I Was Right
Chapter 11: Willow
They say that what you mock
Will surely overtake you
And you become a monster
So the monster will not break you...
-U2, Peace on Earth
They were up to something--he could taste it as a serpent tastes air with its tongue. The years he spent watching those idiots had given him a more intimate knowledge of them than he cared to admit, and when they were anticipating something, he knew.
If only he knew what it was.
Resolving to find out what new trouble the sixth-year Gryffindors were brewing, Severus managed a few more bites of his dinner before he left the table. He never did gain his appetite back since his fifth year--he shied instinctively away from the thought--and eating was something he did simply to stay alive. In the back of his mind he wondered when he had last felt joy.
Just as he reached the exit, uproarious laughter from the Gryffindor table made him look back. Potter and Black were evidently sharing some highly amusing joke with their circle of friends, Pettigrew hanging onto every word while Lupin chuckled quietly. Evans was shaking her head, trying to hold in her laughter.
Severus turned abruptly and left.
Why? He wondered as he strode through the halls to the dungeon, barely taking notice of the students who moved hurriedly aside to make way for him. What was this fixation with Potter's group of boneheads, when he had plenty of other things to occupy his time with?
Envy, for such simple, unconditional camaraderie--
He brushed away the thought. He did not crave companionship. He was beyond craving such things. You had to be human first.
Not liking the way his thoughts were turning, he simply turned his mind to Potter and his cronies. Whatever they were planning, he would make sure it would get them enough points deducted to knock Gryffindor off its lead in the inter-House competition. Perhaps even get one of the boneheads expelled. Not that he thought it likely, but life was good as long as he had something to look forward to.
It was dark when he emerged from the dungeon laboratory, the encroaching gloom of the stone hallways lit here and there with sputtering torches. Coming up for dinner had not been in his plans at first, but he usually kept mealtimes if only to keep himself standing. The potion he'd prepared would need to simmer a while anyway.
His gaze went to the Gryffindor table, out of habit, as he entered the cafeteria. Potter and his friends had their heads together conspiratorially, whispering among themselves. Well, that accounted for the unusual quiet in the cafeteria--Severus estimated that Potter and Black were responsible for roughly eighty per cent of the noise level in the cafeteria during meals.
Severus looked away before he was caught staring and headed for the Slytherin table. The Gryffindors were making plans. Seeing how far beyond their mental capacity long-term planning was, whatever they were planning to do they would carry out tonight. Dinner passed in a blur of quiet excitement. He was almost good-natured with his fellow Slytherins, but stood quickly before the Gryffindors could finish. He murmured some excuse about an experiment and left the cafeteria in a hurry.
Instead of heading for the dungeons, however, he stood against the wall next to the exit. He edged far enough away from the doorway so he would blend into the shadows and not be easily seen, yet was within hearing distance from the door. He wasn't worried about the cauldron he'd left behind--the fire had been charmed to extinguish itself after a certain duration.
He waited.
A few students emerged in twos and threes, and just as he expected none took notice of him. About ten minutes after he took up watch the self-named Marauders burst out, far earlier than usual.
"I'll go on ahead, like always," Pettigrew was saying exuberantly, all but bursting with pleasure at having something important to do.
"You do that," said Potter. "How would we manage without you, Wormtail?"
"How're you feeling, Remus?" Black turned to Lupin, who looked even paler and thinner than usual. "You sure you don't want-"
Lupin stiffened suddenly, cutting Black off midsentence. Black stood still, looking confused for a moment, then followed Lupin's gaze to where Severus stood against the wall.
"Whoa, fellows," said Black, "rat alert, four o'clock."
Severus stepped away from the wall into the torchlight, cursing inwardly. How had Lupin known?
"Going somewhere with your little friends, Potter?" He asked in a silky voice. "After curfew?"
"If it were any of your business, Snape, you can be sure we'd tell you."
"I'll take that as a yes." Severus took pleasure in the tension this caused all four of them. "And as far as 'business' goes, as a prefect of Hogwarts I consider it very much my business where rules are concerned."
"Mind your own snakepit, Snape." Black growled and stepped forward, very much the loyal hound. "We have our own prefects."
