Greetings! Wow, my first posted fic. I'm tingling all over. =*_*= Those of you who know me (yah, there *might* be one or two) will be VERY surprised that this ain't a Wufei fic, *squeezes Wuffie-chan* but gosh Duo's just such a fun guy to write for, I thought I'd give him a try. Gomen if somebuddy already wrote one like this (million-to-one odds) but this is a wacked-out idea I got listening to Shania Twain on the bus. =@_@= You'll figure out which song soon enough, minna.

Disclaimer #1: I don't own GW...*cries*...but if I DID own it, things would be SO different, but then again if "ifs and buts" were candy and nuts, we'd all weigh 300 pounds, so there. =P

Disclaimer #2: I was an English major, so when I write, I write wordy. You have been warned. =P

Disclaimer #3 (last one, I promise): This is a very confusing story. Gomen nasai. Don't get lost. =^_~=

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The late afternoon sun danced on the small, seated figure on the sand. After a long day of meditation, inner reflection, and the same old fried fish meal after meal, the boy stretched out on the nameless beach and thought about home for the millionth time. It had been Wufei's idea to go on a 'spiritual journey' or whatever, but it was really jut the perfect excuse to run away. It was Wufei who dragged him out by the braid, kicking and screaming, and it was Wufei who packed him into Deathscythe and told him to go sit somewhere and think about universal truths until his spine hurt and his brain itched. Maybe, on some level, he had seen his friend sinking into depression, or maybe he just wanted him and his slovenly habits out of his apartment.

Maybe a little of both, Duo thought, staring up at the cloud-streaked sky. He wouldn't admit it right away, but he was glad he had been exiled to this lonely beach for some quiet thinking time. It had been so many weeks, he had almost forgotten why he had come so far to get away from home. Almost.

**********

"Oh, this is EXACTLY what I needed, thank you SO much!" Duo threw himself on the dorm room sofa, shoving aside textbooks and papers, and buried his face in his hands. "Do you have ANY idea how much that took out of me, to finally say that to you!? My stomach's been in knots ever since I got up, because I told myself it was today or never, and..." The violet-eyed boy was close to tears as he wrenched his head upwards to look at his sullen roommate, who was standing as far to the other side of the room as possible without actually climbing out of the window. "...you can't even stand to look at me, can you, Heero?"

He couldn't, actually. Heero's stomach was doing acrobatics of it's own, thinking about what had transpired. Duo had just admitted his true feelings for him, and the surplus of information wasn't sitting too well next to the fried shrimp. His friend, the young man he trusted more than anyone else in the world, came to him, shaking and speaking softly of how much that friendship meant to him, stumbling over words, wringing his hands...and then, without warning..."Ai shiteru, Heero." The words bit him and tore at his stoic sensibilities; it couldn't be true. But the God of Death couldn't tell a lie, either. Without so much as the tiniest "Hn." to let Duo know he was still listening, he just slumped against the wall and stared at the street.

A long, uncomfortable silence followed, until Duo couldn't take anymore. Wordlessly, he pushed himself off the sofa and started gathering clothes and books into a duffel bag. "Look, I'll just get out of here, ok? You won't have to worry about me trying anything on you while you're asleep." he muttered, with a bitter half-smirk.

That got Heero's attention more than the sound of rumpled shirts and mismatched socks being thrown angrily into a duffel. Turning away from the window slowly, he looked at his friend with genuine sadness, which would have been a memorable sight had Duo been looking at him long enough to notice. But those cold blue eyes weighed too heavily on him; not half an hour before, they had been among his favourite things to stare at blissfully, but now..."Gomen, Heero...I hope you have better luck with your next roomie."

Duo slung the duffel over his shoulder, picked up a few odds and ends, as much as he could carry, and headed for the door, sweet escape. "I'll send someone for the rest..." He couldn't bear to look up, not after the mistake he had just made.

Heero took a giant step forward and caught Duo's arm, struggling for words. "Duo, I....just.....wait...it's....." he stammered. It really was the best he could do. Duo shook his arm out of Heero's grip. "No, don't bother. Forget it. Just forget I said anything, ok?" he said, almost running for the exit. "See you next mission."

And then he was gone.

Heero stared at the door for a long time. He understood the sentiment, but he couldn't accept it...not just like that.

 **********

Except for the last several weeks camping out on the burnished sands of God-knows-where, Duo had been sleeping on Wufei's sofa since that night. The time away HAD been good for him; when the time came, he would be going home a much more powerful person than when he left. Had Wufei known what Duo would get up to all by himself with no human soul to talk to, he probably would have thought better of the idea.

He arrived in the middle of nowhere angry, hurt, despondent, humiliated; the floor had dropped out of his whole world when Heero refused his advances. On the first night, he crawled out of Deathscythe and paced up and down the beach, angrier at himself than anyone else, kicking sand and thinking about how far he could swim until his strength gave out and the waves engulfed him. On the second night, he was upset at Heero. Why did he have to be so damn stoic all the time? One kind word or tender glance from Heero before having to pour out his soul to him would have been all that was necessary to make Duo feel wanted instead of stupid and useless, so obviously, this was all Heero's fault. By the third night, it was nobody's fault, it just happened.

After the guilt and tensions had been burned away by the unforgiving sun, he walked up and down the beach, solely in his possession, examining it for anything interesting to take his mind off his troubles. Palm trees and scrub brush dotted the landscape. Nothing particularly spectacular; Deathscythe was easily the most interesting thing around for miles. Was it an island? The edge of a desert? He had no way of knowing; Wufei programmed the location directly into his navigational systems, along with explicit instructions not to reveal the name of the place, even when it was time to leave. Something about removing all distractions, including one's sense of placement in the universe...something like that. Duo had a predisposition to stop listening to Wu-Man after he'd been blathering on for anything more than fifteen minutes.

**********

Weeks followed. There had always been something unnerving about total solitude, and now he understood what it was...there was no one around but the part of him he tried to forget was there, except in battle. Duo ate sparsely and slept even less, as each day he turned more and more of himself over to that silent force. The absence of everything he usually turned to for distraction pushed him into a corner and dragged his soul under, piece by piece.

Is this what Wufei wanted me to feel?

Slowly, he began to consciously ignore thoughts of Heero, and his reasons for leaving him. This must have been the true quiet he was sent to find; it wasn't cold and hideous like he thought it would be. It still frightened him, but he liked it. Rare, precious, terrifying and wonderful, there was nothing to intrude on the utter blackness his soul had retreated to. All was quiet.

And Shinigami spoke to him.

It gave him thoughts without words, songs without sound, an endless stream of comfort and peace. Then it gave him knowledge, ageless knowledge that he had never been ready, or perhaps willing, to receive until that very moment. He squinted and cried out at the effort of taking in so much information all at once. Cradling his head against the sharp sensations he thought would tear his mind to ribbons, he sat nearly motionless on the beach, all night. The world was turned inside out and funnelled through his weak human brain like paper tape through a calculator, and the teacher would not be calmed until the merciful sun frightened it back into the recesses of Duo's subconscious.

Gasping for breath, he collapsed on his back in the cold sand, tears of exertion tumbling down the sides of his face. He was fairly sure this wasn't what Wufei had in mind. He was definitely sure that it was almost time to go home.


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So what's Duo up to, anyway? =^_~=