A Double Edged Sword Part 14
Suicidal Tendencies
by
Sailor Janus
Hotaru clutched her stomach as she tried to regain her composure, but the pain was too intense. She knew that the knife had plunged deeply into her body.
"Why?" she gasped as she touched the woman's arm with her own bloody hand. The slowly dying girl looked up at Kalika with her violet eyes pleading for answers.
Suddenly, the woman's demeanor changed as she stared at the teen she stabbed practically to death. Shock shone on her face as she stared down at Hotaru. "No. What have I done?" she softly whispered as she dropped to her knees.
Hotaru looked puzzled at the woman in front of her. "Deidera?"
Silently Kalika closed her eyes and whispered a few words, which the bleeding girl couldn't coherently understand. With a flash of gold and silver, Deidera was now kneeling next to the dark-haired girl.
Tears wiled up in Deidera's eyes as she watched in horror as Hotaru fell back to the floor, her breath growing shallower.
"No! Hotaru! Please, I am sorry but you can't die! Don't die," she cried out as Professor Tomoe entered the room.
"Hotaru? What are you doing?! No! Hotaru," the man shouted out. He then turned his attention to the bloody knife still in Deidera's hand. Realizing he was staring at it she promptly dropped it to the floor. Suddenly he began to groan as his eyes glazed over and collapsed to the ground.
"It's not what you think! Professor Tomoe?! Professor Tomoe?!" the burgundy-haired shook her head in denial and turned back to her friend. She took a hold of both of the girl's hands, placing them to her bleeding stomach. "Hotaru. Hotaru! Come on! Please you have to heal yourself! Please try! SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE!" Deidera yelled hysterically.
The dark-haired girl closed her eyes and murmured, " Deidera, I-I'm sorry but I can't. I feel so weak."
"No, damn it! You've got to try! Please you can't die," the tear stricken jade green-eyed girl said as she pressed Hotaru's hands harder to her stomach. Miraculously, a faint violet glow emitted from the dying girl's hands as Deidera looked on in amazement.
"Please let it be enough. Please don't let me be too late," she softly said as she closed her eyes.
Within minutes Hotaru's breathing was back to normal. "Good." Deidera sighed when she suddenly heard voices. 'Oh no, please not them! They'll just accuse me of this mess! There's only one thing left for me to do.' Rising to her feet the girl quickly raced to Hotaru's room and grabbed her notebook. She flipped the pages frantically before finding the right one. Deidera tore it out and placed it next to Hotaru.
"I wish we could have been better friends. I know we both could use one right about now but this is the only way. Thank you, for being my friend. Goodbye."
With those last words, she escaped from the house only to run into the inner senshi, part of the group that she was trying to avoid.
"Deidera!" Rei exclaimed as she stared at the girl who looked like she had been crying for hours, and gasped at the sight of the girl's bloody hands.
Gazing down at what Rei and the others were staring at, Deidera realized how guilty she must look right now and began sobbing as she frantically cried out, "I didn't do it!" I didn't do it! I know what it must look like but it's not my fault!"
"Wait, Deidera! What is that on your hands?!" Minako asked as the others opened their mouths but no words came out.
Deidera backed away shaking her head. She appeared like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She swallowed then tried to calmly speak but instead everything ran together while choking on the words. "I-I don't know what happened! I was s-suddenly holding a-a knife and-and Hotaru's blood! And-and then her father came and he-he-he fell. All the blood! But I didn't do it! I didn't do it I tell you! I-I have to go!"
"Deidera!" Ami yelled as the girl turned on her heel and fled the scene.
"Forget about her! We have to see if Hotaru's still alive," Makoto urged as she raced and the others raced into the house, only to find that Setsuna and Michiru had already beat them there.
"Hotaru!" Usagi screamed as she stopped in front of the scene. Setsuna was checking the pulse of the professor and Michiru tended to the girl lying in a pool of blood. "Is she?"
"Yes, she's still alive," the aqua-haired girl sighed with relief.
"Yes, but her father isn't in very good of shape," Setsuna grimly said from the man's side before hurrying off to find a phone to call the ambulance.
The group of friends exchanged glances as dread filled them. Just then, Hotaru's eyes fluttered open as she began to wake up.
"Hotaru! Are you okay?" Ami asked, pleased to see that the girl was conscious again.
"Yes, thanks to Deidera. She helped me heal myself. Where is she?" the senshi of destruction softly said as she glanced at her friends.
"She ran off," Makoto muttered crossing her arms in disgust.
Blinking, Hotaru looked up at the tall brunette confusedly. "Was she okay?"
Rei knew she better break the news to the girl about Deidera sometime. Taking a deep breath she calmly said, "Hotaru. Deidera is Kalika."
