Little Orphan Warner

by Wendy Raimi

Yakko, Wakko and Dot entangle themselves into a murder mystery that has gone unsolved for nearly 75 years. Welcome to the new Burbank.

1. The Finding

Part I - The Finding

On a sunny day in Burbank (course, when isn't there a sunny day in Southern California?) the three Warner kids decided to escape their lovely Water Tower home and let the rest of Southern California know of their existence. California knew it all ready, but the Warners wanted to make sure they did. One could never be too careful. The day's list mainly said one thing, and that was to head to the local mall (in this case it turned out to be an Outlet mall called The Citadel) and just walk around...and feed Wakko when the time came. By the time noon came around, they had decided to head towards the Baskin Robbins since it was the only place that held ice cream. And the only place they hadn't amazingly been to yet.
"I love shopping," Dot began in a warm toned voice as they walked by some stores they hadn't been to yet.
"Yeah, so you can spend all our food money." Yakko said dryly.
"Hey! I need a new wardrobe! Summer is coming out and all my stuff is so retro." Dot said, defending herself.
Wakko tried desperately not to roll his eyes. They had just fought two minutes ago on where they should have gone for air conditioning, now it was clothes. What was next? And heaven knew he couldn't break up this one.
"Why don't you just let her buy the clothes Yakko?" Wakko tried softly. He wasn't often used to being peacekeeper, but he tried.
"Because the studio is starting to restrict our allowances...and our credit cards....and our debit cards and--"
"And everything else because we're just little kids." Dot said, pouting. This signaled the end of the fighting, for now. Yakko nodded,
"Don't worry sister sibling! We have our freedom! We have--"
"Out of my way!" screamed a girl as she slid on the tile floor and ended up crashing to the left, which meant Wakko fell to the floor along with the girl. Books flew up in the air and rained down on them like confetti. Hats slid across the floor like skaters at the ice capades. Yakko and Dot blinked, watching and slowly gathering up the books. Wakko tried to slide out from underneath the girl who lifted herself up. They looked straight at each other and in unison apologized,
"I'm sorry!" They blinked and they both stood, still looking at each other. Wakko broke the stare though and looked to Yakko who held a majority of the books the girl dropped.
"I suppose you want your books back." Wakko said softly, taking them from his bother and offering them to the girl. She shook her head feverently and pulled one out from the middle, never tipping the stack.
"Take them. I just want this one." she replied softly as well, her voice sounding oddly familiar. Wakko glanced at her. She wore a tie-dye shirt with colors so mottled you could hardly tell what they were. Her shorts were purple. Her head was bare and--
"I'm sorry, I've got to go," she said, trying to avoid eye contact this time and beginning to run off.
"Hey! You dropped your--" Yakko called out to her, but the girl was all ready gone. In Yakko's hands he held two hats. One green and one red. The red one he handed to his brother. Wakko dusted it off and examined it as Dot said,
"That was too weird. I hope we never see her again." Yakko blinked.
"Why not?"
"Cause I don't like her." was the reply. Wakko and Yakko stared into the distance where the girl had run off. Some how they felt as if Dot's hope wouldn't be granted.

Two police officers and a guy, who looked like he might work at the Waldenbooks, came up to the Warners. The men's faces clearly showed...annoyance.
"There! That kid there. He stole the books," 'Walden' said as he pointed to Wakko.
"Wait a minute! My little bro stole nothing. He was with us the whole time." Yakko said, turning around to face the men.
"But he looks just like the kid who stole the books." Walden said, anger in his voice.
"I didn't steal anything." Wakko said as he held...aforementioned books.
"Then what are those in your hands son?" asked one of the police officers.
"Those are the books that girl gave us." Dot said as she looked at the books. The second officer, Ed, looked to Bob and then at Walden.
"And you did say that a girl stole the books. This kid here is a boy, Walden."
"Well, either way, someone will have to pay for those books! They cost a fortune." Walden complained, but began adding, "You know, these kids look like the girl. Maybe they should pay."
"No way! We're not paying for someone else's mistake!" Yakko said, the other two Warner's nodding, agreeing with their brother.
"Fine. I'll press charges." Walden said as he turned to the two police officers.
"Time-out!" Yakko shouted and the three Warners went into a huddle with the policemen and Walden watching.
"Yakko, what are we going to do? We didn't even know the girl, and now look what she's done!" Dot hissed.
"I know Dot, I know." Yakko said, the back of his mind running ideas at lighting speed on what they should do.
"Can't we just give him the books back? We still have most of them." Wakko offered as an idea. Yakko grinned slightly at his brother and then stood, the Warners resuming their original positions.
"@@@@hhhh....How about we just give you the books back, and you let us go? Huh?" Yakko said with his big con-artist grin. Walden rubbed his bare chin as he thought this over.
"Let me see the books." he asked, and Wakko complied giving him the stack. Walden quickly went through the books.
"You're missing one. Pay for that and you can go." Dot and Wakko looked to their eldest sibling who closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.
"Do you take Discover?" he asked.

