Author's notes: Ok, this fic was written at 2am. I couldn't sleep. Sue me. Anyway, since I never bother with the disclaimers or anything I decided to make an exception for once:
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this fic belong to me, etc, etc. I can't even be bothered to think up and original witty way to say this. So forget it. This story is written at the end of the 4th season. One last thing, to understand this story you must have seen "The Prom".
Dedicated to Lil Miss Giggles, who helped me when I was feeling down. You are my inspiration!
Spike
"Slayer?"
"*Sigh* What do you want Spike?"
"This is very difficult to say....I think I have to leave."
".....and you think I care, because....?"
"..I know this will upset you..."
"Spike, I really couldn't give less of a shit."
"...but I think this is best thing I could do..."
"Good! I hate you!"
"...so I hope you can forgive me..."
"Spike, get this into your head. I. HATE. YOU. You are nothing but an annoying, pathetic loser."
"...and that you bear me no hard feelings. It wouldn't be fair to let you keep kicking my ass. You need a normal life, not some freakshow. Someone who's ass you can kick out in the sun, who's ass you can kick when making love to you. I must leave now. Farewell................"
"Spike, bugger off already!!!!"
*Cue cheesy music*
[Images pass on-screen, of Spike getting beat up by Buffy.]
[Images of Spike staring off into the distance, doing, well basically nothing.]
[Images of Spike walking off into the darkness, trenchcoat billowing]
Title shows on-screen:
Spike sighed. Business was not going so well. Ever since he had moved to New York from Sunnydale, leaving behind his one true love, Buffy, the Slayer, things had seemed to go rapidly downhill.
Come to think of it, she didn't so much wave him a teary goodbye, as he had expected, it had been more like a party, a three day celebration and ecstatic cheering. Strange.....
Spike had been alone at first, but had soon picked up a few used rejects from Sunnydale and L.A. Although Riley and Kate had done nothing but irritate him at first, they soon proved to be invaluable assets to the team. Riley, with his knowledge of all things demon and Kate, with her.....well, her cheerful attitude and charming phrases.
"Spike...did I ever mention you are brooding much?" and another of his favourites, "Like I would ever shop there! God!"
Spike had quickly found an accommodation In New York, which had all the essential needs. No windows, for perpetual darkness, deadly silence, despite being next to a main street with high traffic, access to sewers from the basement, and most importantly, a trans-interdimensional portal to the Otherworld.
Reflecting, Spike knew he could be worse off. But there was still something missing.
He still missed the Slayer's ass-kickings.
Despite his friends trying to help him get over her ass-kickings, and that other women constantly threw themselves at him to kick his ass, Spike chose rather to brood over her ass kickings and stare off into the distance quite a lot.
Not surprisingly, this didn't help.
Spike spent the next year doing good throughout New York, killing demons and saving people. He hoped to earn his redemption through doing this, so that one day he could return to Buffy a human, and have her kick his ass during the daytime. Spike wasn't exactly sure how he would get his redemption, or from whom. But he was expecting it to happen soon. Any day now.
Spike's thoughts were interrupted as a demon burst into the office. Spikes tensed, ready to fight. But one glance at the demon reassured him it posed him no threat. It was short, looking slightly dishevelled. What was strange was it's appearance. Not that any demon's appearance wasn't strange, but this demon appeared to bear an exact resemblance to a human. Apart from very small bumps on it's forehead. Which looked like they were made out of cheap putty.
"You Spike?" the demon asked breathlessly.
"Yeah. That would be indicated by the big sign saying "Spike Investigations" on the door." Spike replied dryly. The sarcasm seemed lost on the demon, however.
"You help people, right?"
"Again, that would be indicated by the writing underneath "Spike Investigations", saying "We help the-"
"Right, I got it. I need your help." At this point Kate decided to enter the room, clutching a magazine.
"Spike, would you say leather's coming back into fashion-"
"Cordelia, this is...."
"I'm Homer." Spike snorted with amusement at the demon's name. Then remembered Kate had told him not to laugh at potential customers.
"Oh, goody! A client! Here at Spike Investigations we guarantee the absolute best for our clients. We have a busy schedule but should be able to fit you in!"
"Actually, I don't think-," Spike started, but was cut off by Kate.
"-that we will have to wait much longer to take up your case, Mr. Homer. Or can I call you Homer?"
"Actually, all I wanted was-" Homer began.
It was then Riley joined them.
"Hello, Spike. Kate. Who's this?"
"This is Homer, a new paying client!" Kate informed him happily.
"Well to be honest I just wanted-" Homer was cut off again by Riley.
"Great. It'll be good to actually be doing something after having no cases for so long." Kate coughed.
"What my colleague here means is that-"
"OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW THIS! I'LL GO TO L.A. AND FIND BETTER HELP THAN YOU F**CKED UP WEIRDOS!!"
Homer left.
Kate immediately turned to Spike.
"Spike! That was all your fault, Mr. Brooding-feel-my-pain! Our first paying customer in weeks and you scare him away!" Spike, keeping his calm exterior, only stared at her helplessly.
"And another thing, you keep leaving mugs out you've used for blood unwashed! It's horrible finding-"
Suddenly an enormous demon crashed through the wall.
