Best I Ever Had
A Duo POV Fic
Goddess! Sometimes I really hate my angst-ridden muse. But not now. ^_^ He's got me in a writing frenzy and it's kinda nice. Course I keep writing new stuff and the ongoing fics are languishing in my computer memory. ::sigh::
I'm sure you know how that is.
Anyway, back to the angst-filled world Duo lives in. Maybe after I finish this, I'll write a fluffy fic? Who knows?
Standard Disclaimers apply
Warnings: Yaoi, OOC, angst, and WAFF (?)
Pairings: 1X2, 5X2
Chapter 2
So, I sit here thinking about how strange Wufei was acting earlier. Is it possible he has feelings for me? Romantic feelings?
I think so. This cannot be happening to me. I can't deal with it. Chang in love with me? I can't think about that now. I have to get Heero back. That is my sole purpose in life. And I will make him mine again or die trying!
Just got the mail. There's a letter from Heero. Computer generated of course. I'm too scared to open it. I can't read this alone. What if he, he ....... I can't even think it!
"Hello?"
"Um, Wu-man? It's me, Duo."
"Maxwell. Don't call me that."
"Sorry. I, uh, never mind. I, sorry I bugged ya."
"Maxwell... Duo, what do you want?"
"N, nothing, Wufei. Forget about it."
"Duo Maxwell! You don't call someone and then tell them to forget it. Now, what do you want?"
"........ I, I got a letter from Heero today."
"........."
"Wufei? Did you hear me?"
"Yes. Yes, I heard. So, what did he say?"
"I don't know. I can't make myself read it. Can I come over and sit with you while I read it?"
"........."
"I know it's a lot to ask. But you are the only one I can ask. Heero's living with Quatre and Trowa and I don't have any other friends. Please?"
"Alright, Duo. I'll be here."
"Thanks, Wu-man! I owe you one."
"Don't...call...me...that." Wufei muttered into a dead connection.
If he only knew how it kills me to hear him even mention that, that bastard's name he would laugh in my face. And Gods of my ancestors! The way he's treating Duo. A dog gets treated better than that. Beautiful, delightful Duo deserves so much better than that. It's not my place to tell him and I will not force my attentions on him. He has enough going on, my confession of love would only make it all worse. That's the last thing I want to do.
~~~~
It's now been two weeks since I went to Wufei's. I never left. After my world dropped out from under me, I couldn't go back to my empty apartment and face being alone with the pain of knowing that all my efforts to get Heero back were in vain. Life has played a cruel joke on the old jokester himself. I let myself believe that if I changed he would welcome me back. I was such a fool! He said he loved me because I made him laugh and then he leaves me because I made him laugh. I was not the one who needed to change. He had already changed and wanted me to be someone I'm not and can never be. Well, no more! I will live my life just the way I always have and if someone wants me, they will have to take me as I am.
Wufei has been so kind. I never would have thought he had in him. At least not for me. He hasn't pressured me to tell him anything I'm not ready to talk about. He's simply there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on, makes sure I eat, shower, sleep, keep my psychiatrist appointments and drives me to the support group meetings. I would be a wreck without his constant support. I showed Wufei the letter yesterday. He sat there for the longest time with it in his hand. Then he got up and hugged me with the gentlest embrace I have ever felt. He hasn't questioned my return to my old self. He tells me he is glad I can smile and laugh again. I have him to thank for that.
Wufei lives in what used to be known as Taiwan. It's so different than anywhere I have ever lived. There are no constant reminders of my former life, nothing to trigger painful memories. I need this. I need the companionship. Yet I feel I am hiding from the truth, just like I used to do. I suppose I am. But, can you blame me? Heero so completely destroyed my life. His one and only communication with me was the final horrible act of our pitiful tragic life together.
~~~
Duo Maxwell
Central Sector
628 Bosca St. Apt. 3B
Colony L1
Duo,
I write to let you know I have found someone new. He loves the boys and treats them and me as if we were something to be treasured. He makes me laugh and I haven't laughed in so long. He has a stable job and a home completely paid for. He has asked us to move in with him and I have told him yes.
