Disclaimer: I love Digimon, but it isn't mine. Joe, on the other hand…*snags Joe and snuggles him*
Author's note: *giggles* Didn't that summary I gave just suck rotten eggs? O.o Oh well. This takes place at the end of 01 when all the kids get back into the Real world. I really liked the idea I had for this, but I don't think I did it justice with this fic. (I'm just now remembering why it is that I'm never effective when I'm trying to be subtle. .) Er…what else? Oh! Rahn-san deserves some credit because the whole idea was sparked by something she wrote me in an email. (Thanks for listening to me Rahn-san when I'm babbling on about everything and nothing! ^-^) Maybe now that I've got this little twerpy ficclet out of my hair I can get back to working on "Burnt Bridges". ^-^;; *grumbles about stupid writer's block*
Separation Anxiety
"So your mother tells me that you've been having problems sleeping." My therapist says as I shift uncomfortably in my chair. I hate coming here. I mean, why me? Why can't my mother be more like Tai's or Izzy's? They don't have to see someone and talk to someone about what happened.
"Yes sir." I finally add respectfully as his gaze begins to get on my nerves. What does he want me to say? So I have problems falling asleep at night. Big deal. A lot of people have problems like that, and most of them have better reasons for it than me. I just don't see why I have to come here every week. I don't need to talk to someone about what happened to me and the other kids. I just can't seem to get my mother to realize that.
"Why do you think you're having trouble falling asleep at night?" He pushes his glasses up on his nose and then folds his hands in front of him and looks at me expectantly. Don't start me off with an easy question, okay? I try not to roll my eyes. If I knew why it was that I had problems sleeping at night, don't you think I would have done something about it already?
"Well, it's partly that my room's gotten really dusty lately, and my allergies act up when I lay down. It's really hard to sleep when you can't quit sneezing." It's sort of the truth. There is a lot of dust in my room, and I did have a cold last week. The two combined made sleeping even more of a chore than it usually is. Of course, from the semi-frustrated look on my therapist's face, I don't think that was the type of answer he had in mind when he asked the question. Give me a break. I've been coming here for the last two months, and this is the billionth time he's asked me. I didn't know the answer the first time, and I don't know it now.
"When did you start having problems falling asleep? Was it after you returned from the…ah…digital world." I hold back a sigh of frustration, and nod politely. I overheard my mother talking to my father a couple of weeks ago. It seems like both my parents and my therapist are convinced that the digital world is a fictitious product of my subconscious. And they think I'm the one in denial…
"Do you think that your…ah…experiences in the digital world are part of the reason you can't sleep?" I stop and think about that for a moment, he might actually have a point there. Not that he even realizes it. I've gotten really good at eavesdropping on my parents lately. Of course, since they insist on having discussions about me at night, they're making it pretty easy for me. They assume I'm asleep, and then they start discussing how Gomamon is Jim in my mind, and how my missing my digimon is a fear of Jim going off to high school.
And I thought some of Izzy's theories were out in left field…
"Maybe." I answer his question hesitantly. I mean, when I was in the digital world I didn't have this sleeping problem. Which, in a way, is a little perplexing. There were so many dangerous creatures and dangerous situations to deal with there. I was so certain that someone was going to get injured, maimed, or killed before we finally made it back.
"Have you tried listening to the tapes I gave you last time?" My therapist leans forward slightly and gives me an earnest look. I try not to wince as he brings up the tapes.
"I tried them, but they just didn't work, sir. I'm sorry." I say quietly as I shift nervously in my chair. I tried the first tape. It was a recording of waves lapping against the beach with the occasional random birdcall thrown in. No offense to the tape, but it reminded me of the first night I spent in the digital world with the rest of the kids. Getting jolted out of a sound sleep by a Seadramon isn't the best memory to have when you're trying to relax. I couldn't fall asleep for the rest of that night. Actually, I stared at the phone all night, wanting to call Matt, but knowing that I couldn't. Parents have this thing about kids calling each other in three in the morning.
The second tape was of rainforest noises. It was slightly better then the ocean tape, but not by much. For some reason rain falling "gently" in a forest is supposed to be soothing. It only made me want to go to the bathroom, though. The birds chirping reminded me a bit of Biyomon, but the insect noises reminded me of the Kuwagamon and I was up all night again. It really is a shame that a kid can't make a phone call to his friends after nine o'clock at night. I wonder if any of them are having the same problem I am.
