Hey, all you readers! I don't own GW! I hope you guys like it...It took me all of spring break and then some...heh...^^;;;
~ = Thoughts
"" = Speech
** = Emphasis on certain words/sounds
= Subtitles
THE BANANA CURSE!!!
Oi, oi…don't look at me like that! Bananas can be pretty menacing!
Duo shot by, his braid a chestnut blur behind him, laughing uncontrollably. Shinigami had struck again.
"MAXWELL!!!" Wufei's annoyed shout rang through the halls of the safe house. Trowa jumped and knocked his king over. Muttering indistinctly, he bent over to pick it up.
"It doesn't matter," Quatre said from across the chessboard. "You were in checkmate anyway." Trowa blinked and looked at the board. Sure enough, the spot where his king ad been was surrounded by several white pieces.
"How do you do that?" Trowa asked, sitting up, the black king clutched in his right hand. The blonde Arabian grinned and began to put away his pieces.
"Practice," Quatre replied, latching the box shut. "I used to play all the time when I was little." He sighed and walking to the shelves, placed the box back where he had found it. Frowning, he looked over the poor selection of games. "Not much else, is there? Monopoly, Parcheesi, Life…"
"Oi, oi!" Duo exclaimed walking up behind Quatre, who nearly had a heart attack. Grinning foolishly, he snatched a box that was covered in a thick layer of dust, off the shelf. Quatre sneezed violently. "Let's play Hungry, Hungry, Hippos!!"
"AHA!! THERE YOU ARE!!" Wufei exclaimed, waving his sword and running into the room.
"Uhh…" Duo rolled his eyes innocently and shoved the box in Wufei's face. "Wanna play Hungry, Hungry, Hippos?"
"Maxwell…" Wufei growled, pushing away the faded box. "That game is for weaklings."
"Well, what do you want to play, Wufei?" Quatre asked quickly, trying to divert his anger. Wufei scanned the boxes and narrowed his eyes in thought. Picking up a box labeled "Chinese Checkers", he peeked inside, then tossed it aside; disgusted.
"What kind of IDIOT would be content with these games?!"
"Ooh…Look at this one! I can't decide which to play!" Duo exclaimed as the others sweatdropped.
"Anyone up for a game of Life?" Trowa asked blandly.
"That ridiculous, impossible to achieve, worthless, brain-rotting, ideal game?!?"
"Yes…" Quatre replied blushing, slightly. Wufei shrugged and the four sat down at the wobbly card table. The setup and rule reading went smoothly until…
"*I* want the blue car!!" A certain Chinese boy yelled. Duo clutched it in his fist and held it behind his back, sticking out his tongue.
"No way, I got dibs!!"
"I will *not* play with the *pink* car!!" He slammed his fist on the table, causing it to sway dangerously. Trowa snatched his green car off the board while Quatre silently offered his white car. Ignoring him, Wufei glared at Duo from across the table. "Maxwell!!"
"Use the black one!"
"IT'S NOT HERE!!!"
"Well, you ain't getting' my car!"
"Is it a bad time to mention that there aren't any blue pegs left?" Quatre asked, peering inside a zip-lock bag. Wufei's eye started to twitch.
"Maaaaxweeeelllll…"
"No!"
"Gimme that car!!!" He yelled lunging at him. Wufei's chair collapsed and he bumped the card table, making it collapse. Quatre was just about to lay down the stack of 20's in the "bank" when the table dropped and the neatly sorted bills scattered. Looking quite annoyed, he threw the twenties up. Duo was laughing hysterically until he noticed Wufei flying at him.
"Uh oh…" Was all he managed before being tackled. Trowa watched all this, silent and trying to pick the money out of his hair
"I'LL STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR BRAID!!" Wufei yelled, grabbing Duo's hair.
"Oi, oi! That's not cool!!" Duo exclaimed, trying to pry his braid from Wufei's grasp.
You guys…" Quatre began, his eyes brimming with tears.
"Quatre…I need help making dinner." Trowa said standing up.
"But, Tro-wa…"
"No, Quatre."
"But…"
"*NO*, Quatre!" Trowa replied, dragging him away from the fight and into the kitchen. Heero walked in the door, balancing four grocery bags at once. He set them down on the table and turned and walked out the door. Quatre jogged after him and helped him unload the groceries. Trowa had already begun unpacking.
"Mission complete." Heero mumbled, looking satisfied and leaving the kitchen. Quatre blinked, and then exchanged glances with a disturbed-looking Trowa.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Heero walked into the living room and blinked at the spectacle before him. Duo was tied to a folding chair, watching Wufei uneasily. The pilot of Altron was sharpening his sword with a positively evil look on his face.
"Heero! Heero!! You have to help me!!" Duo yelled, seeing the puzzled soldier. He started to scoot his chair toward him. Wufei, without looking up, yanked on a rope. Duo and the chair screeched backwards, falling over in the process.
"Going somewhere, Maxwell?" Wufei asked, resting the tip of his sword at Duo's throat. Duo gulped and shifted uncomfortably.
"N-no…Of course not…" He gulped, watching the sword anxiously. "That's pretty sharp Wufei…"
"No," Wufei replied, running a finger over the blade. "It's not sharp enough." Heero turned on is heel and left the room. He had no interest in their problems.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Quatre began to unpack the last bag; it was full of fruit. Putting the apples in the small 'fridge, he pulled out a single banana. Quatre stared at it for a moment, puzzled, then turned to Trowa.
"Why would Heero buy a single banana?"
"…" Trowa stared at it, thinking after a few minutes he spoke. "…What?"
"Wah!" Quatre fell over and twitched. Regaining his composure, Quatre stood up as if nothing happened. "I said…"
"I know…I just wanted to see what would happen." Trowa went back to unpacking as Quatre sweatdropped and put distance between him and the usually silent Trowa.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*SCREECH* *SCREECH*
"AHHH!!!!!!!! HEEEEELP!!!"
*SCREECH* *SCREECH*
"I'LL TEACH YOU TO MOCK ME!!"
*SCREECH* *SCREECH*
"It doesn't concern me…It doesn't concern me…" Heero mumbled to himself as he typed away at the laptop. He *wouldn't* get involved… ~Duo's problem…not mine.~
*SCREECH* *SCREECH*
*THUMP*
"Aw, come on Wu-man!!! I was only kidding…"
"Maxweeell!!!!"
"W-Wufei…WAH!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH *THAT*???!!!!"
"Justice will be served!"
"AHH!!!!"
*SCREEEEEEECH*
"Helphelphelphelp!!!"
*THUMP**THUMP**THUMP**THUMP**THUMP* *SMACK!*
Heero sighed and opened the door. Wufei walked by, mumbling something about justice. For no apparent reason, he slipped, landing hard on his rear. Thoroughly humiliated, he scrambled away, blushing like mad.
Heero blinked and glanced at the bottom of the stairs. Duo was smashed against the wall of the landing, his braid tangled in the folding chair.
"Owww…" Duo moaned.
"Idiot." Heero muttered turning around. He promptly slipped and fell. Glaring daggers and cursing, he turned around to see what he had slipped on. ~A *banana* peel?!~ He snatched it and stormed downstairs into the kitchen, smacking Quatre in the forehead with the door.
"WHO EATS BANANAS?!?!" Heero yelled. Trowa raised an eyebrow and Quatre blinked a couple of times.
"Heero…you don't ever buy *bananas*." Quatre answered, rubbing his forehead.
"I bought a bunch *today*." He growled.
"Maybe that one banana ate the others…" Trowa said quietly, looking at the unripe banana. The other two looked at him as if he were crazy.
"Wh…WHAT?!" They said at the same time. Trowa blinked and continued making dinner. Quatre made a mental note to let *Duo* try the food first.
"Oi…oi…could you guys keep it down? I have a headache." Duo walked into the kitchen, rubbing his temples. Heero glared at him and grabbed him by his collar.
"YOU!! YOU'RE THE CULPRIT!!!"
"What'd I do *now*?" Duo managed to choke; Heero was cutting of his air supply.
"YOU!! YOU LEFT A BANANA PEEL IN *MY* ROOM!!!!"
"More like in the *hallway*, Yuy." Wufei corrected. "And don't kill him…*I* want to do *that*."
"Are *you* correcting *me*?!" Heero growled…he was in a bad mood and had a sudden urge to smash the Chinese pilot with the foot of Wing.
"What if I am?!" Wufei challenged. Heero dropped Duo who was now turning blue and stomped over to Wufei, glaring down at him. Which didn't work too well, considering their the same height, but hey, *I'm* not telling Heero that.
"ONNA! TELL HIM HE'S WRONG!! YOU *ARE* THE AUTHOR!!" Wufei screamed at me. Yes, he lacks manners. I might have to lock him in a broom closet… However, I'm not getting involved.
"Stop bugging the authoress…she *does* have complete control." The polite and well-mannered Trowa intelligently pointed out.
"Well, aren't *you* the favorite one, Barton." Wufei spat. He needs to control the rage...maybe a mental institution would hel-
"Um, excuse me Miss…could we continue?" Quatre asked very politely. See? He could teach them *all* a thing or two! He's so kawaii with his innocence and-
"OI!!" Duo shouted. Right, sorry…off track… Thank you, Duo. "Anytime. Now continue." Of course…So Heero glared, erm, down at Wufei.