"I never knew a book could cost thirty-five dollars. I wonder what it was about." Dot pondered out loud as the three walked home. Dot and Wakko were happily eating ice cream cones as they walked ahead. But Yakko just stuffed his hands in his pockets and began his own silent wondering. What was the book about? Why did it cost so much, and most important of all, who was the girl that the man said looked like Wakko? But Yakko knew that this wasn't his only problem he should be worrying about. Thirty-five dollars was a lot of money and even though they owned the Discover card, the money would come from the studio and he knew Plotz was going to have a fit.
The studio's budget had been in a crunch lately, and Mr. Plotz had never liked the Warner's anyway, and to make them suffer, he deliberately tried everything he could to restrict the amount of money they were allowed per week. Why not just make it per day! Yakko would occasionally think with all the venom his mind could muster.
As the Warner three headed for the Water Tower, Dr. Scratchnsniff came running up to Yakko, fear and worry playing on his face as usual. Wakko and Dot were all ready climbing the ladder as the Doctor stopped Yakko.
"Yakko, Mr. Plotz vants to see you. He says it is emportant." 'Scratchy' whispered to the eldest Warner. Yakko nodded and turned to call his sibs, but Scratchy quickly interrupted.
"No Yakko. Just you." Yakko paused and visibly frowned. He knew what this would be about.

"Yakko, Yakko, come in! Come in! Sit, do you want anything? I can have my secretary get you a coke!" Mr. Plotz began as he greeted Yakko into his office. Yakko smiled politely but knew that this was just a front. Once the door was shut and the curtains closed, the real debate would happen. He listened as the door was shut gently and then watched as the curtains were pulled closed by the studio director. Plotz sat down at his desk and his face became a stony rock of non-happiness. Yakko took the seat across from him. When his siblings were with him, he had to convey chaos, and reach to their level, which wasn't bad, but with...."grown-ups" he had to act his age and his almost con-artist vocal tricks came in handy when it was just him against the world.
"I suppose you all ready know what this is about?" Plotz asked, his voice cold and hard, ready to kick the Warner out at any moment with a scream.
"Yes, I do." Yakko replied coolly. He would not let Plotz get under his skin.
"Yakko, our budget is going under, and to keep trying to finance your little...escapades along with the damage that you cause nearly everyday around town, plus the frivolous spending--"
"Get to the point." Yakko said tiredly. He was one never to waste words.
"We're cutting your budget to fifty dollars a week and if this keeps up, we're locking the water tower for another sixty years." Plotz said quickly getting to the point. Yakko blinked and looked amazed.
"We can't live off of that! Do you know how much Wakko eats in a day?!" Yakko asked as he stood up. He was truly outraged.
"If you kids can't behave then fine, we'll put you on restrictions and maybe ground you someday until you kids can grow up!" Plotz yelled, standing up.
"What about the check? From the party? The one billion dollars?"
"You've used up a good portion of it all ready. There isn't much left."
"Didn't you invest it?" asked Yakko, anger boiling inside of him.
"Yes. In the company. In our movies. We just haven't been doing too well." Plotz said, trying to be modest. Yakko rolled his eyes. Yeah, Plotz was smart.
"Just shape up or ship out and that goes for the rest of those kids too!" Plotz said, trying not to yell. Yakko, still standing stared Plotz right in the eye.
"If it wasn't for us, there'd be no studio!" he said back.
"Yes there would!"
"Oh yeah, uh huh, what? 'Buddy Inc.'? Don't threaten us Plotz!" Yakko felt like he was arguing with Dot.
"What are you going to do about it?" Plotz shouted at him now.
Yakko raised a finger and dug through his mind, but nothing would come up. He had lost this round and they both knew it.
"Bye bye." Plotz said in his semi sugary voices as he led the Warner out the door. Yakko nearly stomped out. He would show Plotz, the Warners would once again be the pride of all who knew them.

The evening went by as normal. Yakko made dinner, which consisted of a large batch of Top Rammen. Afterwards they rode their train and ended up watching part of the "Linda Blair Story" but got bored after it had all ready shown the clip from "The Exorcist" with her head spinning. Deciding that it was getting late, even for them, Yakko tucked his sibs each into their own bed.
"Yakko, do you still have that hat?" Wakko asked as he held his beige teddy bear close. Yakko raised a brow, but pulled it out of his pocket.
"This one?" he asked as he held up the green baseball cap. Wakko nodded and reached out for it. Yakko let him have it.
"Why you want it for?" Yakko asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"I dunno. It seems like a nice hat." Wakko said as he examined the hat and brushed off the dirt and lint. Yakko shrugged as he stood again.
"Well, it's yours now unless we find the girl again." Yakko said as he headed for the doorway.
Wakko blinked and looked at the hat.
"G'nite Yakko."
"G'nite little bro."
Tucking Dot in was harder. She hopped in bed easily and snuggled under the covers.
"Yakko who was that girl today?" Dot asked curiously.
"I dunno Dot."
"Am I cuter than her?" Dot asked. Yakko grinned a bit.
"Of course you are."
Dot smiled. "Am I really a Princess?" she asked.
"In every sense of the word." Yakko said.
"I love you." she replied softly as her eyes got heavy.
"Love you too Dot. G'nite." Yakko said as he flipped the light switch off. But Dot was all ready asleep.



Elsewhere in Burbank though....


"Sally! Sally where are you?" cried out Francine Lewis, irritated at not being able to find her charge. Sally rolled her deep black eyes and came out from the kitchen.
"I am here Miss Lewis." Sally replied looking annoyed and stuffing her gloved hands into her shorts pockets.
"Sally!...Where is your hat my dear girl?" Sally looked down at the floor and rubbed her paw against the linoleum.
"I...misplaced it Miss Lewis." Sally replied again in her Manchester accent.
"Sally I--"
"Please, Miss Lewis, that's not my name, and I know how much you love it, but please, call me Swirls. The nuns always did."
Francine sighed. "Swirls, the nuns didn't want to believe that you weren't human. I know you are human, but you have just been born wrong."
Francine said as she rubbed her hands over the girls' two ears that stood upon her head. Swirls batted at the hands and Francine stood straighter.
"Pray tonight Swirls that God may change you into your true form." Swirls rolled her eyes.
"Yes Miss Lewis." she replied softly and headed off to her room.




