Broken Hearts (part 6)
That night was a repeat of the previous night. Monica kept quiet; she was expecting it and endured it without comment. However, she still cried herself to sleep when it was over. Chandler had hoped to find some enjoyment in it this time, he wasn't cruel enough to deliberately hurt Monica. He wasn't sure why he kept doing it, but it certainly wasn't out of spite. It wasn't for some sort of perverse pleasure either, since it gave him none.
Once again, when Monica woke up at about half past nine, Chandler was at work. On the kitchen table lay another note and gift. This time he had left her a plastic daisy. Monica frowned, confused, and read the accompanying note with dread.
Monica
When you say "he loves me, he loves me not"
Which one of us do you mean?
Or do you say "Chandler loves me, Mark loves me"?
Maybe you could use that method to find out which one of us you love.
Chandler
Monica could have cried. She loved Chandler, she had never doubted that, even for a moment. There was no choice for her to make, she loved Chandler. Mark meant nothing to her. He never had.
Chandler came home for the second night in a row wondering if monica would hate him. He was also afraid of finding the plastic daisy in a vase, like the rose had been, but there was no sign of either the daisy or the note. Monica must have thrown them away.
Their conversation that night was a little more normal. Monica dared to bring up the subject of her ultrasound, which was the day after tomorrow, and Chandler listened, but didnt' ask for any details, or offer to come with her. Chandler secretly longed to go to see his baby son, but he was afraid of becoming too attatched to it, in case he wasn't the father.
Chandler didn't have to work tomorrow, so he decided it would be okaty to go out with ross and joey. Monica didn't ask where they were going, because she didn't want to be told that they were going to 'pick up chicks'. Joey dragged the other two guys to a stip club. Ross seemed to have a good time, although he turned beetroot red when he put a dollar bill into the G-string of one of the dancers. Joey went home with one of the strippers, so he was happy.
Chandler had only agreed to go to take his mind off monica for a few hours. He hated sitting at home with her and not talking. He missed making her laugh, and he missed her smiling at him. But even here, he couldn't forget her. He kept thinking that while all the strippers looked nice enough, none of them even compared to Monica. He mumbled this to Joey, who looked at him like he was crazy. He agreed that Monica was pretty, but kept pointing out how gorgeous the strippers were. Chandler nodded tiredly. He couldnt' be bothered arguing, although he did feel slightly guilty for not defending Monica.
Monica was already in bed when he came home, somehow even more depressed than he had been when he left. He didn't have the heart to disturb her, but he wasn't tired, so he sat up in bed and watched her sleep. She lay on her back, with her long hair spread around her. Her hands were curled into childlike fists either side of her head, which faced Chandler. Her lips were slightly parted, and her breath was slow and steady. Her stomach drew his hands and he gently stroked it, trying not to wake her, but needing to feel the life that was growing inside his wife. Occassionally, he felt the baby move, and he was amazed every time.
"Chandler?" Monica mumbled. Chandler immediately froze and looked up at her face, but her eyes were closed, she was still asleep. He smiled, glad that it was still him she dreamt of, not Mark. He didn't think he could bear to sleep in the same bed as her while she dreamt of another man.
Chandler spent his day off with Ross and Ben. He left before Monica woke up, not wanting to have to face her again. He had always had a weak spot for her, but he had never really known how much power she had over him, without even trying. Although it wasn't just her, it was the baby too.
Monica knew Chandler was gone as soon as she woke up. She supposed he could have just got up and still be in the apartment, but she doubted it. She sighed as she heaved herself out of bed, hoping she wouldn't find another note and gift. She didn't. The table was covered with the same magazines and newspapers as last night, plus a couple of empty plates, which she assumed were Chandler and Joey's.
Phoebe and Rachel came over at about twelve, wanting lunch. usually, Monica didn't mind cooking for all her friends, but today she wasn't in the mood.
"Can't we just get takeaway?" she asked.
"No, because its all greasy and finger marks, eww!" Phoebe said, knowing that the thought of stains on the couch might make Monica more likely to cook.
"On second thoughts, I don't want anything greasy right now," Monica said.