"Do *not* challenge your superiors!!" Heero growled.
"You are *not* my superior!" Wufei shot back.
In looks, yes…quite a bit. But neither of you have manners.
"NO! He'll *never* be my superior!"
He already is.
"Shut up, weakling onna!"
Oi, *I'm* the authoress and I'll say whatever I damn well please.
"*I* am *your* superior!!"
No, you're not…we ain't in China.
"What *I* say goes!!"
That's it! Wufei, having made a complete *ass* of himself, decided that he was a *weakling* and therefore went to hide in the broom closet.
"Ah! I'm moving!! I've lost control!! ONNA!!"
The authoress proceeded to ignore his weak pleas for help.
"I AM NOT WEAK!!"
But, of all the darned luck! Wufei dropped the key to the door and it just happened to slide under the crack right up to Heero. Ok, guys…I wont get involved further…I promise.
Heero blinked and picked up the key, stuffing it in his pocket…Wait! You have *pockets*?! Duo cleared his throat.
"What were you talking about? With the banana peel?"
"Someone left it outside my door." Heero answered, ignoring the pounding on the closet door. The doorbell rang and all four went to answer it.
"One order of fried bananas!" a girl called when they opened the door. She had on a yellow hat that contrasted greatly with her black pigtailed hair. It was the only part of the uniform she would wear…which looked pretty funny with her normal clothes…
"We didn't order any fried bananas…" Duo mumbled.
"Wait! I have an idea! Come with us!" Quatre grabbed her wrist and dragged her, protesting, into the kitchen. Quatre handed her the unripe banana. "What do you make of this?!"
Blinking, the girl took it and glanced around at the pilots who were watching her intently. "Its an unripe banana…"
"Hey! Maybe it needs an exorcism!" Duo exclaimed. "What do you think…umm," He peered at her nametag. "Meiran?"
"I think you're crazy." She answered flatly. The pounding on the door increased and it finally broke, sending Wufei smacking in to the far wall.
"Oww…" groaned the weak one named Wufei. He ignored the authoress and drew his attention to Meiran. "Nataku?!" Oh, please…what kind of *idiot* names his gundam after his wife?
"*YOU* had a *WIFE*?!?!?!" The other four demanded, sweatdropping.
"Hi." Was all she said.
"Aren't you dead?" This was turning out to be one weird day for him and his dead wife showing up just topped it off. ~Maybe I *do* need a mental institution…~
I can recommend a few.
"I *didn't* ask you!"
"Uh…it got boring." She wasn't quite sure what was going on…but Meiran was pretty sure Wufei had gone over the edge. ~I mean…who talks to the author?!~
"So, tell us! How do you perform an exorcism on a banana??!" Duo demanded. Meiran backed away from him.
"How would *I* know?!"
"You work at a banana place!"
"Actually, I don't…This was just a way for me to make a cameo."
"I like cameos!!" Quatre exclaimed, grinning. Five people looked at him strangely. It's a cookie people.
"Oooh…"
Idiots…why do I bother?
"Because you LOVE us!!" Trowa exclaimed, scaring the hell out of the authoress.
"That's it!" Duo smacked a fist down on his open palm. "We'll pour holy water over it!"
"Duo…we don't *have* any holy water!" Trowa pointed out, again. He likes crushing people's dreams…
"We can make some! I heard this one joke and it might actually work."
"How?" Quatre asked…not really sure if he *wanted* to know.
"We put some tap water in a pot and boil the hell out of it!"
"Idiot." Heero muttered.
"He-ey…" Meiran exclaimed, noticing him for the first time. "You're pretty cute!"
"Yuuuuyyyyy…" Wufei growled. Heero crossed his arms. Meiran looked at Wufei funny.
"You sure got bad-tempered after I died." She mumbled. "No wonder you don't have a girlfriend."
See! This is why I like Meiran! She's smart!! Well…smarter than most of you. An' she's not a stalker.
"Nani?!" All five pilots chorused.
"*Hilde* isn't a stalker!"
Are you kidding?? She just pops up! And then there's Dorothy.
"Oh, Shinigami…she stalks everyone!!"
Very good, Duo. You're learning.
"SO," Quatre said loudly, he was anxious to get the story moving again and *off* the subject of stalkers. "What are our other options?"
"We could drive a stake through its, umm…heart…" Trowa suggested, blushing as he realized that bananas don't *have* hearts. Quatre shot him another odd glance.
~Maybe I'll order out…~ Quatre thought. He wasn't sure what was *wrong* with his "silent" friend, but he decided that eating the food Trowa prepared wasn't the greatest idea in the world.
"Close enough!" Duo exclaimed snatching a knife out of the drawer. He lunged at the banana, which, Trowa held in his hand.
"…!" Trowa ducked, barely escaping Duo's onslaught. He scrambled to the far end of the kitchen.
"So! You're one of the banana army!!! SHINIGAMI WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!!!" Duo lunged at Trowa again. The other four watched with sweatdrops. Quatre's eye started to twitch.
"Shimatta! YAMU!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. The two froze and gawked at Quatre. Trowa was on his back, pushing Duo away with his feet. Duo was in midair, balancing on Trowa's feet, which were on his stomach. He had a knife in one hand about a foot away from Trowa's face. Trowa had a hold of that arm and was pushing the knife away.
"Qua-Quatre??" Heero stuttered. The blonde Arabian was breathing hard and had a Zero system look on his face. Quatre's hands were clenched in fists and he was glaring at Duo and Trowa.
"You sure have some weird friends, Wuffie." Meiran muttered. "Maybe I should leave…"
"Oh no you don't! You aren't bailing!!" She blinked and looked at him.
~Maybe it *was* a good thing I died…He's really creeping me out.~
"I WILL NOT clean up after you!!!" Quatre screamed, stomping out of the room.
"That was…omoshiroi…" Trowa mumbled. Duo shrugged from his uncomfortable position.
"Eh, he was liable to explode sooner or later."
"Would you *mind* getting *off* me?"
"Oi, if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of *far* off the ground and *you're* the one who shoved *his* feet in *my* stomach!!" Trowa glared up at Duo, then tipped his feet, causing Duo to slide off them and hit the tiled floor hard.
"Jerk." Duo muttered, brushing the dirt off his clothes. Trowa rose to his feet and picked up the banana, which was completely unharmed. "Its impossible to destroy!!" Duo exclaimed, gaping at it.
"We'll see about that!!" Heero grabbed it. "Mission accepted!" He grinned evilly and dashed out the door. The others blinked.
"How do you keep your *sanity*?!" Meiran asked. Duo shook his head.
"I'm not sure I have any left..." He muttered.
"Or had any to *begin* with." Wufei grumbled. The doorbell rang. The four sighed and went to answer it. Duo opened the door and was immediately glomped by Hilde.
"DUO!!! Ooh, I'm missed you soooo much!" She squealed.
"Oi, Hildey…" Duo managed to choke out. Quatre came downstairs and blinked. All the other girls were standing behind Hilde.
"How did you guys *find* us?! We erased our tracks." He asked puzzled.
~oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…~ Wufei thought. Just when he didn't think his day could get *any* worse, it did.
"We just got Relena here to find Heero. She has incredible tracking skills." Catherine answered.
"Sort of like a bloodhound." Trowa muttered.
"So where's Heero?" Relena asked. The five exchanged glances.
"Uhhh…he's on a mission…yeah! A mission!" Duo replied, the girls looked at him doubtful. He grinned at all of them, but noticed one was missing… "Where's Sally?"
"I'm right here Duo. You guys wouldn't happen to have any gas, would you? The car wont start."
"No, I'm sorry…we don't. And Heero took the only car." Quatre answered. "But you can stay here until he gets back."
"Yay!" Hilde exclaimed, glomping to Duo again.
"Shit." Wufei muttered. He tried his best to appear invisible, but Duo knew exactly what he was trying to do.
"Oi, Wu-man!! Where ya goin'?!" He shouted, grinning.
"Kisama!" Wufei yelled. He pulled out his sword and proceeded to chase Duo with it.
"Does this happen *often*?!" Meiran asked, sweatdropping.
"Hai…all the time. There's never any *peace*!!!" Quatre answered. "I just wanna strangle--!!!" The others stared at him with a look of horror.
"Who are you?" Relena asked, there wouldn't be any bloodshed while *she* was around.
"I--uhhh…" She looked at Trowa who tipped his head towards Sally. Meiran grinned evilly. "I'm Meiran…but everyone else calls me Nataku." Quatre smacked a hand to his forehead, Trowa's mouth twitched, Duo exploded in to laughter, and Wufei turned red. Sally arched an eyebrow.
"I see…" She answered. ~Nataku, ne? What does she have up her sleeve?~
"Na…ta…ku…!!" Wufei growled. "I need to speak with you…" He grabbed her arm and dragged her into the kitchen.
"Wow, she's positively *evil*!!" Duo grinned. "I like her."
"Duo!!" Hilde smacked his arm.
"Aw, I was just kiddin', babe." He rubbed the back of his head. "You're my one an' only."
"Is there something we should know about?" Dorothy asked. Quatre's mind raced.
"Uh…Won't you guys sit down???" He asked, a little too eagerly.
"Quatre-san…" Dorothy edged closer to him. "What are you hiding?"