Swirls' room was covered in purple, much to the dislike of Francine. The walls, the curtains, even the bed sheets and carpet were purple. To Swirls, it was beautiful. To Francine she thought it was a lesser form of black, which she hated as well. Swirls walked over to her mirror and combed her hair, then tied her ears together with a little bow, thinking she looked cute. She slipped into a purple nightgown and looked out her window. The stars didn't shine so bright and the moon was full and round. Swirls sighed.
"Oh great big giant moon in the sky, do you listen to what I ask?" Swirls whispered. There was no reply and she sighed once more.
"The stars don't listen, Miss Lewis doesn't listen. Oh giant Moon, you have to listen. Please just grant me one wish...please?" she asked it. The moon continued to shine. Swirls took a deep breath.
"Here goes. Moon, I would like a family. A real one. Not Miss Lewis or her getting a husband. I want a real family. With a brother and a sister and a home where linoleum doesn't cover everything but my room. I want to be tucked in at night and eat pizza on Friday's. I know this is a lot to ask for Moon, but give me the family and I'll take care of the rest." Swirls said. Again, the moon didn't reply. Swirls sighed and slipped under the giant comforter of her purple bed. Someday she whispered. Someday.




As Burbank slept through the early morning hours, Yakko slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen, only to all ready see Dot up and flipping through the TV channels while the sound was on mute. An easy guess told him Wakko was still in bed. Yakko headed to the kitchen and began to pull random things from the fridge. Milk for his siblings, Soymilk for him, left over batter from yesterday's breakfast that his brother claimed was still good. Basically, Wakko was the chef, and Yakko just set up everything for his brother to cook.
As he looked over the contents on the counter, he looked over to the bored and almost sleeping Dot.
"Want some milk?" he asked, all ready getting down a glass and opening the carton.
Dot yawned in reply and nodded. Yakko brought over the glass and sat next to his sister. On mute, the Honeymooners played on.
"Why isn't anything good on at this time of day?" Dot asked as she sipped at her milk.
"Who watches TV at 5:00am?" Yakko asked.
"Us." Dot replied matter of factly.
"Okkay, other than people who live in water towers, who watches TV at this time of day?" he tried again.
Dot thought for a moment. "Clubbers?" she asked.
Yakko raised a brow as his sister grinned sheepishly. He smiled, shook his head and stood. "Well, it's 5:15. Time for all good Warners to be awake and cook their siblings breakfast." he said as he headed for Wakko's room.
Entering the boy's room, he found Wakko asleep of course, holding tightly onto the green hat, his own red cap off and on the floor. Yakko picked up the red one and placed it on his brother's head. Wakko shifted, but still didn't wake up.
"There's waffles in about 12 minutes." Yakko whispered softly. Wakko's eyes popped open and he sat up.
"Where?!" he asked eagerly as he looked around and sniffed.
"As soon as you start cooking." Yakko said heading for the door.
Wakko pouted but nonetheless got up and changed into his trademark clothing and headed out. The Honeymooners now played at a reasonable level and Wakko headed for the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of milk as he proceeded to make waffles for his sibs. After a few minutes, laughter emitted from the TV.
"What's happening?" asked Wakko, trying to peer around the corner of the wall.
"He said that line again." Dot called back.
"What line?" Wakko asked.
"The one about banging his wife to the moon." Yakko called back.
"Isn't that rather harsh?" Wakko asked.
"No, just sexist and horribly abusive." Dot called back.
Wakko shrugged and proceeded to place the waffles on a plate. Grabbing another glass, he poured some Soymilk for Yakko and placed it at his setting on the counter. He looked at the breakfast, nodded in contentment and walked to his sibs. "Breakfast is served." he stated in a semi-regal fashion.
Taking their sweet time, they headed for the counter bar and proceeded to have breakfast.
"I wonder if anyone else really does get up at this time?" Dot pondered aloud as she scooped up another waffle bite. The time was 5:36.


Elsewhere in Burbank, Miss Lewis' alarm clock rang with a fury throughout the house, but to Swirls, it made no difference. She headed for the room and turned it off, then turned to her foster mother.
"Miss Lewis. It's all most six o'clock. Do you want to go to mass today?" whispered the Warner.
Miss Lewis popped up in bed and looked frantic. "Swirls! Why didn't you wake me earlier? Hurry and get--" she looked at her charge and realized dress wasn't the term to use. She was all ready. Francine shook her head and got out of bed, running around her room to get dressed. Swirls just watched, in half-amazement, and half not really caring.
"Don't just stand there like a ninny! Go out and get the car started!" Francine had time to shout. Swirls jumped and ran from the room, through the house and to the garage.
By the time the car got started, Miss Lewis was locking the house door that led to the garage. She slipped into the driver's seat and quickly pulled out and drove towards the church, all while amazingly following the speed limit.
At 6:15, they were still early, and not many people were at St. Catherine's of the Holy Child for the 6:30am Mass. But heading for the front, Swirls just followed. She really had no choice in the matter, and really wished daily Mass wasn't a part of her life. She was really hungry and desperately wanted breakfast. Luckily though, this time she was not being hissed at for her hat. Alas, her hat was probably gone for good and secretly she missed it dearly. And yet, she had a funny feeling of where it was at.
~The boy with the khaki pants must have it.~ she thought.
She went through the motions of the Mass, and even though she had a feel of reverence for the large church, and the belief that God was good, she had to be honest in her heart; she didn't care. She was definitely sure she wasn't human, so God had no control over her. When the homily came around, she let her mind wander.


