Okay, since
you practically begged me for a sequel…
And don't
hit me if you were wrong with who you thought was the intruder…
Flames will
be used to cook my lunch…
Sleeping
Beauty: Chapter 2
"Questions
and Answers"
by
Foxfeather
See first
part for disclaimer.
„Oh my God,
what have we done?"
My first
words after what I had thought to be a dream turned out to be a shocking
reality. My brain works frantically to process all the consequences of what had
just happened. I had just come back to Hogwarts and now I would in all
probability been thrown out again.
Hey, stop,
I didn't start this! That had been… But who would believe a werewolf? Nobody.
The parents would freak out, a werewolf seducing a student. Perfect, just
perfect.
And the
other teachers… this would be grist to Snape's mill. 'Never trust a werewolf',
he said. Looks like he's right, doesn't it? Dumbledore trusted me… and what did
I do?
"Why?"
Why did you
do that? Why did you seduce me? It couldn't have been love, no, you are
sharp-witted enough to know what you have done to me with your actions. Do you
hate me? Why would you hate me? Did I do something wrong? I thought you liked
me, I felt a connection to you, we have so much in common… But again, why would
you do something like that? Hurt me, destroy my life, my future? And if you
really hate me, why did destroy me like _that_? All trembling with… need? Lust?
Affection? Touching me like that, making me feel like that…
What do I
feel? Horror? I should for what we did, what I did, but strangely, I don't. Regret?
Yes, for not stopping this when I had the chance. But did I ever had a chance?
I don't know. Panic? Definitely yes. Panic on how much I want this, that I want
to be loved so much, that I crave affection like a drowning man fights for air.
That I want to make love to you again, right here, right now. Keep your mind on
other things, Remus! This is forbidden country. But, oh God…
I cannot
love you. You are my student, I am your teacher. It is not right. But I wish…
Did you
know what I feel for you? Even before I knew it myself? Why did you do this?
"Why me?"
Why did you
choose me? The monster, the werewolf? You knew what I am, who I am,
nevertheless you chose me to… what? Love? No, I don't think you love me. How
could anybody love a werewolf? Did you lust after me? Again, why? Because I am
a dangerous man? An adventure? If you wanted an adventure you should have
chosen Snape!
Ugh, no,
you wouldn't even think about that. Or would you? You chose me! Perhaps you thought that I would keep this a
secret? That I would be too scared to tell anybody? Well, you could be right
about that. But I'm sure they'll find out. At least Dumbledore will. Sometimes
I think he knows everything.
Perhaps
this was part of a bet? Look how far you can push old Lupin? Was this what you
looked for? Or did you loose control? Did you think I would push you away? But
I didn't do that and now it's too late. What happened cannot be made undone. I
wish it could! And at the same time I don't…
What will
you tell them now? That you did it? That you made me squirm beneath you? That
you won the bet? That you gained the prize, whatever that may be?
What am I
in your eyes now? A conquest? Someone you have in your hands now? Will you use
this to blackmail me? I never thought you had that in you. But perhaps I am
wrong. Again. As wrong as I was about Sirius.
Sirius!
What will he think about his old friend when he hears about this? I will loose
him. I will be alone again. He will hate me, despise me.
"Answer my
questions."
Do I really
want to know? Truth hurts, they say.
You stay
silent. I don't want to look at you, face still flushed, skin softly gleaming
in the dark red light of the fireplace's glow. But I have to look into your
eyes. Though I am afraid of what I will find there.
What is
that? You look… shocked. Your eyes wide, your whole body shaking, staring at me
as if I was sprouting a second head. Are you shocked that I ask you these
questions? Do you think the reason for your action is that obvious that you do
not have to explain?
What the
hell do you think of me?
What's
wrong? Are you afraid of the big bad wolf? Afraid that I will do… what? Hit
you? Push you away? Or… take advantage of you? Rape you?
I am angry
at you, yes, and I bet you can see that in my eyes. But I would never hurt you!
You are
still sitting on my lap, touching me, warm, so warm… but now you start moving
away. I reach out to stop you and you flinch at my touch.
Are you
shocked not of my questions but of what you have done? Are you feeling the same
things that I feel? I look into your eyes again. Yes. The answer is yes. But
then…
"Why?"
"Oh my God,
what have we done?", you ask.
I see your
face twist under a wide range of emotions. But I don't understand your
question. I feel safe and warm, loved, cared for…
"Why?", you
ask.
Why,
indeed. Why did you say those words? Please tell me! I don't know. I look at
your warm grey eyes. Why are you avoiding my gaze? Why do you look so hurt? So
doubtful? I look at you again, and only now I recognize the state you're in.
The state I'm in. I'm… naked. This puzzles me a bit. My brain seems to work too
slow. As if it was pickled in honey. I'm sitting naked on your lap. And you're
half unclothed, too. Does that mean we…
Oh my God!
We… didn't… or did we? But I remember now…
"Why me?",
you ask.
You… my
teacher! I just had sex with my teacher! I will be expelled! No, they will
blame you. God, what have I done? And why did I do this? I can't remember why!
Somebody must have hexed me!
The look on
your face shows disgust. You must hate me now. How could I blame you for that?
You are angry. And you have every right to be. God, I'm sorry! If I only could
answer your question! Really, I have no idea! But you won't believe me. Why
should you? I feel that I'm starting to shake. The shock sets in, finally. God,
I'm so sorry!
"Answer my questions!"
I can't! Professor Lupin, I can't! Of course you want answers, but I have none!