"N-nothing…" He answered, nervously. Quatre walked over to the couch and plopped down. "Please, have a seat." The others each took a seat.
Silence.
Duo avoided Hilde's eyes, Trowa stared into space, and Quatre shifted tensely.
"So…why'd you guys come?" Quatre asked.
"To see Heero." Relena replied, shortly. The silence returned as shouting was heard from the kitchen. Meiran stormed through the closed door. All five girls screamed and Quatre began to pound his head on the coffee table.
"Whoops…" She mumbled, looking at the door behind her.
Wufei stormed out of the kitchen. "ONNA!! Do *NOT* WALK OUT WHEN I AM TALKING!!!!"
"Seriously, you need to calm down… I don't need to be scolded about being careful, I'm already *dead*."
Everyone else just sat and watched in complete and utter silence. Well, except for the constant thwacking noise from Quatre. Heero ran in through the front door, clutching the banana in his hand. He threw it down.
"Mission failed!" He yelled, stomping out of the room.
"DEMON BANANA!!!!" Wufei screamed, lunging at the banana, sword drawn. He tripped over the rug and fell flat on his face.
"Idiot." Meiran muttered. "*How* I put up with you, is beyond me." Quatre chose this time to excuse himself.
"I think I'll retire for the night."
"Quatre…its eight-thirty." Dorothy pointed out.
"Uh…I have to get up early tomorrow…" He answered, dashing up the stairs.
"Who wants to play poker?" Duo asked, trying to change the subject. Everyone agreed. Trowa brought the card table in to the room and set it up, with the help of the all-powerful duct tape!! After a few games some of the girls got bored and chatted amongst themselves.
A high-pitched cry rang out as Quatre came tumbling down the stairs. He staggered to his feet, gasping for breath. Wild-eyed, he turned to the others.
"The windows…they're dripping…dripping…ALWAYS DRIPPING!!!" He clung to the banister and everyone was slightly disturbed at the fact that he was only wearing pink flamingo boxers.
"That's it! I'm *leaving*!" Meiran turned and walked out of the room.
"Windows…drip?" Hilde asked, blinking.
"Amorphous liquid." Trowa mumbled.
"Is this house that *old*?" Duo asked in surprise. It was bad enough that by the time he woke up, there was no hot water left, the plumbing was poor, and there was no air conditioning…but he *really* didn't want to hear Quatre talk about science. ~That reminds me...I have to put kool-aid in the showerhead for tomorrow...I'll teach Wu-man to use up all the hot water!! Shinigami will rise again!!~
"We have to save the poor glass!! Its being pulled on merciless by gravity!!" The four others pilots sighed.
"Who's turn is it now?" Wufei asked. Trowa stood up.
"Mine." He turned to Quatre. "Come on Quatre, lets go get some chocolate milk. Then we'll save the glass."
"Yay!" Quatre skipped into the kitchen and Trowa turned briefly to the others.
"First upper right cabinet, adjacent to the sink." Duo told him. Trowa nodded and went in to the kitchen.
"What was that all about?" Relena asked, puzzled. The three boys looked at her, and then exchanged glances. Heero shook his head, but Duo nodded.
"I'll tell 'em," He said. "Quatre occasionally needs some...help...sleeping."
"You *DRUG* him?!" Hilde demanded.
"Doctor recommended." Wufei muttered. "A CERTAIN doctor who is sitting in this ROOM."
"When did I say to drug him?" Sally asked. "Oh...wait..." She thought for a moment. "No. I didn't say to drug him...Where the heck did you guys get *that* idea?!"
"You *gave* us a prescription." Duo said blinking. Heero and Wufei exchanged glances, and then motioned for Sally to be quiet. She mouthed 'Why?' and Heero and Wufei glanced at Duo, then back at Sally. She nodded briefly.
"I think I'll go see how Quatre's doing..." Dorothy said, walking into the kitchen. She came out a few minutes later. "Where are they?"
"Upstairs?" Duo suggested, shrugging. Dorothy paled and sprinted upstairs. The others blinked and exchanged glances, except Relena and Sally who were laughing.
"Am I missing something?" Duo asked.
"A brain, Maxwell." Wufei growled.
"Aw, why ya so grumpy, Wuffie? Sally's here!" Duo said, grinning evilly. Wufei's eyes widened and his eye twitched.
"Wh...at...is *that*... suppose to mean?!" Wufei asked, turning three shades of crimson. Duo's grin widened and Hilde scootched her chair away from Duo. She knew where *this* was leading.
"It means," Duo paused. "that we all know you--"
"MAXWELL!!!"
"What?!" Duo asked. "Its not like it isn't common knowledge, Wuffie."
"WHAT?!?!"
"A little bird must've told her." Duo said, grinning.
"More like a little Meiran." Sally answered. Wufei pulled out his kantana and sharpened it.
"I'll kill her..."
"Is that possible to die twice?" Hilde asked.
"Don't think so." Duo replied, scratching his head. Dorothy came bolting down the stairs, looking absolutely terrified. She grabbed Relena's arm.
"Miss Relena!! Its--its horrible!!!"
"Dorothy???" Relena blinked. Quatre and Trowa came downstairs. Quatre had gotten dressed and Trowa's hair was slightly crumpled. Oi, get your minds away from the gutter! This is not SA!!! Dorothy's just a lil' paranoid...and sick-minded.
"You..." Dorothy pointed a shaky finger at Trowa. "He's MINE!!! Stay away!" Trowa quirked an eyebrow and Quatre stared at her, shocked.
"Wh--What?!" Quatre demanded.
"You two...you're..."
"No." Trowa said, firmly. "No we're not."
"So why is your hair messed up?!" She demanded.
"I ran into the wall. I came in after Quatre had gotten dressed and closed the blinds to hide the windows. Then it was pitch black."
"But...I heard..." Trowa's eyes widened, Quatre blushed and looked horrified, and everyone else twitched...they really didn't care to know.
"Please stop." Heero muttered.
"I stepped on his foot..." Quatre said a little sheepishly. Dorothy looked relieved.
"Where did that weird girl go?" Hilde asked, noticing Meiran's absence for the first time. Everyone sweatdropped.
"I'm baaack!!" Meiran yelled, coming into the room. "I brought a friend." She grinned evilly as Trieze stepped into the room. Wufei twitched violently.
"WHY DO YOU DELIGHT IN TORTURING ME?!!?!" He shouted towards the heavens. Meiran and Treize blinked.
"Has anyone else noticed this fic is mostly Wufei bashing?" Duo asked.
Mwhaha. Out of nowhere a black cat walked across the screen, paused in the middle, meowed and walked off. Everyone blinked. A girl in a blue dress ran up and held her hand up in the air.
"MERCURY STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!" And in a flash of light, She was wearing a blue mini skirt and a something that looked like a sailor's outfit.
"VENUS STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!"
"JUPITER STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!"
"MARS STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!"
"MOON COSMIC POWER, MAKEUP!!" And then there were five girls all wearing a cross between a mini skirt and a sailor uniform. Duo had a weird look come over his face as he jumped up and threw his hand up in the air.
"SHINIGAMI STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!" He shouted at the top of his lungs...and then he was in uniform too. Everyone fell out of their chairs and twitched violently. [AN: Actually...Jill drew that. XD It was good too! Don't worry, it cuts off before the waist.]
"This is a side of Duo I've never seen before..." Quatre said, feeling rather sick to his stomach.
"This is a side of Duo I did not *want* to see..." Heero replied.
"Haihaihaihaihaihaihai!!!" The others chorused. Duo ran off with the sailor scouts, to everyone's immense relief. Kuroneko walked on screen. Trowa turned chibi and hugged Kuroneko, and then followed it when it walked out the door. The girls chose this time to make a mad dash for an exit. Trieze and Meiran just floated nearby with sweatdrops.
"Has anyone else noticed that people are disappearing slowly?" Quatre asked, ignoring the girls' hasty and rather frantic departure.
"That's it!" Heero shouted, jumping up and smacking a hand to the tabletop. Leaning on it, he stared at the other two pilots. The card table, unable to take anymore, collapsed, taking Heero with it. Quickly standing up, Heero acted as if nothing happened. "We have to perform the exorcism as soon as possible! Quickly! We have to save Duo from those weak onnas! Surely they shall be no match for us!" Wufei sweatdropped and blushed, feeling slightly insulted. Quatre cleared his throat.
"Maybe we should find Trowa too." He suggested. "Trowa!!" Quatre started looking for him. Walking into the kitchen, He found Trowa feeding Kuroneko fish. "Trowa, come on. We have to find Duo."
"But...Kitty!" Trowa replied, looking at Quatre with big innocent eyes.
"Trowa..."
"*Kitty*!!!"
Quatre decided to fight fire with fire. "*Tro-wa*!! We have to find Du-o!!"
"But..."
"*No.* Kitty can wait!" Quatre replied, growing annoyed. He grabbed Trowa's arm and hauled him out of the kitchen. Meiran met them.
"You guys better come quick." She said. "Heero's gone a little crazy."
"AGAIN?!?!?" Quatre demanded. Meiran blinked and turned to leave. Trowa and Quatre followed her into the living room. Meiran stopped short and Quatre walked right through her.
"Please don't do that." She said. Quatre blushed and apologized.
