By: Jade14 and Tori_17
[Dave] Can someone get Carter and Benton some Composine! *walks into closet* Yo, I need some too! *runs to bathroom and joins Carter and Benton*
(A little while later the shell-shocked men wonder out of the bathroom and take a seat in chairs)
[Carter] I've never seen anything like that it my life! Oh the horror! (runs to the showers and starts compulsively washing) MUST.GET.CLEAN!
[Benton] Hey Bitch (Carter), want some company in that shower?
[Carter] (snaps at Benton) Don't call me Bitch, Jerk! (goes back to washing) MUST.GET.CLEAN!
[Benton] I need to find a new bitch..Hey Dave!..whats up
[Dave] Don't even think about it dude. Where is Carter anyway? He was gonna loan me 10 bucks for dinner. (He starts looking around Benton to see if he can spot Carter.)
[Carter] *sticks his head out of the shower* Who are you taking out Dave?
[Dave] I'm flying solo. I was just gonna head over to Magoo's. You wanna go?
[Carter] (looks over at Benton and then at Dave) Sure Dave. (Looks at Benton) He calls me CARTER.
(Dave and Carter start to walk away leaving a lone Benton in the hall)
[Benton] Wait Bi..uh I mean Carter, can I come too? (he asks hopefully)
[Carter] No! (sticks out his tongue)
Dave] (Whispers to Benton) Whose bitch is he now, eh Dr. Pete?
[Benton] Man, Im losing all my bitches today. It must be a full moon. (scene fades out)
(Cut to Benton running down the street, franticly asking people stuff)
[Benton] Excuse me, would you be my bitch? What about you? You? (gasps in shock) Romano?
(Romano looks disgusted and shoves Peter away)
[Romano] Please Peter, I know I'm irresistible, but GET A GRIP!
[Benton] But I need a Bitch! I haven't been without one since before Bi- I mean Carter-started working at County! I'm going through withdrawl!
[Roman] Look, I normally don't go outta my way to dispense any romantic mombo-jumbo but for a couple of freaks like you two, I'll make an exception. Now I know this is a hard concept for you to grasp Peter, but have you tried APOLOGIZING? Ten-to-one it will make all the difference. Now get out of my face. (He continues on his way, muttering "damn hippie-free loving freaks")
[Benton] Thats it! I'll apoligize to the Rich-Bitch! I'll show Malucci he isn't the only pimp in this County... (scene fades out)
(Cut to Magoo's. Carter and Malucci are at a both talking.)
[Dave] Man, don't worry, it's Benton's loss. You're way too nice to be with a guy like that. what did you see in him anyway?
[Carter] he's not rich, he's not a nice person, and he's not very attractive... I don't know.
(As Dave and Carter are discussing it, Benton walks into Magoo's. He spots them and walks over to the booth.)
[Benton] Hey Carter. Listen, uh can we go talk outside for a minute?
(Carter nods and they walk outside)
[Benton] Hey man. I'm really sorry for cancelling on your fundraiser thing so you had to take Abby, and calling you those names and all that. I'm really sorry, and I want to make it up to you.
(Carter looks thoughtfully at Benton)
[Carter] What? I wasn't paying attention.
[Benton] Well.. (benton semi calmly repeats himself)
(Benton is in the middle of telling Carter how he feels when Carter interupts him)
[Carter] Wow, that clown on the corner is making balloon animals. (he says happily and starts to drag Benton, who's becoming more and more agitated, that way)
[Dave] Looks out the window of Magoos) Where do you think your going with my bitch? Damn. I only had him for a few minutes before I lost him. Believe me Peter Benton, I will get Carter back... (scene fades out)
(Cut to Dave walking into the ER, somewhat perturbed. Abby notices his mood)
[Abby] Hey Dave. Something wrong?
[Dave] Like I'd tell you. It'd be all over the ER in less than an hour.
[Abby] I was just trying to be nice, Grenada boy! It's not like I actually care. You know, when I was in O.B….
[Dave] STOP!! (starts strangling Abby)
(People come to help her until they hear "OB" being sputtered out, then they turn and walk the other way. Just then Benton and Carter come in. Carter is happily carrying a little balloon giraffe.)
[Benton] what's going on?
[Dave] (forgets about OB girl) Carter? What are you doing with him? I thought we discussed this!
[Carter] Oh hey Dave! Look what Dr. Benton got me. (He shows him the little balloon giraffe and then makes a face.) What'd you ever get me.
[Dave] I never had a chance! You were only mine for 10 minutes! (Carter kisses the balloon Giraffe, and Benton smirks at Dave)
[Benton] (still smirking at Dave) Looks like the best man won, chump! (Dave gets pissed)
[Dave] You wanna make something of it?
[Benton] I already wiped the floor with your sorry butt once. I don't have a problem doing it again. (Steps in front of Carter)
[Dave] I let you win man. I can kill you any day.
[Carter] Hey, don't fight in front of him! It makes him sad! (He says as he points to the giraffe)
[Carter] His name is Gilbert the Giraffee. (he hugs it close to his chest) He's my very bestest friend!
[Dave] (trying to get on carter's good side) See Benton, your upsetting Gilbert! Maybe you should look into those anger management classes.
[Carter] Yeah! Can I have a lollypop?
