
Celestia: Hehe, don't listen to that pansy. She just doesn't
like to admit that I'm the better ego.
Crys (rubbing head): Are not!
Celestia: Are too!
Crys: You are- hey! What are yo- mmmpph, mummp grr!
Celestia (finished hogg tying and gagging Crystaline): Now,
where was I? Oh yes...
And kinda is a spoof about Mamo-chan's bouts of amnesia. Not
very funny though, by my twisted standards.
Quote Of The Week (by Celestia): YKYWTMSMW... You have been
aressted for "Negligance with a Tiara" and "Random Mass
Moondusting".
*****************************************************************
Mamoru sighed and looked down at his coffee. The encounter
earlier with Odango Atama was still rolling through his head. It
had gone something like this:
Mamoru: Well, Odango. I see you're doing well. What are you
up to now, 7 full meals a day?
Usagi: Mamoru-Baka! I *do not* need this from you today, do
you hear me, you giant jerk?!
Mamoru: Aww, Odango. What will I do if I don't tease you?
(He was serious He *LIVED* for these daily arguments.)
Usagi: Listen you creep, I don't know why you do this to me,
but I've had it! *I HATE YOU!!!* If I *ever* see you're asshole
face again, I'll call the cops! Do you hear me, Mamoru-Baka?
Mamoru: You're joking! Usagi-san, you wouldn't call the
police on me, would you? (He thought it was just another
meaningless threat.)
Usagi (slaping him): Try me, jackass. (She stomps off)
Mamoru (staring after her and feeling like a baka): She
meant it this time.
"Konnichi'wa. Mamoru-kun!" Motoki greets him jovialy. "Hey,
man. You look terrible. Bad day?"
Mamoru just stared into his coffee some more, not noticing
that it was icy cold. "She meant it," he muttered. His blue eyes
looked aimlessly into the dark depths of the black liquid.
"Mamoru-kun?" Motoki tried again. "*MAMORU-KUN!*" Motoki
screamed, slapping his friend upside the head. "Genki desuka?!"
Mamoru didn't even notice. He just pushed his cold coffee
aside and started slamming his head into the counter. "Baka,
baka, baka..."
Motoki, worried for his friend's mental stability, grabbed
Mamoru's shoulders and bodily dragged him from his chair. "Mamoru-
kun! Are you insane?! You're 18, not 3! Do you want amnesia,
again?!" Motoki yelled into the stricken man's ear. "What's
wrong?"
"Konnichi'wa, Motoki-san," Mamoru said, looking up from
where Matoki had thrown him. "How long have you been there?" He
didn't even notice that he was on the floor.
"Alright, Mamoru-kun. Something's wrong with Usagi-chan?
It's the only thing that would get you this upset." Motoki sighed
and waved Mamoru to a stool. "What's wrong with Usagi-san?"
"Usagi-san?" Mamoru asked, confused. "Who's Usagi?"
Motoki looked deep into his friend's curlean eyes. He didn't
look like he was joking. "The girl you've been sprung over since
she threw a test paper on your head. That Usagi."
Mamoru shook his head. "Doesn't ring a bell."
Motoki smacked his buddy upside the head. Again. "This isn't
funny, man. Don't play with the amnesia jokes."
"Who's joking?" Mamoru asked seriously. "Look, I gotta test
tomorrow. See ya, Motoki-san." Mamoru slapped some money on the
counter and walked outside. He almost ran Usagi down. "Oh, excuse
me, miss." He walked past. Usagi stared at him, blue eyes wide.
She walked into the arcade and almost ran to Motoki. "What's
wrong with him?" she asked worriedly. "He was nice to *ME*." Then
she blinked, remembering something. "Oh, iie. He didn't think I
was serious, did he?"
"WHAT?!" Motoki almost screamed. "Do you know what's wrong
with Mamoru?" He looked ready to pull out his hair.
Usagi blushed. "I-I sorta.. told him I'd call the cops on
him if I saw him again." She stared at her feet as Motoki got the
full picture.
