Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilm, Ltd. Names were changed to promote anonymity (okay, fine, there were all of 3 names in the original, but still).
Author's Notes: This was written for AP English a couple of years back after reading Dante's Inferno; we had to come up with our own version, complete with multiple levels, so of COURSE I picked Star Wars as my inspiration. *huge grin* My writing style's changed since I wrote this, so maybe I'll rewrite it, but oh well, it's not too bad the way it is. And if you do read this and you know who I've referred to, it's ALL IN FUN, so don't freak out or anything. :o)
Thanks for reading, and may the Force be with you. :o)
I let out a blissful sigh as I pulled on my Star Wars pajamas and slid into my blessedly warm bed, tucking myself in underneath the Star Wars comforter and nestling my head back against my Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda pillows. I sent a mental goodnight to the large figure of Yoda on the poster hanging next to my bed, and let sleep overtake me...
"Andorus! Oh, Andorus!" a dry, old, creaky voice hailed me what seemed like seconds later. Scowling inwardly, I didn't bother to pull back the sheets and look at my alarm clock. For one thing, Dad's Emperor Palpatine impression was pretty pathetic. If I played asleep long enough, I knew he would go away, like he always did. Unfortunately, this "Dad" refused to go away. His voice became more insistent, and finally he literally snarled at me. I yawned and tried tuning him out. That is, I tried until suddenly the nice, warm comforters went poof and dissolved into a thick, greasy cloud of grey smoke. Uh-oh, I couldn't help thinking, either this is a very realistic dream or--maybe I'm not dreaming at all-? I forced my eyes, which were squeezed shut in a wave of premonition, to open and focus. The moment I did, I wished I hadn't. It was the Emperor Palpatine, and his hands were crackling with blue-white Force-lightning, which crossed the two or three feet between the Emperor's hands and my helpless body in a matter of seconds. I screamed, rolling into a ball and trying to make the pain go away, but he wouldn't stop; he just kept going and going until his anger was totally spent. I lay gasping for breath, stunned, on my bed a moment later after he so graciously refrained from electrocuting me.
"Now, Andorus," the same creaky voice continued, "will you get up?"
"Okay, okay!" I managed to moan. I could hear the Emperor sneer--and suddenly I wasn't lying on my bed. I was slumped on a hard metal floor. Somehow I managed to find the strength to haul myself to my feet before Emperor Palpatine, who was seated on a familiar-looking metal throne. "W-what do you want with me?" I croaked. "Why did you drag me out of my nice, warm bed, and come all the way from Movie Villain Hell to harass me?"
"Because," he replied with a touch of amusement, "I received a message from Satan himself to pay you a visit and show you how things work where I come from. And it isn't just Movie Hell that I'm in, my dear--it's the Hell." He held up a finger to stop my barrage of questions. "You are on my flagship, and we are in hyperspace on our way to the first of the many planets of Hell."
The comm station crackled, and Palpatine received the message, turning to me with a smile. "We are almost at Eol Sha, Andorus," he declared. "If you'll remember, Eol Sha is the colony that Gantoris, one of Luke Skywalker's Jedi trainees, is from. This is where the slackers are punished." Through the viewport, I could see the starlines vanish and real space appear around us, with the craggy planet and its too-close moon looming ahead. Suddenly, the Emperor was standing over me. He took my arm and we both vanished from his flagship and onto the rocky, seismically cracked surface of Eol Sha. All around us were people hard at work carting enormous, very heavy-looking loads of rocks and other materials in very large cart-like contraptions. Demons clad in stormtrooper armor overlooked the operation. Whenever they saw somebody slacking off, they would pull out a small datapad and punch a command into it.
The ground started quaking. "Careful," Palpatine cautioned, "the slackers are about to be punished." All around me were holes and crevasses of all different shapes and sizes in the ground. I noticed a person slumped motionlessly over his cart, and that he was directly over one of the holes. Steam poured from the hole, and a geyser of superheated water shot from the hole underneath the man, throwing him and his cart a long way away. I cringed as I heard an echoing crack from his landing. The scene switched again, back to Palpatine's flagship. The stars started to swirl, and then all I saw was the blue funnel of hyperspace.