"So you'll cook?" Rachel asked hopefully.
"No," Monica said firmly. "I'm sorry guys, I just don't feel like it today."
"Will you feel like it tomorrow?" Rachel inquired. She wasn't sure if any of the others could be relyed upon to cook meals everyday if Monica suddenly decided she didnt' want to.
"I don't know Rach. As a pregnant woman I reserve the right to act weird, okay?" Monica said, fed up of her friend's questions.
"Sorry Mon," Rachel said, hurt. She deliberately looked like she was going to cry, forgetting that Monica never fell for that old trick. Monica sighed exasperatedly.
"For God's sake Rach, there is absolutely no reason on earth why you can't cook your own food. I used to cook it out of the goodness of my heart because I like cooking. but just because I don't want to cook everything you eat when I'm six months pregnant, don't turn on the waterworks, because you know that doesn't work with me," she shouted, making Rachel cry for real.
"mon, that was mean," Phoebe said quietly.
"I'm sorry Rach. I've not been sleeping to well, I guess I'm just a bit tired," Moncia apologised.
"Remind me to stay away from her for the next year or so," Phoebe whispered to Rachel, who smiled.
"What do you want for lunch?" Monica sighed. She might as well give in and make them lunch. They would only go on about it for ages if she didn't. As she made lunch, she took care to slam as many drawers and cupboards a possible, clattering the cutlery and chopping vegetables with an expression that suggested she would rather chop up Phoebe and Rachel than the carrots and onions. She slammed the two plates down on the table resentfully.
"Mon, I'm sorry we made you cook lunch," Phoebe said. Monica suddenly felt like she was going to cry. She bit her lip and shook her head, to tell Phoebe that it was okay. She threw two knives and two forks down next to the plates and went into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Rachel went over and knocked.
"Mon? Monica? What's the matter?" she called through the door. She opened it a crack and saw Monica lying on her side, facing away from the door. Rachel beckoned Phoebe over and they both went into the room.
"Please don't cry Mon," Phoebe pleaded.
"Go away," she said, her voice muffled.
"Mon, I'm sorry. Come out and have lunch with us," Rachel said. She sat down on the bed and put her hand on Monica's back.
"Not hungry," she mumbled.
"What's the matter Mon?" Rachel asked. "Have you and Chandler had a fight?"
"You could say that," she mumbled.
"Talk to him, okay? You guys are so in love, don't ruin it all over a stupid fight. Nothing can be important enough to break you two up," Phoebe assured her. Monica only wished that was true, that her friend's view of her and Chandler's relationship as perfect was real.
"Please, just leave me alone," Monica begged. Phoebe touched her arm in a comforting way, Rachel stroked her back. But there was nothng either of them could do or say to make Monica feel better.
They took their lunch over to Joey's, leaving Monica alone, as she had asked, although they felt bad about doing so. Sitting on the stools by the counter, they picked at the lunch Monica had made for them.
"Rach, she's pregnant. It's a well known fact that pregnant women act weird," Phoebe pointed out.
"Yeah, but I don't think she was lying when she said she and Chandler had a fight," Rachel argued. "I'm worried about them."
"So what? So they had a fight! Rachel Karen Green, they're a perfectly normal couple. Just because they don't fight as much as you and Ross did, that doesn't mean they're perfect. All couples fight. They'll get over it, whatever 'it' is," Phoebe said. Rachel sniffed. "Oh, don't do that!" Phoebe snapped impatiently.
Chandler came home to an empty apartment. Monica hadn't left a note telling him where she'd gone. He was surprised that she had gone out at all. He wondered for a brief moment if she had sneaked (sneaked? She was a grown woman. She didn't have to sneak anywhere) out to see Mark, but he quickly dismissed the idea. Monica wasn't that mean. If she'd needed to talk to Mark, she would have phoned him, not gone to see him. But she wouldn't want to see him anyway. At least not if Chandler knew her as well as he thought. He had half expected her to stay and hide away. He knew it was a ridiculous idea, but that hadn't stopped it from forming.
