Deliver
Can't you
understand? » he yelled into his cell phone, trying his best to keep his
voice steady.
There was a silence. I
could feel its weight on my chest, and I took a deep breath to ease it all,
hoping the uneasiness would go away at the same time the carbon dioxide-laden
air left my lungs. It didn't.
-"Well, damn you too,
Yamato!"
The toasts left the warm confines
of the toaster with a loud clump. I walked to the counter, but they were
already cold and somewhat burned.
-"No, I didn't mean it. Yama, I'm sorry. I said I didn't mean it…. No, it's not you… it's me…No…"
I cut the edges off my
toast with an almost surgical precision, avoiding his eyes, because I knew they
would be dull and bitter and annoyed, which happened nearly every time his
conversation with his brother started to contain more no than yes,
-"I am not getting you out of there… No, YOU listen… you got yourself in the mess Yamato…. No, it's not that…."
I stared at the newspaper
in front of me, but none of the kanji made sense, as if some careless child had
left them there by error, and forgotten by the time a newer, more interesting
toy came around.
-"No, I…No, of course not…"
He covered the speaker of the phone with the palm of his hand. "Ken, are we out
of cigarettes again?"
I handed him the spare
packet I kept stashed away in a drawer for emergencies and potentially touchy
situations. He looked almost grateful. Takeru seldom smoked, only when he was
stressed, or feeling an especially overwhelming emotion of sorts, spending the
rest of his time scolding me for my own bad habits.
-"I am NOT going to pay
your caution every time you end up in jail, Yamato. I AM NOT. I'm your fucking
brother, Yamato, not your personal… No, I didn't mean that…. Yes, I know you
know… "
I carefully set back my
cutlery on the edge of my plate, turning my attention back to the newspaper,
which I still couldn't bring my mind to decipher.
-"Yes, it's alright… we'll
be there… Don't worry…. What's the street name again?"
And I stared into his eyes,
no longer seeing dullness, or bitterness or annoyance, but rather the hollow
look of someone who's been defeated.
-rianne april 1st, 2001