Disclaimer : Do you really think I own them? No, no...If I do, world would be much happier place *G* Evil Joss and other owns them.And title is taken from one fantasy-book.Don`t sue me :)
And song list: Song list:
Nightwish: Sleepwalker
Nightwish: Gentlemanne
Quetes are from "I will remember you", as I think you all know :)
Timeline : Amm..I don`t know exacly...Obivously after IWRY.
Angel looked around.
Again here, in Sunnydale.First he didn`t wanted come back here, never again.Other side of him wanted always be here, never leave this town behind.Never leave Buffy.
And now he was here.
// But just for bussiness, nothing in it personal.Just bussiness.Beside,I maybe not even see her...\\
He know that wasn`t true.It never can be if Buffy was around.
Yesterday Cordelia had get one of her visions and saw that Angel should be in Sunnydale.And why?
Some demon, Cordy had just said and drow picture of it.It looked quite usual.Also, it had something do with Buffy`s dreams.." You will find aswers in Sunnydale.", Cordy was promised to him.He didn`t was so sure of it.Maybe he just find the old pain, like meeting an old friend.Cruel friend.
// We are different now.We are not the same as we used to be.She was a girl then, now she is a women who have own life and new boyfriend.\\
But you love her anyway, no matter what will happen? , a little voice whisper to him. That was true, he know that so damn well.
When he was collected his thoughts together, he started walking in shodows star-bright night above, continued his journey.No much people in street, just some going back home from parties, with loud lauhting and smiling faces.
He saw one blonde and stopped.She turned and he continued his walking.
// So much like Buffy...But not even close to.\\
Finally he stopped.
He know Buffy was visited her mother`s house for this holiday.
The house looked pretty much as last time he was saw it.It wasen`t changed and he looked it while.
// Maybe I shoudn`t came.If there is some more dangerous demon, I will find it by myself...Too much painful memories if I go see her...If she saw me...\\
Willow looked him suprise look in her eyes and hugged him before he didn`t have time to say anything.br " Hi, Willow.How are you? "
" Fine, just fine.You? "
" Fine."
" Do Buffy know you are here? "
" No...Maybe I should keep it that way..."
// Yeah.That would be good for everybady.\\
" No! I mean, I am so sure she want see you.You know, see you are okey.You also like see her, to see is she okey.Which she is is."
He smile to Willow, who wondering why.
" I have to go, seeing Oz.Do I say "hi" to him from you? "
Angel nodded and waited when she was gone.
Then he knocked Buffy`s door.
// Just for work...\\
He sensed her and he knew her Slayer side sensed him,too... But Angel sensed something else which make him little bit confused, jealous.
Riley kissed her neck with little kisses.
Buffy closed her eyes and felt safe being her boyfirend`s embrace.
Then she sensed it. It was like a light, breaking darkness and pieces it around her.
// Oh my God..It is..It can`t be..\\
" Buffy, what is wrong? ", Riley asked worried.He felt how his girlfriend get nervously and her muscles felt tensed.
" I just...I...Forget something.I will be back soon.No, no, you don`t have to come with me.", she said, smiled little and get up from bed.She straighted her clothers." Okey.", Riley murmured confused when she disapeared out of room.
She didn`t know what to think when she opened the door.
// This is just a beatiful dream.When I woke up, he is gone...He isn `t here, he is so far way...not in my life anymore...He lefted me.\\
" Buffy ", Angel whisped like he was also suprised to be here.Like sleepwalker, walking around, not knowing where to go.He looked as handsome as always, his own dark way.He weared a long coat and his baws was in his pockets.
" Angel ", Buffy said and her voice was voice of his universe.His light and his streight.
" Why are you here? ", she asked and crossed her arms under her breasts. " Just for work.What kind dreams you have saw lately? "
Buffy looked him odd and rose her eyebrowns." Why you want know that? It isn`t your bussiness what I dream ! "
Angel stared her with nothing face.
// He is changed...There is something in his eyes...Something new...\\
" Cordelia get a vision of something which have common things with your dreams and Sunnydale.That is why I am here.For work."
" Ah, Cordelia`s visions.I didn`t even know she get visions.Since when? "
He heared blaming sound in her voice.
" It was, um, gift from Doyle.He get first visions from Powers That Be, but passed it to Cordy before his death."
" I am sorry.For your friend`s death."
" I never get to know him so well."
But she saw behind his words.Doyle`s death didn`t was so easy to him that he said. " But about your dreams...", he said and wanted change subject.
// She is so beatiful...God, why I came back...She is so close...\\
" Nothing special, just usual.And I don`t remember much about my dreams."
" Are you sure? Look, Buffy, this may be important..."