After breakfast was over for the three Warners, they made a list. A list Yakko would keep in his pocket and pull out in secret. A list of things to do.
"Number one, eat at Taco Bell." Wakko announced quickly as Dot prepared and wrote all of the ideas down. Yakko and Dot looked to Wakko.
"You aren't going to eat the hot sauce and then burp out fire again, are you? Cause that's getting rather old." Dot said as she looked annoyed at Wakko. Wakko frowned.
"What? I should have a decent meal?" he asked his sister.
"Yes!" Yakko and Dot replied in unison. Wakko pouted as Yakko said,
"Put down Scratchy at 10:45. We've got an appointment today with him." Dot wrote down the note as number two and then looked to her brothers for more ideas. She had none of her own. Wakko shrugged and Yakko seemed to be waiting for Dot to reply. After realizing she wasn't going to, he sighed.
"I think it's that time again." Yakko said.
Dot and Wakko looked almost frightened,
"Not the--"
"No," Yakko interrupted. "For us to find a special friend."
Dot and Wakko looked relieved and then smiled...which turned into looks of confusion. "You think we can find one?" Dot asked, with Wakko adding on,
"Legally?"
Yakko stood tall and proud.
"Yes. Yes I think we can."
"Before 10:45?" Dot asked.
Yakko slouched and looked beaten.
"No." he replied.
Dot reached up a hand and patted Yakko's arm gently. He smiled warmly to his sibling and looked at the list.
"Put down special friend then and we'll go for a walk."
"Where?" asked Wakko.
"To see if we got our name on a Hollywood star yet. Come on!" he urged his siblings and they left.


"Sally...Swirls, whoever! Get out of my way! I'm trying to clean and my friends will be over any second!" Miss Lewis yelled at Swirls who was trying to clean up the flour she had recently spilled on the kitchen floor.
"Yes'm." she replied, standing and quickly heading for her room.
Once in her room, Swirls opened a drawer from her dresser and pulled out three Dixie cups and a small pink rubber ball. Smiling wickedly, she headed out of the house and towards Hollywood Blvd.


Whistling in three part harmony, mainly to show off, Yakko, Wakko and Dot walked down the "Avenue of the Stars" and looked closely at each star to see if their name might happen to be plastered on one of them. So far, not so good. But as they slowly walked down the street, they heard a voice ring out from a nearby crowd.
"Need money quick? Lottery ain't workin'? Then hey mister have I got the game for you! Come find out just how quick your eyes are and play speedball! Wager what you wish, but if you lose, don't say I didn't warn ya!"
The voice spoke in an accent the Warners felt they had heard before, but the speed of the voice was fast. Yakko was impressed at the speed. The 'customers' were not.
"What is this game again?" asked a man wearing a fedora.
"Speedball." the voice replied.
As the Warners moved up to the crowd, Yakko and Dot seemed to moan. It was the girl from the mall. But instead of her hat she wore a green ribbon around both ears. Her hands were quickly moving the Dixie cups around each other. The obvious. Choose the cup with the ball underneath, and win your money back. Only the other customers seemed amused.
Wakko watched the cups with interest and moved up to the table, only to be pulled back by Yakko.
"Just walk away Wakko. Just walk away." Yakko said as he pushed his siblings towards walking down the road again. The girl stopped and looked up.
"Hey! You stole my hat!" she cried to Yakko.
Yakko blinked. "Ex-squeeze me?" he asked, confused. "You owe us thirty-five dollars." he added.
The girl looked at the group of customers who now looked between Yakko and the girl, trying to figure out what this was all about. The girl became nervous.
"I-I shall repay you once I get my hat back." she said, trying to build up courage. By the time she had her sentence finished, Wakko had pulled the green hat out from under his red one and offered it to the girl. She once again grew nervous as she took her own cap back.
Yakko grinned smartly.
"Now, about our money..." he said, trailing off to see if the girl would speak up. She looked obviously cornered now. Her eyes darted between the Warner siblings and her customers.
"I-I don't have any money." she said softly, almost inaudible.
"What's that? I couldn't hear you?" Yakko asked as he cupped a hand to his ear. Since she didn't have the money, the only obvious thing to do was to torture the poor girl.
"I don't have any money." the girl said louder.
Yakko sighed as he shook his head and proceeded to click is tongue in a tsking manner. "Well, then, whatever shall we do?" he seemed to ask his siblings for ideas.
They smiled, wickedly, evilly, but gave no answer. They knew what ran through Yakko's head.
The girl looked between the customers and then to Yakko, and suddenly she burst into tears. Some of the customers quickly walked away, not wanting to be pulled into this. Some was an understatement. Only five were left, including the Warners, but at the sound of the crying, Yakko took a step back. He didn't mean to make her cry and now secretly he felt horrible for doing such a thing. Wakko, seeing the girl cry, looked up to his brother, and then gently approached the girl, offering her a Kleenex. She looked at the Kleenex, burst into a new set of tears and threw her arms around Wakko's neck. Wakko blinked and for a moment, Yakko and Dot thought their brother might follow the girl into her tears. Wakko pulled away from the girl for a moment. She began to dry her tears with the back of her gloved hands. Wakko whispered to her so his siblings wouldn't hear,
"What's your name?"
"Swirls." she responded. Wakko gave her a little grin.
"I'm Wakko. Ignore my brother. He didn't mean to make you cry."
Swirls nodded a bit and returned the small smile, trying to show none of this had really effected her.
Yakko looked to Dot and then to his brother and the girl. "@@@hhh...you can just get us the money whenever...we'll be going." Yakko said as he tried to pull his brother from the girl. Wakko made a gookie as he was pulled away and Swirls giggled a bit and waved to Wakko. Wakko smiled, waved back and slowly disappeared into the mid-morning crowd of Hollywood.