Monica was at Central Perk with Joey and Phoebe. Chandler had gone down for a coffee, not really expecting Monica to be there, but he couldn't help smiling when he saw her. She looked so much happier than he'd seen her since he found out about her and Mark. She was laughing at a joke Joey was telling them. Chandler frowned when he saw Joey put his arm around Monica and kiss her cheek. Joey stood up and started to leave. He also hugged Phoebe and kissed her cheek, but Chandler didn't notice that.
"Hi Chandler," Joey said as he walked past him. Chandler grabbed his shirt and pushed him against the wall, making sure they were out of sight of the girls.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he said in a fierce whisper.
"What are you talking about?" Joey asked, shocked. "Whats the matter with you, man?"
"You kissed my fiancee!" Chandler hissed.
"Yeah, a friendly kiss, on the cheek, just like I gave Phoebe," Joey said slowly. "ARe you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine," Chandler said furiously. He let go of Joey, who back away nervously. Chandler sighed. "Get a grip Chandler," he muttered to himself. He couldn't believe how paranoid he was being. Of course Joey wouldn't kiss Monica! He was Chandler's best friend, who might sleep with a lot of women, but who wouldn't sleep with his best friend's girl, who also happened to be the sister of his other best friend. Chandler shook himself mentally, and entered the coffee house.
"Hi," Phoebe greeted him.
"Hi," Chandler replied.
"Hi honey," Monica said. Chandler bent and kissed her quickly. He imagined, stupidly, that he could smell Joey's cologne on her skin.
"I thought you two had a fight?" Phoebe said, confused by the way they had greeted each other normally.
"No," Chandler said, surprised.
"But Monica was upset," Phoebe said quietly. She wondered why her friend had lied ot her, and what Chandler and Monica were hiding.
"I was upset about something," she told Chandler later on when he asked her what she'd told Phoebe.
"So you said we'd had a fight to avoid having to explain that you cheated on me. I assume that was the 'something' you were upset about?" Chandler said coldly.
"Yes," monica said softly.
"Like I said before, I don't want them to know," Chandler said, talking almost to himself. "There are times when I wish I could just tell them and I would never have to see you again. But at other times, I just want to kiss you and forget everything and pretend its all the same as it used to be."
"Me too," Monica said.
"I love you so much Monica. SO much that it hurts. When I walked in on you and Mark, do you know what my first thought was? I thought he was going to rape you. It took until you said 'sorry' for me to realise that when he kissed you, you kissed him back. You enjoyed his touch and returned it. And you invited him in. And in that moment, my heart shattered like glass."
"I'm sorry Chandler," she whispered. "I can't imagine how much i hurt you. I don't pretend to know what you're going through right now. But I want to understand Chandler."
"I want you to understand too Mon. You don't know what its like to go through this all by my self. I can't tell anyone what's going on, I can't talk to you anymore."
"Chandler, you know you can always talk to me. Whether or not we're still together when we come out the other side of theis, I hope we'll still be friends," monica said. She was terrified of losing CHandler's love, but losing him altogether would be even worse.
"No Monica. Because right now, when I don't know anything, I can hardly stand being so close to you all the time. If I find out that the baby is Mark's, then I think I will want to die. I certainly won't want to see you every dat, or talk to you. I don't think I'll ever trust you as much as I once did, even if it is my baby. But hopefulyl I will be able to start to trust you again eventually."
"Monica hoped and prayed that her son was Chandler's. Because she knew she would lose him if it was Mark's baby. She didn't want to live her whole life never seeing Chandler again, never touching him, never kissing him, never making love to him ever again.
Even as he told Monica she would lose him if it was Mark's baby, Chandler wasn't sure how he would ever manage to live wihtout her. She was his whole life. The reason he got up every morning was so he could reach over and kiss her awake. His whole reaosn for living was to get to talk to her, make her laugh, hold her, kiss her, touch her, make love to her. He had never had that with any other woman before, and he had once felt so lucky to have found it in Moncia. Chandler didn't think he could stand to lose her, or the son he was sure was his.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Okay, I know it got very sappy, so you dont' need to tell me that. but please review, you've read this far, how hard can it be to leave a tiny little review?