My therapist sighs and then gets up to rummage in the room's closet. He comes back with a couple of sheets of paper and some colored pencils. "Here." He says as he places everything on the table and motions me to pull my chair over. "This is just a little exercise I have some of my patients do. I want you to draw a picture of you and your family for me on this sheet of paper."
I do a couple of quick stick figures to represent my mother and my father. I start slowing down when I get to Jim, though. If I draw really slowly, maybe I can make this little exercise last for the rest of the session. I'm too exhausted today to field anymore of my therapist's questions. I didn't get much sleep last night and the night before I was up to watch the sun rise.
Taking more care to sketch Jim, I try not to sigh. When I got back from the digital world, I slept on the floor in his room for the first week. But Jim's a pretty light sleeper and I kept waking him up.
So I tried the couch in the living room. That didn't work. The couch, like my bed, was just too…soft. I guess somewhere in all that wandering around in the digital world, I got used to sleeping on the ground. The living room was too quiet as well. Every time I'd close my eyes there would be this deafening silence. I feel a tiny shiver creep its way over my skin. Nope, sleeping in the living room wasn't any easier then sleeping in my own bedroom.
The kitchen has become my haven, strangely enough.
***
"Joe, what're you doin' in front of the fridge?" I groan and bury my face into the pillow I'm hugging as my older brother nudges me gently with his toe. "C'mon Joe." He adds as he nudges me again.
"Jim, why'd you have to wake me up? I just feel asleep." I whine tiredly as I sit up and move out of the way so he can open the refrigerator door.
"I wanted to get a drink." He says as he pulls out the carton of juice and a glass. "What are you doing asleep out here? You know Mom's gonna have fits when she finds you in the morning." He warns me as he pours himself a glass, and I know he's telling the truth. But I can't sleep anywhere else in the house. A person can only go so long before sheer exhaustion calls for desperate measures.
"I know, I know. But this is the only place in the apartment where I can actually relax at night." I rub my eyes as Jim drinks his juice down in one gulp.
"Still can't fall asleep in your own bed?" He asks. I nod. It's just too quiet in my room. It doesn't feel right. "Do you want to try sleeping in my room again? I know I can get you back in yours before Mom and Dad wake up." Jim offers.
"No, no that's okay. I'm sure I can get back into my own room before they get up in the morning." I tell him as he puts his glass in the sink. I know he means well, but I toss and turn. Even when I'm falling asleep out here in the kitchen it takes a good hour before I drift off. I'll keep him up, and having one kid in the house that can't sleep is enough.
"Well, if you're sure…" He trails off hesitantly.
"I'm sure. Go back to bed, Jim." I tug on my blanket trying to get him to get off of it.
"Night dork." He says affectionately as he messes up my hair, and then walks back down the hallway to his own room. Sighing, I move back in front of the refrigerator and scoot my back up against the door. Laying my head down on the tile, I hug my pillow close. The digital readout on the microwave keeps the kitchen from being completely dark, and I'm glad. I'm too old for nightlights, but sleeping in the complete darkness of my own bedroom is more than a little creepy. Besides, the blue light from the clock on the microwave reminds me a lot of the glow Izzy's computer used to give off at night.
I miss them.
Pulling my blanket up over my shoulders, I sigh. Closing my eyes, I just sit and listen to the hum of the fridge.
***
The kitchen is the only place in my apartment where I can get any amount of decent rest. My mother and father have a problem with that arrangement though. Maybe that's why I keep getting sent back here.
I look down at my picture to see that Jim's done. Darn. It is a good picture of my older brother though. He's got that "you can be so annoying sometimes, but I'm still worried about you anyway" look on his face. Grinning, I decide that it reminds me a lot of the way Matt and Tai would look at TK and Kari. It must be a big brother thing.
***
"How does he do that?" I can hear Matt's voice beside my ear as he shakes me awake. Sitting up, I groggily rub my eyes. The first five minutes of waking up are the hardest part about doing this whole watch thing. Tai always goes first, so he never has to worry about it. But I got stuck with the middle-of-the-night shift.
