Buffy, Buffy Whose Got The Buffy?
A/N: usual disclaimers apply. By the way, in this fic, the characters of BtVs are real people, not actors so don't go getting confused on me. And its a humor fic, so laugh, even if you don't think its funny. Laughter is what keeps us alive (joke...i.e LAUGH). Oh yeah, and if the dialogue isn't quite right it's because this is s'posed to be as if the charaters were real ppl but with different personalities. Catch my drift?
[The Scoobies are standing in the studio conference room, all very concerned. Joss is standing by the head of a very long, rectangular table and he looks up from his notes as the final (almost) person *ahem* demon enters]
Joss: So? where is she?
[Angel fidgets slightly, looking at his feet]
Angel:- I can't find her anywhere...I think she's done a runner.
[Joss stiffens and the rest of the cast begin to whisper amongst themselves nervously]
Joss:- What? Again?
[Spike tenderly rubs his broken arm and scowls]
Spike:- She always takes the scripts so literally.
[Joss sighs, fed-up and sits in his place at the heaad of the table.]
Joss: Please, take your seats.
[the cast of BtVs and Angel take their assigned seats and all heads turn to the remaining one. The Slayer's chair.Giles sips his tea]
Giles: What do I do with no Slayer to watch? There's a forth coming apocalypse and she needs to stop it!
Spike: And what am I s'posed to do while Little Miss Pouty Lips goes off on one of her little escapades?
Angel&Riley:Don't talk about her like that!
[Joss shrugs in a businesslike way]
Joss: We'll just have to come up with something that doesn't involve her.
Giles: [sarcastically] Great idea. Buffy The vampire Slayer only with out Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Willow: [shaking head] Nuh-uh, won't work. The entire programme is based on her, we can't just not have her in it.
Angel: [perking up] I can do one of my shows instead!
Spike: What? And give you more publicity than you already get? Think again, Peaches. Besides, we've already told the Board that we'd have an episode ready for them and we have to stick by it.
[Xander stands, obviously excited]
Xander: I have a plan!!
Cordy: It's official. We're so totally doomed.
Xander: oh shut up. I have a *plan*!!
Joss: [sighs, fed up] Go on then.
Xander: We'll make a cartoon of BtVs, then we don't need the Buffster to show up.
Tara: But we still need her voice.
Ethan: Why don't we just stick a note at the beginning of the show saying that Buffy mysteriously died and there's a new Slayer?
Joss: 'cause if she comes back we'll have one seriously angry Buffy on our hands.
Ethan: Good point.
Joyce: This is all very well but what about my daughter??
Cordy: Screw her, why don't we just cast another girl to be Buffy...until she comes back.
Joss: It'll have to do...meanwhile Agent Finn, you'd better keep your guys out there looking for her since Angel couldn't quite manage it.
Riley:[standing sharply and saluting] Sir! Yes, sir!
[The G I Joe's from the Initiative file out, Riley pulling a triumpant tongue at Angel as he goes. Angel snarls]
Joss: Right. Cordelia, Willow, Tara, Giles and Angel go cast a new Buffy till the other one decides to come back.[looks at remainding characters] Uh, you guys just stay here till we come up with something.
*****2 hours later*****
[everyone is back at the table]
Riley: still can't find her, sir.
[Angel pulls a tongues at Riley (in translation saying - 'nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah'). Riley scowls at him and turns to face Joss and preteneds he's listening]
Joss: [ turns to Giles] Did you guys find a new Buffy?
Giles: Uh, not exactly. The only girl who really was okayish...note I said 'ish' *very* ISH. WAs uh...[covers face in hands]..I..I can't say it!
Angel: [patting Giles sympathetically on the back] Don't worry, I'll be my ususal brave self and I'll say it.
Giles: Thankyou
Angel: It..er...er *she* was....[ dum dum duuuum!!] Britney Spears.....
[a collective gasp spreads across the room and Spike hides under the table]
Spike: [from under the table] Please tell me you didn't!
Angel: We didn't, it was too horrible. We couldn't bare it!
Anya: [bored as usual] So now what?
Buffy: Hey guys, did ya miss me?
[all eyes turn to the Slayer]
Joss: Where in the name of hellmouth have you been??? We've looked everywhere for you!!!
Buffy: did you think to check the little girls' room?
[all hang heads in shame]
Buffy: I needed to re-apply. [indicates the make-up bag in her hand]
Riley: It took you two hours???
Buffy: Hell, yeah! How long do you think it takes for me to high-light my hair myself?
