Disclaimer: Marvel owns the X-men and their adversaries. 20Th Century Fox owns the movie rights. I make no money from this. Please don't sue. If you did, I suppose you could get my eight year old Suzuki Sidekick with the "BARKLES" license plate, but you absolutely will not get my dogs! My cat, however—that could be arranged.
Notes: I don't normally do follow-ups, but I watched X-Men: the Movie again last weekend in the theater. This time I paid more attention to the villains. Funny. I should have done that earlier. Ray Park's Toad was really cool. Oh well, live and learn.
X-Men, the Live Action Movie Part 2: the Villains!
Magnus blew open the emergency-only-exit doors at the front of the theatre and strolled through. Sabretooth had to duck to get through. Mystique sauntered through, blue and naked, and Toad followed them all, whining.
"Why can't we stay for the rest of the credits? Come on, I wanna stay for the rest of the credits. What if there's something after the credits?"
"There's nothing after the credits!" Sabretooth roared. "That's only for Jackie Chan movies!"
[author's note: to be honest, I really don't know if there's anything after the credits. I didn't stay either.]
"Well, there could be," Toad sulked. Hungry, because Sabretooth and Mystique hogged all the popcorn and Dots, he spied a sparrow perched in a tree near them. He hesitated grabbing it however; maybe they would stop for real food on their way back to the lair.
Mystique, picking at a popcorn kernel in her teeth, noticed his hesitancy. "Oh, go on," she sighed. "I suppose now that they put that scene in the film you'll be eating birds all the time."
He shrugged and snatched the bird from the tree. "At least they got it right," he mumbled around a mouthful of feathers.
"Very true, Mortimer, very true!" Magnus called back. He seemed in high spirits.
"Whassup with him?" Sabretooth whispered to his two cohorts, jerking a thumb at their boss.
"He's all high and mighty that they got such a distinguished actor to portray him," Mystique whispered back. "He's got nothing to complain about."
"Right," Toad agreed. He appraised Mystique critically. "You know, I don't think that Rebecca Romjin-Stamos has anything on you."
She smiled sweetly at him. "Thank you, Toad. And, admittedly, I was impressed with Ray Park's characterization of you." Her golden eyes grew dreamy. "I'd let him wrap his tongue around me any time."
Toad puffed up with pride.
"So that's why you have that Darth Maul poster in your room," Sabretooth said in sudden realization.
Mystique ignored him but saw Toad's response. "Not you, Toad, Ray Park. You're actually kind of disgusting. Ray Park!"
Sabretooth laughed out loud.
"Oh, and you think it's great you were played by a homeless-looking former wrestler?" Toad sneered. "Is that it?"
Sabretooth laughed again. "Hey, I'm comfortable enough with myself not to let it bother me. Ray Park," he snorted.
Toad struggled to keep from slugging him. He bit his lip, and by sheer will power turned back to Mystique. "So what else? Did you think the rest of the movie was okay?"
"All but one teeny, teeny part during my big fight scene with Wolverine," she replied thoughtfully. "The part where he sliced through my fake blades with his real ones? Don't you think I should've been bleeding or something? I mean, those fake blades were a part of me."
Nods of agreement.
She paused, still thinking back on the movie. "Oh, and that other part of the fight where I grab the pole and make my way upside down up the wall. I can't defy gravity!"
The group continued, Magnus still ahead of the other three. After a few seconds of silence, Toad said,
"The only problem I had was—"
"Ray Park!" Sabretooth mocked.
"Shut up, Creed! At least Toad in the movie didn't keep screwing up and losing fights!"
Toad launched himself at Sabretooth, who readied himself for the smaller mutant's attack. Mystique quickly stepped between the two and forced Toad back with a hand on his chest.
"Quit it! We don't want to draw a crowd!" she hissed.
"Fine," spit Toad. As she turned away again, he mouthed, "You're dead!" to Sabretooth behind her back.
Sabretooth blew him a kiss.
"What was it you were saying, Morty?" Mystique continued, oblivious.
He forced his breath out through his mouth. "I was saying—before I was rudely interrupted—that the only scene I had a problem with was me crawling all over Grand Central Station's ceiling."
"That's right!" she realized. "Can you climb with your shoes on?"
"Of course not. That was the problem."
"Oh well. They can't get everything right."
They all nodded philosophically.
"Come along!" Magnus called. He was standing impatiently beside the car. "We'll stop for Chinese on the way home."
The three hurried, Toad mentally chiding himself for his feathered snack.
"Hey look," Mystique exclaimed as she opened the door. She pointed across the parking lot. "There's Xavier's gang!"
The Brotherhood turned as one and watched the X-men pile into their van.
"They must have been at the screening too," Magnus stated.
"They must've been the one's throwing popcorn at us!" bellowed Sabretooth.
"Should we stop them? Invite them along?" Mystique fretted, turning back to Magneto.
"No . . ." he replied slowly, thinking it over. "They kicked our ass."
He climbed into the driver's seat without further discussion. His subordinates shrugged to each other and followed suit.
Sabretooth and Toad picked on each other all the way to House of Chen, until Magnus couldn't stand their bickering anymore and loosened all their fillings in their teeth. Mystique smirked smugly at the two from the front seat. They gave her dirty looks even through the pain in their mouths.
But once inside the restaurant the squabbling stopped, because House of Chen was too good for them risking Magnus ordering them to leave without finishing.
[author's note: trust me, House of Chen is tasty enough to stop the rivalry. And they're super polite there, so they wouldn't mind mutants eating in the dining room.]