"She was a nice girl." Wakko said softly as he now walked back to the studio with his sibs. The search for their name on a Hollywood star had failed. Not a single star listed their name. Yakko looked over to his brother with a raised brow.
"Why do you say that Wakko?" he asked.
Wakko shrugged in reply and kept quiet. How was he supposed to say, because he thought she was? He knew Yakko had to be upset himself for upsetting the girl. Dot rolled her eyes.
"Wakko, you think everyone's nice. Did we forget the fact she was hosting an illegal game?" the youngest Warner asked, peeved. Wakko and Yakko blinked.
"Your point?" Yakko asked, knowing that they themselves had never been quiet legal with the tricks they pulled.
Dot just drowned in her own anger. Yes, today she would have issues to talk to Scratchy about.


"Helloooo Nurse!" cried the Warner Brother's in unison as they entered the waiting room of Doctor Otto Scratchnsniff, the studio psychiatrist. Hello Nurse, was tall, blonde, and mostly legs. A distant cousin of Jessica Rabbit, she helped "Scratchy" as the Warners knew him. It only came with one set back: No one knew her real name.
As Hello Nurse proceeded to lead the Warners to Scratchy, Dot ran ahead and slammed the door in their faces. They were all startled, perhaps the Nurse more than the others. Dot quickly poked her head out only to say,
"I get to talk to him first. Alone." between clenched teeth.
The brothers shrugged and as the Nurse walked back to her desk, the boys literally walked on air to follow her.

Time passed by, and as Yakko sat on the Nurse's desk, eagerly trying to help her with anything, Wakko sat back and read a magazine. He just didn't seem like...drooling today. Issues ran through his mind as well, but, he didn't even know where to begin with them. Or how they even started. The door opened though, and Dot walked out, smiling. Wakko jumped up and ran to the door himself, but then turned to Yakko, wondering if he should enter. Yakko paid his brother no attention, so Wakko proceeded to enter the main office.

As Wakko shut the door gently, Scratchy looked up and braced himself. In his mind, Wakko was the most unpredictable of the trio. Wakko hopped onto the green couch and sat there, waiting to be interrogated.
"Hello Wakko. What are you thinking?" asked Scratchy, having found that this was the perfect question to ask any Warner in order to get away from gags.
Wakko thought hard for a moment and asked,
"Doctor Scratchnsniff, do you ever hear voices and not know where they come from?" Scratchy blinked, unsure of where this might lead to,
"I can't say Wakko, why?"
Wakko sighed.
"I've been thinkin' a lot lately, mostly at nights, but some of the thoughts don't sound like...me." he said, his voice getting softer. Scratchy had to honestly believe this was interesting for him. Could he finally unlock the reason why the Warners were chaos in a bottle?
"What do they say Wakko?" Scratchy asked, softly himself, on the verge of feeling like he would know. Wakko thought long. He thought hard.
"Well, there's my thoughts, and then another's. And they sound like...a girl's voice. And when I hear her, I feel sad." Wakko's voice was so soft now Scratchy was straining to hear.
"Why do you feel sad Wakko? What does she say?" Scratchy asked, his voice not as soft, but gentle, so as not to scare the boy.
"I dunno. I just know that at night I get really sad for no reason but the sadness isn't coming from me." Wakko replied softly, his hat off now, his fingers twisting it.
Scratchy thought back and then watched as Wakko twisted his hat back and forth in his hands.
"Wakko, do you hear her now?" Scratchy asked.
Wakko closed his eyes and thought for a moment. His head twitched a bit and he slowly opened his eyes.
"She's there. I can feel her. But I can't hear her."
"Try Wakko! Try!" Scratchy urged.
Wakko closed his eyes again very tight and listened. His head twitched and his eyes popped open.
"I can't!" Wakko said, his voice getting louder, tired of trying to hear something that he only felt.
Scratchy sat back in his chair, feeling tired, but it was Wakko who was exhausted. Relaxed now, he put his hat back on.
"We will try again later. Okkay Wakko?" Scratchy asked gently. Wakko nodded and stood up, leaving the office so Yakko could have his turn.


After the Warners left Swirls on the sidewalk, she had packed her things quickly, running all the way home. When she entered the small house, she noticed Francine entertaining her bridge club in the parlour, so Swirls tiptoed to her room, and quickly closed the door behind her. Flopping onto her bed, she pulled off her hat and began chanting to herself softly, "Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry." but a few tears slipped underneath her closed eyelids. Swirls sighed and sat up, once again wiping those few tears on her cheek with the back of her hand. She looked to the corner of her room where the thirty-five dollar book sat. It was a large brown book, and in dull yellow writing it said, The Orphan, The Brain, The Family: Why Children are Depressed. By: John McFarrow Swirls picked up her pillow and threw it at the book. "You caused me all these problems! And why should that silly boy care about thirty-five dollars? He probably has a mom and dad who are rich and can pay for it anyway. I just have Francine," at the mention of this, a loud chorus of laughter rang down the hall, "And she refuses to give me an allowance. Says it'll teach me to be spoiled." Swirls pouted and hugged the second pillow she kept on her bed. "Why do I always have to be alone?" she whispered into the darkness of her room.