He pushed Mamoru's coffee aside and started banging his head
on the counter. "Baka, baka, baka..."
Usagi was getting upset. First Mamo-chan is *nice* to her
for the first time in the R series, now Motoki seems determined
to get as bad a case of amnesia as Mamoru always has. Between
deaths, that is. "Motoki-san? Genki desuka?"
"Hai, genki desu." Motoki stopped hurting himself.
"What's wrong?"
"Mamoru thought you were serious, so he came in here and
started doing what I just did. Now he doesn't know you exist, Usa-
chan." Motoki propped his elbows on the counter. "Rita sure is
purtty, ain't she?" he asked dreamily.
"Uhh... Motoki-san? We were talking about Mamoru-kun," Usagi
reminded him.
"Mamoru-san reminds me of Rita," he murmured.
"Ha-i, Motoki-san, I suggest you never mention this to Rita-
sama." Usagi then realized what he had said about Mamo-chan.
SHIMATTA! You mean he doesn't remember me *AGAIN*?! Damn it! This
is almost as bad as what that bitch Beryl did to him!"
"Beryl?" Motoki asked. "I thought she was the mortal enemy
of that hotty Sailor Moon last season. Hey!" he looked at Usagi
with awe. "You're Sailor Moon, ne?" He looked almost fanatical.
"Can I get an autograph? Can you introduce me to Sailor V? Are
those fuku's as short as they look?"
Usagi was backed into a corner. Desperate, she pulled the
Crescent Moon Wand out of last season and bonked him on the head
with it.
"Serena? he asked. "Where's Darien? Why'd you hit me?"
"Oh, damn it! DiC got ahold of this fic too?!" the newly
translated Serena screamed. "S*** Beeeeeepppp! Now they're
censoring me? I'll show those
M****bbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppbeepbeeeeeeppeeebe crack!
(censor breaks down from trying to handle the long string of
profanity) And the damned horse you rode in on!" Serena finished
proudly.
Andrew stared at her in awe. "Man, I'm 16 and *I* can't
curse like that."
"What the F***?!" (AN: I censored that one, use your
imagination.) Serena yelled. "Now they changed the ages?!" She
walked out of the scene for a moment, and came back with an
executive of some sort. She was dragging him by the feet, and the
suit and tie man was clawing at the side of the film and
screaming for his mommy.
Serena shoved the hideous man into a chair, then grabbed his
tie and pulled some sciccors out of thin air. "Think graphic,"
she said threatening. She pulled his tie out and snipped it's
tail end off roughly, leaving many tattered pieces of cloth
hanging. "Do you understand what will happen to you if things get
worse?"
The man nodded, then took a deep breath. "I refuse to change
our ways," he declared fanatically. "Soon you'll be no better
than Barney!" He started laughing hysterically.
A man named Pioneer and a woman named Kondasha (name tags)
walked on stage, bowing appologetically. "We don't know how this
atrocity got past us," Kondasha murmured. "We need to be more
careful who gets what rights."
"I now have the rights to translate Sailor Moon," Pioneer
explained. "I'll take care of the problems."
The man Serena now recognized as the slimy, disgusting,
ultimate evil of DiC himself pulled out of Serena's grasp.
"I've already produced two seasons!" he screamed. "You'll never
get rid of me! Bwahahahaha!" DiC ran out the doors of the arcade.
Pioneer and Kondasha cased after him. Soon a mob of angry fans
joined in the pursuit, howling for blood.
Serena turned back to Andy. "Why don't we wait for the
pissed people to pass before we pick up where we left off?" And
nodded, and the two started lounging around.
***3 HOURS LATER***
"It's about time!" Serena muttered as the last angry person
passed the arcade. "I didn't know I had so many fans! Now, where
were we? Oh yeah!" Serena pushed Andy back into his former
position on the floor. "Well that takes care of that problem,"
she said, brushing off her hands and returning the Crescent Moon
Wand back to Season 1. "I gotta go catch Mamo-chan!"
"Mamo-chan?" Andrew asked, lost.