[Benton] (finally fed up with Carter's childish behavior) Carter! Have you had your nap today?
[Carter] No. (turns to Dave) When its time for me to go to sleep, Petey puts a smelly cloth over my mouth and nose and I go to sleep right away! Isnt he the best?
(Dave's eyes widen in shock and horror and Benton laughs nervously)
[Benton] Oh there you go again with those stories…let's go, nap time. (He says quickly and starts to drag Carter away)
(Randi comes up to Dave)
[Randi] So Dave, I heard your looking for a new boy toy.
(Dave eyes her warily)
[Dave] That depends. What do YOU have to do with it?
[Randi] I happen to know someone whose available.
[Dave] I'm listening.
[Randi] (leans in) Corday has run off with Romano. That leaves Mark up for grabs. This meeting didn't happen. (she leaves)
(Dave thinks about what she has said. Then he remembers who mark is and makes a Side Show Bob esque shudder. )
[Dave] Gross. (He then goes in search of Carter)
[Hospital Cheif] We have a problem with the members of our staff ditching work to visit the gay bar down the street. Does anyone have a solution to this problem?
[Weaver] well we could have Gay Friday's here at work…
[Staff] (nods in agreement)
[Chief] Ok, it's settled then.
(Cut to Dave searching for Carter)
[Dave] Carter? Are you in there? I have Cotton Candy...
(Benton steps out of the room and gets in Dave's face)
[Benton] He's asleep. Now scram! (He sort of pushes Dave)
[Dave] Hey! What makes you think you own Carter? He deserves the right to choose his own pimp!
[Benton] I saw him first Damnit!
(Dave and Benton get into a slap fight)
[Staff] FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!!!!!!
(Carter stumbles out of the room, rubbing his eyes sleepily)
[Carter] Hey what's going o..WHAM! (he gets popped in the face)
[Mark] (had just come down from the physc ward)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!!!!!! (runs over to Carter) CARTER!!! My love! Are you Alright! (looks behind him) FOR GOSH SAKES SOMEONE GET A GURNEY!!!!!!!
[Carter] No, no I'm ok. I don't need a…(But no one is listening and a frantic Mark, Dave, and Benton toss him on a gurney)
[Dave&Benton&Mark] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Hes gonna die? Then who will be our Bitch?
[Carter] I'm not dying! And stop calling me a B..(But no one is really listening as they wheel him into the exam room)
[Kerry] (we hear the sternal saw revving up) Were going to have to crack him!
[Carter] Oh no you're NOT! (He knocks it out of her hand and starts to go Kung Fu on everybody)
[Kerry] Five of Haldol, NOW!!
(Benton, Dave, and Mark all realize that Kerry may hurt their precious Carter and take her down. They then grab Carter, stuff him in Mark's van, and they make off with him.)
[Dave] So where are we headed?
[Mark] The Gay Bar. Where else?
[Benton] (starting to get irate) Hey why do you get to pick!
[Mark] Well, where did you want to go?
[Dave] (Points at Benton) Why should HE get to pick! (Benton snaps at him and soon the three men are yelling again. Carter has had enough. He opens the sliding door and jumps out, remembering to "Tuck and Roll")
[Dave] Hey!! What the heck do you think your doing! WE OWN YOU!!!
(As Carter is walking away, he breaks out into a rendition of "you don't own me." *Think first wives club*)
[Carter] (singing) "You don't own me. I'm not one of your many toys. You don't own me, don't say I can't go out with other boys. And DON'T tell me what to do and DON'T tell me what to say, JUST let me be myself…" (He continues his song as he hails a cab)
[Cab Driver] Shut up fool.
(Carter stops singing and looks at the driver. He recognizes and stares in shock)
[Carter] Mr. T?! When did you start driving cabs?
[MR. T] When I lost my A-Team gig, FOOL
[Carter] Wow. I've always wanted to meet you. I use to watch you all the time when I was a kid. You were AWESOME! All the other kids were all like "Superman this or Spiderman that", But I was all like "nuh-uh Mr. T, FOOL!" Wow. Say do those gold chains ever get heavy?
[MR. T] Do you think I care fool? I pity the fool who idolizes me! Get out of my cab fool. (Mr. T throws Carter out, and speeds away)
[Carter] Oh Yeah, well, well…that's why your show got cancelled anyway! So there! (he yells and sticks his tongue out at the cab as it speeds away. He brushes himself off and starts to hail another cab. Just then, Mark's van comes speeding around the corner)
[Mark] Carter!!
(Mark screeches to a halt, mowing down Carter in the process)
[Benton] Mark! Where'd you learn to drive, you flattened him! Normally the object is to AVOID the pedestrians! (He snaps as he gets out of the van and rushes over to Carter)
(Carter is a bloody mess - Benton drops to his kness and hold his hands up to the sky)
[Benton] WHHHHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!!!? (he starts to sob)
(Suddenly Benton awakens with a start from his horrible nightmare. He looks around and sees that he's in bed in his room. Just then Carter walks in carrying a breakfast tray.)
[Carter] Good you're up. Look, I made you eggs, just the way you like them. (Benton pushes aside the eggs and embraces Carter lovingly.) Wow, I should make eggs more often huh. (Sweet music plays and the scene fades to black.)