Wakko stared straight ahead, but his eyes weren't focus, and his sibs knew, because they had stopped walking two minutes ago and Wakko had continued on.
"Um, Wakko, are you--"
"Still living?!" Dot cried out while Yakko tried to find a nicer way to call their brother. Wakko stopped, blinked and turned around, blushing a bit with a sheepish smile on his face,
"Yeah." he responded softly.
Yakko and Dot hurried to catch up with Wakko,
"So, what did you and Scratchy talk about?" Dot asked.
"Yeah, he seemed pretty scared when I came in." Yakko added. Wakko shrugged.
"I just told him things."
"Like that you still wet the bed?" Dot asked.
Yakko's eyes widened and he looked to Dot. Nope. Not goin' there. Wakko frowned. "No. Just stuff. Why? What did you talk about?" Wakko asked Dot.
Dot shrugged.
"What I always talk about. Do I really spend too much money on my own personal needs?"
Yakko grinned a bit. He felt that his sister was growing up. Wakko and Dot looked to Yakko.
"And you?" they asked.
Yakko shrugged.
"Teen things. Don't worry about it. We all need our own privacy sometimes."
Yakko told his sibs. They only took this to mean one thing. 'Scratchy, could I ever score with the Nurse? And why not?' Wakko and Dot giggled while their older brother frowned. They headed back to the Water Tower and freshened up to prepare for what was left of the day.


Swirls looked up and rubbed her eyes. She must have cried herself to sleep. She sat up and looked around her room. The fading sunlight tried to leak under her dark purple blinds, but failed. Looking at her clock, the green LED lights told her it was almost 3:30pm. ~So I did cry myself to sleep.~ she confirmed to herself. Sitting up and rubbing her eyes some more she flipped her cap backwards and slid off her bed. She heard the sound of fading voices at the front door, and as she walked out of her room and into the entryway she watched as a smiling Francine closed the front door. Francine blinked as she noticed Swirls.
"Where have you been all afternoon? I've been worried." Francine asked as she moved to the parlour and picked up a few coffee cups, motioning for Swirls to help. Swirls picked up the remaining few and shrugged.
"I went out, and then I came back." she replied simply as the two went into the kitchen. Francine put her cups in the sink and Swirls placed the ones she held onto the counter.
"You didn't get into any trouble I hope." Francine said as she emptied out some of the cups.
Swirls leaned back on the counter and looked at her hands. "Um, I should probably ask you. How do I go about buying myself things?" Swirls asked, trying to hide the nervousness she felt. Francine smiled as she wiped her hands on a nearby towel.
"Whatever you want to buy, you ask me for the money and I will give it to you." Swirls lowered her head farther to stare at the floor.
"May I have thirty-five dollars then?" she asked softly.
Francine frowned, but headed to the kitchen table for her purse. Swirls watched as she went and raised her head a bit. This would definitely teach her not to steal anymore. She couldn't help it though. Money made the world go round, but when it came for Swirls, illegal gambling and stealing were the only real ways she could get what she wanted. Besides, it was the thrill of being caught that helped keep her going for what she knew she probably didn't need. Francine turned around and placed a crisp bill in Swirls' hand. Swirls looked at it. Ten dollars. "You'll have to work for the rest." Miss Lewis said softly.
Swirls pocketed the money and looked up. Francine smiled warmly. "What first?" Swirls asked, ready to go at it.
"The dishes. And then you can clean the rest of the parlour." Swirls nodded and got to work.


Swirls sighed as she had finished her work and made an extra ten dollars. She looked at the two crisp bills and then headed to her closet. Opening the door and kneeling over to a corner, she pulled out a small cigar box and opened it. Taking off the top tissue paper she grabbed the money clip and slipped the bills in it with the others.
Looking down in the box before she replaced the clip she saw a white sheet of paper with typewriter print on it. Taking it out, she smiled. It wasn't exactly the greatest thing. It was suppose to be a birth certificate, but it was a poor one. The nuns at St. Catherine's of the Holy Child had typed it up for her so she could feel special. In fact, the nuns had done a lot for the poor girl, but she shook her head and replaced the paper and money clip.
On a second thought, on a whim, she pulled the money clip back, and counted through the money. She bit her lip as the total came to twenty-six dollars.
~Maybe if I just give them this, they'll leave me alone.~ she thought.
Pocketing the money and putting the box back, she closed her closet door and headed out to find the boy with the slacks.


Russell Crowe darted behind a corner, his breathing heavy and quick. He had never been so scared in all his life. He peered around the corner, but the lot was empty save for a man rolling a costume rack to a nearby sound stage. He leaned back against the wall and rolled his eyes skywards. He then felt a slight tapping on his right shoulder. His eyes rolled that way and he jumped. Immeaditly he was pantsed and as he tried to run, he feel onto the black top, in front of Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck. Both of them snickered, as well as the Warners behind him.
"Why! Why do you torment me?!" Russell asked the Warners as he tried slipping his pants back on and standing up.
"You're so dreamy!" Dot replied.
"You remind us of Jimmy Cagney." Yakko answered for himself. Wakko just stood there and watched. He knew he didn't have to answer and to be truthful he didn't have one. He followed along. That was good enough. Russell Crowe sighed, "Can't you just leave me alone?"
"Nu uh. You're our special friend." Yakko said in a voice that made special friend sound like the best and worst thing in the world.
Russell Crowe thought for a moment and then said,
"Look...kids...I've got to get back to my movie, so if you could just please leave me alone for a second I promise I'll...um...take you for ice cream?" he tried. The Warners eyed Russell Crowe and then grinned, Yakko shook his hand. "You got yourself a deal."