"So...are we going to help him?" Trowa asked. Quatre looked up. Wufei was sitting bound and gagged in the middle of a circle of candles. He was watching Heero warily. The Perfect Soldier had Wufei's kantana. Trieze was keeping a good distance between him and the 01 Pilot...He had learned from his rather *large* mistake during the final battle.
"Heero...what are you *doing*?!" Quatre demanded.
"We need a sacrifice." He replied grinning. Wufei's eyes bulged at the word "sacrifice".
"For an *exorcism*?!!" Trowa demanded. "The banana has possessed you!!"
"AHAHAHAHA!!!" Heero was insane...*again*. "AHAHAHA--*burp*."
"Your breath smells like bananas!!!" Quatre pointed an accusing finger.
"*You* ate the ripe bananas!!" Trowa yelled. "And left the *unripe* one for us!!"
"And planted the banana peel yourself!!" Duo added, stepping into the room in his *priest* uniform. "Why is Wu-man bound and gagged?" He asked, blinking. "Eh, not my problem." Duo shrugged.
The three pilots advanced on Heero. He backed away. Heero made a bolt for the door, only to have the knob come off in his hand. Cursing Duo for picking such a safe house, he threw the knob down. Wufei sulked in his spot on the floor.
~I don't get a crack at him at *all*! Sure, just forget me...You'll all pay in the morning!~
"MISSION FAILED!!" Heero yelled, dashing upstairs. The three were close on his tail.
*~*~*~*Next Morning*~*~*~*
"Ewwww....What *is* this?! KOOL-AID??!!! WHO PUT KOOL-AID IN THE *SHOWER* HEAD?!?!?!?!"
Duo woke up to *someone* shouting.
~...about kool-aid...waitaminute...kool-aid?! Oops...~ Duo peeked out of his room, only to come face to face with a *very* annoyed Wufei. His skin was tinted pink since Duo had chosen the ruby red crap. His hand shot out and grabbed Duo's throat.
"EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!! WHY IS THERE KOOL-AID IN THE SHOWER?!" Wufei demanded, obviously oblivious to the fact that he was only wearing a towel...[shudder]. "Well?! Can't you say anything?!" Duo motioned to his throat. Wufei let go.
"Wu-man...maybe you should kill me *after* you get dressed." Duo said, rubbing his throat. Wufei ran back to his room and Duo chose this opportunity to run. He had to be in the next country in about an hour. He reached the top of the stairs and stepped in something...something thick and very sticky...
Quatre yawned and stepped out of his room. He stared walking down the hall and stepped in something. Quatre tried to maintain his balance, as he slid down the hall with strange speed...no good could come of this. He saw Duo at the top of the stairs and tried to stop. He couldn't...
Duo heard a sharp cry and turned his head. Quatre crashed into him and the two tumbled down the stairs yelling all the way. They landed in the kitchen where Trowa was calmly making breakfast. Duo lifted his head and winced slightly. He had landed face first on the hardwood floor and something was squishing him...something *heavy*.
"Oi, oi..." Duo gasped out. "Qua...tre...I...cant...bre...athe..." Quatre blushed and stood up. He helped Duo to his feet, apologizing profusely.
"Heero's been playing pranks all morning. Except for the kool-aid." Trowa said, looking at Duo. A wide grin spread over the braided pilots face.
"AHHH!!!! WHAT IS THIS INJUSTICE?!!"
"It would seem Wufei's the primary target." Quatre observed. Wufei came storming down the stairs, now in his pajamas.
"WHO DID THE WASH?!?!" The three said nothing. He glared and threw a pink bundle down on the ground. "MY PANTS ARE *PINK*!!!!!!"
"Dontcha have any other pairs, Wuffie??" Duo asked. Wufei turned and glared even more.
"THEY'RE *ALL* LIKE THAT!!! AND," He pulled out something blue and white. "SOMEONE BLEACHED MY SHIRTS!!!"
"He does a thorough job." Duo said, impressed.
"Maybe we should get dressed first, then plan." Quatre added, quite conscious to the fact he was in his pajamas too. Trowa blinked and went back to flipping pancakes. Since he had gotten up *before* Heero and used a separate bathroom, Trowa had dodged all the pranks.
"Dressed in *WHAT*?!?!" Wufei demanded. "IF YOU HAVEN'T *NOTICED*, I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!!"
"Well," Quatre bit his lip in thought. "My clothes would be too small..."
"Too big." Trowa mumbled.
"That leaves only one choice..." Quatre mused, he and Trowa looked at Duo. Duo blinked and his eyes widened slightly.
"You have *got* to be kidding!" He said.
"No." Wufei said firmly.
"Well, its either borrow stuff from Duo or wear what you have." Trowa pointed out.
"Lead the way, Maxwell." Duo muttered something under his breath, but led the way up the stairs. Quatre followed, carefully avoiding the molasses and oil.
"AHHHHH!!!!!" Duo came back down the stairs, waving his priest collar. "WHO DID THIS??!?!!?!" It was pink, but it didn't stop there. Duo's usually black outfit now had white streaks all over it. Trowa made a mental note to avoid answering his questions...and to stay away from the bleach.
"AHHHH!!!"
~An echo?~
Quatre came downstairs, looking furious. The young Arabian started pacing the kitchen, trying to calm down. His clothes were dyed black. Wufei was the next to arrive in the kitchen, in his clothes. Obviously, Duo's hadn't fit.
"...this is dishonorable!!" He said, kicking the table.
"It's embarrassing..." Duo mumbled, he glanced over at Wufei and raised an eyebrow. "Wufei...have you noticed something?"
"*What* Maxwell?!?"
"You...match the colors of the American flag...well, somewhat..."
"I...match the--WHAT?!?!?!?! THIS IS AN INJUSTICE!!! HOW *DARE* YUY DO THIS!!! THE DISHONOR OF IT ALL! THAT DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY??! AMERICAN WOMEN DONT KNOW THEIR PLACES!!!! Holding jobs in the government, ha!"
"I feel insulted." Duo muttered.
"Calm down...we need a plan..." Quatre began, he had finally cooled off. "Revenge preferably..." He noticed the stares he was being given by the others. "What?"
"Just...we didn't think you'd hold a grudge..." Duo answered. "You've been actin' kind of out of character lately..."
"That's it!" Wufei exclaimed. He grabbed Quatre's hair and pulled. "I THOUGHT so!!" Wufei said, triumphantly holding a wig in his hand.
"Mission failed!!" Heero yelled, making a bolt for the door and the three pilots tackled him. "...Mis...sion...fail...ed.....must...self-det...onate...." Somehow, Heero was still able to crawl, well, until the others sat on him.
"So...where's Quatre??" Trowa asked, looking around.
"AHHHH!!!!" Quatre came running downstairs in his boxers and frantic.
"Whoops...." Duo and Wufei mumbled. Quatre's hair was pink.
"You probably should have cleaned that up..." Trowa muttered.
"Clean?! ME?! Cleaning is a woman's job." Despite the fact that Wufei was sitting on a furious and threatening Heero, he *still* tried to maintain his dignity. Quatre settled for crying in the corner. Duo and Trowa blinked, exchanged glances with each other, then bound and gagged Heero. Trowa continued to make breakfast as if nothing happened. Duo went to the laundry room to see if he could bleach his collar back, and Wufei followed. Quatre left and came downstairs, dressed in his normal clothes and set about looking for something to wash out the kool-aid.
"Oi, is this the stuff?" Duo's voice could be heard from the kitchen.
"Yes, Maxwell! Can't you read?! It says 'bleach', imbecile!!" As could Wufei's...
"Well, you don't have ta snap at me. Oof, this is *heavy*."
*CRASH*
"Ooh...crap..."
"MAXWELLL!!!!!!!!!"
"Ahaha...oops..."
"How...how could *you*...HOW?!!?! HOW COULD YOU BE SO CLUMSY?!?!?!?!?!"
"...it was an accident??"
"ACCIDENT?!?!?!" He was screeching now. Trowa tossed Quatre a pair of ear plugs. He took them gratefully.
"It's best to keep quite." Trowa told him, Quatre nodded. He ignored Duo as he ran through the room…but neither of them could look away when Wufei entered. Trowa and Quatre's jaw dropped and they stared at him. Duo had spilled the bleach…all over Wufei.
"What are you staring at?!?!" He demanded. Quatre and Trowa quickly turned around, keeping their heads down. Wufei stormed out of the room in search of the unfortunate braided pilot.
"…Duo's a dead man." Trowa mumbled.
"How did manage to spill it like that?" Quatre whispered, glancing at the door. "It's like he stood up and dumped it over Wufei's head."
"Duo manages to do the impossible…usually accidental…" Trowa mumbled. Quatre stifled a laugh.
"AHHH!!!! NoOoOoOo!!!"
"Hah!!! Justice has been served!!"
"…my hair…nooo…" Trowa, Quatre, and Heero, who had managed to escape his bindings, looked up as Wufei walked into the room…grinning broadly…
"Wufei??" Quatre asked, blinking.
"Good Morning!" He replied.
"WHAT?!?!?" The three practically screamed. Duo ran into the kitchen, spitting fire. The three blinked and rubbed their eyes…Duo was…a *blonde*.
"You…" He growled, pointing a finger at Wufei, who grinned again. "My HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIRRRRRRR!!!!"