"One of whom, at least, contemplates rule-breaking. Don't you think, Potter-"
"For God's sake!" Severus wasn't the only one startled at the sudden outburst. Lupin's own friends stared wide-eyed at the usually soft-spoken young wizard. "Would you just sod off, Snape!" Lupin's eyes blazed strangely against the pale, gaunt face, and Severus had to force himself not to step back.
"That time of the month again, Lupin?" Asked Severus, out of simple reflex. Insults were his preferred way of concealing fear or vulnerability, after all.
The reaction to this rather crude retort, however, was somewhat more interesting than he would have expected. Lupin just barely stifled a gasp, while Potter's jaw dropped.
"What did you say?" Black had gone almost as pale as Lupin.
"I-I have to go." Lupin's low, urgent voice cut the thick tension. He turned and almost ran down the hall, Potter and Pettigrew following close behind. Severus watched them go in confusion.
"Snape!" Sirius Black's grabbing him by the front of his robes brought him back to the present. "What the hell were you implying?"
Severus brushed Black off. "You know very well what I was implying," He said coldly. Was it that serious an insult to insinuate Lupin was a girl?
By now the hallway outside the cafeteria was starting to fill with people, and this obviously wasn't a conversation Black wished to have in the open.
"You really want to know what we're up to?" Black said suddenly, in a low, almost inaudible whisper that only Severus could hear.
Severus said nothing. Something about the look in Black's eyes, wild and almost desperate, made him more nervous than he would admit.
"It's the Whomping Willow," Black went on in that same low whisper. "Press the knot on its trunk with a stick, and the branches will freeze. There's a hole under the tree."
"Why should I believe you?" Severus hissed.
"Then don't," the taller boy said rigidly. He then walked away, leaving Severus more confused than ever. What the hell was that all about? He headed for the Slytherin common room, alone with his thoughts.
As far as he knew, there were two creatures whose biology depended on a monthly cycle: Women, and-
He banished the idea from his mind so quickly that he was not aware of having thought it. Dumbledore would not allow such a creature into Hogwarts. He was responsible for the protection of wizarding students, a job that Severus knew he took seriously. He trusted Dumbledore.
But he had to know. He knew himself well enough to realize he would not be at peace until he had at least tested this new piece of information. He tried hard not to think about a certain adage involving curiosity and a cat.
He watched Madam Pomfrey, a shadowy silhouette in the dusk, head back to the castle. Once she disappeared inside he came out of his hiding place behind a tree and crept silently across the dark grounds to the Willow himself. He hadn't managed to get close enough to clearly see what she did to gain access to the Willow, and it was a good thing Black had tipped him off--assuming, of course, that the tip was genuine. No doubt he was walking into a setup or an elaborate prank, with eyes wide open no less. Not for the first time he cursed his own inquisitiveness, and his completely illogical obsession with the Marauders.
Well, no matter. He could talk or duel his way out of anything that arose, he thought with confidence, which he would recognize only later as youthful arrogance.
He paused several yards away from the Whomping Willow, just out of reach of its thrashing branches. He spied the knot Black must have been going on about, and looked around on the ground for something he could use to press it. There was fallen bough that would do nicely, though he wouldn't be able to reach for it without stepping into range of the Willow. He took out his wand.
"Accio branch." Promptly it flew into his hand, and with it he reached out tentatively for the knot.
Damn it, it was too short by inches. He would have to walk into range. He judged the timing of the swishing branches of the tree and stepped into a gap between the defenses. He thrust out the branch.
One of the willow's many boughs whipped through the air for his face, and he squeezed his eyes shut just as he felt the tip of the branch press against the tree.
The impact never came.
Severus slowly opened his eyes. The Willow stood perfectly frozen, a normal tree aside from the fantastic contortions its limbs were in. He almost dropped the branch he held. Quickly realizing the stupidity of such a reaction, he instead inched his hand along its length until he stood before the hole at the root of the tree, just as Black had described. In the bright light of the rising moon Severus could see that it sloped downward, but nothing else.
He'd already come too far to turn back. He checked to make sure his wand was secure in his hand, and let go of the branch. The tree started moving again, but he ducked into the hole before it could hit him.