"Opps. We're Americanized now. I forgot," Serena blushed. "I
mean that Jackass Muffin of mine." Andrew still looked
confounded. "Darien." she clarified. Serena ran out of the
arcade...
Only to be almost run down by a clown choking on something.
Raye chased it, swinging a broom. "Damned gag! Why can't I ever
get it?" she demanded in passing.
"Hehe," Serena looked sick, with a large sweatdrop on her
forehead. "Running gag, very funny. Hehe."
Then she took off pell mell down the road. She ended up near the
high rise apartment that Darien called home. Actually, she hadn't
ever heard him call it anything.
Running up to her Muffin's apartment, she knocked the door
down. Darien jumped up from his couch. "Who.. Mmph!?" Serena
tackled him.
"Damn it Darien! You are the biggest jackass I've ever met,
but I'll be damned if I'll let you have two cases of amnesia in
one season!" She kissed him hard. Darien's hands automatically
slipped up to her waist. After several minutes, they broke apart,
gasping for air.
"Serenity?" he gasped. "What happened?"
Serena pulled him up off the floor. "We defeated Beyrl, you
died, I killed Metallia, I died, we came back... You forgot us!"
she screamed this last part.
Darien jumped at the loud noise and slipped on a rug. His
head hit the coffee table hard. Serena looked over him worriedly.
"Muffin? Are you okay?"
"Meatball Head?" he asked disbelievingly. "What are you
doing in my apartment?" He rubbed his head.
Serena sighed. "It'll do," she muttered. Then walked out the
door, leaving a very confused Darien.
Mina stood off to the side. "Parting is such sweet ice
cream," she sighed.
Lita looked at a guy walking down the hall. "He looks like
my old boyfriend."
Amy hushed them both, her nose in a book. "I'm only 10
chapters ahead, guys." she paused to think for a mamoent. "And
we really shouldn't be doing this," Amy threw in for goood measure.
Darien just stared as a guy in black wearing a bucket on his
head walked up to him. "Luke, I am your father. It is true."
An old timey bar fight crashed through the walls. Horses
reared and guns were fired.
The author (ME!) walked out onto the scene. "Excuse me?" I ask. No
one notices. "Hey! *EXCUSE ME YOU JACKASSES!*" Everything
stopped. "You," I point at the guy in black. "Two doors down, the
Star Wars set." I looked at the cowboys, one of whom was in a
pink teddy that showed off his hairy, 700 pound figure nicely.
"You belong on the Warner Brother's set for Blazing Saddles."
They walked out of the hole in the scene.
The cowboy in pink started to walk off with his head
hanging.
"Not you," I stopped him. "You need the room three doors
down. It's padded and there are people there who'll give you a
nice, long sleeved white jacket, to keep you all toasty warm."
He smiled a green, broken tooth smile and walked off in the
other direction.
"And *you*," I glared at the Scouts. "You haven't had your
memories revived yet. Out!" I pointed to the door.
"But we-" they started.
"I know what you!" I screamed. "OUT! *BITCHS!*" They pouted
and left the scene.
I turn to Darien and smile. "Sorry about that."
Darien smiles that blinding smile that makes you wanna melt
into a puddle of goo. "It's no problem."
I take the smile as a sign and jump into his arms; damsel in
distress style, grabbing a kiss while I can. "Now, how 'bout you
and me, Muffin?" I murmured seductively in his ear.
"Let *GO* of *MY* Muffin!" Serena screamed, jumping back on
stage. She dragged me out of Darien's arms.
"But Serena!" I whined. "You hogg him all the time! You
gotta share!"
"No I don't" Serena spits out spitefully. Then, me still
sqirming, she reaches up and grabs a cord hanging from the
ceiling. She pulls down, and the screen is replaced as a tie die
picture rolls down. Large black letters spell out...
"The End."
Then a mob of screaming fans break through the picture, hot
on the heels of a terrified DiC.
*****************************************************************
Well, what cha think? E-mail me peeps! You know, Serena
should have to share. (Grumblings) Enjoy insanity while you have
it!!! O_o;; Celestia