*~*~*~*~* The End *~*~*~*~*
A/N: usual disclaimers apply. By the way, in this fic, the characters of BtVs are real people, not actors so don't go getting confused on me. And its a humor fic, so laugh, even if you don't think its funny. Laughter is what keeps us alive (joke...i.e LAUGH). Oh yeah, and if the dialogue isn't quite right it's because this is s'posed to be as if the charaters were real ppl but with different personalities. Catch my drift?
[The Scoobies are standing in the studio conference room, all very concerned. Joss is standing by the head of a very long, rectangular table and he looks up from his notes as the final (almost) person *ahem* demon enters]
Joss: So? where is she?
[Angel fidgets slightly, looking at his feet]
Angel:- I can't find her anywhere...I think she's done a runner.
[Joss stiffens and the rest of the cast begin to whisper amongst themselves nervously]
Joss:- What? Again?
[Spike tenderly rubs his broken arm and scowls]
Spike:- She always takes the scripts so literally.
[Joss sighs, fed-up and sits in his place at the heaad of the table.]
Joss: Please, take your seats.
[the cast of BtVs and Angel take their assigned seats and all heads turn to the remaining one. The Slayer's chair.Giles sips his tea]
Giles: What do I do with no Slayer to watch? There's a forth coming apocalypse and she needs to stop it!
Spike: And what am I s'posed to do while Little Miss Pouty Lips goes off on one of her little escapades?
Angel&Riley:Don't talk about her like that!
[Joss shrugs in a businesslike way]
Joss: We'll just have to come up with something that doesn't involve her.
Giles: [sarcastically] Great idea. Buffy The vampire Slayer only with out Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Willow: [shaking head] Nuh-uh, won't work. The entire programme is based on her, we can't just not have her in it.
Angel: [perking up] I can do one of my shows instead!
Spike: What? And give you more publicity than you already get? Think again, Peaches. Besides, we've already told the Board that we'd have an episode ready for them and we have to stick by it.
[Xander stands, obviously excited]
Xander: I have a plan!!
Cordy: It's official. We're so totally doomed.
Xander: oh shut up. I have a *plan*!!
Joss: [sighs, fed up] Go on then.
Xander: We'll make a cartoon of BtVs, then we don't need the Buffster to show up.
Tara: But we still need her voice.
Ethan: Why don't we just stick a note at the beginning of the show saying that Buffy mysteriously died and there's a new Slayer?
Joss: 'cause if she comes back we'll have one seriously angry Buffy on our hands.
Ethan: Good point.
Joyce: This is all very well but what about my daughter??
Cordy: Screw her, why don't we just cast another girl to be Buffy...until she comes back.
Joss: It'll have to do...meanwhile Agent Finn, you'd better keep your guys out there looking for her since Angel couldn't quite manage it.
Riley:[standing sharply and saluting] Sir! Yes, sir!
[The G I Joe's from the Initiative file out, Riley pulling a triumpant tongue at Angel as he goes. Angel snarls]
Joss: Right. Cordelia, Willow, Tara, Giles and Angel go cast a new Buffy till the other one decides to come back.[looks at remainding characters] Uh, you guys just stay here till we come up with something.
*****2 hours later*****
[everyone is back at the table]
Riley: still can't find her, sir.
[Angel pulls a tongues at Riley (in translation saying - 'nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah'). Riley scowls at him and turns to face Joss and preteneds he's listening]
Joss: [ turns to Giles] Did you guys find a new Buffy?
Giles: Uh, not exactly. The only girl who really was okayish...note I said 'ish' *very* ISH. WAs uh...[covers face in hands]..I..I can't say it!
Angel: [patting Giles sympathetically on the back] Don't worry, I'll be my ususal brave self and I'll say it.
Giles: Thankyou
Angel: It..er...er *she* was....[ dum dum duuuum!!] Britney Spears.....
[a collective gasp spreads across the room and Spike hides under the table]
Spike: [from under the table] Please tell me you didn't!
Angel: We didn't, it was too horrible. We couldn't bare it!
Anya: [bored as usual] So now what?
Buffy: Hey guys, did ya miss me?
[all eyes turn to the Slayer]
Joss: Where in the name of hellmouth have you been??? We've looked everywhere for you!!!
Buffy: did you think to check the little girls' room?
[all hang heads in shame]
Buffy: I needed to re-apply. [indicates the make-up bag in her hand]
Riley: It took you two hours???
Buffy: Hell, yeah! How long do you think it takes for me to high-light my hair myself?
*~*~*~*~* The End *~*~*~*~*