" Angel, I haven`t never lie to you why I would do it now? "
He looked her and nodded.
" Yeah.I didn`t mean I don`t believe it.But think about it, I`ll be around couple of days, if you remember something...", he stopped and strange look layed a while in his face." You know where you can find me."
Buffy nodded." I know. "
Uncomfortable silence lasted between them for a long moment.
They just watched each others, searching some sign.
" Buffy...", he started but he heared a man voice said: " Who is it, sweetie? "
And a man came next to Buffy and wind his arms around Buffy`s waist.
" Just an old friend of mine.", Buffy said and didn`t dare to watch Angel `s eyes.
" Riley, Buffy`s boyfriend.", Riley said and extend his hand to Angel.
" Angel, Buffy`s friend," , Angel said and shaked hands with him.Riley didn`t noticed irony in his voice, but Buffy noticed it very well.She shot him a look.
" Well, where do you know Buffy? ", Riley examined him.
" From that Slayer-thing.He once help us with one powerful creature.Without him, I don`t know will I be still alive.", Buffy said before him get time to answer.
" Oh, let`s say from work then." Riley smiled.
" Yeah.", Angel just said.
// So this is Riley, her boyfriend...I wanted that she find normal life, but...So, why I feel like I am so jealous to this guy? \\
" I think I have to go now.", Angel said and he didn`t watched direct to Buffy or Riley.He didn`t wanted to Buffy saw his eyes.
" It was..nice to see you again.", Buffy said.She apologies without words.
// She haven`t no reason to be sorry...If somebady shoud be sorry, it would be me.\\
" Well, good night ", Angel said and disappeared into night.
// Oh,God! Riley, I want to kill him right now! Why he...Oh God...Shoud I just scream and stop him? Or run to him...? I don `t want him to go...No...I want him to stay here....I don`t wanna lose him...again..\\
" Well, what kind a demon it was? ", Riley asked happily.Anoying happy.
// Riley can never understand what I am, what I have to be.He just can`t, no matter how hard he try to.He can see only hald of my world.\\
" What? ", Buffy asked confused.
" That demon which he help you with."
" Oh, that.", Buffy said relieved.
" It was..Well, it had power..to fall love with it.I mean, it was human, looked human, but it was a demon inside..." She stopped.
// How can I be so stupid!Why I said that?What is wrong with me? What a Hell I am talking about?\\
" Sounds creepy ", Riley said when they walked back to Buffy`s room.
" It is really was.But it feel so right then..."
// So safety, so right.\\
" What feel right? "
" Ahm, nothing.Forget that."
" Fine with me.", Riley said and leaded her back to bed.
Buffy try to smile happily.Riley kissed her and didn`t noticed Buffy`s absence look.
Buffy waked up with fury look in her eyes.
She looked around and saw only Riley beside her, sleeping happily, other arm around her bady.
Without wakeing him up, she slip out of his embrace.
// What a dream! I think I need cold shower...\\
She smiled herself.
// Sweet dreams are made of that kind a moments...Only dreams...Always just dreams...Always so sweet.\\
She look Riley who seemed smiled in his dreams.
// He is a good guy.He is sweet.He is...boring.\\
// I like him.He is good for me.He...I don`t love him.I can`t never say that to him.Because I know what love is, and what I feel to him...It isn`t love, only friendship.\\
" Good morning, sunshine.", Riley said and stretch his arms and bady.
" Come here.", he said and watched his beaty girl with grin in his face.
" Sorry, but I have to go.", she said.
// I am so sorry Riley...I don`t earn you...\\
" But why? It`s early and it`s holiday."
Buffy shaked her head at meantime she dressed.
" No, I can`t."
" Why, Buffy, why? "
" Am..Willow call me.She have something to tell me." Buffy feel bad when she lied, but she didn`t wanted to say the truth.
" Oh, but can`t she wait? " Riley`s look maked Buffy feel even more guilty.
// I don`t want to hurt you, but the truth always hurt..And now isn`t truth-time for you.I just go to saw him..and say him that I don`t want to see him never again.\\
Buffy kissed him quickly." I will be back so soon.Just relax."
Riley signed but nodded." Okey.I can wait you for eternity."
" You don`t have to wait that long, Riley."
" I love you.", Riley said.
Buffy looked him, saying nothing.She opened the door and disappiared out of Riley`s wondering eyes.
She stand outside of mansion.Memories surroundered her for moments.She didn`t can move, just drown deep sea of memories.
// I should not to be here...I shoud be with Riley...In his arms...\\
She knocked the door.
No answer.She opened it and walked in.
