"Winter"
Hunter rolled over to the most beautiful sight in his world… a sheet covered Dee Dee lay still sleeping. Her chest slightly rising and falling with the tranquility of deep sleep. The sun was just rising, casting a small amount of light towards her face, almost as if a spotlight shown on her alone. Granted, that was how he saw her - as if she should be in the spotlight, but somehow at this moment even the sun knew it….
He curled himself as much as possible around her back, in wonderment that she was actually here in his bed, with him. A peace had overtaken him he'd never known possible, a sigh escaping his mouth that novels would eloquently describe as one of contentment. Who know that a person could be this happy? Secretly, Hunter never thought he would be one to settle down with one woman. The men in his family were known as "players" attracting tall, busty blondes. He never thought he could be happy with just one woman, but the day Dee Dee McCall walked in to his life, he knew all that had changed. Okay, maybe not that day… but soon enough afterwards that it was as if she was his only memory. Her existence was his.
Even after 3 months of being lovers, it was still a wonder to him that she was actually here - with him in his bed. He stayed at her place more often than she at his, but they had been walking on the beach last night and didn't want to make the cross town drive at the late hour. He'd shared this bed with many women over the course of years, but never had he thought he could feel the way about any of them that he felt about her. During work hours, it was all he could do to hide his feelings. They weren't ready for the day that would come if they were discovered, a day that would bring new partners. So, for now, they lived as partners by day and lovers by night; a dual existence that they longed to unite.
"Good morning, sunshine" she said in her throaty morning voice. She always thought she sounded like she was eating rocks at that point, but Hunter found it incredibly sexy. "How long were you planning to lay there and look at me?"
He grinned, "Busted, huh?" She just smiled, her lips turning up in a way that melted his heart. "I'm just in awe of this woman I found laying in my bed this morning." She rolled her eyes, as if to say that he was hopeless.
"I swear I'll never understand men. Women go to all this trouble to fix their hair just right, get the right makeup - and somehow you think we look good in the morning." She shook her head, "Some things I will never, ever understand."
Being Saturday, they enjoyed a few more stolen moments under the still warm covers before Hunter headed to the kitchen to "whip up some breakfast for the little woman," as he so eloquently put it. He was rewarded with the "McCall smile" as she headed for his shower. In the shower, she caught herself smiling at the Victoria's Secret shower gel, a sign of the increasing frequency of her presence. She could hardly remember how they'd survived for so long without doing this.
"Hey, shower queen, breakfast is ready," she heard him yell from the kitchen. Wrapping herself in a fuzzy white robe, another feminine item that had mysteriously appeared at his house recently, she followed the scent of eggs into the kitchen. Hunter stood in front of the stove, dressed only in boxers, just setting down two plates on the table. "You can't ever say you'll leave me because I didn't make you breakfast in the morning." Thought he'd meant it as a joke, she looked at him seriously.
"Hunter, I could never leave you." He crossed the room and enveloped her in his arms, passion flowing between their lips. When they finally broke the embrace, she was overwhelmed with emotion, a part of her being fulfilled she had secretly thought died with Steve.
They took their breakfast out to the porch, enjoying the ocean breeze. They'd found what seemed to be an idealic existence. "I hope our kids inherit your ability to cook, not mine," McCall joked, while savoring the delicious food. Hunter choked, nearly spewing his food across the deck. She looked at him, suddenly scared that she'd gone too far in saying "our kids," even if it was only meant as a joke. "I was just kidding, I can cook macaroni and cheese," she scrambled to smooth over his shock. Catching his breath, he put down his plate.
"I know you were just kidding." He let out his breath, preparing for what he was about to say. "Dee Dee, this may not be the time to say it, but I've thought about it before and," he paused, "I don't ever plan on having kids." Watching her face for a reaction, a mixture of emotions swirled around her face like a tornado - only adding to his turmoil. "I just think for one, that I'm getting to an age where I don't think it's right for a kid to start out with a dad so old that he can't do all the stuff fathers are supposed to do. I know that I want to be a cop until I retire. It's what I've always wanted to do, and I don't want to take the chance that I could leave my child out there without a father, if something were to happen. That's just for starters, …. there are so many reasons why it just wouldn't be fair." He steadily looked at her, knowing what he'd just told her contradicted everything he'd ever heard her say. He was prepared for anything… anything but her tears.