That night was a repeat of the previous night. Monica kept quiet; she was expecting it and endured it without comment. However, she still cried herself to sleep when it was over. Chandler had hoped to find some enjoyment in it this time, he wasn't cruel enough to deliberately hurt Monica. He wasn't sure why he kept doing it, but it certainly wasn't out of spite. It wasn't for some sort of perverse pleasure either, since it gave him none.
Once again, when Monica woke up at about half past nine, Chandler was at work. On the kitchen table lay another note and gift. This time he had left her a plastic daisy. Monica frowned, confused, and read the accompanying note with dread.
Monica
When you say "he loves me, he loves me not"
Which one of us do you mean?
Or do you say "Chandler loves me, Mark loves me"?
Maybe you could use that method to find out which one of us you love.
Chandler
Monica could have cried. She loved Chandler, she had never doubted that, even for a moment. There was no choice for her to make, she loved Chandler. Mark meant nothing to her. He never had.
Chandler came home for the second night in a row wondering if monica would hate him. He was also afraid of finding the plastic daisy in a vase, like the rose had been, but there was no sign of either the daisy or the note. Monica must have thrown them away.
Their conversation that night was a little more normal. Monica dared to bring up the subject of her ultrasound, which was the day after tomorrow, and Chandler listened, but didnt' ask for any details, or offer to come with her. Chandler secretly longed to go to see his baby son, but he was afraid of becoming too attatched to it, in case he wasn't the father.
Chandler didn't have to work tomorrow, so he decided it would be okaty to go out with ross and joey. Monica didn't ask where they were going, because she didn't want to be told that they were going to 'pick up chicks'. Joey dragged the other two guys to a stip club. Ross seemed to have a good time, although he turned beetroot red when he put a dollar bill into the G-string of one of the dancers. Joey went home with one of the strippers, so he was happy.
Chandler had only agreed to go to take his mind off monica for a few hours. He hated sitting at home with her and not talking. He missed making her laugh, and he missed her smiling at him. But even here, he couldn't forget her. He kept thinking that while all the strippers looked nice enough, none of them even compared to Monica. He mumbled this to Joey, who looked at him like he was crazy. He agreed that Monica was pretty, but kept pointing out how gorgeous the strippers were. Chandler nodded tiredly. He couldnt' be bothered arguing, although he did feel slightly guilty for not defending Monica.
Monica was already in bed when he came home, somehow even more depressed than he had been when he left. He didn't have the heart to disturb her, but he wasn't tired, so he sat up in bed and watched her sleep. She lay on her back, with her long hair spread around her. Her hands were curled into childlike fists either side of her head, which faced Chandler. Her lips were slightly parted, and her breath was slow and steady. Her stomach drew his hands and he gently stroked it, trying not to wake her, but needing to feel the life that was growing inside his wife. Occassionally, he felt the baby move, and he was amazed every time.
"Chandler?" Monica mumbled. Chandler immediately froze and looked up at her face, but her eyes were closed, she was still asleep. He smiled, glad that it was still him she dreamt of, not Mark. He didn't think he could bear to sleep in the same bed as her while she dreamt of another man.
Chandler spent his day off with Ross and Ben. He left before Monica woke up, not wanting to have to face her again. He had always had a weak spot for her, but he had never really known how much power she had over him, without even trying. Although it wasn't just her, it was the baby too.
Monica knew Chandler was gone as soon as she woke up. She supposed he could have just got up and still be in the apartment, but she doubted it. She sighed as she heaved herself out of bed, hoping she wouldn't find another note and gift. She didn't. The table was covered with the same magazines and newspapers as last night, plus a couple of empty plates, which she assumed were Chandler and Joey's.
Phoebe and Rachel came over at about twelve, wanting lunch. usually, Monica didn't mind cooking for all her friends, but today she wasn't in the mood.
"Can't we just get takeaway?" she asked.
"No, because its all greasy and finger marks, eww!" Phoebe said, knowing that the thought of stains on the couch might make Monica more likely to cook.
"On second thoughts, I don't want anything greasy right now," Monica said.
