The Island in the Lake
Ginny lifted up the swimsuit her mother had found at 2 knuts. She had to admit it was pretty. It was new. It was royal blue, with shining gold stars. It almost seemed to glimmer… And yet, it just wasn't… Ginny.
Ginny put it on anyway that morning at 7-o-clock. She smiled. Then, she walked out to the lake behind her house to think about whatever sprang to her head. That was her way of knowing her real thoughts. Her obsessions, her dreams, her secrets, and her worries, it all just came together as she sat on the tiny island in the center of the lake.
She plunged in and began the short swim. As usual, the water was frigid. And, as usual, Ginny didn't care. She swam, perhaps five minutes, and reached the island, which was just big enough for two people to share. She had a sign on the island. She'd made it out of wood and her mother's old paint a few years back: Ginny's Island. Mine. (You can't have it Ron. I got it first.)
She climbed up onto the surface to a lawn chair she'd lugged over and sat to think, but after a minute, she realized that she didn't want to sit on the island. She jumped off into the cold water, then leaned back into a float. She then let her mind wander. She'd notice if she started to drown.
Ginny's mind hit Harry first. That wasn't strange. First, her mind drifted to his charm and skill; then it landed on the obvious awful feelings Harry must be having after the… Cedric incident. She knew how he must feel. After all, during her first year, she'd opened the Chamber of Secrets being controlled. Nobody had died, but she'd paralyzed so many people… And had been so close to killing Harry…
Then, she remembered Harry was coming that morning. She panicked. She knew she'd been out there at least an hour thinking. Harry had probably come by then. She bolted up.
Harry's face greeted her.
Ginny's first thought was Oh no. He's seen me. And here! Then, He looks positively terrible.
The pair climbed onto the island.
Ginny stared at Harry, blushing furiously. Harry was also blushing red. Harry managed to say, "Ron told me you were out here… And it looked so peaceful. It was too tempting to resist."
Ginny laughed. "After I make it to shore and kill Ron, I'll deal with you."
Harry grinned. It was a little forced, just a little, but at least a little of it was real. That was a start. "You? Against me? Ha."
"Don't be so confident, Harry, and your pride won't hurt as badly as the rest of you."
"Or vice-versa."
They both erupted into laughter. But, just as suddenly, it was quiet.
"I can see why you like it here, Ginny." Harry said. Ginny noticed his dark green swimming trunks for the first time. "It's so peaceful. If you try a little, you can forget everything. You feel… different here. Not strange, just different. Like you're a part of it all, but not anymore important than the water you're floating in or trees in the woods. It's hard to explain."
"I know what you mean." Ginny smiled. "Most people call it 'being one with the world' but I'm not quite sure it fits. It's more like being… 'the most insignificant of significant things' I think."
Harry nodded. "That's about it."
"Look around Harry. Get the feeling that somehow we're not as important as we think we are?"
"We sure aren't." Harry seemed to be thinking about something. "Ginny, when you were floating, you were in such deep thought you didn't notice me when I passed. What was it?"
Ginny stiffened for a second. "It's personal."
Harry nodded. "You know, sometimes, it's not good to keep some things inside."
"Take your own advice." Ginny whispered.
Harry looked at her with a mix of horror and confusion. Ginny's eyes widened. Now I've done it. Now I've totally ruined my friendship with Harry in 4 words. What a jerk I am. "Sorry Harry." Ginny quickly apologized.
"No, Ginny. You're right."
Ginny's jaw dropped. "But Harry-"
"No. You're right. I've been holding in too much. And… You're right. I should talk about it. It's just so hard…"
"You don't have to…"
"I know I don't have to. But I know I should. And so should you. You wanna go first or should I?"
Ginny thought a moment. "I've been holding it in longer. I guess I'll go first."
Harry nodded. "Well?"
Ginny took a deep breath. "It's… well… My first year. The Chamber of Secrets incident."
"It wasn't your fault! You were being controlled!"
"So? I still feel so guilty. And I know that Hermione and Justin what's-his-last-name and everyone else have long forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself. I did this. I almost got them all killed… And you too. So many people… As if one wasn't enough. I should have died to pay for that. I almost did. But if I'd died, Riddle would have come back. That would have been worse and I would have been responsible for so many more deaths even though I was dead and…"
Harry nodded quietly.
"And now I wonder if maybe I should have gone to Azkaban then. Or maybe even been killed. Because I did so many awful things… Even if it wasn't by my free will." Tears had streaked down Ginny's face. She hoped the Harry mistook them for water from the lake that hadn't yet dried.
Harry began to speak. "Well, it's Cedric. I know if he were alive, he would've forgiven me by now… He was that kinda person. But it's the same issue. I can't forgive myself. I should have done something."
Ginny watched him. He seemed almost scared. "Harry… If you don't mind… What could you have done? What could you possibly have done, given the exact same situation to try again?"
Harry thought a moment. "I don't know…"
"Nothing. You couldn't have. Let it go, Harry. There was nothing you could've done. Forgive yourself the same way you forgave me 2 years ago."
Harry smiled. "Only if you will."
Ginny laughed. "Deal."
The pair laughed. "Now that that's settled, let's get back."
"Sure you want to? It's nice out here, you said so yourself."
"Your brother seemed interested in getting you back to shore. He said Pig's been raiding his desk drawers and he thinks you hid some owl treats in his socks for Pig."
Ginny giggled. "Did not! That was Fred!"
The pair laughed all the way back to the house.