A Mobile Suit is Not A Toy

A Mobile Suit is Not A Toy
by Rei Akari

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, or the characters from the show. I also do not own rights to the musical, "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" which I am heavily borrowing from.

Author's Note: This is a parody of one of the songs from the musical "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying." If you are not familiar with the musical, some of the humor might not seem too funny, and the lyrics of the song will seem odd to sing along to. But trust me, if you sing the lyrics I wrote to the soundtrack (which I did while writing) it is freaking hilarious. Well, here's my take on "A Secretary is not a Toy."

"A Mobile Suit is Not A Toy": From the hit Broadway Musical "How to Succeed in War Without Really Trying"

SETTING: Gundam Hangar

The Gundam pilots are preparing to go on a mission when all of a sudden, Heero stands and clears his throat

*Music Intro*

Heero: Gentlemen! (he is ignored) Gentlemen! (the others stop what they are doing to stare, and Heero begins to sing along to the music, void any emotion)
A mobile suit is not a toy. No, my boy,
not a toy
To throttle and mishandle . . . and playfully manhandle
In search of purile joy . . . NO!
A mobile suit is not
Definately not! A toy.

Trowa: (walks to his Gundam) You are absolutely right, Mr. Yuy

Duo: (yawns and stretches) We wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Yuy

Quatre: (heads towards his Gundam, following Trowa) It's Peacemillion's rules, Mr. Yuy

Wufei: (during the intrumental break, stands angrily in front of Nataku) INJUSTICE!

Duo: (mocking Heero) A mobile suit is not a toy. No, my boy, not a toy.

Wufei: (Duo looks at Wufei, there is a brief musical break. Unhappy about having to sing, Wufei spits out the lyrics) SO, DO NOT GO JUMPING FOR JOY! BOY! A MOBILE SUIT IS NOT. . . A TOY!

*Brief Instrumental* Relena: (appears out of nowhere, stands by Heero) A mobile suit is not to be used as "play therapy."

Wufei: (still angry) BE GOOD TO THE GUNDAM YOU EMPLOY, BOY!

Quatre: Remember no matter what,
you have the trouble you got.
A mobile suit is not. . . a toy.

Trowa: (on beat with no feeling whatsoever) It's a highly specialized component of operational unity.
A fine and sensitive mechanism to serve the united colonies.

*Instrumental break, during which they stare at Trowa*

Quatre: (with gusto, admiring his Gundam) With the mother load they support . . . (pause)
and you can't even buy them at FAO Schwartz!

Relena: (waving finger) A mobile suit is not pet
or a destruction set.
*Short Break*
It happened to Zechs Marquise, boy!
They (points at G-boys) fired him like a shot
The day the fellow forgot
a mobile suit is not a toy.

Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, Duo: (in a odd sounding barber shop quartet) And when you put them to use...
Observe when you put them tooooo uuuuse.

Duo: (breaking from the quartet) And fly and destroy and really let loose!

Heero: (on beat and on key, but with no feeling to Duo) A mobile suit is NOT a thing to turn the key and destroy every thing!

Trowa: (a hint of annoyance at Duo. . . not much, but it's a little bit of emotion) A cockpit is to ride in, not to spend the night in,

Quatre: If that is what you plan to enjoy. . . (Duo nods enthusiastically)

All: (directed at a SD Duo) NO!

Heero: The mobile suit that you got,
Is definately NOT
OR, you-know-what (Alternate lyric: OR, "I'll kill you")
Before you jump for joy
remember this my boy
A mobile suit is not
A mobile suit is not a . . . tinker toy!

*During ending music the pilots all jump into their Gundams and rush into battle*

OWARI

Author's note: If you like this, just wait 'till I write the parodies to the rest of the musical with my sister! I also must give credit to Anthy for helping me with this project