He slid down an earthen slope sitting down, wand out before him.
"Lumos," he whispered when he came to a stop.
He was in a low tunnel that smelled distinctly of animals. It wound forward before him without branching. He stood and, stooped a little, followed the tunnel.
He was vaguely uneasy as he ventured further in. He tried to pass it off as a result of the claustrophobic surroundings and musty air, but his breath still came in short, shallow gasps and sweat beaded on his forehead. There was an unmistakable sense of danger for no reason he could name, but he ignored it. He thought he heard snarls and ripping fabric ahead.
In this state of mind, it was no wonder he jumped when he heard a creaking sound above him. It was the Willow grinding to a stop again, he realized. He whirled around, holding his wand out, just in time to see James Potter skid down the slope.
"Potter!" So this was a setup, after all. His mind was already going through the ways he would get back at Black.
"Snape. Thank God I found you." Potter's voice was a good deal lower than Severus' own, as if he was afraid of being heard. "We have to get out at once." He came slowly closer.
"Why should I listen to you?" Severus spat. It didn't help his temper that Potter was echoing what his own instincts had been telling him ever since he entered the tunnel.
"Listen Snape, you're--we're in grave danger."
Before Severus could wonder at the change of words, he heard a growl from further on in the tunnel. Potter immediately paled.
"Come on!" He grabbed Severus by the shoulders and pulled him roughly toward the entrance, but Severus couldn't move. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the direction of the sounds. His heart pounding in his ears, he simply watched as a wolf padded down the passage toward him, only the wolf's snout was all wrong...
"Snape!"
The panic in Potter's voice finally snapped him out of it, and Severus rushed for the slope that led to the exit. Fear ran dark through him, the primal fear that every wizard knows from the cradle. Sudden pain started up all over, an almost overwhelming physical pain, which he knew was decidedly not normal.
A bloodcurdling howl split the air, and Severus felt the strength ebb out of him at the sound. Yet he never felt the creature's teeth. Despite the urgent situation he looked over his shoulder at the beast--holding itself back? The werewolf was clearly trying to pounce, yet it could not, as if another urge held it just barely in check. The wolf stalked back and forth, whimpering as if injured, and at one point liquid gold-brown eyes looked straight at Severus.
Familiar eyes.
Potter stood between the werewolf and Severus, though he had no idea what the Gryffindor intended to do without even his wand in hand. "Go, Snape! Go now!"
Severus ignored the pain, and with a final surge of strength scrambled up the slope and out of the hole, into the clear night air and the swishing sounds of the Whomping Willow's branches. A noise came from behind him, and mechanically he turned around to help Potter out by the arms, keeping low as possible.
They made a run for it. The werewolf's snarls echoed behind them, but it seemed discouraged enough by the Whomping Willow.
Severus sat down heavily as soon as they were clear of the Willow. Leaden agony rested heavy over his body, in his ribs, arms, knees, behind his eyes. Everywhere. This was ridiculous. There was no reason for him to hurt physically--
Except one. Of course. Good old Pavlov and his bloody dog, he thought sourly.
"Are you hurt, Snape?" Potter crouched by his side.
"Your werewolf friend didn't manage to mangle me if that's what you're asking." He looked straight ahead, concentrating on breathing through the aching in his chest. The pain was slowly subsiding, as it should. It had no physical basis, only a psychological one.
"Redwood," he ground out through gritted teeth.
"What?" Potter looked thoroughly confused.
"James!"
Severus raised fogged eyes to see Black and Pettigrew running toward them across the grounds, McGonagall not far behind.
"You're okay, James!" Black skidded to a stop just short of crashing into Potter, and threw his arms around his friend in a fierce, brief hug. "Thank God you're all right. When Peter told me you went after that git.."
"I'm fine, Padfoot." Potter patted Black's shoulder reassuringly.
Simple, unconditional camaraderie...
Severus stood, determined not to show vulnerability in front of Potter and his lackeys.
"Well, well." Black stepped away from Potter to face Severus, his eyes hardening. "A Slytherin prefect, breaking the rules. Can you say 'hypocrisy,' Snape?"
"As a matter of fact I can." Sneered Severus. "The question is, Black, can you say 'reckless endangerment?' How about 'attempted murder?'"
"That's quite enough, all of you," came Professor McGonagall's voice, breathless but stern. "Potter, Black, Pettigrew, Snape--the Headmaster's office. Now."
They all knew better than to argue when McGonagall used that particular tone of voice. They all trudged back toward the castle, dreading what awaited.
Severus looked up at the full moon, serene against a velvet night sky above the restless Whomping Willow. He gave a small, silent sigh and followed the Gryffindors back.
"Why were you so avid about discovering Remus' whereabouts, Severus?" Headmaster Dumbledore asked after hearing the story. He sounded pleasant, but the hard gleam on his spectacles told Severus he was in trouble. As if he didn't know that already.
"I believed Lupin and his friends might be involved in breaking the regulations of his school, sir."
"Is that why you broke the rules yourself, Severus?"
Black gave a snort of laughter, which he quickly smothered. Severus felt like killing him, or Dumbledore, or both. Leave it to the Headmaster to ask unanswerable questions.
Well, no use drowning in rationalizations. "Yes, sir."
Dumbledore shook his head. "Severus..."
"Look, I won't make excuses about this." Better to make small concessions to go for the big catch. "But that does not change the fact that Black tried to kill me."
"I didn't try to kill you, you git!"
He turned to Black. "No? And next you'll tell me you didn't know about the werewolf, either."
"Of course I knew." Black foundered a bit. "But I just told you how to get there! I didn't drag you kicking and screaming down to the Whomping Willow, did I?"
"How very convenient, Black." Severus was reminded once again why Sirius Black disgusted him so much. "That's what you counted on, wasn't it. After the animal tore me to pieces-"
"Severus, please." The Headmaster interceded firmly. "He is a fellow Hogwarts student, and he has a name."
"A fellow student." Severus snorted. Because you let him in here, at the risk of every other student in Hogwarts. He hadn't thought it possible, had dismissed the very thought from his mind, but now...
"Yes." Dumbledore's eyes bore into Severus's, but he turned his eyes away. The silence stretched on while the Gryffindors looked on tensely.
"Why?" Severus was unable to contain himself any longer. "Was one werewolf more important than the rest of the student body? You thought him worth the risk?"
Black growled, "Why you little-" but one glance from Dumbledore, and he subsided instantly.
"Severus, I seem to recall a very similar argument made by someone else. Only it was against a group of students, rather than just one."
Severus felt like Dumbledore had slapped him across the face. In this very room less than a year ago, an Auror declaring all Slytherins to be a danger to Hogwarts and the wizarding society. The memory of pain flared up again, down his spine and in his eyes, holding him in its vice for impossible seconds.
He managed to gain enough control to start breathing again. Redwood. Must he think the name twice in one evening?
"That's different," said a hoarse, low voice. It took a moment to realize it was his own.
"How so, Severus?" He could feel the piercing blue gaze, even with his eyes riveted on the floor.
He clenched his hands into fists. Because he is not I, not one of Us. He is the Other, one of Them. It would make perfect sense until he said it aloud. He looked up at Dumbledore. "Could we have this conversation another day, Headmaster?" Preferably never. Potter and his friends simply gaped, not having a clue what was going on.
"Very well, Severus. Another day." The conversation would, indeed, resume another day.
Dumbledore went on in a more businesslike tone. "Be warned that, should you reveal Remus' lycanthropy to anyone you will be expelled from Hogwarts. Fifty points are taken from Slytherin for deliberate violation of school rules, and twenty-five more for trespassing beyond the Whomping Willow."
Severus nodded dully. He didn't really care anymore about house points or getting anyone expelled. He just wanted to escape Dumbledore's clear gaze as soon as humanly possible. His housemates wouldn't gripe overmuch anyway, not if they wanted to get through the next day in one piece.
Dumbledore turned to the Gryffindors. "Twenty-five points from Gryffindor for each of you for violation of school rules. An additional fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor on account of your willful endangerment of Mr. Snape, Sirius." Black nodded, though he looked sullen. "James, you have earned forty points for Gryffindor on account of bravery in rescuing a fellow student." The Gryffindors brightened somewhat.