"How does who do what?" I ask as I get the last of the sleepers out of my eyes and shove my glasses on my face. Matt motions over at TK who's currently snuggled tightly in between Tai and Sora. Kari's on the other side of Tai, and Gatomon is curled up tightly against the little girl's back. Blinking in the firelight, I manage a small grin. They kinda remind me of a litter of puppies I saw outside the mall once. My mother didn't let me look at them very long because of my allergies, but I remember that they were all sleeping together in one big pile of arms and legs.
"I made him a bed over there." Matt points to a pile of pine needles that Patamon is currently sleeping on. "But somehow he wiggled his way halfway across the cave to where they're sleeping." He sounds really confused, and it's all I can do not to laugh.
"TK's a real active sleeper." I note as I take in the five feet he had to wiggle in order to get from the bed Matt made to Tai. "Besides, he always does that when you're on watch." Matt gives a resigned snort and then walks over to his little brother and scoops him up. After shoving Patamon slightly off the pile, Matt puts TK back down on it. Flopping down on the other side of the "bed", Matt makes himself comfortable as Gabumon lies down beside him. Almost immediately, TK rolls over until he's snuggled up against Matt's back.
I stretch and then nudge Gomamon awake. "Five more minutes and then I'll play." He mumbles in his sleep. I wonder what it is that digimon dream about. Shrugging, I just pick him up and take up my position at the mouth of the cave. Looking back at the rest of the sleeping kids, I can see that Agumon's slid into TK's spot next to Tai. Between the two of them, their snoring is enough to alert any digimon in a twenty-mile radius that we're here. Half the time, I think that's the reason we still keep watch even though we're reasonably certain that the dark masters won't attack at night. Besides, there's still the occasional carnivorous, nocturnal digimon to worry about.
More awake now, I scan the area around us like I always do during my shift. In a couple of hours, I'll wake Sora up to take over for me. But until then, it's my responsibility to make sure that everybody's safe.
***
I look down at my drawing, slightly chagrined to see that I've drawn Matt, TK and Kari on the page with their digimon. Technically, they aren't a part of my family. But really, at this point I honestly don't care. I really don't want to talk to my therapist today. Especially not after my mother spent an hour lecturing me this morning. She found me sleeping in front of the fridge again. Some mornings I can manage to wake up before my parents do. And then other mornings are just doomed to failure.
I cast a small glance over at my therapist; his attention is currently on something else, and I breath a sigh of relief. Bending over the edge of the table, I go back to drawing.
***
"Sora. Sora, wake up!" I hiss in her ear. She could sleep through an earthquake. It always takes at least ten minutes to get to the point where she actually opens her eyes, and another ten before she's conscious of what's happening around her.
"I'm up, I'm up, already." She snaps back as she shakes her head slightly. "Geez Joe, do you think you could be a little louder?" She asks sarcastically. I exchange a wry look with Biyomon as Sora sits up.
"Sorry." I apologize as I give her a few minutes to wake up a little bit more.
"Anything exciting happen?" She asks. Normally she doesn't, but after Matt woke us all up during his shift last week, we've been a little edgy.
"Nope. I didn't see any Pythonomons, and neither did Tai or Matt. I think that might have just been a fluke." I hesitate though as I say it.
"A fluke that almost made Patamon a midnight snack." Sora says, and I have to nod in agreement. "It would be a lot easier to keep us safe if we could get Tai and Agumon to quit snoring so loud. It echoes when we sleep in these caves." She complains as she gets up and stretches.
"I can't believe I can manage to sleep through the racket they make." I tell her as I lay down beside Gomamon. He's already passed out. I love my digimon, but poor Gomamon only makes it through the first fifteen minutes of our watch before he falls asleep again.
"Me either." Sora snorts as she adds a couple of twigs to the small fire we have going. "Oh man, Izzy left his computer on again." She grumbles as she moves over to where Tentomon and Izzy are slumped against each other. I've gotten so used to him falling asleep with his computer on that I didn't even notice it. Sora reaches over and flips the yellow laptop off, and shuts it. "You know, one of these days, I think I'd actually like to see this thing break." She says as she pulls the pineapple laptop gently out of his hands and places it on the ground beside him. "He spends way too much time on it."
"That's Izzy for you." I tell her, as I grin. "Have fun on your shift." I finish as I lie down next to Gomamon and curl an arm around him.
