Jokes ala DBZ part 3
Author Aya-chan
Disclaimer: If you think that a girl that lives in michigan owns a multi million dollar idea, you deserve to be beaten with a large stick (in other words i dont own db/z/gt)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(No offence to yamucha fans, this is straghit hair in a ponytail from the end of DBZ yamucha)
Yamucha walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner The checkout girl looks at him and says, "Single, huh?"
Yamucha replies very sarcastically, "How'd you guess?"
She says, "Because you're ugly."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goten walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," Goten explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asks. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" Goten explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bulma accompanied Vejiita to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called Bulma into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly...make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, Vejiita asked Bulma, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gohan and Videl was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. Videl got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. Gohan, being a devoted husband, protested, but Videl argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. Videl, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as Gohan didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around. Videl joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. Videl went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived. She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior. Videl was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" Gohan replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Kuririn, Yamucha, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(i know alot of marron fans were mad at me for my trunks and pan jokes, well just to prove that i have nothing against marron, this is for marron fans)
A lawyer and Marron are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. Marron is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: "Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50." This catches Marron's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Marron doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the Marron's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes Marron and hands her $50. Marron politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes Marron and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Again without a word, Marron reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(im so sorry to all Vejiita bulma fans here, but remember the parrot/vejiita the man whore joke, well this takes place after that, and after bulma has forgiven him)
Vejiita spends most of his nights Working out at the gym or at a bar. One weekend, Bulma decides he needs to relax a little and for being such a good sport, sleeping on the couch for 3 months because of the whore parrot thing, so she takes him to a strip club (work with me here). The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Vejiita! How are you tonight?" Bulma, surprised, asks Vejiita if he has been here before. "No, no. He's just one of the guys I know from the gym." They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Vejiita and says "Nice to see you, Vejiita. A gin and tonic as usual?" His wife's eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!" "No, no" says Vejiita "I just know her from the bar I go to." Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Vejiita and says "Vejiita! A table dance as usual?" Bulma, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar. Vejiita follows her and spots her getting into a cab, so he jumps into the passenger seat. Bulma looks at him, seething with fury and lets Vejiita have it with both barrels. At this, the cabby leans over and says "Sure looks like you picked up a bitch tonight, Vejiita!"
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(Ok...work with me.....Pretend trunks is married to....um....*looks at T/M and T/P fans ready to pounce at me with their fangs bared.....well you can choose who Trunks is married to...the important thing to remember is that Trunks and his wife are expecting their first baby)
"Trunks' list of Seventeen fatal things to say to your wife while pregnant
17. "I finished the Oreos."
16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your *own* ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
5. "Got milk ?"
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water." And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant...
1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger........."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trunks and Goten are out one day golfing. Trunks slices off to the right, Goten hooks off to the left and they both go to retrieve their balls. Trunks is hacking and hacking at the ball but just can't lift it out of the buttercups. It has become lodged in. All of a sudden, up from the ground comes Mother Nature and is she pissed! "What the hell are you doing to my beautiful buttercups?" she asks. "I'm just trying to get my golf ball out of them, lady", replies Trunks. "Well, you are really making me mad. Just look what you've done to my buttercups. For this I must punish you. Your punishment will be an entire year without butter!!" Trunks starts laughing hysterically which by now has just about worn out Mother Nature's patience. "What in the hell do you think is so funny about no butter for a year?" she screams at him. "I'm not laughing about that - I'm laughing about my friend, Goten, over there whacking the hell out of your pussy willows!"
~~~~~~~~~
Tell me whatcha think, sorry bout my other stories, like ive said, writers block
Aya-chan
Author Aya-chan
Disclaimer: If you think that a girl that lives in michigan owns a multi million dollar idea, you deserve to be beaten with a large stick (in other words i dont own db/z/gt)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(No offence to yamucha fans, this is straghit hair in a ponytail from the end of DBZ yamucha)
Yamucha walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner The checkout girl looks at him and says, "Single, huh?"
Yamucha replies very sarcastically, "How'd you guess?"
She says, "Because you're ugly."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goten walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," Goten explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asks. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" Goten explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bulma accompanied Vejiita to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called Bulma into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly...make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, Vejiita asked Bulma, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gohan and Videl was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. Videl got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. Gohan, being a devoted husband, protested, but Videl argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. Videl, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as Gohan didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around. Videl joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. Videl went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived. She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior. Videl was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" Gohan replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Kuririn, Yamucha, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(i know alot of marron fans were mad at me for my trunks and pan jokes, well just to prove that i have nothing against marron, this is for marron fans)
A lawyer and Marron are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. Marron is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: "Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50." This catches Marron's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Marron doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the Marron's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes Marron and hands her $50. Marron politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes Marron and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Again without a word, Marron reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(im so sorry to all Vejiita bulma fans here, but remember the parrot/vejiita the man whore joke, well this takes place after that, and after bulma has forgiven him)
Vejiita spends most of his nights Working out at the gym or at a bar. One weekend, Bulma decides he needs to relax a little and for being such a good sport, sleeping on the couch for 3 months because of the whore parrot thing, so she takes him to a strip club (work with me here). The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Vejiita! How are you tonight?" Bulma, surprised, asks Vejiita if he has been here before. "No, no. He's just one of the guys I know from the gym." They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Vejiita and says "Nice to see you, Vejiita. A gin and tonic as usual?" His wife's eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!" "No, no" says Vejiita "I just know her from the bar I go to." Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Vejiita and says "Vejiita! A table dance as usual?" Bulma, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar. Vejiita follows her and spots her getting into a cab, so he jumps into the passenger seat. Bulma looks at him, seething with fury and lets Vejiita have it with both barrels. At this, the cabby leans over and says "Sure looks like you picked up a bitch tonight, Vejiita!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Ok...work with me.....Pretend trunks is married to....um....*looks at T/M and T/P fans ready to pounce at me with their fangs bared.....well you can choose who Trunks is married to...the important thing to remember is that Trunks and his wife are expecting their first baby)
"Trunks' list of Seventeen fatal things to say to your wife while pregnant
17. "I finished the Oreos."
16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your *own* ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
5. "Got milk ?"
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water." And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant...
1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger........."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trunks and Goten are out one day golfing. Trunks slices off to the right, Goten hooks off to the left and they both go to retrieve their balls. Trunks is hacking and hacking at the ball but just can't lift it out of the buttercups. It has become lodged in. All of a sudden, up from the ground comes Mother Nature and is she pissed! "What the hell are you doing to my beautiful buttercups?" she asks. "I'm just trying to get my golf ball out of them, lady", replies Trunks. "Well, you are really making me mad. Just look what you've done to my buttercups. For this I must punish you. Your punishment will be an entire year without butter!!" Trunks starts laughing hysterically which by now has just about worn out Mother Nature's patience. "What in the hell do you think is so funny about no butter for a year?" she screams at him. "I'm not laughing about that - I'm laughing about my friend, Goten, over there whacking the hell out of your pussy willows!"
~~~~~~~~~
Tell me whatcha think, sorry bout my other stories, like ive said, writers block
Aya-chan