Seventy-five points from Slytherin and eighty-five from Gryffindor. Now that was what he called a massacre.
"Do I have permission to leave, Headmaster?" Severus asked.
"You may go," said Dumbledore, his eyes grave. Severus averted his gaze again and walked out of the room without a second glance.
He waited for the Gryffindors outside the door, and when they came out into the hall came to stand before Potter. Completely ignoring Black, who instinctively tensed, and Pettigrew, who cowered, he spoke formally to Potter.
"I owe you a life-debt, Potter. I swear to repay it at the earliest possible opportunity, to you or, failing that, to your kin."
Potter gave an acknowledging nod, but Black called out, "What's that? 'Thank you,' Dark wizard-style?"
"Who's the Dark?" Said Severus before Potter could say anything. "You mean the one without even the dubious decency to murder by his own hand, but by his friend's hand instead? Or shall I say," he said with an arch smile, "Claws?"
Black looked at him with pure loathing, but Severus was used to that. He simply returned the look and deliberately turned his back on Black. As he walked away he wondered how long it would be before his terror ceased to manifest itself as pain. And how long it would be before he was free, whatever "free" really meant.
James and Sirius watched him sweep away like a dark storm-cloud.
"You know, Sirius," said James once Snape was out of sight, "he's right to some degree."
"W-what?" Sirius laughed nervously, not really believing what he just heard. "What do you mean?"
"I guess I just mean this." James faced his friend squarely. "Mr. Prongs desires very much the pleasure of knowing just what the hell Mr. Padfoot was thinking."
Sirius bowed his head and spread his hands. "I wasn't, James."
"Obviously not. Not the fact that Moony could have killed Snape. Not the fact you could have made Remus a murderer." His voice was hard. "My God, Sirius, if Peter hadn't told me about what you did..."
"I- I was just so sure Snape knew." Sirius shook his head in a helpless gesture. "And you know about him and the Dark Arts. Everyone's talking about it. I just wanted to give him a scare."
"That's the worst excuse for anything I've heard in a long time. You mean you were willing to take the risk of Snape hurting Moony with the Dark Arts, not knowing or not caring it was Remus?"
Sirius let out a dejected sigh that seemed to deflate his whole body. "I know, Prongs. There's no excuse. I put Snape, Remus, and you all in danger. I screwed up."
Neither said anything for a long moment. "Well, let's go," James said wearily. Sirius headed slowly down the hall, his steps heavy.
"Oh, and Padfoot?"
Sirius stopped and turned. He never saw it coming: Before he could blink James' straight punch had sent him toppling to the floor, flat on his back. He managed to sit up a moment later, ruefully rubbing his jaw where James had caught him.
"I was waiting for that, you know." His eyes twinkled with laughter.
Without a word James offered his hand, and pulled Sirius to his feet.
"You do pack a hell of a punch, Prongs, for an herbivore." He paused. "So, am I forgiven?"
"Only by me." James grinned. "You'll have to go over the whole forgiving thing all over again with Moony."
Sirius groaned. "Tell me it ain't so. Remus is just scary, man."
"Scarier than I am, man?" James raised an eyebrow.
"Scarier than herbivores, man." Sirius blocked a mock punch from James.
They walked down the hallway side by side, laughing together.
Envy, for such simple, unconditional camaraderie...
Notes: Okayyy, that probably stuck out like a sore thumb because the writing is so different from the rest of the (as yet unrevised) story. Not to mention that, from what I've heard about Book 5, the characterizations of the Marauders and Snape are going to need a humongous makeover(I'm going to enjoy that, heh heh heh..) to say nothing of the new facts that came to light. Book 5 should be delivered any day now.
I was shocked, to say the least, to see that there are such recent reviews to this fic, which I thought was forgotten. I was galvanized enough by the reviews to write this chapter, which I'd felt was necessary for some time. For the record, Dumbledore pointing out Snape's(I finally managed to call him Severus throughout! Yay!) logic against Lupin was similar to Redwood's against the Slytherins--that part came as a complete shock to me. Devious man, Dumbledore...