Title: Things That Make You Go Hmm
Notes: This story doesn't have anything at all to do with the song. I just thought the title fit. If it doesn't, forgive me. I'm sick and running on two and a half hours of sleep. Medication does strange things to people.
Second Note: This story mentions one of the critters I've given to Jono in the past, namely Max the hamster. Max's first appearance is in a story that will likely never see the light of day, but I brought him out of hiding long enough to make a couple cameo appearances here.
Disclaimer: Well, Max is mine. Other than that, Marvel owns the rest. Drat.
******
*Are you comin' or not?*
"Si, si, hold on a minute."
Jono huffed as best he could, leaning against the doorway impatiently as he watched his best friend struggle through a video game with Everett, who was the current (and from the looks of it, future) reigning champion. Angelo cursed sharply as Everett delivered the final blow to win the game.
"There. Happy now?" He demanded an answer of Jono, who only shrugged and held the keys to the jeep they favored for inspection. Angelo grinned. "Aw. I get to drive?"
*If it'll make you shut up about losin', yeah.*
"You're all heart," Angelo blurted sarcastically, chuckling. "Well, at least you would be..."
Jono's eyes narrowed to dangerously foul-tempered slits but the Brit otherwise remained silent. Angelo slapped him on the arm in a friendly manner before squeezing around him and out the door, checking his reflection in the mirror to be certain the image inducer was still working properly. Jono came to stand behind him, looking for all the world to have just stepped from a Guitar World magazine. Angelo refused to comment as he walked into the garage.
"So what are we goin' out for anyway?"
*'amster food.*
Angelo sighed quietly. "Sometimes, amigo, I think that rat of yours eats better than me."
Jono took the defensive almost immediately. *Max is not a rat, okay? Rodent, maybe, but 'e's not a rat.*
"Whatever," Angelo shrugged carelessly, pulling out onto the road and drumming a steady cadence against the steering wheel. "So where are we goin'? I think we should stop in Sam's."
*Why?*
"'Cause! You can get, like, a bag big enough to feed a whole fleet of hamsters for five bucks. It's great."
Jono raised a skeptical eyebrow, one of the few expressions he could still manage, then went back to staring out the window. *Doesn't matter t'me. Just go somewhere.*
Angelo nodded wordlessly, continuing the drive in silence until he wheeled into the Sam's parking lot, nearly taking out an unsuspecting granny in the process. Jono, pitched forward by the sudden movement, grabbed the dashboard and turned wild eyes to his friend.
*Bloody 'ell, Ange! No wonder no one ever lets you drive anywhere!*
Angelo smiled sheepishly and turned calmly into a parking space. "They're just intimidated by my awesome skills."
Jono shook his head as he pulled himself from the jeep, long-legged strides carrying him quickly into the building, Angelo trailing along behind him. No sooner had the two entered than a woman with an overly bright smile greeted them at the door.
"Hi! I'm Pam," she announced cheerfully, holding out the clipboard in her hand. "You boys have a card?"
*Card?* Jono asked, eyebrows raised. Angelo hadn't said anything about a card.
Pam nodded and held out a form for the now-confused Brit. "If you're eighteen or older, you can go ahead and sign up for a card now. And while you're at it, you can also sign up a spouse for a free complimentary membership!"
Jono offered an uneasy grin, accepted the paper and pen held out to him, and walked several feet away from her. Angelo leaned over his shoulder to watch him as he filled out the questionnaire.
*Wot kind o' store makes you get a membership?*
"Fill it out, hombre."
*Are all Americans so paranoid they make you sign in at the door?*
"Just fill it out, Jono."
Jono let out a stream of telepathic grumbles, quickly working on the rest of the paper and coming to the bottom, eying it suspiciously. Angelo peered over his shoulder and nudged him.
"Go ahead."
*An' wot?*
"And put me down. I'll get a free card!"
Jono's brow knitted. *I'm not about t'say yer me boyfriend. Forget it.* He looked up to see Angelo's hopeful gaze, then he felt his eyes narrow further. *No, Angelo, I won't do it!*
Angelo considered himself lucky when Jono went ahead and checked the box at the bottom of the paper and filled in his name. The paper was delivered to the woman again, who raised curious eyebrows at the pair, then shrugged and told them to follow her to have their pictures taken.