The girl looked up at the fire senshi and quietly said, "I know, but that is not the real Deidera. I've got to find her before it's too late!" Carefully, Hotaru climbed to her feet and tried to finish healing herself. It took a lot longer than normal, probably because of how much damage her body was in, but within a few minutes she was fully healed. "I'm going now."
"Hotaru! Don't! Leave her be," Michiru said as she grabbed the girl's arm.
Hotaru turned abruptly and looked coldly at everyone in the room. "No, you don't understand. She is going to do something drastic if someone doesn't stop her! I know it!"
"But how do you know?" Minako challenged the younger girl.
The senshi of Saturn glared in return and shook off Michiru's hand. "She was not the one who was attempting to kill us. She didn't even know what was happening," the violet-eyed girl spoke, as she looked each person in the eye. "Her poetry is like a premonition. There was one about blood on her hands, some of that was mine, and the rest, will probably happen in the future. There was another one about her being controlled, and Deidera not wanting to become a part of it, that was about Kalika and whoever wants us dead. But if this doesn't scream, she's going to do something potentially tragic, then nothing will."
Grabbing the folded and blood smeared paper from the floor, Hotaru shoved it in the violinist's hands Then stalked out of the house full of speechless sailor senshi.
"What could have given her such ideas?" Rei muttered as she glanced at her friends when suddenly Michiru gasped out in shock. "You guys need to read this!"
"What?" Ami said as she and the other girls crowded around the sheet of paper as Michiru shook her head in denial.
Goodbye the world that met me in vain. I never valued you anyway. The powerful wind whips my hair across my face as I look down upon the world before taking flight. Leaping gracefully into the blue sky then plummet to the hard cold earth below. Falling, crashing, crumbling as I hit the ground. The bittersweet pain filling my body and every bone shatters like glass. My blood painting the pavement red Sacrifice myself; I must in order to prevent another massacre. Ironically, the final death shall be my own.
Everyone stared dumbfounded at the paper, realizing that perhaps, there were still missing pieces to the puzzle, which may be more complex than they perceived it to be.
*~*~*~*
"So this is it. This is where I take flight and flee from the disaster that is my reality," Deidera said softly, staring down at the ground below as the wind whipped through her burgundy curls. She was standing on the roof of the one place that always seemed to display its hatred towards the girl. The high school.
"Deidera. Don't do it!"
Turning around, the determined teen came face to face with the girl who was feared to be dead. Hotaru.
"Hotaru, stay away. I may turn into that evil woman any minute now! Anyway this is the best way I can think of to prevent any more pain from happening to your friends. I'm just surprised I didn't think of it sooner."
Hotaru took a small step forward, hoping she could reason with the girl. "But killing yourself? There has to be a better way."
Sorrowfully, Deidera looked down at the ground below carefully examining the pavement. "I wish I knew of one," she softly whispered as she began walking carefully, around the edge of the building. "Do think I would fall really fast or in slow motion like in the movies, watching my whole life flash before my eyes?" Slowly Deidera approached the edge as she continued to study the hard ground. "I wonder if I would actually feel every bone in my body shatter like glass?"
'She's quoting from the poem. I've got to do something,' Hotaru realized as she watched her friend and tried to grab the girl's hand, which shrugged her away. "Deidera stop. You're scaring me. There has got to be another way!"
Deidera closed her eyes as if the words almost pained her, "I can't let her try to kill again. This world holds no value to me anyway. It's just filled with broken promises, neglect, abuse, and fear."
Hotaru grimaced as she too stepped up on the edge and tried to hold her balance as she wavered a bit. Deidera looked at the girl in shock. "What are you doing?! Get back down!"
Gritting her teeth the dark-haired girl looked her friend in the eye. "If you are going then I am too. I have already lost enough as it is!"
Deidera gaped at the girl then became angry as she hissed, "Look, I said it was not my fault! I didn't mean to try to kill your friends! It wasn't even the real me."
"No, I'm talking about watching my father slowly die. It's going to happen. I have been given several chances to live. Unfortunately, he only has one. Once he is gone, where am I going to go?! I have no one," she quietly said as her eyes flooded with tears. Angrily she wiped them away and glanced up at Deidera and smiled. "Right now, you are truly my only friend. You're the only one that understands me. The others seem to look at me like a little sister or daughter. You on the other hand actually know what it's like to stand where I do. Where everyone thinks you're a freak as well as how it is to feel so alone in a crowded room." Silently, Hotaru stepped off the edge and back onto the roof as Deidera watched her.
Biting her lip, Deidera turned so she too could leap to safety, but to her horror, the sudden change in weight caused the section that she was standing on to crumble, breaking free of the building and sending the girl plummeting to the ground below.