Don't touch me! I feel so… I don't know… dirty,
but not for you, for me, for my actions! I feel naked… robes? Where are my
robes? God, what have I done? I'll better gather my clothes and run! I'm so
ashamed! I will never be able to look at you again! Why did I do this? But the
memory of what we did is coming back now. What I felt when I saw you asleep in
that chair. I feel it now, too. But what right do I have to feel like this
about a teacher, about _you_? You deserve better than me. I hurt you, and my
actions could be disastrous for you. I wish I could make it undone! But at the
same time I want to save these memories forever…
Why do you look at me like that now? No hate,
no anger, just questions, and… longing?
"Why?"
You have
nearly jumped off my lap and in a quick motion grabbed your robe to cover
yourself. At my last question you stop and slowly turn around to look at me
again. I stand up and now it's my clothing that pools around my feet. This is
ridiculous.
"Hermione,
I'm not mad at you. But please, tell my why you did this."
You stare
at me and you flush. Well, not my fault, you were the one who undressed me. Now
bear the consequences. I reach out my hand. You hesitate, then you grab it and,
to my surprise, start to cry.
"I don't
know, why I did this! Believe me! I don't know!"
I can
barely understand your words though your tears. But I can see you're shocked to
the core and before I can tell my body to stop I pull you into my arms to
comfort you. Not a good idea, but I feel helpless, what else could I do?
Something is wrong here. Terribly wrong.
"You don't
know? How… Shhhh, everything will be alright. I'm not mad at you."
At first
you stiffened in my arms, now your shaking starts again and you hold on to
steady yourself. Feeling you this near is definitely not a good idea!
"Hermione,
please calm down. We'll find out what happened to you. I suggest we, uhm,
rearrange our clothes, I'll make some tea and then we'll talk. You're fine with
that?"
As an
answer you slowly, reluctantly let go of me and nod once, looking away from me.
Okay,
Remus, move, get clothed or this will become even more embarrassing than it is
now.
With a
movement of my wand I relight the fire in the fireplace. The sudden light and
warmth make you flinch. I stop to look at you, watch you button your robes and
flush when I catch me wanting you to stop doing that. I start bustling around for
some clean cups and fill the teapot with water. You just stand there, watching
me trying to not watch you. I wave you to take a seat in the other chair by the
fire, but I can see that you aren't very comfortable with this situation. The
table and my chair between you and the door…
Okay then,
let's get this over with…
"Tell me
what happened. What do you remember?", I ask. You first pale, then your cheeks
flush. When you finally speak, your voice is barely audible.
"I wanted
to ask you if you could help me with a paper I'm writing. It's about werewolves
and I wanted to write about your side of things. I remember leaving the
Gryffindor Tower and knocking at your door. When you didn't answer I decided to
take a look inside, to see if you were there. Then all becomes a blur. Next I
clearly know is… is…"
"Sitting on
my lap after we…"
"Yes."
"Do you
remember what happened… between…"
"Yes, I do.
Now. It feels like a dream. Like I was watching it from the outside. It was
like I could not think, only feel. When I saw you asleep in that chair,
something snapped inside of me. All I wanted to do was touch you, be with you,
kiss you and…"
You stop,
your face flushed, eyes closed. It could be my imagination, but you seem to
pant a bit.
"So it hadn't
been a bet…"
I must have
spoken those words aloud, because your head jerks up and you look at me with a
shocked expression in your eyes.
"You
thought… I would never hurt you like that! Never! I lov…"
Now it is
my turn to jerk up. Did you just say what I thought I heard? You sit there,
eyes wide, hands clasped over your mouth.
I don't
know how long I stared at you, unbelieving. You just couldn't have said that
you loved me. I consider you a friend, a kindred soul, searching for knowledge
like I did as a student, as I do still. No, Remus, don't lie to yourself. You
like her more than you would like a friend. But you know your feelings are
forbidden, so you deny them. What can I say to her now?
"I… am not
allowed to say this… Hermione…"
You just
look at me, and I can see that you understand. We have to leave this topic.
Now!
"But back
to our problem. I think somebody put a charm on you. But why would somebody do
that? And who?"
Now you
look lost. Hurt, but at the same time relieved. You smile a little sad smile at
me.
"I came to
the same conclusion. But about 'why' and 'who' I have no idea. Same goes for
the 'how'."
I smile
back at you. A kindred spirit, indeed. Eyes closing in thought you start
musing.
"What could
be the motive? Was this… aimed at you or at me? Or both of us? Why would
whoever it was do this to us?"
I can see
you are relaxing in your chair. And in my presence. Now you have a riddle to
solve you throw all your energy into it. I can see your mind starting to work,
your face twisting in concentration. Your fear and embarrassment forgotten.
"Perhaps he
wants me to leave Hogwarts again."
Your face
falls at this.
"Then he or
she would have hexed you, not me. Don't you think?"
"You're
right. But why then?"
"To play a
prank on me? But that would be someone with a very twisted sense of humour!"
We both
look at each other and then speak simultaneously.
"Malfoy."
"We have to
pay him back!"
"Don't jump
to conclusions, Hermione. We have no proof that it was him. We have to convict
him of this. I think we should both watch him tomorrow at breakfast very
closely."
"And act
like best friends ever, he will not have the joy to see us act like embarrassed
fools!"
"Best
friends…"
I don't
know, but I feel a little sting of disappointment at your statement. I stand up
to guide you to the door. It is late and the students should be asleep in their
beds now.
Before you
step out into the corridor you turn around to me.
"I'm not
sorry for what happened. Remus. I… Good night."
With that
you throw your arms around me and kiss me. All I can do is hold you tight and
kiss you back. I want to pull you back inside, but… no.
What will
become of us, Hermione?
To be
continued…