Twenty minutes later, after getting lost twice in the store so large it proved to be overwhelming for Jono, and after pulling Angelo forcefully from the many food displays with samples sitting around, they stood in the checkout line, looking down at the items to be purchased. A five-pound bag of hamster food and a new plastic ball for the animal to roll around the floor in was all Jono had bothered to get, while Angelo had made an honest attempt to buy out the warehouse. His arms were loaded down with useless things that would probably be forgotten about, all but the dart gun he had found in a closeout bin.
"I'm goin' rat-hunting with this thing," he teased his friend, holding up the gun and almost dropping everything else he held. Jono's psionic voice never changed, but there was a hint of malice in it.
*You 'urt Max an' I'll bleedin' kill you.* Angelo laughed. *I'm serious.*
Angelo cleared his throat and turned back around to unload the various junk he carried onto the conveyer belt. The girl at the checkout counter, young with obviously dyed red hair, smiled brightly at him. "Hey."
"Hola." Angelo flashed what he hoped would be a charming grin. Cheryl, or so her name tag declared, returned the smile. Jono rolled his eyes and put his own hamster supplies onto the belt.
"This all together?"
"Yeah." Angelo watched as she scanned the strangely varied group of items, ranging from dart guns to hamster food to a Chia Pet that was to be Ev's obligatory gag birthday gift. "So what's a girl like you doin' in a store like this?"
Jono rolled his eyes and fished his newly-made card from his wallet, handing it over to the girl. She was too busy grinning dazedly at Angelo to pay a great deal of attention to it.
When she finally looked down and saw that the two were an alleged couple, she quickly lost the smile and appeared to have just received word that the sky was indeed falling.
"Hey, wait! That's not exactly true." Angelo, guessing what had happened, was determined not to let a potential flirting opportunity slip through his hands. After paying Cheryl and receiving his change, Jono smirked and slipped an arm through Angelo's.
*Aw, luv, don't let yerself act like you don't love me.*
Had he been assured of the fact that his heart was still beating, Angelo likely would have gone into a sudden, insane fit and murdered his best friend right there in the checkout lane. Finding himself too stunned to do much of anything, Jono smiled innocently at Cheryl and led Angelo from the store.
"I canNOT believe you just did that."
*Believe it, sunshine.*
"That's Paige, remember? And what's she gonna think with you hitting on me and everything? And why the Hell did you do that in there?"
Jono shrugged, taking the keys from an absentminded Angelo and tossing his bag into the back of the jeep. *Yes, I remember, probably not much, an' 'cause I felt like it.*
"I can't believe you did it. I could've gotten a date!"
*Skin an' all?* Jono jibed lightly, poking fun at his friend's mutation just as that friend often did with him. Angelo huffed and climbed into the passenger's seat.
"Yeah. I don't think anyone would buy us as a couple anyway. I don't typically go for the tall, dark, and faceless kind."
*Point.*
"Thanks."
Four miles down the road and Angelo was still sputtering. Jono had to repeatedly tell himself that it wouldn't be worth it to run the car off the road and plow head-on into a tree. His luck, he'd only succeed in destroying the car and being forced into taking a job to pay for it. Then he'd still have to listen to Angelo while they hitch-hiked a way home.
"This sucks."
*Wot's that?*
"Deep space. What do you think I'm talkin' about?"
Jono would have sighed. *Still mad about the gel in the store, right?* Angelo nodded, arms folded over his chest. *Look, I was just playin' around.* Angelo didn't respond. *Serves you right for tellin' me t'sign you up, anyway.*
"You didn't have to ruin the moment for me."
*Wot moment?* Jono was quickly growing exasperated. *There was no moment, Ange! You were just flirtin' with the counter gel, that's all. It's not like you were about t'propose or nothin'.*
Angelo turned interested eyes to his friend. "So if I had been proposing, would you have decided to try to convince her I'm gay?"
*'Course not.* Jono feigned shock as he checked in with the school's security systems, then drove through the driveway and pulled into the garage. *I mean, she didn't know you were gay. You coulda just been bi, for all she knew.*
Angelo's eyes narrowed as he fumbled with the door handle. "You are such a bastard, Jono, you know that?"
Jono's eyes crinkled at the friendly insult. *Yup. Yer so cute when yer mad.* He decided that batting his eyelashes at Angelo would be the final insult. The Latino growled something under his breath, grabbed his bag, and dug through it for the dart gun.
"That's it. The rat's goin' down."
Previous joking forgotten, Jono dove out of the jeep and chased his friend into the building. *You touch 'im, you die!*
Two weeks later - Jono, Angelo, and Max the Hamster were all faring relatively well. The dart gun had long since been confiscated, three hours after its purchase, even, when Banshee grew tired of hearing Jubilee complain about being shot at in the most inopportune moments. Angelo had not had any further complications in flirting, and Jono had in fact left him alone.
