CHAPTER FOUR
"An avocado."
Raistlin rubbed his hands together, pushing up the shawl as though he were pushing up the sleeves of his robes. Smiling a twisted smile made even more sinister by the fact that the golden paint had started to smear, Raistlin nodded to himself. "I'm ready, he announced."
Flint and Tanis exchanged glances. Sturm looked around boredly, wondering whether he'd have time for sword practice that afternoon. Tas leaned forward, chin in his hands, watching Raistlin eagerly.
Raistlin reached into a pocket and produced a crystal wine glass, placing it upside-down on the table.
"Probably stole it," Sturm muttered.
Flint elbowed him in the ribs.
Raistlin, ignoring the Solamnic and the dwarf, reached into another pocket and pulled out a small, round, wrinkly object a little bigger than his hand. With respectful reverence, he very carefully set the object down on top of the upended wine glass. He stood back, staring at it reverently. "Behold!" Raistlin cried, smirking up at his friends.
"What are we 'beholding'?" Flint cautiously whispered to Tanis.
Tanis shrugged. "Looks like an avocado to me," he whispered back.
Caramon, overhearing the whispered conversation, broke into a frown. "Come on, Raist!" he whined. "This is no time for guacamole!"
Tas giggled.
"Silence!" Raistlin hissed. "This isn't an avocado," he declared importantly.
"What is it, then?" Flint asked, regarding the avocado warily.
Raistlin rolled his eyes. "It is, of course, the extremely powerful, terrible, mystical, magical..." Raistlin paused for effect, then said, triumphantly, "dragon orb!" He opened his mouth and leaned back, a strange look on his face.
"Quick!" Tanis shouted. "Stop him before he laughs again!"
The dwarf, elf, kender, and the two boys, as one, leapt over the table and tackled Raistlin, each slapping a hand over his mouth.
"Don't laugh!" the all shouted at the same time.
Raistlin shook his head to say that he wouldn't.
"Promise?" Caramon demanded.
Raistlin nodded.
They let him go.
Raistlin stood back up, smoothed back his flour-caked hair, tugged at the pink shawl, and looked around suspiciously. "Where was I...? Oh, yes! The dragon orb!" he declared.
"That's not a dragon orb," Caramon disagreed.
"Yes it is!" Raistlin insisted.
Caramon crossed his arms. "Well, if you're telling me that that's a dragon orb, then I had a dragon orb for dinner last night!"
Sturm snickered. Flint elbowed him in the ribs.
"Don't be stupid, Caramon," Raistlin said acerbically. "That was not a dragon orb."
"What was it, then?" Caramon demanded.
"An avocado," Tanis sighed.
Raistlin nodded his head. "An avocado."
"Oh." Caramon blinked, started to say something, stopped, opened his mouth, closed it, frowned, and sighed. "Okay, Raist. If you say so."
"So... what does this dragon orb do, exactly, Raistlin?" Tanis questioned carefully.
"It summons a dragon, Half-Elven," Raistlin said impatiently. "Why did you think it's called a dragon orb?"
"If that avocado is a dragon orb, the lad should try to summon a dragon - we'll end up with a watermelon," Flint rumbled, grinning.
"I heard that!"
"Sorry."
Raistlin glared around the table to make sure he had everyone's attention. Then, placing his hands very carefully over the avocado, he closed his eyes and began to chant.
The companions listened closely, trying to understand the words of magic.
"Teaspoonari?" Flint repeated curiously.
"Sugarack?" Tanis said with a frown.
"Flowers?" Sturm asked incredulously.
"It's mum's recipe for brownies!" Caramon shouted gleefully.
Tas shook his head in admiration. "He does magic and cooks at the same time. What a Shelfey!"
After a moment, Raistlin finished his spell. He raised one hand and, with an air of great significance, tapped three times on the avocado. "Arise," he commanded, opening his eyes.
Nothing happened.
Raistlin leaned down to stare at the avocado. Shrugging, he stood back up and tapped the avocado again three times. "Arise!" he said again, a little louder this time.
The avocado did not respond.
Raistlin frowned. He picked up the avocado and shook it next to his ear, shook his head, and put it back down. He tapped on it again. "Arise! Arise! Hmm.... Arise! ...Oh, come on, arise already, would you?? Arise you stupid thing!" He tapped on the avocado a little harder.
"Hey, come on Raist, be careful!" Caramon said. "It won't be any good to eat if you go and bruise it, you know."
Raistlin stared daggers at his brother.
Caramon shrugged. "Nobody likes a bruised avocado," he said helpfully.
Raistlin picked up the avocado and threw it at his brother.
Caramon ducked, and some unlucky man at the table next to theirs received a dragon orb square in the face.
"Sorry," Tanis muttered to the man, turning red.
Sturm rolled his eyes. "That wasn't much of a magic show. What's next - wait, don't tell me. The broom lights up and flies, right?"
Raistlin's smile returned and his eyes lit up. "Actually, the Staff can-"
The companions never learned exactly what the staff was capable of, however, because at that very moment, an ale mug, launched from the direction in which the avocado had been thrown, flew out of the air and directly into Raistlin's forehead.
