Woman Trouble 2
Title:- see above
Rating:- PG13
Distribution:- ask first
Ownership:- same as always.
Feedback:- or die a horrible death!
"Don't sit that way."
"Why not?"
"Translated into English, that says "I'm gay." get the point?"
Xander quickly sat in the same fashion as Spike and ordered another beer. Spike clamped his hand over the human's mouth,
"Cancel that order. He doesn't want anymore."
Xander struggled free,
"What do you think you're doing?"
The vampire leant casually on the bar,
"You don't want to be drunk before you meet a decent chick."
"Okay, point taken."
"Right, lesson number one. Walk as if you own the place."
"Huh?"
"Y'know, the laid back, saunter."
"You mean like you?"
"Basically, yeah."
"Okay, I can do that."
"Good, we have time to practice." He saw the look on Xander's face and explained,"The hot stuff don't come in till around ten."
"Then why in the name of God did you say eight?"
"Don't blaspheme, you know the words are meaningless. I said eight so you could learn the tricks of the trade. Coming?"
The vampire wandered back outside and Xander followed. They stood outside the Bronze,
"Right. Practise that walk."
Spike watched carefully as he tried to copy the vampire's don't-give-one walk, "Lean back a tiny bit....look as if you don't give one about what anyone thinks, but look..um..important at the same time.....you've got it. Now do it again.....perfect."
Xander sauntered back to him, Spike-style.
"Right now you've got to bin the I'm-a-geek-who's-scared-of-women attitude."
"I'm not scared of - fine then. And how do you propose I do that?"
"As I said before, act as if you own the place, just don't get too cocky and don't actually *say* you own the place. You're just a regular guy with an attitude. Like this."
He demonstrated and Xander watched, making a mental note of all Spike's actions. "Now you try."
Again the human perfected it. Spike approved,
"You're getting the hang of this. Now what're your best lines?"
"My what?...oh, chat up lines. I haven't got any."
"Ye Gods, no wonder you ended up with an ex-demon! Here try these ones."
He recited a whole load of chat up lines off by heart and explained the actions that come before or after them. They spent the next two hours perfecting Xander's art of pulling - giving Spike a chance to get reaqquainted with his. They returned to the club as the first batch of girls approached.
They returned to the bar, Spike at one end, Xander at the other. Everything was going okay when Xander's mobile rang, it was Spike,
"Stop sitting like that! Remember about the gay thing. There's a couple of guys making eyes at you....No, *don't* turn around! They'll pick up a hint that isn't there!"
"Okay, point taken."
He hung up as a really "hot chick" ,as Spike would say, approached him, her red hair falling in ringlets around her face,
"Is this seat taken?" She indicated the chair beside him. Time to put those lines into action,
"Not if you're gonna sit there."
She smiled brightly at him and sat down, moving the chair closer to his ever so slightly. Spike smiled to himself as he watched. He's done it. Then the vampire began to get mildly depressed, they looked so good together. Spike needed a woman in his life. Desperately.
Bent on regaining his reputation, Spike wrote a note on a tissue, and dropped it beside Xander's drink as he past them on his way out. Xander picked it up and read it while his newfound companion ordered drinks, she wouldn't let him because he'd already ordered the first two.
*~ Have unfinished business to attend to. Stay put. Enjoy her smiles and attention. I'll see you tomorrow night, if you need me before then, ring my mobile or page me.
Spike*~
Xander smiled slightly and putting the note in his pocket, turned back to the girl who he now knew as Julie.
Spike knocked back the remaining vodka in his glass, he kept the glass in hand. Never know, may come in handy. He approached the graveyard, seeing the object of his attention kicking the crap out of a 6ft demon. This should be fun. He walked up behind her, grabbed her shoulder and spun her round to face him. Before either Buffy or the 6ft demon could react, he'd punched his full weight, sending the Slayer head first into the gate. He walked over to her still figure. Unconscious. The other demon put a hand on the vampire's shoulder in a gesture of thanks. Spike brushed it off,
"Don't mention it." Vampires and demons didn't mix as a rule, they hate eachother, "Ever."
The demon nodded in respectful silence and watched as the blonde sauntered away, realising how close he had been to a death match with a reknowned gut-spilling vampire.
Xander woke. There was a familiar weight on his chest. Anya, using him as a pillow. He looked at her almost to confirm it. Not Anya. Julie. Oops. He lay back again and tried to remember the events of the night before. He remembered all to well. Strangley enough he felt no guilt. He didn't care. Anya could go to Hell, he like Julie better. He smiled as she stirred and her hair brushed his face as she raised her head to look at him,
"Morning."
"Morning."
They paused for a moment, neither could think of anything else to say. Realising both were thinking the same as the other, they burst out laughing. Xander felt alot better. Better than he ever had with Anya. Julie's laughter was sweet and almost child-like. Anya hardly ever laughed. Then Julie remembered something he had told the night before,
"What about Anna?"
"Anya. She can get screwed. She was never the one for me."
"What about me then?"
"That's up to you." He said remembering Spike's words, he'd said "Always give the girl the choice, otherwise they get narky." He'd gone on to use Harmony and Dru as examples. Not the best of examples, one was psychotic, the other a bimbo.
"I want whatever you want." She replied.
"And I want you!" He pulled the blanket right over them making a tent, and proceeded to tickle her relentlessly.
"Buff? Buffy? Wake up!"
The Slayer woke in the graveyard, Will was standing over her with Tara. She rubbed her head and tried to stand,
"Wh...what happened?"
Tara looked very concerned,
"That's what we were gonna ask you."
Buffy shielded her eyes from the morning sun, she had a splitting headache. She struggled to reorganise her mind, sorting the events from the previous night,
"Uh, demon. Big. Taller than Giles. Um vampire, blonde. Uh, Spike. Er...brain packing in again."
Willow and Tara took an arm each and began to lead her to the hospital. Willow sighed,
"I think you have concussion."
"Con - what?"
"Nevermind. Come on. Tara, you got your phone?"
"Yup, I'll ring Giles."
Buffy complained bitterly,
"No. No Giles. No you-should-have-been-more-careful lectures."
Tara put away her phone,
"Too late, sorry. He's on his way."
The two witches put up with the Slayer's whining all the way to Sunnydale hospital and were all to happy to hand her over to the doctor and the watchful eyes of Giles.
"There's nothing wrong with me!"
Giles almost laughed,
"Oh no, you only have severe concussion. If you'd hit that gate totally head on you'd be brain damaged. Apart from that, no I'd say you're as right as rain."
"Oh sure, let's all pick on the injured one!"
"Buffy, I'm not picking on you. Simply stating a fact. You are injured and you're not going *anywhere* till you mend that concussion."
"No slaying?"
"No slaying!"
She sighed,
"At least I get a break. What if Big Boy and Spike come back? What if it was Spike? What if -"
Giles smiled fondly as the anesthetic did it's job, giving Buffy a rest from the stresses of Slayerdom and him a rest from Buffy.