Title: DB Jokes
Author: Aya-chan
Disclaimer: i've seen this concept done before, but i found some funny jokes that i could fit to Dragon ball so......what the hell. I dont own Dragonball and if you think i do than you shouldnt be reading this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fingers
One evening Gohan was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, Videl asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called Videl for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, Pan came home from a date with Trunks. After being informed of the problem, Trunks said he could get the peanut out. Trunks told Gohan to sit down, then shoved two fingers up Gohans nose and told him to blow hard.
When Gohan blew, the peanut flew out. Videl and Pan jumped and yelled for joy. Trunks insisted that it was nothing and Pan brought Trunks out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone Videl turned to Gohan and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be as he gets older?"
The father replied "From the smell of his fingers,... our son in-law!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Torture. (lets assume that Trunks cant fly)
Trunks is out in the wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and Trunks can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and a man answers. The man, Gohan, squints his eyes and says, "What do you want?" Trunks says, "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight." Gohan says, "I'll let you come in on one condition: you cannot mess around with my daughter." Trunks, exhausted and hungry, readily agrees, saying, "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning." Gohan counters, "OK, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst torture tests ever known to man."
"OK, OK," Trunks says as he entered the old house. Well, that night, when Trunks comes down to eat (after showering), he sees how beautiful the daughter, Pan, is. She's an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months without companionship and well, they can't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
That night, Trunks sneaks into Pans' bedroom and they have quite a time, but try to keep the noise down to a minimum. Trunks creeps back to his room later that night thinking to himself, 'Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience.'
Well, the next morning Trunks awakes to a heavy weight on his chest. He opens his eyes and there's this huge rock on his chest. On the rock is a sign saying "1st torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest". 'What a lame torture test,' Trunks thinks to himself as he gets up and walks over to the window. He opens the shutter and throws the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst torture test: Rock tied to right testicle". Trunks, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
123
After a few years of married life , Gokuu finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confess, " I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor tells , "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke........ The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
Goku then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"
Goku goes home and that night he is ready to surprise Chichi with the good news....... So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets an erection.
Chichi turns over and says "What did you say '123' for?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trying Not To Miss The Exam
Goten, Trunks, and Uubu were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to West City and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Satan City until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to West City for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:
(For 95 points): Which tire?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Kaasan and Tousan:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a chld. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which
prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphillis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.
Yours-
Your Loving Daughter, Bra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Best way to Pass an Exam
It was the final exam for an English course at a university. Like most freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class.
The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Thirty minutes into the exam, Trunks came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied Trunks. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the students filed up and handed their exams in. All except Trunks, who continued writing. Half an hour later, he finally came up to the professor's desk and attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late!" Trunks looked incredulous and angry.
"Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor sarcastically.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Trunks asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good!" replied Trunks, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the desk of Trunks Briefs:
To the employes of Capsule corp.
If I am always yelling "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
or just because you can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan,
or because of an inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources,
or to be able to use the excuse "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants,"
or to stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse,
or if you want to see if it's like the dream,
or so that with a little help from Music you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume,
or so people stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them,
or to divert attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned,
or because it gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning,
or so no one steals your chair, are bad reasons to come to work naked.
Thank you,
Trunks Briefs
President
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope to have more out soon if i get good reactions
Aya-chan
Author: Aya-chan
Disclaimer: i've seen this concept done before, but i found some funny jokes that i could fit to Dragon ball so......what the hell. I dont own Dragonball and if you think i do than you shouldnt be reading this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fingers
One evening Gohan was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, Videl asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called Videl for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, Pan came home from a date with Trunks. After being informed of the problem, Trunks said he could get the peanut out. Trunks told Gohan to sit down, then shoved two fingers up Gohans nose and told him to blow hard.
When Gohan blew, the peanut flew out. Videl and Pan jumped and yelled for joy. Trunks insisted that it was nothing and Pan brought Trunks out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone Videl turned to Gohan and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be as he gets older?"
The father replied "From the smell of his fingers,... our son in-law!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Torture. (lets assume that Trunks cant fly)
Trunks is out in the wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and Trunks can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and a man answers. The man, Gohan, squints his eyes and says, "What do you want?" Trunks says, "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight." Gohan says, "I'll let you come in on one condition: you cannot mess around with my daughter." Trunks, exhausted and hungry, readily agrees, saying, "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning." Gohan counters, "OK, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst torture tests ever known to man."
"OK, OK," Trunks says as he entered the old house. Well, that night, when Trunks comes down to eat (after showering), he sees how beautiful the daughter, Pan, is. She's an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months without companionship and well, they can't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
That night, Trunks sneaks into Pans' bedroom and they have quite a time, but try to keep the noise down to a minimum. Trunks creeps back to his room later that night thinking to himself, 'Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience.'
Well, the next morning Trunks awakes to a heavy weight on his chest. He opens his eyes and there's this huge rock on his chest. On the rock is a sign saying "1st torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest". 'What a lame torture test,' Trunks thinks to himself as he gets up and walks over to the window. He opens the shutter and throws the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst torture test: Rock tied to right testicle". Trunks, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
123
After a few years of married life , Gokuu finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confess, " I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor tells , "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke........ The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
Goku then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"
Goku goes home and that night he is ready to surprise Chichi with the good news....... So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets an erection.
Chichi turns over and says "What did you say '123' for?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trying Not To Miss The Exam
Goten, Trunks, and Uubu were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to West City and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Satan City until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to West City for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:
(For 95 points): Which tire?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Kaasan and Tousan:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a chld. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which
prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphillis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.
Yours-
Your Loving Daughter, Bra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Best way to Pass an Exam
It was the final exam for an English course at a university. Like most freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class.
The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Thirty minutes into the exam, Trunks came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied Trunks. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the students filed up and handed their exams in. All except Trunks, who continued writing. Half an hour later, he finally came up to the professor's desk and attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late!" Trunks looked incredulous and angry.
"Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor sarcastically.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Trunks asked again.
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good!" replied Trunks, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the desk of Trunks Briefs:
To the employes of Capsule corp.
If I am always yelling "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
or just because you can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan,
or because of an inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources,
or to be able to use the excuse "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants,"
or to stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse,
or if you want to see if it's like the dream,
or so that with a little help from Music you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume,
or so people stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them,
or to divert attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned,
or because it gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning,
or so no one steals your chair, are bad reasons to come to work naked.
Thank you,
Trunks Briefs
President
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope to have more out soon if i get good reactions
Aya-chan