Sometimes she was sitting here, and fell in those sweet memories.Feeling the love, hear his voice saying her name, his deep brown eyes looking to her eyes...
" Giles? ", she asked supriserly.
// What he is doing here? \\
The Watcher and Angel looked up from the book which they both were examine.
" Buffy ", Giles said and rose his glasses as his own "Gilestic-style".
" I just wanted...", she said and looked Angel." To apologies you."
She know he knows she wasen`t there for that.
" What for? You have nothing to be sorry for."
" But..I was.."
" It is okey.You have all rights to be angry.Don`t be sorry."
" Am..If you want to be alone, I can...", Giles suggested.
" No ", both said.But both of them said "yes" in their own thoughts.
" Can you do something without asking? ", Giles asked.
" Why? "
" Let`s say it is a test...Can you trust me ? "
Buffy nodded.
" You know I trust you- both of you."
" Then just sitt and relax ", Giles said and Buffy satt on couch.
Giles and Angel chared a look.
" It is someting dangerous? You can tell me."
" It can be -like everything can be.I hypnosis you."
" What? Why on Earth you need to do that? "
" Don`t worry.He know what he is doing.", Angel calmed.
" I know that very well by myself, thank you.", Buffy said irony.
Angel shrungged like he dosen`t care.
// Why she is like that? She is changed...I know she don`t mean that, but...Where is that Buffy I knew?
This is just cover.She afraid to hurt herself again.\\
Giles felt like outsider.Maybe he know he was that.
" Am..Can I do that, Buffy? "
Buffy nodded." Fine, do that."
Giles stepped front of her, taking eyescontact and started saying words in latin, bilding up a spell. Soon he saw empty look in her eyes.
Giles rised.
" Now, ask your questions , Angel.Please, hurry , spell don`t during long."
Half-breed nodded and kneeled front of her.He taked her hand in his own.
// Like just class, empty, without any feelings..Nothing but emptiness...\\
" Buffy, can you remember any of your dreams what have you saw lately? ", he asked.
" Yes, I can."
// Emptiness in eyes, emptiness in voice \\
" Tell me about them."
" A deamon with a blood of humanity.Red eyes, darkblue skin within.It yell something, I can`t understand it`s words.Strange wind.A light crossed sky, a purple light.Beaty night with pain to vampire with a soul.Sweet pain to him. "
Angel looked to Giles." Go on.", Angel said softly.
// Sweet pain...\\
" All his hopes will come true.Humanity.Demons blood mixed his, and it give him a dying body.Not eternity anymore, just short, human life.
No longer warrior, no longer any power what he had.
Just normal man."
Silence.
" Can she lie? ", Angel asked and cleared up his throat
" No, she can speak only truth which she knows.Or possibilities.It is never sure."
" What woud hapend when that...vampire turn to human? "
" Everything what he wanted can be true."
// No, this can`t be true...She have to lie...This is..too good for true.\\
" Something else? Other dreams? "
She told them about last night dream.
If Angel could blush, he definetly did it when Buffy tould about her private dream, with monotonic voice.
He was pretty interesting about his old home`s floor.
He didn`t dare to look Giles.
// I killed her girlfriend.Lust control me, it was all what I know.Nothing else matters.Lust of killing.Lust of blood...\\
" It wasn`t your fault, Angel.", Giles said quietly, pain in his voice.
" No, I know that..I...just can`t forget...It is in me, beast inside me.Yelling, try to contol me."
" You are stronger.I believe you.It was Angelus who killed Jenny, not you."
// But if you will never turn to Angelus...I will kill you, I sweared it on Jenny`s grave.\\
Angel rose his eyes and looked older man.He nodded.Giles was right, as usual.
" If you have some question, ask it now.", Giles urged when Buffy seems to started waking.
" Do you remember? ", Angel asked.Nothing other question to ask, just that one.He feel like his death heart beaten wildy when she answer to him.
" I will never forget.How can I ? " A smile of happy memories rose in her lips.He wanted so badly that moment kissed her, feel her sweet lips againts his own.But she was waking.
Buffy opened her eyes and watched him.
// So beatiful eyes, beatiful soul within.I can`t...It is too much pain.I can`t do it, just for her.And her future.\\
" What? Angel, what is wrong? Tell me."
" Nothing, everything is just fine..."
Angel rose and again looked Giles. " It can`t be true...It is too..."
Buffy rose also and looked two man 0watching each other strange look in their eyes. " What? Please, you look like End of Days are comeing...Tell me.I have to know, I am a Slayer, if you can still remember that."
" Buffy, Angel can..."
" ..go to back L.A.Believe me, it wasen`t nothing important.Cordy can make mistakes as easy as we all."