Swirls watched as Yakko and Russell Crowe shook hands as she walked down Warner Blvd. She blinked as she looked through the gate and saw them.
~The boy with the slacks!~ she said in amazement and quickly headed for the gate, but then was immediately stopped by none other than a guard. (Ralph was off duty)
The guard looked the girl over and raised a brow.
"And who might you be?" Swirls thought for a moment and then smiled.
"Sally. Sally Mercy." the guard still looked her over.
"And what do you want?" Swirls looked around the guard and watched as the boy with the slacks talked to his siblings.
"I want to talk to the boy behind you." she replied.
The guard turned and saw Yakko. The guard's eyes widen and then he turned back to Swirls.
"Him? Are you sure?"
Swirls nodded. The guard took another look.
"I can't let you into the studio though. Personnel only."
Swirls bit her lip and watched as the boy and his siblings began to walk away.
"Well, can't you call him over?" she asked, her worry and nervousness growing. The guard's eyes widen and he decided to lie.
"No." Swirls whipped off her hat and began to twist it in sheer nervousness now.
What could she do...what could she do?

Wakko rubbed his eyes and then scratched his head, slipping his hand under his hat. A slight breeze rushed by and gently blew it off and suddenly, Wakko stared off into space. Dot looked to her hatless brother.
"Wakko? Are you okkay?" she asked, noticing the sudden change. His mouth moved a bit, but there was no sound.
"Wakko?" Dot asked again, becoming worried and placing a hand on her brother's arm.
Wakko continued to mouth things, but no sound came out. When he didn't answer Dot, she looked to Yakko.
"Come here!" she hissed to her eldest brother.
Yakko raised a brow and walked over.
"What's wrong with him Yakko?" Dot asked. Yakko snapped his fingers in front of his brother.
"Wakko, hey, you here?" But Wakko just closed his eyes. It was as if he was concentrating on the meaning of life and coming close to finding it.
The guard looked to the girl who just stared at the street, her own eyes unfocused. She had stop twisting her hat, her lips moved as well.
"Miss?" the guard asked, but turned as he heard snapping. The guard, confused, walked tentatively to the Warners and looked at Wakko. The guard blinked and looked to Swirls.
Swirls closed her eyes and began to move, slowly, gently, into the studio. Wakko ever so slowly turned around himself and held up his hand. Swirls' arm raised and her hand seemed to search the air. Slowly, the two made their way to each other. Yakko and Dot watched, confused, and then rolled their eyes as they noticed the girl. The guard watched, just mainly freaked out at the whole scene. He reminded himself to send in his notice after he took care of this mess. As for Swirls and Wakko, half way into the studio, their hands met and firmly pushed against each other. They slowly opened their eyes and everyone blinked. Wakko, hatless, blue shirt, gloved hand pressed against gloved hand to a hatless Swirls who wore a red shirt and blue pants.
"Swirls." Wakko whispered with a smile, while in unison, and her own smile, the girl replied,
"Wakko."
"@@@@hhhh...hello? Are we even here anymore? And why is this girl stalking us?" Yakko asked. But neither Swirls nor Wakko paid attention.
"I give up." the guard said and stalked off to the offices to say he was quitting.
Dot walked up to the two who stared at each other and examined them from every possible angle. After a moment she blinked, dumbfounded.
"Woah. Talk about the Mirror has Two Faces." she said.
Yakko blinked and came over, examining the two himself now. "Can someone please explain what is going on here?" Yakko asked. The two, Swirls and Wakko, giggled softly.
Yakko frowned. "All right." and reaching into his pocket, pulling out his brother's hat, he nearly slammed the red cap onto his brother's head. Wakko frowned and rubbed his head, peering up to Yakko.
"What is going on?" Yakko asked, trying to keep his temper low. Wakko shrugged.
"I dunno. I just heard this voice and did what Scratchy said to do. Concentrate on it." Yakko looked to Swirls for an explanation.
"He asked me what was wrong." she said, pointing to Wakko. Yakko raised a brow.
"I think this calls for the experts. Unfortunately we don't have any, so Scratchy will have to do."


Yakko and Dot were leaning against the wall underneath the window, trying hard not to be bored out of their skulls as Doctor Scratchnsniff eyed a hatless Wakko. Scratchy held up a card, which said five on it. Wakko closed his eyes and tried concentrating. Soon, a buzzer sounded.
"Five?" asked a Manchester voice from the small box. Scratchy shook his head.
"Come back in, Swirls." and soon the door opened as the aforementioned girl walked in.
Swirls looked to Wakko who grinned, making the hatless Swirls grin as well.
"Those were the simple tests." Scratchy began to explain. "Exactly how strong your...telepathy is, would need to be tested by someone who studies in this area. Unfortunately, I am not the one." Scratchy finished off. Yakko and Dot brightened up. "Can we go now?" Dot asked excitedly.
Scratchy shrugged. "Of course." he replied and Dot shot up, ready to head for the door.
Yakko on the other hand took his time. "Why did you want to see us in the first place, Swirls?" Yakko asked.
Rummaging through her pocket, Swirls held out the money she had earned. "It's not thirty-five, but I was hoping it would help." she explained softly.
Yakko looked at the money, wondering if he should take it or not. Finally he pushed the hand away. "Keep it for now. We'll figure out something later."
Wakko replaced his hat and watched as Dot stood near the door, waiting impatiently for the group to leave. Yakko sighed, "Come siblings...and, you. Off to home to straighten out this mess." he said as he marched towards the door. Wakko followed and after replacing her own hat, Swirls did too, waving to Scratchy. After they had left, Scratchy slumped in his chair. "I hope she's the last one." he said to Ziggy.


