George W. Saves the Day
Yet Another! Parody by Hardra6
hardra6@yahoo.com
Rated: PG-13
Notes: la la.....read the first one first it's better than this one. Ok, I also add that Minerva 7 is a friend and fellow parody writer of mine (infatuated with Wesley! I might add,) so once again be alert for falling characters from a great number of shows, most of which you should be familiar with. Have fun!
p.s. I'm not inserting myself and hoping that Mulder will fall in love with me.
I'm inserting myself and FORCING Mulder to fall in love with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!
Disclaimer: I don't own, hmmm......In order of appearance, Mulder, Sailor Moon, Scully, Skinner or his office (or his naughty ideas, but that's another story,) Angel, Wesley, Minerva 7, Jurassic Park, Pokemon, Digimon, X-Men, Animorphs, President Bush or Cordelia. There may be more, but you'll know them when you see them.
Another note: THIS IS A PARODY
K okay now read, and, as my trademark, the story is thataway \/ .
********
Mulder is lying on his sofa watching old movies. Suddenly there are bright lights outside and he gets up and goes to the window. The window opens and two giant anteaters float into his living room.
Mulder: Dude!
Anteater #1: Hello, earthling!
Anteater #2: Do you have any spicy gordita sauce?
Mulder: Why?
Anteater #1: We're out.
Mulder: There's some at the Taco Bell down the street.
Anteater #2: That will be good. Please take us to get the sacred spicy gordita sauce!!
Mulder shrugs and leads the two anteaters down the street into the Taco Bell. They walk up to the counter.
Mulder: um, these guys want some....er....
Anteater #1: Spicy Gordita Sauce!!
Anteater #2: Yeah! Yeah!
Kid at the Cashier: Um, okay, like, how much were you planning on?
Mulder: Give them about a bucket, I guess.
Kid: We, like, aren't allowed to give away that much without selling the tacos, too.
Mulder considers.
Mulder: okay, whatever. But get the sauce separate, will you?
Kid: okay.
Mulder and the anteaters leave the Taco Bell, them with a bucket of Spicy Gordita Sauce and Mulder with several armfuls of Tacos. The anteaters start to float into the air.
Anteater #1: Thank you, earthling! Your kindness will be remembered!
The anteaters from space fly up towards the stars and disappear. Mulder sits down on the curb and starts to eat his tacos.
****
Meanwhile, Sailor Moon is counting her chocolate Easter bunnies.
SM: Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two! Oh Joy!
Sailor Moon dances around her room and falls out the window. She screams and hits the ground, and two ambulances pull up and take her to the hospital.
At the hospital, Scully and Mulder come striding in wearing their smart black suits. Mulder is wolfing down Tacos.
Mulder: eease ood fee wretter wiv duh soffs....
Subtitles: These would be better with the sauce...
Scully: Mulder, I can't understand you!
Mulder: Eed duh slubtikles sloophud!
Subtitles: Read the subtitles stupid!
Scully: ????
Nurse: He said read the subtitles
Scully: Ooooooh.
Scully looks down at the bottom of the page.
Scully: that will be helpful for my vacation to China!
Hardra6: Scully, not only are you not going to China, but I'm not going with you!!
Scully: (turning red) poo and bugs and other nasty stuff!
They go into the room where Sailor Moon is staying. She is dazed with chocolate bunnies sticking out of her eyes. Scully goes into spasms and starts to eat the chocolate bunnies.
Mulder: Fuhley! Throp!
Subtitles: Scully! Stop!
Mulder and the Nurse pull Scully away from Sailor Moon, who begins to giggle.
Sailor Moon: I am the princess of the moon! I will right wrongs and triumph over evil! And that means Castro and Sadam Hussein!
Scully: We beat Sadam Hussein a long time ago!
Sailor Moon: Then...I will right wrongs and triumph over evil! And that means grape fruity chewy things and unsanitary bathrooms!
Sailor Moon jumps out of bed to go fight the unsanitary bathroom in her hospital room. She runs into the wall because there's chocolate in her eyes.
Mulder: Ha!
Subtitles: Ha!
Mulder scarfs another taco. Scully has been wriggling into a hospital gown and now lies down on the bed.
Mulder: Whuh hat threw hooding?
Subtitles: What are you doing?
Scully: I'm having a baby you doofus!
Mulder starts to cry, crunching tacos between sobs.
Nurse: Ma'am, you're not even showing yet.