Giles nodded sadly to Angel.
// And we can forgive, but not forget.I have forgive you a long time ago.When you can forgive yourself? \\
" But I think I try to sleep know.", he said.
" Oh, right.Buffy and I will not bother you.", Giles said.
" Come, Buffy.We can maybe practise.", he said at door.
" Okey, Giles.", she accepted to her Watcher but her eyes was still Angel.
He walked in cemetary, all senses open.
He haven`t left out Sunnydale.He was hunting.
He sense Buffy.Some part of him tell him to go away, or kill the enemy, Slayer.But the strongest part him wanted to stop, so he did it.
" Well, have you kill all bad boys in LA already?", Buffy said and he turned to face her.
" I will kill it.That demon."
" Oh, great.You do the job for me, come all way from LA to here...Just for one demon? "
// Why I am so bitter? Oh God, why I just can`t be nice to him? I love him...No, I don`t want to love him.I suppost to love Riley, my safely and warm, and living boyfriend.\\
" Yeah.Take a night off.I take care of all."
" No.I am the slayer of this town."
He signed.Maybe she wasen`t changes so much as he first thougt.
// My girl, my Buffy...No, not mine.Somebady else`s.\\
" Please, I don`t want to fight.We are still in same side."
Buffy rose her eyes and met his gaze.She saw same man as she always had saw, gentle and carrying.The man who she always will love, no matter what will happen. " Yeah.I am sorry.I just..."
" I know."
She smiled a little.
// He always know.He know me better than I know myself.\\
" It is just so..."
" Hard.Yeah, I know."
No words, but so much thing they say just gazing each others.So much past and pain.
Another tale of infinite dreams
Your eyes there were my paradise
Your smile made my sun rise."
" Forgive me, for I gon`t know what I gain
Alone in this garden of pain
Enchantment has but one truth:
I weep to have what I fear to lose."
" I knew you never before
I see you never more
But the love, the pain, the hope, O beatiful one
Have made you mine,`till all my tears are done."
" Without you The poetry within me is dead."
" Everything is like then.Nothing is changed.", he whisper.
Angel taked one step closer and she didn`t moved.
Buffy shaked her heard; powerless.
" No, everything is changed.Nothing is same.I am with Riley, and I am in College, not high school girl anymore.I have grown.I am not a kid anymore."
He looked her.
// She is right.She isn`t a girl anymore.She is a young woman whos life has just begun.When that change happened? I wasen`t here.Maybe it was good for her...\\
" Yeah.You are right.We both have grow."
// But my love is still there.Nothing of it hasen`t changed. \\
// He is right.About growing.But I love him.Why can`t I just say it to him? Or..Maybe he dosen`t love me anymore? Maybe he is love with somebady else, then I would feel like a fool if I say I still love him...I shoud stop this, this thinking...About these kind of things.I had thought about it so much, so many tears for it I had wept..This is just a dream.When he kiss me, I woke up and again, just dreaming, sinful hope in me...\\
" Well, I go to right..And you go to left.I mean, if we are not patrolling together, we will find it sooner."
Angel nodded in agreement.
When they pasted each others, Angel toched her arms and their eyes locked.
// I can drown her eyes..Forever, sliping away from reality, finding peaceful place..And then shall be no more she nor me, just love withing us..So easy...So difficult...Too dangerous...\\
" Sleep. We'll make another one like it tomorrow. " \\
// Memories..They bild as, they make us what we are..they destroy us, make us weak and suffer like we wanted to forget...\\
" Be careful."
" You too.", she said, but he didn`t let her go.They just looked.She saw same wretchedness in his eyes.It always was there and it always will be.
" I...", he started and her heart passed one beat.Their lips met.It was water for dying flower.
" But we have to bear, right? I mean, what else can we do? It doesn't work with us. It can't. "
" No, I…I can't give you a life, or a future, pr anything a real girl would want. "
" No matter how much we miss each other. "
" Or what we feel at the moment. "
" If we let something happen here, we'd want more…and nothing's changed. We'd only end up having to leave each other again. "
" And that's the best case scenario." \\
" I have miss you..I still...", he whisper, but one voice snapped they both back to reality.
" Buffy ", Riley said and looked her unbelieving seeing that gaze in her girlfriend`s eyes when she looked Angel.
// That look belong to me.That kiss belong to me.Not to him -whoever he is.\\
" Riley.", she said.She pushed herself off Angel`s arms.
She looked him." And this is all your fault.", she hissed and ran after Riley who was walking angry away.
Angel looked after both of them.
// She dosen`t love him.I see it.She care about him, as a friend, not a lover.\\
He know Buffy still love him.He saw it in her eyes as well as she saw same thing in his brown chocolate eyes.Their kiss tell of it all.