Please don't hate me, Duo. I do love you; I just can't live with you anymore. We had something wonderful and I wouldn't trade a minute of it. Someday we will look back on our time together and smile. I know it.
Hiroshi told me he loves me and I think I could love him, given time. The boys adore him, Duo. They are happy here. They ask for you and I tell them you are away for a while and they will see you again. You will claim your visitation rights, won't you?
I have included our new address so you can come see the boys when you get the chance. Please don't make it too long, they need to see you.
I hope you will find someone who makes you as happy as I am.
Heero
~~~
And so I begin a new chapter in my life. My life without Heero. I visit the boys when I can. That means when I can get the courage to face Heero and his new love. The sight of those strong arms wrapped around another's waist twists my heart in my chest. I can't breath and I turn to the ones who love me no matter what I did or didn't do. My children. We spend time in the formal gardens behind the mansion they live in now. We laugh and tumble together like we used to and for a while I can forget reality and pretend that nothing's changed.
But my make believe world bursts like a soap bubble when I have to say goodbye to my little angels. I spend the entire flight back to earth crying into my hands. Luckily, Wufei lets me use his company's private shuttle so I don't need to embarrass myself. He is always there waiting for me at the terminal when I get back. No matter how busy he is, he makes time for me. He never complains I take him away from things he needs to be doing.
Wufei is such a good friend. I didn't appreciate him when we were war buddies. He has so much depth. He's passionate about a great many things. He's serious about his martial arts studies and his business. He's a good listener. He's sat for hours while I rant about losing Heero, not being able to see the boys more often, and feeling as though I am stuck in the past. I can see he has feelings for me. But I am not ready to face them. I think he knows that. How the HELL did I get so lucky?
Wufei has a lot of the same qualities that attracted me to Heero. But he has attributes that make him such a better man than Heero. He is not talkative like me and enjoys moments of quiet meditation, but he has a sense of humor that sneaks out every once in a while and catches me off guard. He can see the irony in things and isn't afraid to laugh, to show his feelings. I find myself attracted to him and wondering why I never noticed all the wonderful qualities of this reserved man.
~~~~
Two years have passed since I last posted an entry here. Sorry. A lot has happened to me. But I need to write down this latest miracle. But let me update what has happened to the others first. I'll save my surprise for last!
Heero married Hiroshi. They still live on L1. The boys live with them. Hiroshi formally adopted them last year. God! That hurt. It took me six months to get over it. I know it was for the best. My angels need a good home and a happy family life. I still visit when I can. Usually Christmas and Easter. Heero is happy again and I am happy for him.
Trowa and Quatre continue to manage the philanthropic endeavors of the Winner Corporation. They have no children yet, but you never know. I have forgiven them for the role they played in Heero's leaving me.
As for me, well, I am getting on with my life. Finally. I have stopped hiding in the past and look forward to a bright future.
A future without Heero and that's fine. I have accepted that we are over and the past can never be revisited. Not really. So I am about to take one of the biggest steps in my life.
Fei and I are getting married tomorrow. I finally have someone who loves me. All of me. I smile like an idiot most of the time. I can't keep this wonderful feeling trapped inside me. I want everyone to know.
All the guys with be there. My boys are the ring bearers. Sally is the best man. Howard is giving me away. Quatre is my matron of honor. Heero will be there with Hiroshi. I am ok with that. I can watch their love for each other and rejoice that I am equally blest.
I guess God had a plan after all. If Heero had never left me, I would never have found my true soul mate. My dragon gives of himself so freely. I don't have to run and hide any more. I feel so free, so safe, so loved.
Thank you, Heero.
~~~~
END
Watchya think? Sucky ending or what? You know it's really hard to write angst when you don't feel it yourself anymore. Things are going a bit of alright for me now. And when I sat down to write this second chapter I found I didn't have the same focus for it I had before. Strange, huh?
I'm not sure of the logical progression of this part. I have struggled with editing and rearranging sentences until I can't see straight! Let me know what you think of it. I tried to follow the lyrics of "Best I Ever Had" without actually putting them in the fic. I think it worked out ok. Tell if you don't agree, ok?
Lyrics follow this.
Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)
By Vertical Horizon
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now
Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had
So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the (girl) boy
Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better
Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're only the best I ever had
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be you're haunted
Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever
A Duo POV Fic
Goddess! Sometimes I really hate my angst-ridden muse. But not now. ^_^ He's got me in a writing frenzy and it's kinda nice. Course I keep writing new stuff and the ongoing fics are languishing in my computer memory. ::sigh::
I'm sure you know how that is.
Anyway, back to the angst-filled world Duo lives in. Maybe after I finish this, I'll write a fluffy fic? Who knows?
Standard Disclaimers apply
Warnings: Yaoi, OOC, angst, and WAFF (?)
Pairings: 1X2, 5X2
Chapter 2
So, I sit here thinking about how strange Wufei was acting earlier. Is it possible he has feelings for me? Romantic feelings?
I think so. This cannot be happening to me. I can't deal with it. Chang in love with me? I can't think about that now. I have to get Heero back. That is my sole purpose in life. And I will make him mine again or die trying!
Just got the mail. There's a letter from Heero. Computer generated of course. I'm too scared to open it. I can't read this alone. What if he, he ....... I can't even think it!
"Hello?"
"Um, Wu-man? It's me, Duo."
"Maxwell. Don't call me that."
"Sorry. I, uh, never mind. I, sorry I bugged ya."
"Maxwell... Duo, what do you want?"
"N, nothing, Wufei. Forget about it."
"Duo Maxwell! You don't call someone and then tell them to forget it. Now, what do you want?"
"........ I, I got a letter from Heero today."
"........."
"Wufei? Did you hear me?"
"Yes. Yes, I heard. So, what did he say?"
"I don't know. I can't make myself read it. Can I come over and sit with you while I read it?"
"........."
"I know it's a lot to ask. But you are the only one I can ask. Heero's living with Quatre and Trowa and I don't have any other friends. Please?"
"Alright, Duo. I'll be here."
"Thanks, Wu-man! I owe you one."
"Don't...call...me...that." Wufei muttered into a dead connection.
If he only knew how it kills me to hear him even mention that, that bastard's name he would laugh in my face. And Gods of my ancestors! The way he's treating Duo. A dog gets treated better than that. Beautiful, delightful Duo deserves so much better than that. It's not my place to tell him and I will not force my attentions on him. He has enough going on, my confession of love would only make it all worse. That's the last thing I want to do.
~~~~
It's now been two weeks since I went to Wufei's. I never left. After my world dropped out from under me, I couldn't go back to my empty apartment and face being alone with the pain of knowing that all my efforts to get Heero back were in vain. Life has played a cruel joke on the old jokester himself. I let myself believe that if I changed he would welcome me back. I was such a fool! He said he loved me because I made him laugh and then he leaves me because I made him laugh. I was not the one who needed to change. He had already changed and wanted me to be someone I'm not and can never be. Well, no more! I will live my life just the way I always have and if someone wants me, they will have to take me as I am.
Wufei has been so kind. I never would have thought he had in him. At least not for me. He hasn't pressured me to tell him anything I'm not ready to talk about. He's simply there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on, makes sure I eat, shower, sleep, keep my psychiatrist appointments and drives me to the support group meetings. I would be a wreck without his constant support. I showed Wufei the letter yesterday. He sat there for the longest time with it in his hand. Then he got up and hugged me with the gentlest embrace I have ever felt. He hasn't questioned my return to my old self. He tells me he is glad I can smile and laugh again. I have him to thank for that.
Wufei lives in what used to be known as Taiwan. It's so different than anywhere I have ever lived. There are no constant reminders of my former life, nothing to trigger painful memories. I need this. I need the companionship. Yet I feel I am hiding from the truth, just like I used to do. I suppose I am. But, can you blame me? Heero so completely destroyed my life. His one and only communication with me was the final horrible act of our pitiful tragic life together.
~~~
Duo Maxwell
Central Sector
628 Bosca St. Apt. 3B
Colony L1
Duo,
I write to let you know I have found someone new. He loves the boys and treats them and me as if we were something to be treasured. He makes me laugh and I haven't laughed in so long. He has a stable job and a home completely paid for. He has asked us to move in with him and I have told him yes.
Please don't hate me, Duo. I do love you; I just can't live with you anymore. We had something wonderful and I wouldn't trade a minute of it. Someday we will look back on our time together and smile. I know it.
