Crash and Burn: The Line Between Life and Death
Disclaimer: I don't, nor I ever will, own the characters written in this story. They are the creation of Kevin Williamson and belong to him as well as Columbia Tristar and the WB. I did not kidnap them and hold them for ransom. Get real! This is not Air Force One! One more thing, the song "Crash and Burn" is the brilliant work of Savage Garden.
Author's Note: It's my first attempt at writing fanfic, so if you cannot prevent yourself from either breaking out in hysterical laughter or tears, can you please at least tell me what you think?
Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
When you feel all alone
And when the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild, wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash and burn
You're not alone
It has been one week since the last round of chemotherapy and I have suffered everything from vomiting to loss of appetite, to loss of hair, and to fatigue. I have been to hell and back and that was not the worst part. I have fallen into a perpetual state of melancholy – a deep sadness or hopelessness. Some people called it heartbreak and the professionals diagnosed it as depression. Just what I need to have on my rapidly piling plate, another viscous disease to ward off.
Jack came home every day and asked me how my day was and I always responded in the same manner, "Vomited, didn't eat, and reflected on the fact that I will never get better. I will never live to see another day through the eyes of a healthy 28 year-old."
"Don't lose hope Joey, you'll get better. You're a fighter, not a quitter," Jack replies every time.
"Well, I can't even tell the difference these days," I counter and then I pop an antidepressant.
One time Jack even caught me on the ledge on the rooftop of the apartment building. I was contemplating whether or not I should jump – whether I could endure another round of chemotherapy before going into radiation. Jumping appeared to be the only recourse at that moment. I couldn't take the curves that was being thrown at me, I felt like my life wasn't worth living. "Joey! Jo, don't even think about jumping! It's not funny," Jack shouted from behind me.
"Why? I heard it was a painless death. That from the point my body collides with the pavement is only a matter of seconds and that I wouldn't feel a single thing. So tell me Jack, what have I got to lose? What do I have to live for?" I challenged him. "Give me one sensible reason off the top of your head why I shouldn't jump!"
"I…uh…," he stammered.
"Yeah, I figured." I turned around and shrugged at him.
"…uh…I…me," he stated simply.
"You?"
"Yeah, me. I have been with you through the beginning. The ups, the downs, Dawson's death, your promotion. We laughed together, we cried together. You're my best friend in the whole world and I can't imagine life without you. So if you jump, I jump," and with that he climbed onto the ledge.
I turned to face him. "You jump, I jump?" I couldn't in good conscience sacrifice another's life just to make myself feel better, and the fact that the other person was Jack was even more disconcerting, so I got down from the ledge and started to break down in tears. I have been doing that a lot lately and he was always there to console me. He came down as well and wrapped his protective arms around me and I cried on his shoulder for what seemed like the hundredth time. I started to chuckle.
"What's so amusing about you crying and ruining my new Calvin Klein?" he asked.
"Besides the fact that you just let your true homosexual status shine through with your last statement, but the 'you jump, I jump'? Jack this isn't Titanic. You must be the world's cheesiest negotiator. And remind me to never let you watch Titanic again?"