*THUD*
Duo fainted.
~ = Thoughts
"" = Speech
** = Emphasis on certain words/sounds
= Subtitles
THE BANANA CURSE!!!
Oi, oi…don't look at me like that! Bananas can be pretty menacing!
Duo shot by, his braid a chestnut blur behind him, laughing uncontrollably. Shinigami had struck again.
"MAXWELL!!!" Wufei's annoyed shout rang through the halls of the safe house. Trowa jumped and knocked his king over. Muttering indistinctly, he bent over to pick it up.
"It doesn't matter," Quatre said from across the chessboard. "You were in checkmate anyway." Trowa blinked and looked at the board. Sure enough, the spot where his king ad been was surrounded by several white pieces.
"How do you do that?" Trowa asked, sitting up, the black king clutched in his right hand. The blonde Arabian grinned and began to put away his pieces.
"Practice," Quatre replied, latching the box shut. "I used to play all the time when I was little." He sighed and walking to the shelves, placed the box back where he had found it. Frowning, he looked over the poor selection of games. "Not much else, is there? Monopoly, Parcheesi, Life…"
"Oi, oi!" Duo exclaimed walking up behind Quatre, who nearly had a heart attack. Grinning foolishly, he snatched a box that was covered in a thick layer of dust, off the shelf. Quatre sneezed violently. "Let's play Hungry, Hungry, Hippos!!"
"AHA!! THERE YOU ARE!!" Wufei exclaimed, waving his sword and running into the room.
"Uhh…" Duo rolled his eyes innocently and shoved the box in Wufei's face. "Wanna play Hungry, Hungry, Hippos?"
"Maxwell…" Wufei growled, pushing away the faded box. "That game is for weaklings."
"Well, what do you want to play, Wufei?" Quatre asked quickly, trying to divert his anger. Wufei scanned the boxes and narrowed his eyes in thought. Picking up a box labeled "Chinese Checkers", he peeked inside, then tossed it aside; disgusted.
"What kind of IDIOT would be content with these games?!"
"Ooh…Look at this one! I can't decide which to play!" Duo exclaimed as the others sweatdropped.
"Anyone up for a game of Life?" Trowa asked blandly.
"That ridiculous, impossible to achieve, worthless, brain-rotting, ideal game?!?"
"Yes…" Quatre replied blushing, slightly. Wufei shrugged and the four sat down at the wobbly card table. The setup and rule reading went smoothly until…
"*I* want the blue car!!" A certain Chinese boy yelled. Duo clutched it in his fist and held it behind his back, sticking out his tongue.
"No way, I got dibs!!"
"I will *not* play with the *pink* car!!" He slammed his fist on the table, causing it to sway dangerously. Trowa snatched his green car off the board while Quatre silently offered his white car. Ignoring him, Wufei glared at Duo from across the table. "Maxwell!!"
"Use the black one!"
"IT'S NOT HERE!!!"
"Well, you ain't getting' my car!"
"Is it a bad time to mention that there aren't any blue pegs left?" Quatre asked, peering inside a zip-lock bag. Wufei's eye started to twitch.
"Maaaaxweeeelllll…"
"No!"
"Gimme that car!!!" He yelled lunging at him. Wufei's chair collapsed and he bumped the card table, making it collapse. Quatre was just about to lay down the stack of 20's in the "bank" when the table dropped and the neatly sorted bills scattered. Looking quite annoyed, he threw the twenties up. Duo was laughing hysterically until he noticed Wufei flying at him.
"Uh oh…" Was all he managed before being tackled. Trowa watched all this, silent and trying to pick the money out of his hair
"I'LL STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR BRAID!!" Wufei yelled, grabbing Duo's hair.
"Oi, oi! That's not cool!!" Duo exclaimed, trying to pry his braid from Wufei's grasp.
You guys…" Quatre began, his eyes brimming with tears.
"Quatre…I need help making dinner." Trowa said standing up.
"But, Tro-wa…"
"No, Quatre."
"But…"
"*NO*, Quatre!" Trowa replied, dragging him away from the fight and into the kitchen. Heero walked in the door, balancing four grocery bags at once. He set them down on the table and turned and walked out the door. Quatre jogged after him and helped him unload the groceries. Trowa had already begun unpacking.
"Mission complete." Heero mumbled, looking satisfied and leaving the kitchen. Quatre blinked, and then exchanged glances with a disturbed-looking Trowa.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Heero walked into the living room and blinked at the spectacle before him. Duo was tied to a folding chair, watching Wufei uneasily. The pilot of Altron was sharpening his sword with a positively evil look on his face.
"Heero! Heero!! You have to help me!!" Duo yelled, seeing the puzzled soldier. He started to scoot his chair toward him. Wufei, without looking up, yanked on a rope. Duo and the chair screeched backwards, falling over in the process.
"Going somewhere, Maxwell?" Wufei asked, resting the tip of his sword at Duo's throat. Duo gulped and shifted uncomfortably.
"N-no…Of course not…" He gulped, watching the sword anxiously. "That's pretty sharp Wufei…"
"No," Wufei replied, running a finger over the blade. "It's not sharp enough." Heero turned on is heel and left the room. He had no interest in their problems.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Quatre began to unpack the last bag; it was full of fruit. Putting the apples in the small 'fridge, he pulled out a single banana. Quatre stared at it for a moment, puzzled, then turned to Trowa.
"Why would Heero buy a single banana?"
"…" Trowa stared at it, thinking after a few minutes he spoke. "…What?"
"Wah!" Quatre fell over and twitched. Regaining his composure, Quatre stood up as if nothing happened. "I said…"
"I know…I just wanted to see what would happen." Trowa went back to unpacking as Quatre sweatdropped and put distance between him and the usually silent Trowa.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*SCREECH* *SCREECH*
"AHHH!!!!!!!! HEEEEELP!!!"
*SCREECH* *SCREECH*
"I'LL TEACH YOU TO MOCK ME!!"
*SCREECH* *SCREECH*
"It doesn't concern me…It doesn't concern me…" Heero mumbled to himself as he typed away at the laptop. He *wouldn't* get involved… ~Duo's problem…not mine.~
*SCREECH* *SCREECH*
*THUMP*
"Aw, come on Wu-man!!! I was only kidding…"
"Maxweeell!!!!"
"W-Wufei…WAH!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH *THAT*???!!!!"
"Justice will be served!"
"AHH!!!!"
*SCREEEEEEECH*
"Helphelphelphelp!!!"
*THUMP**THUMP**THUMP**THUMP**THUMP* *SMACK!*
Heero sighed and opened the door. Wufei walked by, mumbling something about justice. For no apparent reason, he slipped, landing hard on his rear. Thoroughly humiliated, he scrambled away, blushing like mad.
Heero blinked and glanced at the bottom of the stairs. Duo was smashed against the wall of the landing, his braid tangled in the folding chair.
"Owww…" Duo moaned.
"Idiot." Heero muttered turning around. He promptly slipped and fell. Glaring daggers and cursing, he turned around to see what he had slipped on. ~A *banana* peel?!~ He snatched it and stormed downstairs into the kitchen, smacking Quatre in the forehead with the door.
"WHO EATS BANANAS?!?!" Heero yelled. Trowa raised an eyebrow and Quatre blinked a couple of times.
"Heero…you don't ever buy *bananas*." Quatre answered, rubbing his forehead.
"I bought a bunch *today*." He growled.
"Maybe that one banana ate the others…" Trowa said quietly, looking at the unripe banana. The other two looked at him as if he were crazy.
"Wh…WHAT?!" They said at the same time. Trowa blinked and continued making dinner. Quatre made a mental note to let *Duo* try the food first.
"Oi…oi…could you guys keep it down? I have a headache." Duo walked into the kitchen, rubbing his temples. Heero glared at him and grabbed him by his collar.
"YOU!! YOU'RE THE CULPRIT!!!"
"What'd I do *now*?" Duo managed to choke; Heero was cutting of his air supply.
"YOU!! YOU LEFT A BANANA PEEL IN *MY* ROOM!!!!"
"More like in the *hallway*, Yuy." Wufei corrected. "And don't kill him…*I* want to do *that*."
"Are *you* correcting *me*?!" Heero growled…he was in a bad mood and had a sudden urge to smash the Chinese pilot with the foot of Wing.
"What if I am?!" Wufei challenged. Heero dropped Duo who was now turning blue and stomped over to Wufei, glaring down at him. Which didn't work too well, considering their the same height, but hey, *I'm* not telling Heero that.
"ONNA! TELL HIM HE'S WRONG!! YOU *ARE* THE AUTHOR!!" Wufei screamed at me. Yes, he lacks manners. I might have to lock him in a broom closet… However, I'm not getting involved.
"Stop bugging the authoress…she *does* have complete control." The polite and well-mannered Trowa intelligently pointed out.
"Well, aren't *you* the favorite one, Barton." Wufei spat. He needs to control the rage...maybe a mental institution would hel-
"Um, excuse me Miss…could we continue?" Quatre asked very politely. See? He could teach them *all* a thing or two! He's so kawaii with his innocence and-
"OI!!" Duo shouted. Right, sorry…off track… Thank you, Duo. "Anytime. Now continue." Of course…So Heero glared, erm, down at Wufei.
"Do *not* challenge your superiors!!" Heero growled.