"So you'll cook?" Rachel asked hopefully.
"No," Monica said firmly. "I'm sorry guys, I just don't feel like it today."
"Will you feel like it tomorrow?" Rachel inquired. She wasn't sure if any of the others could be relyed upon to cook meals everyday if Monica suddenly decided she didnt' want to.
"I don't know Rach. As a pregnant woman I reserve the right to act weird, okay?" Monica said, fed up of her friend's questions.
"Sorry Mon," Rachel said, hurt. She deliberately looked like she was going to cry, forgetting that Monica never fell for that old trick. Monica sighed exasperatedly.
"For God's sake Rach, there is absolutely no reason on earth why you can't cook your own food. I used to cook it out of the goodness of my heart because I like cooking. but just because I don't want to cook everything you eat when I'm six months pregnant, don't turn on the waterworks, because you know that doesn't work with me," she shouted, making Rachel cry for real.
"mon, that was mean," Phoebe said quietly.
"I'm sorry Rach. I've not been sleeping to well, I guess I'm just a bit tired," Moncia apologised.
"Remind me to stay away from her for the next year or so," Phoebe whispered to Rachel, who smiled.
"What do you want for lunch?" Monica sighed. She might as well give in and make them lunch. They would only go on about it for ages if she didn't. As she made lunch, she took care to slam as many drawers and cupboards a possible, clattering the cutlery and chopping vegetables with an expression that suggested she would rather chop up Phoebe and Rachel than the carrots and onions. She slammed the two plates down on the table resentfully.
"Mon, I'm sorry we made you cook lunch," Phoebe said. Monica suddenly felt like she was going to cry. She bit her lip and shook her head, to tell Phoebe that it was okay. She threw two knives and two forks down next to the plates and went into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Rachel went over and knocked.
"Mon? Monica? What's the matter?" she called through the door. She opened it a crack and saw Monica lying on her side, facing away from the door. Rachel beckoned Phoebe over and they both went into the room.
"Please don't cry Mon," Phoebe pleaded.
"Go away," she said, her voice muffled.
"Mon, I'm sorry. Come out and have lunch with us," Rachel said. She sat down on the bed and put her hand on Monica's back.
"Not hungry," she mumbled.
"What's the matter Mon?" Rachel asked. "Have you and Chandler had a fight?"
"You could say that," she mumbled.
"Talk to him, okay? You guys are so in love, don't ruin it all over a stupid fight. Nothing can be important enough to break you two up," Phoebe assured her. Monica only wished that was true, that her friend's view of her and Chandler's relationship as perfect was real.
"Please, just leave me alone," Monica begged. Phoebe touched her arm in a comforting way, Rachel stroked her back. But there was nothng either of them could do or say to make Monica feel better.
They took their lunch over to Joey's, leaving Monica alone, as she had asked, although they felt bad about doing so. Sitting on the stools by the counter, they picked at the lunch Monica had made for them.
"Rach, she's pregnant. It's a well known fact that pregnant women act weird," Phoebe pointed out.
"Yeah, but I don't think she was lying when she said she and Chandler had a fight," Rachel argued. "I'm worried about them."
"So what? So they had a fight! Rachel Karen Green, they're a perfectly normal couple. Just because they don't fight as much as you and Ross did, that doesn't mean they're perfect. All couples fight. They'll get over it, whatever 'it' is," Phoebe said. Rachel sniffed. "Oh, don't do that!" Phoebe snapped impatiently.
Chandler came home to an empty apartment. Monica hadn't left a note telling him where she'd gone. He was surprised that she had gone out at all. He wondered for a brief moment if she had sneaked (sneaked? She was a grown woman. She didn't have to sneak anywhere) out to see Mark, but he quickly dismissed the idea. Monica wasn't that mean. If she'd needed to talk to Mark, she would have phoned him, not gone to see him. But she wouldn't want to see him anyway. At least not if Chandler knew her as well as he thought. He had half expected her to stay and hide away. He knew it was a ridiculous idea, but that hadn't stopped it from forming.