She left her plate where it was and walked in the house. He followed her, wanting to comfort her. "Dee Dee, talk to me. Please." She was in the bedroom, putting on her clothes from the night before. When she finally turned to him, he could see the hurt and frustration pouring from her. "Rick, don't you think this is something you should have told me a long time ago? I mean, come on - how long have you known that I would love to find someone to settle down with, have a family.. the nice 'normal' life?… I thought I found that in you. Now you tell me that you've known all along that we didn't see things the same on something pretty damn major. Did you think I would just say okay and not care? That I'd just go, okay, let me give up my dream of being a mother - just because you don't think it's fair. When were you going to tell me? After we gave up being partners to be together, after I'd already lost you by day????? How long have you known me and heard me talk about having kids, and never, not once did you ever think it prudent to tell me that you never wanted to have them? Talk about unfair, Hunter. I think that's unfair." As she walked past him and out of the house, he couldn't even move. Words seemed as foreign to him as aliens, feeling as though he'd been physically slapped.
Standing there in the house alone, her scent the only part of her that remained, he thought to himself. It wasn't like he was trying to hide it from her. It had never been an issue until they started dating. He'd known for years that having kids wasn't part of his plans, he just never thought it was something he needed to share. Up until recently, it wasn't as though it would have ever made a difference in her life…. confusion enveloped him. What had he done so wrong? He didn't think that telling someone you didn't want children was exactly the first date kind of discussion. Imagining that he and Dee Dee would spend their lives together had become more than just a dream lately, it was something that he almost took as a given. Of course he wanted to be with her, he wanted to be with her more than anything. Could this change all that? Was she willing to throw away their chance at happiness to find someone who would have children with her? On one hand it all seemed so out of context for her - the Brass Cupcake showing her maternal side. Yet, on the other hand, he'd seen her disappointment when the family was found for her newborn almost-daughter.. it was obvious she wanted to be a mother. What were they going to do?
********
He knocked on her door, "Dee Dee, I know you're in there. We need to talk about this." He could almost hear her silent grumbling through the door, as she opened it and walked back to the kitchen, without even so much as a glance in his direction. He thought to himself that this was going to be a little more difficult to get over than he'd originally thought. "Come on, don't shut me out. We can work through this." She turned on her heel, a steely glare meeting him.
"How? How can we work through this? I want to have a family, children - some resemblance of a normal life. You quite obviously don't. I think that's about as basic as differences come, don't you?" He couldn't decide if her look would be described as hot as fire, or as cold as ice. Whatever it was, it was a world away from the comforting look he'd seen in her eyes only hours before, as they lay in bed together. He sighed, still not sure how things could have changed so dramatically in such a short time.
"Because, Dee Dee, I love you and I thought you loved me. If that's true, then I can't believe that there's nothing we can't work through. I don't know how right now, I don't have all the answers.. I just know I don't want to lose you." She just stared at him for a moment as confusion, hurt and frustration all made their way in to her veins, now intertwined with the blood flowing through them. When she finally spoke, the edgy tone had been abandoned, but the determination wasn't lost in her quietness.
"Hunter, what I can't believe is that it never occurred to you before this morning to tell how you felt about this. I love you, but you're asking me to give up all my dreams of a family, just to be with you. If I did that, and then I lost you what would I have? I'd be left with nothing. I just can't put myself through that again." Having had his feelings trampled on enough by then, he finally came to his own defense,
"JUST to be with me? You'd have to give ALL that up, JUST to be with me," he emphasized his words to drive in his point. "Well, I wouldn't want you to end up with the booby prize or anything." His words were sent out as arrows searching for their target, and they found it in her soul. "I'm sorry that I never mentioned this to you before, but I didn't think that having children was the reason you and I were together. I was under the impression that you were in this because you loved me, because we had something worth fighting for and worth risking for. I guess I was the only one who thought that. The mistake was mine, and trust me, I won't make it again." With that, he was the one to turn his back on her. He was gone before she could breathe again, the sound of the slamming door left as his last taunting word.