"You are *not* my superior!" Wufei shot back.
In looks, yes…quite a bit. But neither of you have manners.
"NO! He'll *never* be my superior!"
He already is.
"Shut up, weakling onna!"
Oi, *I'm* the authoress and I'll say whatever I damn well please.
"*I* am *your* superior!!"
No, you're not…we ain't in China.
"What *I* say goes!!"
That's it! Wufei, having made a complete *ass* of himself, decided that he was a *weakling* and therefore went to hide in the broom closet.
"Ah! I'm moving!! I've lost control!! ONNA!!"
The authoress proceeded to ignore his weak pleas for help.
"I AM NOT WEAK!!"
But, of all the darned luck! Wufei dropped the key to the door and it just happened to slide under the crack right up to Heero. Ok, guys…I wont get involved further…I promise.
Heero blinked and picked up the key, stuffing it in his pocket…Wait! You have *pockets*?! Duo cleared his throat.
"What were you talking about? With the banana peel?"
"Someone left it outside my door." Heero answered, ignoring the pounding on the closet door. The doorbell rang and all four went to answer it.
"One order of fried bananas!" a girl called when they opened the door. She had on a yellow hat that contrasted greatly with her black pigtailed hair. It was the only part of the uniform she would wear…which looked pretty funny with her normal clothes…
"We didn't order any fried bananas…" Duo mumbled.
"Wait! I have an idea! Come with us!" Quatre grabbed her wrist and dragged her, protesting, into the kitchen. Quatre handed her the unripe banana. "What do you make of this?!"
Blinking, the girl took it and glanced around at the pilots who were watching her intently. "Its an unripe banana…"
"Hey! Maybe it needs an exorcism!" Duo exclaimed. "What do you think…umm," He peered at her nametag. "Meiran?"
"I think you're crazy." She answered flatly. The pounding on the door increased and it finally broke, sending Wufei smacking in to the far wall.
"Oww…" groaned the weak one named Wufei. He ignored the authoress and drew his attention to Meiran. "Nataku?!" Oh, please…what kind of *idiot* names his gundam after his wife?
"*YOU* had a *WIFE*?!?!?!" The other four demanded, sweatdropping.
"Hi." Was all she said.
"Aren't you dead?" This was turning out to be one weird day for him and his dead wife showing up just topped it off. ~Maybe I *do* need a mental institution…~
I can recommend a few.
"I *didn't* ask you!"
"Uh…it got boring." She wasn't quite sure what was going on…but Meiran was pretty sure Wufei had gone over the edge. ~I mean…who talks to the author?!~
"So, tell us! How do you perform an exorcism on a banana??!" Duo demanded. Meiran backed away from him.
"How would *I* know?!"
"You work at a banana place!"
"Actually, I don't…This was just a way for me to make a cameo."
"I like cameos!!" Quatre exclaimed, grinning. Five people looked at him strangely. It's a cookie people.
"Oooh…"
Idiots…why do I bother?
"Because you LOVE us!!" Trowa exclaimed, scaring the hell out of the authoress.
"That's it!" Duo smacked a fist down on his open palm. "We'll pour holy water over it!"
"Duo…we don't *have* any holy water!" Trowa pointed out, again. He likes crushing people's dreams…
"We can make some! I heard this one joke and it might actually work."
"How?" Quatre asked…not really sure if he *wanted* to know.
"We put some tap water in a pot and boil the hell out of it!"
"Idiot." Heero muttered.
"He-ey…" Meiran exclaimed, noticing him for the first time. "You're pretty cute!"
"Yuuuuyyyyy…" Wufei growled. Heero crossed his arms. Meiran looked at Wufei funny.
"You sure got bad-tempered after I died." She mumbled. "No wonder you don't have a girlfriend."
See! This is why I like Meiran! She's smart!! Well…smarter than most of you. An' she's not a stalker.
"Nani?!" All five pilots chorused.
"*Hilde* isn't a stalker!"
Are you kidding?? She just pops up! And then there's Dorothy.
"Oh, Shinigami…she stalks everyone!!"
Very good, Duo. You're learning.
"SO," Quatre said loudly, he was anxious to get the story moving again and *off* the subject of stalkers. "What are our other options?"
"We could drive a stake through its, umm…heart…" Trowa suggested, blushing as he realized that bananas don't *have* hearts. Quatre shot him another odd glance.
~Maybe I'll order out…~ Quatre thought. He wasn't sure what was *wrong* with his "silent" friend, but he decided that eating the food Trowa prepared wasn't the greatest idea in the world.
"Close enough!" Duo exclaimed snatching a knife out of the drawer. He lunged at the banana, which, Trowa held in his hand.
"…!" Trowa ducked, barely escaping Duo's onslaught. He scrambled to the far end of the kitchen.
"So! You're one of the banana army!!! SHINIGAMI WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!!!" Duo lunged at Trowa again. The other four watched with sweatdrops. Quatre's eye started to twitch.
"Shimatta! YAMU!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. The two froze and gawked at Quatre. Trowa was on his back, pushing Duo away with his feet. Duo was in midair, balancing on Trowa's feet, which were on his stomach. He had a knife in one hand about a foot away from Trowa's face. Trowa had a hold of that arm and was pushing the knife away.
"Qua-Quatre??" Heero stuttered. The blonde Arabian was breathing hard and had a Zero system look on his face. Quatre's hands were clenched in fists and he was glaring at Duo and Trowa.
"You sure have some weird friends, Wuffie." Meiran muttered. "Maybe I should leave…"
"Oh no you don't! You aren't bailing!!" She blinked and looked at him.
~Maybe it *was* a good thing I died…He's really creeping me out.~
"I WILL NOT clean up after you!!!" Quatre screamed, stomping out of the room.
"That was…omoshiroi…" Trowa mumbled. Duo shrugged from his uncomfortable position.
"Eh, he was liable to explode sooner or later."
"Would you *mind* getting *off* me?"
"Oi, if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of *far* off the ground and *you're* the one who shoved *his* feet in *my* stomach!!" Trowa glared up at Duo, then tipped his feet, causing Duo to slide off them and hit the tiled floor hard.
"Jerk." Duo muttered, brushing the dirt off his clothes. Trowa rose to his feet and picked up the banana, which was completely unharmed. "Its impossible to destroy!!" Duo exclaimed, gaping at it.
"We'll see about that!!" Heero grabbed it. "Mission accepted!" He grinned evilly and dashed out the door. The others blinked.
"How do you keep your *sanity*?!" Meiran asked. Duo shook his head.
"I'm not sure I have any left..." He muttered.
"Or had any to *begin* with." Wufei grumbled. The doorbell rang. The four sighed and went to answer it. Duo opened the door and was immediately glomped by Hilde.
"DUO!!! Ooh, I'm missed you soooo much!" She squealed.
"Oi, Hildey…" Duo managed to choke out. Quatre came downstairs and blinked. All the other girls were standing behind Hilde.
"How did you guys *find* us?! We erased our tracks." He asked puzzled.
~oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…~ Wufei thought. Just when he didn't think his day could get *any* worse, it did.
"We just got Relena here to find Heero. She has incredible tracking skills." Catherine answered.
"Sort of like a bloodhound." Trowa muttered.
"So where's Heero?" Relena asked. The five exchanged glances.
"Uhhh…he's on a mission…yeah! A mission!" Duo replied, the girls looked at him doubtful. He grinned at all of them, but noticed one was missing… "Where's Sally?"
"I'm right here Duo. You guys wouldn't happen to have any gas, would you? The car wont start."
"No, I'm sorry…we don't. And Heero took the only car." Quatre answered. "But you can stay here until he gets back."
"Yay!" Hilde exclaimed, glomping to Duo again.
"Shit." Wufei muttered. He tried his best to appear invisible, but Duo knew exactly what he was trying to do.
"Oi, Wu-man!! Where ya goin'?!" He shouted, grinning.
"Kisama!" Wufei yelled. He pulled out his sword and proceeded to chase Duo with it.
"Does this happen *often*?!" Meiran asked, sweatdropping.
"Hai…all the time. There's never any *peace*!!!" Quatre answered. "I just wanna strangle--!!!" The others stared at him with a look of horror.
"Who are you?" Relena asked, there wouldn't be any bloodshed while *she* was around.
"I--uhhh…" She looked at Trowa who tipped his head towards Sally. Meiran grinned evilly. "I'm Meiran…but everyone else calls me Nataku." Quatre smacked a hand to his forehead, Trowa's mouth twitched, Duo exploded in to laughter, and Wufei turned red. Sally arched an eyebrow.
"I see…" She answered. ~Nataku, ne? What does she have up her sleeve?~
"Na…ta…ku…!!" Wufei growled. "I need to speak with you…" He grabbed her arm and dragged her into the kitchen.
"Wow, she's positively *evil*!!" Duo grinned. "I like her."
"Duo!!" Hilde smacked his arm.
"Aw, I was just kiddin', babe." He rubbed the back of his head. "You're my one an' only."
"Is there something we should know about?" Dorothy asked. Quatre's mind raced.
"Uh…Won't you guys sit down???" He asked, a little too eagerly.
"Quatre-san…" Dorothy edged closer to him. "What are you hiding?"
"N-nothing…" He answered, nervously. Quatre walked over to the couch and plopped down. "Please, have a seat." The others each took a seat.