Monica was at Central Perk with Joey and Phoebe. Chandler had gone down for a coffee, not really expecting Monica to be there, but he couldn't help smiling when he saw her. She looked so much happier than he'd seen her since he found out about her and Mark. She was laughing at a joke Joey was telling them. Chandler frowned when he saw Joey put his arm around Monica and kiss her cheek. Joey stood up and started to leave. He also hugged Phoebe and kissed her cheek, but Chandler didn't notice that.
"Hi Chandler," Joey said as he walked past him. Chandler grabbed his shirt and pushed him against the wall, making sure they were out of sight of the girls.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he said in a fierce whisper.
"What are you talking about?" Joey asked, shocked. "Whats the matter with you, man?"
"You kissed my fiancee!" Chandler hissed.
"Yeah, a friendly kiss, on the cheek, just like I gave Phoebe," Joey said slowly. "ARe you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine," Chandler said furiously. He let go of Joey, who back away nervously. Chandler sighed. "Get a grip Chandler," he muttered to himself. He couldn't believe how paranoid he was being. Of course Joey wouldn't kiss Monica! He was Chandler's best friend, who might sleep with a lot of women, but who wouldn't sleep with his best friend's girl, who also happened to be the sister of his other best friend. Chandler shook himself mentally, and entered the coffee house.
"Hi," Phoebe greeted him.
"Hi," Chandler replied.
"Hi honey," Monica said. Chandler bent and kissed her quickly. He imagined, stupidly, that he could smell Joey's cologne on her skin.
"I thought you two had a fight?" Phoebe said, confused by the way they had greeted each other normally.
"No," Chandler said, surprised.
"But Monica was upset," Phoebe said quietly. She wondered why her friend had lied ot her, and what Chandler and Monica were hiding.
"I was upset about something," she told Chandler later on when he asked her what she'd told Phoebe.
"So you said we'd had a fight to avoid having to explain that you cheated on me. I assume that was the 'something' you were upset about?" Chandler said coldly.
"Yes," monica said softly.
"Like I said before, I don't want them to know," Chandler said, talking almost to himself. "There are times when I wish I could just tell them and I would never have to see you again. But at other times, I just want to kiss you and forget everything and pretend its all the same as it used to be."
"Me too," Monica said.
"I love you so much Monica. SO much that it hurts. When I walked in on you and Mark, do you know what my first thought was? I thought he was going to rape you. It took until you said 'sorry' for me to realise that when he kissed you, you kissed him back. You enjoyed his touch and returned it. And you invited him in. And in that moment, my heart shattered like glass."
"I'm sorry Chandler," she whispered. "I can't imagine how much i hurt you. I don't pretend to know what you're going through right now. But I want to understand Chandler."
"I want you to understand too Mon. You don't know what its like to go through this all by my self. I can't tell anyone what's going on, I can't talk to you anymore."
"Chandler, you know you can always talk to me. Whether or not we're still together when we come out the other side of theis, I hope we'll still be friends," monica said. She was terrified of losing CHandler's love, but losing him altogether would be even worse.
"No Monica. Because right now, when I don't know anything, I can hardly stand being so close to you all the time. If I find out that the baby is Mark's, then I think I will want to die. I certainly won't want to see you every dat, or talk to you. I don't think I'll ever trust you as much as I once did, even if it is my baby. But hopefulyl I will be able to start to trust you again eventually."
"Monica hoped and prayed that her son was Chandler's. Because she knew she would lose him if it was Mark's baby. She didn't want to live her whole life never seeing Chandler again, never touching him, never kissing him, never making love to him ever again.
Even as he told Monica she would lose him if it was Mark's baby, Chandler wasn't sure how he would ever manage to live wihtout her. She was his whole life. The reason he got up every morning was so he could reach over and kiss her awake. His whole reaosn for living was to get to talk to her, make her laugh, hold her, kiss her, touch her, make love to her. He had never had that with any other woman before, and he had once felt so lucky to have found it in Moncia. Chandler didn't think he could stand to lose her, or the son he was sure was his.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Okay, I know it got very sappy, so you dont' need to tell me that. but please review, you've read this far, how hard can it be to leave a tiny little review?