Hiroshi told me he loves me and I think I could love him, given time. The boys adore him, Duo. They are happy here. They ask for you and I tell them you are away for a while and they will see you again. You will claim your visitation rights, won't you?
I have included our new address so you can come see the boys when you get the chance. Please don't make it too long, they need to see you.
I hope you will find someone who makes you as happy as I am.
Heero
~~~
And so I begin a new chapter in my life. My life without Heero. I visit the boys when I can. That means when I can get the courage to face Heero and his new love. The sight of those strong arms wrapped around another's waist twists my heart in my chest. I can't breath and I turn to the ones who love me no matter what I did or didn't do. My children. We spend time in the formal gardens behind the mansion they live in now. We laugh and tumble together like we used to and for a while I can forget reality and pretend that nothing's changed.
But my make believe world bursts like a soap bubble when I have to say goodbye to my little angels. I spend the entire flight back to earth crying into my hands. Luckily, Wufei lets me use his company's private shuttle so I don't need to embarrass myself. He is always there waiting for me at the terminal when I get back. No matter how busy he is, he makes time for me. He never complains I take him away from things he needs to be doing.
Wufei is such a good friend. I didn't appreciate him when we were war buddies. He has so much depth. He's passionate about a great many things. He's serious about his martial arts studies and his business. He's a good listener. He's sat for hours while I rant about losing Heero, not being able to see the boys more often, and feeling as though I am stuck in the past. I can see he has feelings for me. But I am not ready to face them. I think he knows that. How the HELL did I get so lucky?
Wufei has a lot of the same qualities that attracted me to Heero. But he has attributes that make him such a better man than Heero. He is not talkative like me and enjoys moments of quiet meditation, but he has a sense of humor that sneaks out every once in a while and catches me off guard. He can see the irony in things and isn't afraid to laugh, to show his feelings. I find myself attracted to him and wondering why I never noticed all the wonderful qualities of this reserved man.
~~~~
Two years have passed since I last posted an entry here. Sorry. A lot has happened to me. But I need to write down this latest miracle. But let me update what has happened to the others first. I'll save my surprise for last!
Heero married Hiroshi. They still live on L1. The boys live with them. Hiroshi formally adopted them last year. God! That hurt. It took me six months to get over it. I know it was for the best. My angels need a good home and a happy family life. I still visit when I can. Usually Christmas and Easter. Heero is happy again and I am happy for him.
Trowa and Quatre continue to manage the philanthropic endeavors of the Winner Corporation. They have no children yet, but you never know. I have forgiven them for the role they played in Heero's leaving me.
As for me, well, I am getting on with my life. Finally. I have stopped hiding in the past and look forward to a bright future.
A future without Heero and that's fine. I have accepted that we are over and the past can never be revisited. Not really. So I am about to take one of the biggest steps in my life.
Fei and I are getting married tomorrow. I finally have someone who loves me. All of me. I smile like an idiot most of the time. I can't keep this wonderful feeling trapped inside me. I want everyone to know.
All the guys with be there. My boys are the ring bearers. Sally is the best man. Howard is giving me away. Quatre is my matron of honor. Heero will be there with Hiroshi. I am ok with that. I can watch their love for each other and rejoice that I am equally blest.
I guess God had a plan after all. If Heero had never left me, I would never have found my true soul mate. My dragon gives of himself so freely. I don't have to run and hide any more. I feel so free, so safe, so loved.
Thank you, Heero.
~~~~
END
Watchya think? Sucky ending or what? You know it's really hard to write angst when you don't feel it yourself anymore. Things are going a bit of alright for me now. And when I sat down to write this second chapter I found I didn't have the same focus for it I had before. Strange, huh?
I'm not sure of the logical progression of this part. I have struggled with editing and rearranging sentences until I can't see straight! Let me know what you think of it. I tried to follow the lyrics of "Best I Ever Had" without actually putting them in the fic. I think it worked out ok. Tell if you don't agree, ok?
Lyrics follow this.
Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)
By Vertical Horizon
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now
Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had
So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the (girl) boy
Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better
Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're only the best I ever had
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be you're haunted
Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever