MAX'S PLACE, SUNDAY MORNING
She was eating her breakfast when her pager biped. Max looked at the code number, it was Logan. Since the Reds came after her, they decided to not
phone each other with the real numbers, anyway, they knew it by heart, so it was useless. Max took a deep breath, and continued eating her cereals.
She glanced around, the place was empty since Kendra was at work. 'I shouldn't have talked to her that way.', she thought. 'I don't like it when
people do it to me, so...'
She looked at her pager again. 'He called me, and I'm not calling him back. What's wrong with me? He wouldn't have called, I would have been
pissed off!' She moved her head from left to right, in despair of her behaviors.
" STOP BOTHERING!" She yelled at her pager. "I'm trouble, don't you know that by now?!" The clock was telling 9:00, Sunday
morning. It was Max's day off today. 'Great! I wont hear Normal telling me for the X time that he will fire my a$$!' I can't believe this guy, after
all we did for him!
Max fell deep into her thoughts. She began to think about yesterday, and then she went to a week ago, and then a month, and she stoped at a year
ago or so, when she'd met Logan for the first time. 'My life has changed so much since he came into it! Everything is so different...it's like I'm
a different person. I AM.' She told herself.
She stood up and went to the counter to make herself coffee. She waited for the water to boil, and walked to the couch. 'It's not Logan's good
coffee, but it will do for now.' Real coffee is so hard to find these days.
She waited before taking a sip. 'Too hot.'
'It's true that I've changed. I would never had care for someone else than me before. Sure I cared for Original Cindy and Kendra, but I never would
have put them before me. It was all about me, me, me! But hey, did I not sort of raise myself? I had to survive. I was only 9 for crying out
loud!' She smiled. 'The first time I saw him, I thought he was so full of it, so arrogant!...But then I found out he was helping the downtroddens,
and later, that he just has the biggest heart. And he made me see mine, he made me realize I had a soul, a heart, and a good one.' Max drank her
coffee and realized there was no more in her cup. She went and poored some more, since she hadn't slept at all last night.
'Everything's changed so bad. I'm having more and more problems with my body, there's plenty I ignore about it. If Logan hadn't been there for
me, I know I wouldn't be alive today. Sure I saved his life too, but he's the only one knowing about my condition, and the only one who could do
something about it. Maybe Lydecker would have found me sooner, and I would be at Manticore, working for him again. Or I would be dead from the
seizures, and some poor guy would have found me, thinking I was probably a junky who put herself the final dose in her blood. I wonder wich one is
worst than the other...' She grabed her pager in her hand.
Yesterday, when her lips touched Logan's, she lost it. Her blood was running so fast in her body that she thought she was going to faint. She's
laughing at herself from it now, but she totally lost it! It was just to addictive. His lips were so soft, and to remember it made Max touch her
lips with her fingers. She smiled. 'Oh yeah, it did happen, and you just can't go on like nothing did!' For 12 big minutes, his skin never left
hers. And she had been ready to do anything at that moment, passionately, impulsively, without thinking of the consequences. Just to hear his breath
accelerate, his lips pushing harder on hers, and his hands caressing her skin, she had lost it. 'I never allowed myself to be involved emotionnaly
before.' It has been pure desire taking over your body, your soul, and not allowing you to be in charge of it anymore.
But what if? What would be next?
'It had felt so nice...
It had felt so good...
And after, it had felt so strange.'
And now, everything inside of her was twisted, it was like she couldn't breath anymore, like she couldn't speak.
"Will everything change on me again?" Max said to her out loud. 'I never had anyone in my life, at Manticore we had each other, Zach,
Jondi, Tinga, and Eva...until Lydecker killed her in front of my eyes. But we didn't had the choice, we only had ourselves to lean on. Even if we
considered each other as brothers ans sisters, it wasn't the same...
Then we escaped, I lost Jondi and I was alone. It's only later that I met Original Cindy and then, Kendra. We liked each other from the start.
But even if they were a big part of my life, they didn't know me. The real me. I was still hiding.
'And then, I stumbled and fell...
I fell into Logan's life, and he just jumped right into mine. I discovered he was Eyes Only, and he knew all about us X5. No one asked for an
invitation card into each other's life. It just happened...and it was so easy!
I never thought, really thought, about this before, but now it's making so much sense.
All my life I looked for the others, all my life I've been searching, and what did I found out when I finally met Zack? It wasn't what I was looking
for. Sure I love him, but I understand now that there are levels of love. You can love a lot of people, but not all the same way.
Me, the Maximum Girl as they used to call me back at Manticore, and where my name is coming from, me Max, who's supposed to be so tough, fearless,
and independant. I wanted to connect with someone, I wanted to worth something to someone, and as it turned out, I found that person. But HUGE
are the consequences of all this. HUGE!
There is not one bit thing that I hate about that man. Even when he pisses me off, I forgive him...I do it to him too, you know. He's the only one I
can be my true self with, I trust him completely, I'd put my life into his hands anytime. I've done it, and I'd do it again, and again. Our
friendship came from acceptance of one another, and now I couldn't live with myself if something happened to him. And that's a problem. It's a
Goliath's size problem.
So what will become of us? What should I do?
What if it doesn't work, US, togheter? What if all turns weird? What will happen of our lives? What if our feelings get in the way of our jugement,
and somebody gets hurt? I couldn't live with that. What if I get caught by Lydecker? What if HE gets cought by Lydecker because of me? What if...?'
Max took a sip of her coffee without realizing it was cold as ice. She did not notice either the tear that was falling down her cheek.
'Why couldn't I just have been born an ordinary girl?'