*********
Monday morning brought two hurting hearts across from each other. They sat, separated by wood and nails of their desks, but it might as well have been a cement wall - as neither one willing to take a step forward. Ten A.M. had long come and gone before even a word was uttered between the two, and that only consisted of Hunter asking if she had finished the report for the Evans case yet. His answered was delivered as though on a cold silver platter, where McCall wished she could put his head. The boxers sat in their opposite corners, each one feeling as though they were the one that was wronged, that the other should be the one to apologize for the hurtful words exchanged… and neither one willing to budge. Roosevelt made the mistake of asking if something was wrong, to which Hunter told him where he could go, which bus he could take and exactly which stop to get off on. No one else dared asking again.
The rumors about Hunter and McCall had been flying for years, the pool on how long they'd been sleeping together had grown substantially in accordance. The winner would be the person who could prove what everyone was thinking. Today the pool started on "the lovers quarrel" and it's duration. It proved to be only another source of major irritation to McCall, on a long list that had started with her alarm that morning.
*******
The painstaking silence had gone on for nearly two weeks by this time. They spoke only about casework, did as much investigating separately as possible. Charlie, along with everyone else, knew there was something going on, but hadn't been able to get even a word out of either of them. He was beginning to wonder if he shouldn't send them back to the Department Psychologist, as their case work was starting to show the results of their lacking teamwork. They were two of the best cops he had, and even though he suspected their relationship went beyond 9 to 5, as long as they kept up their record he was willing to play dumb. This, whatever it was, had begun to show up in their work, and he wasn't going to be able to ignore it for much longer. Secretly, he hoped they could work it out on their own and everyone could get their noses back in their own business.
"Hunter, McCall - my office now." Charlie's voice boomed across the station. Normally, Hunter would have cracked a comment about McCall picking locks again or something similar, but today not even a sideways glance was sent between them. They took their customary places in the two chairs facing his desk, Charlie looking back and forth between the two of them. He sighed, hating being forced to play go between. "Look, I don't know what the hell is going on between the two of you, and quite honestly I don't care. Your relationship or lack of one outside of work can stay there, as far as I'm concerned, as long as your work is consistent. The last two weeks your work, to put it lightly, sucks eggs. If the quality of your work doesn't start shaping up, I'm going to take both of you off active duty, give you more deskwork than you care to think about and send you to the department psychologist. Do I make myself clear?" Both opened their mouth to object, but fell short of words - only able to nod. "Now, I want both of you, and I do mean BOTH of you, to go check out the Delaney case. It's got Roosevelt and Bradson stumped, so I want you to go back over it and re-question everyone. I want some results, like now." After pausing long enough to make sure he was heard and understood, he finished, "You're dismissed."
Swearing under their breaths, both returned to their desks. Finally, Dee Dee looked up at him, "Okay, lets get this straight. I am not going on desk duty because of this. So, lets just do what we have to do and get Charlie off our backs." All his hurt and frustration having turned to a stagnant bitterness in both of them, "Fine by me. The Rams are on tonight, so, in spite of what Charlie said, how about if I'll track down the guys and interview them and you take the three women. I'll make my reports, you make yours, and we'll sign both of them?" His tone conveyed the tension that remained between them.
**********
By 5:30, Hunter was no farther along than the previous detectives. With his suspects interviewed and reports written though, Hunter was on his way home, thinking of the Rams and chili dogs in attempt to prevent thoughts of *her* from catching up to the speeding car, when the dispatcher called over the radio. "L-56 come in. I have a patch from the Captain." "Patch him through." An angry voice barreled over the radio, "Hunter, where the hell are you?" "I'm just off Pine and 43rd, on my way home." Wondering how he'd managed to get himself in trouble again already. "I told you and McCall to do that work TOGETHER. Get your ass to Wilshire Memorial," his tone grew quieter, "McCall is in surgery. She's been shot." And with those words, his car and his life came to a screeching halt.