"An avocado."
Raistlin rubbed his hands together, pushing up the shawl as though he were pushing up the sleeves of his robes. Smiling a twisted smile made even more sinister by the fact that the golden paint had started to smear, Raistlin nodded to himself. "I'm ready, he announced."
Flint and Tanis exchanged glances. Sturm looked around boredly, wondering whether he'd have time for sword practice that afternoon. Tas leaned forward, chin in his hands, watching Raistlin eagerly.
Raistlin reached into a pocket and produced a crystal wine glass, placing it upside-down on the table.
"Probably stole it," Sturm muttered.
Flint elbowed him in the ribs.
Raistlin, ignoring the Solamnic and the dwarf, reached into another pocket and pulled out a small, round, wrinkly object a little bigger than his hand. With respectful reverence, he very carefully set the object down on top of the upended wine glass. He stood back, staring at it reverently. "Behold!" Raistlin cried, smirking up at his friends.
"What are we 'beholding'?" Flint cautiously whispered to Tanis.
Tanis shrugged. "Looks like an avocado to me," he whispered back.
Caramon, overhearing the whispered conversation, broke into a frown. "Come on, Raist!" he whined. "This is no time for guacamole!"
Tas giggled.
"Silence!" Raistlin hissed. "This isn't an avocado," he declared importantly.
"What is it, then?" Flint asked, regarding the avocado warily.
Raistlin rolled his eyes. "It is, of course, the extremely powerful, terrible, mystical, magical..." Raistlin paused for effect, then said, triumphantly, "dragon orb!" He opened his mouth and leaned back, a strange look on his face.
"Quick!" Tanis shouted. "Stop him before he laughs again!"
The dwarf, elf, kender, and the two boys, as one, leapt over the table and tackled Raistlin, each slapping a hand over his mouth.
"Don't laugh!" the all shouted at the same time.
Raistlin shook his head to say that he wouldn't.
"Promise?" Caramon demanded.
Raistlin nodded.
They let him go.
Raistlin stood back up, smoothed back his flour-caked hair, tugged at the pink shawl, and looked around suspiciously. "Where was I...? Oh, yes! The dragon orb!" he declared.
"That's not a dragon orb," Caramon disagreed.
"Yes it is!" Raistlin insisted.
Caramon crossed his arms. "Well, if you're telling me that that's a dragon orb, then I had a dragon orb for dinner last night!"
Sturm snickered. Flint elbowed him in the ribs.
"Don't be stupid, Caramon," Raistlin said acerbically. "That was not a dragon orb."
"What was it, then?" Caramon demanded.
"An avocado," Tanis sighed.
Raistlin nodded his head. "An avocado."
"Oh." Caramon blinked, started to say something, stopped, opened his mouth, closed it, frowned, and sighed. "Okay, Raist. If you say so."
"So... what does this dragon orb do, exactly, Raistlin?" Tanis questioned carefully.
"It summons a dragon, Half-Elven," Raistlin said impatiently. "Why did you think it's called a dragon orb?"
"If that avocado is a dragon orb, the lad should try to summon a dragon - we'll end up with a watermelon," Flint rumbled, grinning.
"I heard that!"
"Sorry."
Raistlin glared around the table to make sure he had everyone's attention. Then, placing his hands very carefully over the avocado, he closed his eyes and began to chant.
The companions listened closely, trying to understand the words of magic.
"Teaspoonari?" Flint repeated curiously.
"Sugarack?" Tanis said with a frown.
"Flowers?" Sturm asked incredulously.
"It's mum's recipe for brownies!" Caramon shouted gleefully.
Tas shook his head in admiration. "He does magic and cooks at the same time. What a Shelfey!"
After a moment, Raistlin finished his spell. He raised one hand and, with an air of great significance, tapped three times on the avocado. "Arise," he commanded, opening his eyes.
Nothing happened.
Raistlin leaned down to stare at the avocado. Shrugging, he stood back up and tapped the avocado again three times. "Arise!" he said again, a little louder this time.
The avocado did not respond.
Raistlin frowned. He picked up the avocado and shook it next to his ear, shook his head, and put it back down. He tapped on it again. "Arise! Arise! Hmm.... Arise! ...Oh, come on, arise already, would you?? Arise you stupid thing!" He tapped on the avocado a little harder.
"Hey, come on Raist, be careful!" Caramon said. "It won't be any good to eat if you go and bruise it, you know."
Raistlin stared daggers at his brother.
Caramon shrugged. "Nobody likes a bruised avocado," he said helpfully.
Raistlin picked up the avocado and threw it at his brother.
Caramon ducked, and some unlucky man at the table next to theirs received a dragon orb square in the face.
"Sorry," Tanis muttered to the man, turning red.
Sturm rolled his eyes. "That wasn't much of a magic show. What's next - wait, don't tell me. The broom lights up and flies, right?"
Raistlin's smile returned and his eyes lit up. "Actually, the Staff can-"
The companions never learned exactly what the staff was capable of, however, because at that very moment, an ale mug, launched from the direction in which the avocado had been thrown, flew out of the air and directly into Raistlin's forehead.