A moment later we were out, and the Emperor and I were magically on another planet. I recognized this one instantly from the desert surrounding us. "We're on Tatooine, aren't we?" I inquired. The Emperor nodded.
"Yes, this is the Dune Sea, where the wasters are punished." We seemed to float over the endless sands until we saw a person struggling to climb a dune below us. She was in torn clothing and looked like she could really use some water. I wanted to give her some water from the flask that had magically appeared at my side, but Palpatine prevented me from doing so. "Save it for yourself," he replied. "These people wasted while they lived, and now they have to struggle just to find what they need to survive." He smirked. "Some found the Pit of Carkoon, the resting place of the Sarlacc." I couldn't help but grimace. In the blink of an eye Tatooine vanished and the dull grey metal of the throne room appeared around us again, only to vanish a while later.
We appeared in pure darkness. I heard scuffling sounds all around me, and only then did I realize where we were. "The Kessel spice mines," I commented. The Emperor nodded-- how I could tell was beyond me. I guess I just sensed his approval. It was then that I felt the faintest thread of gratitude for the magically-there thermal suit I wore as I remembered how cold and airless the spice mines really were.
"The deceivers are punished here," the Emperor commented a moment later. I was a little relieved--the darkness and the faint scuffling were rather annoying by then. "During their lives they prevented people from seeing the truth. Now they themselves cannot see even to do their jobs." Before I could comment, we were back aboard the flagship and the thermal suit was gone. Suddenly a planet loomed up before us. It was completely grey and metallic. I recognized it as Mechis III, a planet that had no environmental value and was used as a droid-manufacturing planet. Every inch of it was covered by some type of factory. Palpatine magically transported us onto the roof of one of its larger buildings. I didn't get a glimpse of the sign hanging over our heads as he herded me toward the turbolift leading down into the depths of the skyscraper.
The turbolift halted with a sudden whoosh and I suddenly felt myself herded toward a hallway with tall sets of double-doors. One pair swung open as we neared them. Palpatine motioned for me to enter, and I did so, only to blink in bewilderment at what I faced. People were milling around the room aimlessly, but with a franticness to their actions. One cried out and crumpled to his knees, clutching his head. From the shadowy corners a stormtrooper armor-clad demon emerged, grabbing the man by his hair and yanking to his feet, jabbing a stun-gun in his back and giving him a good, hard jolt. The man yelped and stumbled blindly away. It was then that I noticed the circular, flat disks lining the walls just under the ceiling. They glowed in seemingly random patterns.
"Where are we now?" I demanded, not entirely certain I wanted to know.
"We are in the area where the daydreamers are punished," he responded smoothly. "For every daydream they have they are pounded by nightmares. Every several hours they switch rooms, depending on how good or bad they have been." He smiled in a sinister manner. "You are lucky you got your act together," he added, "or you would have ended up here too." I stared at him, aghast; he just nodded. "Yes, Andorus--you do dream during class, which did account for your grades slipping. However, you have gotten back on track, and you will not be coming here." I shot him an uncertain look at the emphasis on the word 'here.' He led me out of that room, back to the turbolift, and back onto the roof, where we were once again transported to the flagship. What seemed like mere moments later, we were out of hyperspace and approaching yet another planet. This one I did not recognize, until I heard a voice boom:
"Commence primary ignition."
A chill ran down my spine as I remembered those words ringing in my ears during the Star Wars movies themselves. I spun around and confronted Palpatine. "Wait a second," I gasped, "we're on the Death Star?" He smiled and nodded, his smile broadening as I paled. My eyes were glued to the viewport as I felt the superweapon thrum under my feet, heard a loud whirring sound, and saw the green beam arc out and strike the planet--which I realized now was Alderaan--and blow it to pieces.