"Go!" Spike yelled to Kate. Riley swiftly ran to the weapons cabinet and pulled out an axe. He ran at the demon in am act of suicidal bravery. He was swatted to the other end of the room like he was nothing more than an annoyance. He hit the wall with a groan, and slid to the floor, barely conscious. Spikes cursed and flew at the demon, vamping out. He stopped short a few feet away from it, launching out with a swift kick to it's side. The demon staggered backwards. While this was going on, Kate had frantically begun to load a crossbow, struggling with the bolt.
Spike began to wrestle with the massive demon, trying to overpower it with his vampire strength. The demon was gaining the upper hand, however, it was just too big. It pushed Spike to the floor, and began to crush him. The situation looked grim.....
*THUNK* The demon suddenly had a very large battleaxe stuck in it's head. It's lifeless form slowly slid off Spike, to reveal a very intense looking Riley. He stuck out one hand to help Spike up. Spike ignored the offered help and climbed to his feet.
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it."
"Is it dead?" called Kate. She walked over from her hiding place under the desk, after unsuccessfully trying to load the crossbow. "Ewww..demon brains."
"What the hell is that thing?" asked Riley. He hadn't ever seen anything like it. Spike bent down to examine a mark on the demon.
"This mark looks like the Irrash clan. Hired assassins." Kate looked worried.
"You mean like someone's trying to like, kill us?" Spike didn't answer.
"Kate, I think you and Riley should both stay at your apartment until I find who did this."
"You mean we just have to sit tight while you go out and fight this thing alone? No way. I'm coming with you." Riley argued. Spike could see that he wouldn't back down on this.
"Fine...but take some weapons. Kate, keep your gun with you at all times."
"No duh!" Spike smiled.
"How are we going to find them?" asked Riley.
"We'll just take a walk in the sewers. Eventually one of the Clan will ambush us. It's never failed so far."
"This smells like a trap to me."
That's 'cause it is, dumbass, Spike thought. But he didn't bother to explain to the teen how incredibly 'States the obvious' he was. There were more important matters at hand here.
"Let's go."
* * *
"So how long do you think it'll be till we're ambushed?" asked Riley. Spike sighed. This boy really was as thick as cheap quality mince.
"I don't know....maybe...around.....now." And with that, a demon suddenly jumped out of the sewer walls, straight for Riley. Spike, after a moments hesitation of wondering whether Riley dying would be such a great loss, leaped in to defend his...friend. This demon, however, knew from Spike's reputation that he was extremely hard to defeat in combat. So he was prepared. At his signal, another twelve demons surrounded Spike and Riley. They both fought bravely, managing to take down about 7 of them. But the sheer number eventually overwhelmed them, and they were beaten to unconsciousness.
* * *
Spike awoke to the smell of rotting flesh. He took one look at his surroundings, and instantly summed up that the Irrash clan had taken him to their lair. His deduction was proved correct when several demons walked past him, not so much as bearing him a glance. He realised he was being kept in a large cage. Wondering how strong the bars are, Spike attempted to break them. The didn't budge. Damn.
Spike took another look to his right and saw that Riley was contained in a cage next to his. Riley hadn't woken up yet. Spike wondered what his next move should be when-
"Greetings, Spike."
A demon much like the one that had attacked Spike in the office was standing there. Except this one was wearing a large black gown. It obviously had a very important title. Still weak from the earlier fight, Spike could not put p much of a resistance when the demon unlocked the cage and began to drag him out. A hard punch to his skull let him fade into blackness.
Spike woke up again in a darkened room. He had no idea how much time had passed. But he supposed it hadn't been much. A figure cloaked in the dark began to talk.
"Spike." The voice seemed vaguely familiar, but Spike was still dazed after being knocked out so many times, so he couldn't quite place it.
"Spike, Spike, Spike. You couldn't have just stayed in Sunnydale. You had to move. You had to set up a detective agency. You had to take two rejects from other shows with you. You had to copy me!!"
Spike knew who the voice belonged to now.
"Angel!" he hissed. Angel stepped out into the light.
"I had a successful spin-off show from Buffy with high ratings! Then you had to come along and spoil it all! With your flowing black coat and staring off into the distance. Those are MY trademarks! And you stole Kate from my show too! She was a useful character, who helped provide my link to the L.A.P.D! Now I have to rely on all my crime details from newspapers!" Spike then realised,
"It was YOU who hired the assassin!!!!"
"As Cordelia might say: 'No duh, Sherlock!'"
"But why didn't you just let them kill us? Why explain it all to me?" Angel paused before answering. He looked at Spike.
"Because I want to ask you to join me. Just think of the possibilities! Two mysterious vampires fighting side by side, both wearing long black coats! We could DOUBLE our ratings! And I would get Kate back." Spike considered this. It could be a good idea. He might get more business that way, and earn his redemption quicker. Then he could returns to Buffy's ass-kickings.
"There's just one last thing. What about him?" he asked. Angel knew who he was talking about. He pointed across the room to an area lit up. It had Riley bound and gagged, tied to a chair. He was absolutely helpless.
"Riley." Angel considered. "Well of course there's no place for a reject like him on my show. His character holds no special traits, except for being bland, boring, and fish impersonations. Plus I hate him. I suppose we could just kill him." Spike grinned.
"I think this is going to work out just fine."