Dot sat over at the table, not wanting to be part of this new group, but she could still hear them talking, and see them. Yakko sat in a big green La-Z-Boy as Swirls and Wakko seemed to practically cuddle each other to death on the blue sofa. Yakko stared at his hands, which were in Mr. Burns thinking style at the moment.
"When were you born?" Yakko asked, specifically to Swirls.
"According to the nuns, I was found March Second of 1930 on the front steps of St. Catherine's of the Holy Child. " she responded politely.
Yakko processed this information.
"Where did you get the hat?"
"It was in the basket with me."
As fast as Yakko asked her a question, Swirls would respond to it just as quick. It was as if it were a fast moving game of Ping-Pong.
Wakko watched, interested in learning about the new girl. After a moment, the questions stopped and Yakko stood.
"Stand." he seemed to command the two, they did.
"Take off your hats and stand back to back." he continued to command, and the two followed. Placing his hand across the top of the their heads, he eyed the very rough measurement.
"Face each other." and they did. He made another rough measurement, and Dot watched as the two held hands. Yakko stood back, and stroked his chin a bit as the two put their hats back on.
"This is rather odd." Yakko mumbled softly.
Wakko and Swirls just stared at each other as Dot rolled her eyes.
"Will you two cut it out? You're twins, not in love!" she yelled at the...twins.
They blinked and eyed her and instead of getting the usual Wakko frown Dot had always been used to. It was now multiplied. She shivered and Yakko grinned.
"I suppose this is a new member of our family then." he said. Swirls blinked and looked at Yakko.
"Really? Does that mean I still owe you the money then?"
"Yes!" Dot replied before anyone else could.
"At least about the money." she added.
Swirls looked to Yakko. "We'll talk about that later. Now as for these nuns, do they know you're out?" asked Yakko, concerned about the grown-ups that might enter.
Swirls sighed. "They're dead. The Cathedral caught on fire and all the nuns died. Only I and a few others survived. In the nuns will, they left me in the care of Miss Francine Lewis and yes, she knows I'm out and she expects me back. Soon." Swirls looked at the ground, sad, almost ashamed. Wakko took on the expression of sadness and wrapped his arms around Swirls, as if trying to protect her in that hug. She smiled and in return her male reflection smiled as well.
Yakko shrugged. "Well then, we'll just have to tell her you belong to us now. Well, really to Wakko."
"Where's she gonna sleep?! We don't have room for her!" Dot cried out as she seemed to practically storm over to the other three.
"My room!" Wakko said energetically, which only made Swirls perk up even more.
Yakko raised a brow as Dot frowned.
"We could have slumber parties!" Swirls exclaimed to her twin. Wakko only nodded and then Swirls nodded, and then they grinned and then they danced and giggled.
"Gee, this is dumber than advertised." Dot mumbled.
Yakko grinned. "As long as she follows the rules, I don't care," he then turned serious, "But first, we have to clear this with everyone else." At this, the twins frowned as well as Dot, but a clock happily struck the hour and Wakko oohed!
"Survivor's on!" he said as he ran to the TV.
Yakko and Dot shrugged while Swirls raised a brow.
"Already a difference." she whispered and headed to sit next to her mirror.


Swirls had called Miss Lewis and explained she was sleeping at a friend's house. Francine agreed and that night, bedtime was different for the Warners.

Yakko tucked in Dot, who seemed nearly unresponsive to it all. Yakko sighed a bit and sat down on his sister's bed. "What's wrong Dot?" he asked softly.
"Am I cuter than she is?" Dot asked softly herself.
Yakko grinned. "Of course."
"Am I funnier?" Dot asked again.
Yakko sighed a bit. "Dot, we're all different, what does it matter?" Dot pouted and turned over so Yakko couldn't see her face.
"She's going to take my spot." Dot said softly.
Yakko looked down and then engulfed his little sister in the biggest hug he had ever given her. "No one will ever replace you Dot." Yakko whispered into her ear.
Dot grinned and hugged Yakko back.
"I love you Yakko." she said softly, barely audible.
Yakko pulled back and kissed Dot's cheek.
"I love you too Dot, now sleep well."
Dot turned over and fell asleep.


Yakko watched as Wakko and Swirls hopped into bed, Wakko on the left, Swirls on the right. Yakko took a look at the two and tried very hard to tell them apart. Both were dressed in blue nightshirts and weren't wearing hats.
"Well. Goodnight you two." he said hugging Wakko and tucking the sheets in closer. Swirls watched as Yakko left and closed the door.
~Why didn't he hug me?~ she thought.
Wakko blinked and turned over and found himself facing Swirls. ~Maybe he doesn't want to get attached yet. In case we don't get you.~ Wakko thought himself.
Swirls nodded slowly and sniffed as a tear trickled down. Wakko pouted and held his sister as best he could, holding her close. Together, they cried themselves to sleep.