"You'll be the first person I wake up if I spot a Pythonomon." She tells me cheerfully as I groan. I would have thought that words like that might keep me up worrying for the rest of the night, but oddly enough, five minutes later I'm asleep.
***
"Are you almost done?" My therapist asks as he tries to look over my shoulder. Trying to be discrete as possible, I fling my arms and my hands over the picture that now has Izzy and Sora with their digimon in it.
"Almost." I say. "Can I just have a couple more minutes to finish it?" I ask. Hey, if I'm going to draw the digidestined, I might as well draw them all right? My balding therapist gives me one of his measuring looks, and then nods as he sits down to watch me finish. I hate it when people watch me try to do something.
***
I stare over at Mimi and Palmon as they sleep beside the fire. I wish I could fall asleep like that. But I can't. I'm just really worried about everyone else. I mean, I know I offered to stay behind with Mimi as the rest went on, but I still worry about them. I suppose I shouldn't. I know Sora will keep Tai from doing something utterly and completely crazy.
But still…There aren't enough people in their group now for them to do the kind of night shifts that we used to do. Kari and TK are too young to take turns, and Izzy always falls asleep in the middle of his unless it's the shift right before dawn. That leaves Sora and Tai spending most of the night awake.
"Joe?" Gomamon asks as he rests his flippers up on my knee. "Whatcha thinking Joe?"
"I'm worried about everyone else." I confess as he nods. I'm worried about Matt too. I know he has Gabumon, but he's still out there without any of us. That can't be too terribly safe, right? I mean, what if one of the dark masters finds him? He could get into a ton of trouble, and the rest of us would never know. He could die and we wouldn't be any the wiser.
The same thing could happen to any of the kids in Tai and Sora's group too, and Mimi and I wouldn't know until it was too late. Those thoughts just don't sit very well with me at all. But I couldn't let Mimi stay out here by herself. That wouldn't have been any better a situation than Matt's. Someone had to watch out for her. I knew we should have made up a buddy system or something.
"They'll be okay, Joe." Gomamon crawls up into my lap. "I know you're worried about them, but they'll be just fine. Have a little faith in them. Heck, have a little faith in us digimon. We aren't just gonna sit back and watch something tear you guys apart, you know." He gives a small snort. He always does that when he thinks I'm being exceedingly stubborn.
"I know, I know. I'm just a worrywart, okay." I grin as I tickle him. "I worry about you guys, too. I don't want any of you to get eaten or hurt either."
"C'mon, Joe. Go to sleep." He says, and reluctantly I lay down, an arm curled around him.
"Who's going to take watch then?" I ask, even though my eyelids are starting to feel really heavy.
"I'll take care of it." I hear him return just before I fall asleep.
***
So now Mimi and Palmon are on the page with Gomamon. I'm not sure why I drew Gomamon last. Maybe it's because he's the most important to me. What is it that people always say? Save the best for last? It didn't matter what was going on or who we were up against, he was always by my side. I think when I go to sleep at night I miss him the most. He used to curl up beside me whether I wanted him to or not. I guess, when I lay down at night now, everything just feels so empty, so quiet.
"I'm done." I tell my therapist as I put the last couple of touches on Gomamon. I don't think I even want to know how this picture is going to be interpreted. Something makes me think I'm going to be in therapy for a long time. I take a quick look up at the clock in the room, and my therapist does the same.
"Well, it looks like we're out of time for today's session. I'll see you next week, Joe?" He asks without looking down at the paper, much to my great relief.
"I'll see you next week." I nod and turn to leave. If I run, I think I can make it to the subway in time to catch the right train to get to Tai's soccer game. It isn't until I'm already out the door and running down the street that I realize I forgot to draw myself in that stupid picture. Oh well, I shrug. It doesn't matter.
***
"TK, quit poking me."
"But Matt, Joe fell asleep again."
"How does he do that? I mean, theoretically speaking, it should be impossible for anyone to sleep through this volume of noise."
"Who cares, Izzy? Just let him sleep, he's tired. Besides, it can't be any worse then sleeping through Tai's snoring."
"But he's missing the soccer game."
"I'm sure we can tell him all about it later, Kari."
"Sora? You don't think he'd mind if I painted his fingernails, do you? I've got some extra nail polish in my bag."