All of that, except for perhaps Max's untimely demise, was about to change.
Jubilee came wheeling into the house in loud-mouthed, brightly-colored defiance of the school's "no skating in the house" policy, one that had been enacted solely because of her tendency to do so. That didn't mean she wouldn't do it when the immediate area was bereft of all signs of authority, however, and so she was free to go flying through the front of the school on her rollerblades, throwing out the mail she had gotten from the mailbox.
"Seventeen for Paige...Puhlease, Hayseed. How many issues can you read about make up tips and stuff?" She threw the magazine at Paige, who was lounging on the couch beside Jono. "Even though the cover says there's a quiz inside. 'How well do you know your crush?' ... Maybe you should take it."
Paige flushed horribly, clutching the magazine to her chest. "Thanks, Jubes," she commented through clenched teeth, oblivious to Jono's smug telepathic chuckling. Though self-absorbed he may have been, he wasn't blind to Paige's advances.
"No problem, Kentucky. What else we got here . . . Bills, bills, bills... Hate that song, by the way . . . Letter from Ev's parents, how cute. Um . . . 'nother bill . . . Victoria's Secret mag fer Frosty."
"That's mine," Angelo protested, holding out his hand, smirking when Jubilee smacked him in the back of the head with the magazine.
"Perv. Kay, what else? Yes! It came, it came!" She squealed, turning in mid-stride and wincing as she heard the wheels of her skates grate against the hardwood floor. "Got my official Sailor Moon merchandise catalog!"
*Imagine our enthusiasm, Lee.* Jono paused, turning thoughtful. *'Ey, aren't those the birds in the two-inch skirts?*
"Yeah."
The corners of Jono's eyes lifted in his way of smiling, lifting higher when Paige whacked him on the arm with her rolled up magazine.
"Down, boy."
"Yeah," Angelo agreed with a nod, "'cause they're still jailbait with you and everything. Being a minor comes with its advantages."
Jono let out the mental equivalent of a heavy sigh, falling back against the couch cushions. *There went my dreams down the drain.*
Jubilee, wishing not to get involved in the argument, found the last letter in the pile, one from Sam's marketing department. "Hmm...Hey, Sparky? You signed up for Sam's?"
*Yeah. Why?*
"Cause uh...jeez. Dude, I think yer gettin' sued."
*Great. That's wot I get fer listening t'you,* he glared at Angelo accusingly, turning around to better see Jubilee. *Wot's it say?*
"Well, good news is, you're not getting sued."
*That's good, yeah.*
"Dear Mr. Starsmore, thank you for joining the Sam's family of customers, blah blah blah . . . hope you enjoy your membership . . . for questions call yada yada . . . Sincerely yours, James Beckett, Sam's Club Membership Director. Boring." She pulled out a second letter in the envelope, eyes widening. "Now this is more interesting!"
*Wot's 'at?*
"Dear Mr. Espinosa, thank you for joining, blah blah blah, and thank you for taking advantage of the fee-free membership when a significant other joins the Sam's family." She looked up, devilish grin on her face. "So you two are an item now, huh?"
Angelo's cheeks turned a dull red shade beneath the light gray skin, while Jono sank further into the couch, trying to ignore Paige's heated stare.
"Looks like you don't haveta worry about that quiz now, Hayseed! Maybe you should just give the mag to Sparky an' let 'im quiz Ange!" She cackled madly, speeding out of the room just in time for Jono's pillow to connect with the wall directly where she had been standing.
Paige turned on the couch to get a better glimpse at her sometimes boyfriend, smiling nervously. "Um..."
*There's a perfectly good explanation fer this,* Jono assured hurriedly, eyes wide. Paige's smile dimmed somewhat.
"I'm sure. But ya know, I really have a few tests I should go study for. Tell me later, all right? Great. Bye!"
She dashed off without another word, leaving the two teenage boys in the room with only a forgotten magazine and an introductory letter from Sam's. Angelo snorted.
"See? It's the rat's fault. If you hadn't been tryin' to buy food for it, we never woulda went to Sam's, an' none of this would be happening right now."
*An' just whose idea was it t'go there, anyway?*
Angelo opened his mouth to reply, then snapped it shut when he realized he really had no rebuttal. Jono nodded grimly.
*Yeah. 'At's wot I thought.*