Silence.
Duo avoided Hilde's eyes, Trowa stared into space, and Quatre shifted tensely.
"So…why'd you guys come?" Quatre asked.
"To see Heero." Relena replied, shortly. The silence returned as shouting was heard from the kitchen. Meiran stormed through the closed door. All five girls screamed and Quatre began to pound his head on the coffee table.
"Whoops…" She mumbled, looking at the door behind her.
Wufei stormed out of the kitchen. "ONNA!! Do *NOT* WALK OUT WHEN I AM TALKING!!!!"
"Seriously, you need to calm down… I don't need to be scolded about being careful, I'm already *dead*."
Everyone else just sat and watched in complete and utter silence. Well, except for the constant thwacking noise from Quatre. Heero ran in through the front door, clutching the banana in his hand. He threw it down.
"Mission failed!" He yelled, stomping out of the room.
"DEMON BANANA!!!!" Wufei screamed, lunging at the banana, sword drawn. He tripped over the rug and fell flat on his face.
"Idiot." Meiran muttered. "*How* I put up with you, is beyond me." Quatre chose this time to excuse himself.
"I think I'll retire for the night."
"Quatre…its eight-thirty." Dorothy pointed out.
"Uh…I have to get up early tomorrow…" He answered, dashing up the stairs.
"Who wants to play poker?" Duo asked, trying to change the subject. Everyone agreed. Trowa brought the card table in to the room and set it up, with the help of the all-powerful duct tape!! After a few games some of the girls got bored and chatted amongst themselves.
A high-pitched cry rang out as Quatre came tumbling down the stairs. He staggered to his feet, gasping for breath. Wild-eyed, he turned to the others.
"The windows…they're dripping…dripping…ALWAYS DRIPPING!!!" He clung to the banister and everyone was slightly disturbed at the fact that he was only wearing pink flamingo boxers.
"That's it! I'm *leaving*!" Meiran turned and walked out of the room.
"Windows…drip?" Hilde asked, blinking.
"Amorphous liquid." Trowa mumbled.
"Is this house that *old*?" Duo asked in surprise. It was bad enough that by the time he woke up, there was no hot water left, the plumbing was poor, and there was no air conditioning…but he *really* didn't want to hear Quatre talk about science. ~That reminds me...I have to put kool-aid in the showerhead for tomorrow...I'll teach Wu-man to use up all the hot water!! Shinigami will rise again!!~
"We have to save the poor glass!! Its being pulled on merciless by gravity!!" The four others pilots sighed.
"Who's turn is it now?" Wufei asked. Trowa stood up.
"Mine." He turned to Quatre. "Come on Quatre, lets go get some chocolate milk. Then we'll save the glass."
"Yay!" Quatre skipped into the kitchen and Trowa turned briefly to the others.
"First upper right cabinet, adjacent to the sink." Duo told him. Trowa nodded and went in to the kitchen.
"What was that all about?" Relena asked, puzzled. The three boys looked at her, and then exchanged glances. Heero shook his head, but Duo nodded.
"I'll tell 'em," He said. "Quatre occasionally needs some...help...sleeping."
"You *DRUG* him?!" Hilde demanded.
"Doctor recommended." Wufei muttered. "A CERTAIN doctor who is sitting in this ROOM."
"When did I say to drug him?" Sally asked. "Oh...wait..." She thought for a moment. "No. I didn't say to drug him...Where the heck did you guys get *that* idea?!"
"You *gave* us a prescription." Duo said blinking. Heero and Wufei exchanged glances, and then motioned for Sally to be quiet. She mouthed 'Why?' and Heero and Wufei glanced at Duo, then back at Sally. She nodded briefly.
"I think I'll go see how Quatre's doing..." Dorothy said, walking into the kitchen. She came out a few minutes later. "Where are they?"
"Upstairs?" Duo suggested, shrugging. Dorothy paled and sprinted upstairs. The others blinked and exchanged glances, except Relena and Sally who were laughing.
"Am I missing something?" Duo asked.
"A brain, Maxwell." Wufei growled.
"Aw, why ya so grumpy, Wuffie? Sally's here!" Duo said, grinning evilly. Wufei's eyes widened and his eye twitched.
"Wh...at...is *that*... suppose to mean?!" Wufei asked, turning three shades of crimson. Duo's grin widened and Hilde scootched her chair away from Duo. She knew where *this* was leading.
"It means," Duo paused. "that we all know you--"
"MAXWELL!!!"
"What?!" Duo asked. "Its not like it isn't common knowledge, Wuffie."
"WHAT?!?!"
"A little bird must've told her." Duo said, grinning.
"More like a little Meiran." Sally answered. Wufei pulled out his kantana and sharpened it.
"I'll kill her..."
"Is that possible to die twice?" Hilde asked.
"Don't think so." Duo replied, scratching his head. Dorothy came bolting down the stairs, looking absolutely terrified. She grabbed Relena's arm.
"Miss Relena!! Its--its horrible!!!"
"Dorothy???" Relena blinked. Quatre and Trowa came downstairs. Quatre had gotten dressed and Trowa's hair was slightly crumpled. Oi, get your minds away from the gutter! This is not SA!!! Dorothy's just a lil' paranoid...and sick-minded.
"You..." Dorothy pointed a shaky finger at Trowa. "He's MINE!!! Stay away!" Trowa quirked an eyebrow and Quatre stared at her, shocked.
"Wh--What?!" Quatre demanded.
"You two...you're..."
"No." Trowa said, firmly. "No we're not."
"So why is your hair messed up?!" She demanded.
"I ran into the wall. I came in after Quatre had gotten dressed and closed the blinds to hide the windows. Then it was pitch black."
"But...I heard..." Trowa's eyes widened, Quatre blushed and looked horrified, and everyone else twitched...they really didn't care to know.
"Please stop." Heero muttered.
"I stepped on his foot..." Quatre said a little sheepishly. Dorothy looked relieved.
"Where did that weird girl go?" Hilde asked, noticing Meiran's absence for the first time. Everyone sweatdropped.
"I'm baaack!!" Meiran yelled, coming into the room. "I brought a friend." She grinned evilly as Trieze stepped into the room. Wufei twitched violently.
"WHY DO YOU DELIGHT IN TORTURING ME?!!?!" He shouted towards the heavens. Meiran and Treize blinked.
"Has anyone else noticed this fic is mostly Wufei bashing?" Duo asked.
Mwhaha. Out of nowhere a black cat walked across the screen, paused in the middle, meowed and walked off. Everyone blinked. A girl in a blue dress ran up and held her hand up in the air.
"MERCURY STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!" And in a flash of light, She was wearing a blue mini skirt and a something that looked like a sailor's outfit.
"VENUS STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!"
"JUPITER STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!"
"MARS STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!"
"MOON COSMIC POWER, MAKEUP!!" And then there were five girls all wearing a cross between a mini skirt and a sailor uniform. Duo had a weird look come over his face as he jumped up and threw his hand up in the air.
"SHINIGAMI STAR POWER, MAKEUP!!" He shouted at the top of his lungs...and then he was in uniform too. Everyone fell out of their chairs and twitched violently. [AN: Actually...Jill drew that. XD It was good too! Don't worry, it cuts off before the waist.]
"This is a side of Duo I've never seen before..." Quatre said, feeling rather sick to his stomach.
"This is a side of Duo I did not *want* to see..." Heero replied.
"Haihaihaihaihaihaihai!!!" The others chorused. Duo ran off with the sailor scouts, to everyone's immense relief. Kuroneko walked on screen. Trowa turned chibi and hugged Kuroneko, and then followed it when it walked out the door. The girls chose this time to make a mad dash for an exit. Trieze and Meiran just floated nearby with sweatdrops.
"Has anyone else noticed that people are disappearing slowly?" Quatre asked, ignoring the girls' hasty and rather frantic departure.
"That's it!" Heero shouted, jumping up and smacking a hand to the tabletop. Leaning on it, he stared at the other two pilots. The card table, unable to take anymore, collapsed, taking Heero with it. Quickly standing up, Heero acted as if nothing happened. "We have to perform the exorcism as soon as possible! Quickly! We have to save Duo from those weak onnas! Surely they shall be no match for us!" Wufei sweatdropped and blushed, feeling slightly insulted. Quatre cleared his throat.
"Maybe we should find Trowa too." He suggested. "Trowa!!" Quatre started looking for him. Walking into the kitchen, He found Trowa feeding Kuroneko fish. "Trowa, come on. We have to find Duo."
"But...Kitty!" Trowa replied, looking at Quatre with big innocent eyes.
"Trowa..."
"*Kitty*!!!"
Quatre decided to fight fire with fire. "*Tro-wa*!! We have to find Du-o!!"
"But..."
"*No.* Kitty can wait!" Quatre replied, growing annoyed. He grabbed Trowa's arm and hauled him out of the kitchen. Meiran met them.
"You guys better come quick." She said. "Heero's gone a little crazy."
"AGAIN?!?!?" Quatre demanded. Meiran blinked and turned to leave. Trowa and Quatre followed her into the living room. Meiran stopped short and Quatre walked right through her.
"Please don't do that." She said. Quatre blushed and apologized.