Love between them was alive, forever living creature which eat them, slowly, but surely.They can`t fight against it.If they do so, it just hurt both of them.
Then he smell it.A demon.It was close.
It was close to Buffy and he hear when their battle started.
" Buffy!", he yelled when he run towards the sound.
A women stop on his way.
" She can hadle it.", a female vampire said, looking Angel her sleepy gaze.
With their game-face they looked each others, pondering and thinking. " Sorry.", a familiar voice said and female vampire turn into dusk.The Slayer grinned to Angel." Sorry I killed your playmate."
" It`s okey. What about that demon? I saw you figting with it."
Buffy grinned again.It was Slayer deadful grin.
" Gone.It was easy.I thought it will be much worster..But it wasen`t."
" What..What happend to it? "
" Well, it turn to dusk.Maybe it was a vampire, not so usual one.But a bad figher it was anyway."
// All dreams and hopes...Faded way, in one sigle moment, like tears of the night sky dying in endless, hopeless darkness...But I can`t blame her, I didn`t told her.\\
" What? ", she asked.
// Oh God, that look! Did I something wrong? Why he look like I said something horrible to him? Did I say?\\
" Um, nothing, nothing.I just wondering why I have to came here.", he said and Buffy knew so easy he lied.
// I can`t tell her.I can`t tell what I could can be.She have to continue her life...And I have to continue mine.Maybe someday, somehow...\\
" No.I know you.I know your faces, I mean, you have "nothing"-face and that isn`t that one."
" I`m fine.Don`t worry about me."
" No.I worry about you.You can`t make me stop..worrying about you."
// Damn.Why I changed that? "You can`t make me stop loving you" would sound much better.Much more truth.\\
" I`m sorry."
" For what? "
" If I had did something which hurt you."
// No! You haven`t doing nothing!Please, just kiss me, take me in your arms and make me feel the same old feeling again.Please.\\
But she didn`t said that and he didn`t saw that, because she didn`t looked to him.She didn`t dare.
// I never wanted left you, beloved.And I never wanted to hurt you.I never wanted to saw you with Riley.\\
" No.I am just..Nervous."
" About Riley? "
// About Riley? No.Yes.No, about you.You look...What I did? \\
" Yeah.I think he hates me now."
" No, I think he`s not.", Angel said a little bit too softly and looked something over her shoulder.
She turned.
Riley has big bunch of many kind flowers in his hands.He looked guilty, but he smiled.
Buffy looked back to Angel.
" Go.", he said, wispering.His eyes were deep, full of sadness. Buffy smiled weackly and start walking to Riley.She feel like a robot, just doing what have to do, without own will.
// When we let something go, we learn much more than if we get something...Pain is learning.\\
// No! This is wrong, I can maybe can be a bad person, but I can`t do this to Angel..I can leave Riley, but I can`t leave my Angel.\\
She turned, ready to yell Angel that she loves him and run back to him, in his strong arms embrace and ready to feel like she is finally back home.
But only night she saw.Nothing.A lonely cemetary shined at moonlight and wind whispering around her.
No Angel, no home.
Just same old scream inside her.
Same old loneliness in her heart.
She turnerd and Riley was there.
" What? What is wrong? I am so sorry, I didn`t mean to hurt you.I love you, Buffy.", he said and take her in his arms.Wrong arms, wrong man, but she didn`t escape.
// Too late.Maybe it is better this way..As he once said.He is always right.I know he is,but...\\
In the darkness, Angel watched couple.His hand in his pocket clenched.
// She will be happy.She was happy..Before I came back.Only one day, and I have messed her life again.\\
They kissed.
// He isn`t a bad man.He can`t be.\\
Buffy smiled a little bit, aswering Riley`s grin.
// She will be happy.With him.And I will be happy...It not matters.She ern happiness Something normal, something less painful what we had.\\
Her eyes gazed to place where he was.
// So beatiful, so much pain...\\
And he nodded, turnerd his back to her like he once before did.
He sense her gaze in his back.
Buffy saw him.Between two old trees.
And he walked away.Again.
He disappeared into night and Buffy just looked.Another man`s arms around her.
A lonely raven in tree crocked when two people walked out of cemetary, out of memories.
One single , unnoticeable tear born in her eye and die in her lips.
// I have to be strong, as strong than he is.He is stronger, he walked away from this...I have to be strong.For him.\\
" Buffy, are you sure you are okey? ", Riley asked worried.
" Yeah."
He clapsed her closer his chest. And again she lied to him.
" I'm out off the picture. That's why I left. I wanted you to have it. " \\