A moment later, Palpatine supplied, "That is where the killers are punished. They are put on Alderaan and blown up--" I totally tuned him out as my jaw dropped--Alderaan was reforming before my eyes! The Emperor continued, "-again and again." The next time I managed to cover my eyes as Alderaan was re-destroyed. Suddenly, I felt the welcoming surge that hyperspace brought, and a few moments later we were floating over yet another planet, this one all white, grey, and blue. I recognized it instantly as Hoth, the icy planet the Rebellion had built a base on.
We were magically teleported again to the cold surface of the planet, and I looked down upon feeling the first chill, only to find myself in a thermal suit made more for long-term cold than the one I had donned on Kessel. In the distance I saw several people struggling through the snow and the howling blizzard to reach a shelter that seemed much too far off for them to reach. A moment later, I was floating over them so I could get a better view. When they got within 500 yards of the station, they managed to reach a pole that had tattered but intact thermal gear on it. They scrambled for it, each grabbing a vital section of the single suit hanging there-
-Only to be teleported several miles away from the station and to have their gear magically vanish from their hands. As I squinted, I saw the faintest trace of white-clad figures blending in with the snow all around the men. It was then that I realized that these figures were stealing the gear from the men, and that was when it dawned on me that these men were all thieves in one way or another.
The Emperor, seeing my recognition, smiled and pulled me away suddenly.
"Wait a second," I broke in. "Why are we hurrying like this? And how does hyperspace go by so fast? Nothing ever goes this fast!"
"I know, I know," he sighed, "but we have a tight schedule to adhere to, and we're falling a bit behind. But not to worry, for we're on our way to the final stopping point!"
After a quick stop on the flagship, I found myself in the halls of the main building of the Imperial Military Academy on Carida near the core of the Star Wars galaxy. "What are we doing here?" I demanded. At that the Emperor smiled secretively and refused to tell me. We stepped through a set of doors, and I froze in my place.
Two of my acquaintances stood before me. They were at strict attention, clad in stormtrooper armor except for the helmets, which they held in their hands. I turned toward the Emperor angrily. "What did you do to them?" I demanded. "They aren't even dead yet! They're both students at my school!"
"They aren't real," Palpatine replied, "though they will be here if they do not get their acts together. Now listen." With a sadistic smirk he turned toward them and uttered two words:
"Sailor Moon."
The girls screamed, dropping their helmets and falling to their hands and knees, shivering and quaking from head to toe. I gasped as it suddenly hit me.
"They're obsessive, aren't they?" I whispered. Palpatine nodded. "But what happened to them--did you brainwash them enough so that whenever they ever heard the object of their brainwashing--in this case, that cartoon--they would be in utter pain?"
Palpatine nodded again. "Very astute," he congratulated me. "But there is one thing you are missing. This is but the first stage of their training to be of the elite stormtrooper ranks. They must get past their obsession, and the only way to get them past it is to make them immune to the pain the object of their obsession--in this case Sailor Moon--causes." I winced as the two girls writhed in pain again.
I looked over at Palpatine--and saw him giving me a meaningful smile. "So what does this have to do with me?" I demanded.
"Think, my child."
I thought about it. Suddenly, I remembered. I saw my room with the Star Wars comforters, pillows, posters, magazines, trading cards, stuffed animals, talking banks, books, comics, soundtracks, and many more pieces of merchandise from the trilogy. With a chill, I realized that in my own way, I was just as bad as those girls, and that I would end up with them if I didn't get my act together.
"Fine," I stated flatly. "I'm throwing away all my Star Wars merchandise and getting over my so-called obsession with it, because I don't want to end up in Hell as one of your lackeys! Now take me home--I have a job to do!"
The Emperor bowed and raised his hands. Once again they were filled with lightning, and I cowered with fear. "As you wish," his voice echoed, and the lightning blinded any chance I had left to find another way out.
With a gasp, I came to and sat bolt upright in my bed and looked at my alarm clock. It read 4:37 AM. I shuddered and jumped out of bed, running around my room, pulling down my posters and gathering up my paraphernalia. With a satisfied sigh, I dumped them into my trash can and started to get back into bed-
-Until I noticed my nice, warm, oh-so-comfortable Star Wars sheets and pillows.
It was an awfully cold night. I took one look at them and burst into tears.