"So...are we going to help him?" Trowa asked. Quatre looked up. Wufei was sitting bound and gagged in the middle of a circle of candles. He was watching Heero warily. The Perfect Soldier had Wufei's kantana. Trieze was keeping a good distance between him and the 01 Pilot...He had learned from his rather *large* mistake during the final battle.
"Heero...what are you *doing*?!" Quatre demanded.
"We need a sacrifice." He replied grinning. Wufei's eyes bulged at the word "sacrifice".
"For an *exorcism*?!!" Trowa demanded. "The banana has possessed you!!"
"AHAHAHAHA!!!" Heero was insane...*again*. "AHAHAHA--*burp*."
"Your breath smells like bananas!!!" Quatre pointed an accusing finger.
"*You* ate the ripe bananas!!" Trowa yelled. "And left the *unripe* one for us!!"
"And planted the banana peel yourself!!" Duo added, stepping into the room in his *priest* uniform. "Why is Wu-man bound and gagged?" He asked, blinking. "Eh, not my problem." Duo shrugged.
The three pilots advanced on Heero. He backed away. Heero made a bolt for the door, only to have the knob come off in his hand. Cursing Duo for picking such a safe house, he threw the knob down. Wufei sulked in his spot on the floor.
~I don't get a crack at him at *all*! Sure, just forget me...You'll all pay in the morning!~
"MISSION FAILED!!" Heero yelled, dashing upstairs. The three were close on his tail.
*~*~*~*Next Morning*~*~*~*
"Ewwww....What *is* this?! KOOL-AID??!!! WHO PUT KOOL-AID IN THE *SHOWER* HEAD?!?!?!?!"
Duo woke up to *someone* shouting.
~...about kool-aid...waitaminute...kool-aid?! Oops...~ Duo peeked out of his room, only to come face to face with a *very* annoyed Wufei. His skin was tinted pink since Duo had chosen the ruby red crap. His hand shot out and grabbed Duo's throat.
"EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!! WHY IS THERE KOOL-AID IN THE SHOWER?!" Wufei demanded, obviously oblivious to the fact that he was only wearing a towel...[shudder]. "Well?! Can't you say anything?!" Duo motioned to his throat. Wufei let go.
"Wu-man...maybe you should kill me *after* you get dressed." Duo said, rubbing his throat. Wufei ran back to his room and Duo chose this opportunity to run. He had to be in the next country in about an hour. He reached the top of the stairs and stepped in something...something thick and very sticky...
Quatre yawned and stepped out of his room. He stared walking down the hall and stepped in something. Quatre tried to maintain his balance, as he slid down the hall with strange speed...no good could come of this. He saw Duo at the top of the stairs and tried to stop. He couldn't...
Duo heard a sharp cry and turned his head. Quatre crashed into him and the two tumbled down the stairs yelling all the way. They landed in the kitchen where Trowa was calmly making breakfast. Duo lifted his head and winced slightly. He had landed face first on the hardwood floor and something was squishing him...something *heavy*.
"Oi, oi..." Duo gasped out. "Qua...tre...I...cant...bre...athe..." Quatre blushed and stood up. He helped Duo to his feet, apologizing profusely.
"Heero's been playing pranks all morning. Except for the kool-aid." Trowa said, looking at Duo. A wide grin spread over the braided pilots face.
"AHHH!!!! WHAT IS THIS INJUSTICE?!!"
"It would seem Wufei's the primary target." Quatre observed. Wufei came storming down the stairs, now in his pajamas.
"WHO DID THE WASH?!?!" The three said nothing. He glared and threw a pink bundle down on the ground. "MY PANTS ARE *PINK*!!!!!!"
"Dontcha have any other pairs, Wuffie??" Duo asked. Wufei turned and glared even more.
"THEY'RE *ALL* LIKE THAT!!! AND," He pulled out something blue and white. "SOMEONE BLEACHED MY SHIRTS!!!"
"He does a thorough job." Duo said, impressed.
"Maybe we should get dressed first, then plan." Quatre added, quite conscious to the fact he was in his pajamas too. Trowa blinked and went back to flipping pancakes. Since he had gotten up *before* Heero and used a separate bathroom, Trowa had dodged all the pranks.
"Dressed in *WHAT*?!?!" Wufei demanded. "IF YOU HAVEN'T *NOTICED*, I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!!"
"Well," Quatre bit his lip in thought. "My clothes would be too small..."
"Too big." Trowa mumbled.
"That leaves only one choice..." Quatre mused, he and Trowa looked at Duo. Duo blinked and his eyes widened slightly.
"You have *got* to be kidding!" He said.
"No." Wufei said firmly.
"Well, its either borrow stuff from Duo or wear what you have." Trowa pointed out.
"Lead the way, Maxwell." Duo muttered something under his breath, but led the way up the stairs. Quatre followed, carefully avoiding the molasses and oil.
"AHHHHH!!!!!" Duo came back down the stairs, waving his priest collar. "WHO DID THIS??!?!!?!" It was pink, but it didn't stop there. Duo's usually black outfit now had white streaks all over it. Trowa made a mental note to avoid answering his questions...and to stay away from the bleach.
"AHHHH!!!"
~An echo?~
Quatre came downstairs, looking furious. The young Arabian started pacing the kitchen, trying to calm down. His clothes were dyed black. Wufei was the next to arrive in the kitchen, in his clothes. Obviously, Duo's hadn't fit.
"...this is dishonorable!!" He said, kicking the table.
"It's embarrassing..." Duo mumbled, he glanced over at Wufei and raised an eyebrow. "Wufei...have you noticed something?"
"*What* Maxwell?!?"
"You...match the colors of the American flag...well, somewhat..."
"I...match the--WHAT?!?!?!?! THIS IS AN INJUSTICE!!! HOW *DARE* YUY DO THIS!!! THE DISHONOR OF IT ALL! THAT DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY??! AMERICAN WOMEN DONT KNOW THEIR PLACES!!!! Holding jobs in the government, ha!"
"I feel insulted." Duo muttered.
"Calm down...we need a plan..." Quatre began, he had finally cooled off. "Revenge preferably..." He noticed the stares he was being given by the others. "What?"
"Just...we didn't think you'd hold a grudge..." Duo answered. "You've been actin' kind of out of character lately..."
"That's it!" Wufei exclaimed. He grabbed Quatre's hair and pulled. "I THOUGHT so!!" Wufei said, triumphantly holding a wig in his hand.
"Mission failed!!" Heero yelled, making a bolt for the door and the three pilots tackled him. "...Mis...sion...fail...ed.....must...self-det...onate...." Somehow, Heero was still able to crawl, well, until the others sat on him.
"So...where's Quatre??" Trowa asked, looking around.
"AHHHH!!!!" Quatre came running downstairs in his boxers and frantic.
"Whoops...." Duo and Wufei mumbled. Quatre's hair was pink.
"You probably should have cleaned that up..." Trowa muttered.
"Clean?! ME?! Cleaning is a woman's job." Despite the fact that Wufei was sitting on a furious and threatening Heero, he *still* tried to maintain his dignity. Quatre settled for crying in the corner. Duo and Trowa blinked, exchanged glances with each other, then bound and gagged Heero. Trowa continued to make breakfast as if nothing happened. Duo went to the laundry room to see if he could bleach his collar back, and Wufei followed. Quatre left and came downstairs, dressed in his normal clothes and set about looking for something to wash out the kool-aid.
"Oi, is this the stuff?" Duo's voice could be heard from the kitchen.
"Yes, Maxwell! Can't you read?! It says 'bleach', imbecile!!" As could Wufei's...
"Well, you don't have ta snap at me. Oof, this is *heavy*."
*CRASH*
"Ooh...crap..."
"MAXWELLL!!!!!!!!!"
"Ahaha...oops..."
"How...how could *you*...HOW?!!?! HOW COULD YOU BE SO CLUMSY?!?!?!?!?!"
"...it was an accident??"
"ACCIDENT?!?!?!" He was screeching now. Trowa tossed Quatre a pair of ear plugs. He took them gratefully.
"It's best to keep quite." Trowa told him, Quatre nodded. He ignored Duo as he ran through the room…but neither of them could look away when Wufei entered. Trowa and Quatre's jaw dropped and they stared at him. Duo had spilled the bleach…all over Wufei.
"What are you staring at?!?!" He demanded. Quatre and Trowa quickly turned around, keeping their heads down. Wufei stormed out of the room in search of the unfortunate braided pilot.
"…Duo's a dead man." Trowa mumbled.
"How did manage to spill it like that?" Quatre whispered, glancing at the door. "It's like he stood up and dumped it over Wufei's head."
"Duo manages to do the impossible…usually accidental…" Trowa mumbled. Quatre stifled a laugh.
"AHHH!!!! NoOoOoOo!!!"
"Hah!!! Justice has been served!!"
"…my hair…nooo…" Trowa, Quatre, and Heero, who had managed to escape his bindings, looked up as Wufei walked into the room…grinning broadly…
"Wufei??" Quatre asked, blinking.
"Good Morning!" He replied.
"WHAT?!?!?" The three practically screamed. Duo ran into the kitchen, spitting fire. The three blinked and rubbed their eyes…Duo was…a *blonde*.
"You…" He growled, pointing a finger at Wufei, who grinned again. "My HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIRRRRRRR!!!!"
*THUD*
Duo fainted.