Scully hops out of bed and throws the hospital gown over the nurse's head. She grabs Mulder and they run for it, Mulder devouring tacos and Scully crunching on chocolate bunnies. They run out of the hotel and into the J. Edgar Hoover building, where they run into Skinner's office and hide under the desk. Mulder gets a very romantic and emotional look on his face.
Mulder: I floov loo.
Subtitles: I love poo.
Scully: (Reading subtitles) You love poo???
Mulder shakes his head, taco sauce dribbling out of his mouth.
Mulder: (pointing at Scully) FLOO!
Subtitles: POO!
Mulder: (looking up) I fhunk veres thrumping fonk vid duh lubtigles.
Subtitles: I am the ambassador of Chili! Bow before me!
Scully: Mulder, are you okay??
Mulder: threw his fighting dis flamfliction???
Subtitles: I am a worm!!! I am a worm, I am a worm, I am a worm that's eat-ing poooo....
Scully: Something's' wrong with you!
Scully jumps out from under Skinner's desk. There is a meeting going on. Skinner and all the agents look around. Skinner looks.....funny....
Skinner: Scully, I.....you're.....n-n-aked......
A tense look comes across his face and he shifts in his seat.
Scully: Well I WAS going to have a baby but I changed my mind. Hey, I can Macerena!
Scully dances the Macerena. Skinner's eyes roll up into his head and he faints.
Agent #1: What is going on???
Mulder stands up behind the desk, his face bright red. He is shoving a taco into his mouth.
Mulder: Flod Gamm dis flamfliction arfur!!
Subtitles: Greetings, Earthlings!!!
Mulder: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Subtitles: Take me to your leader or I will destroy you all!!
Agents: He's going to destroy us all!! RUNNNNN!!!
The agents clear out. Scully is still dancing. Skinner has fallen asleep and rolls over.
Skinner: Mmmm......Scully.......can I see your......*giggle* reports....?
Scully: la...dumm...da...da...da....HEY! MACERENA! HA! La la la dum duh la la.....HEY! MACERENA! HA!
Suddenly Hardra6 appears in a poof. She walks to Mulder and smacks him. All the tacos come flying out of his mouth.
Mulder: Wha--what was that for???!!
Subtitles: My pants are strangely wet!!!
Mulder: You can stop that now.
Hardra6: Sorry.
Mulder: (crossing his arms) So. Hardra6. We meet again.
Hardra6: Yep. and, now that Skinner's out cold having a nice little, heh heh, dream and Scully is dancing the Macerena naked.....It is time for me to do something I have always wanted to do!!
Mulder: (cringing) oh dear god
Hardra6 grabs Mulder by his tie and pulls him on top of her onto Skinner's desk. She wraps her legs around him as he struggles to get away, his arms flailing. Skinner wakes up, sees Scully, and faints again.
Mulder pulls away from Hardra6, wiping his mouth off.
Mulder: GOD!
(Author's Note: hee hee!)
Hardra6: Come on....*FOX*.....You know you liked it.
Mulder: Ahhh....Scully's better.
Hardra6's face turns bright red and she clenches her fists. Suddenly a black hole opens under Scully and Skinner and they get zipped away.
Mulder: hey!!
Hardra6: Hey, hey! Take me my handsome hunky G-man!!!!!!!!!
Hardra6 jumps onto Mulder and grabs his head. He falls over backwards and it fades out.
******
Angel is sitting next to the computer looking up naughty pictures, constantly checking to see if anybody is in the room. The picture he's looking at is downloading very very slowly.
Angel: Come *ON!*
Wesley walks in the door with Sailor Moon, who is crying. They walk over to Angel, who is drooling, and Wesley's face becomes contorted in horror.
Wesley: HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT PICTURES OF MINERVA 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angel shrieks like a girl and snaps off the computer. He whirls around.
Angel: Pictures? Internet? Minerva 7? What pictures? What?
Wesley pushes Angel over. Angel gasps and pushes Wesley over, only Wesley goes flying because he's not a vampire.
Minerva 7 appears and crosses her arms.
Minerva7: Angel, Angel, Angel. Naughty Naughty.
Minerva7 dumps a vat of holy water over Angel. The water is about to hit him when Hardra6 intervenes.
Hardra6: Minerva!! You can't do that to Angel! This is MY FanFiction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Minerva snaps her fingers, and the vat disappears. She walks over to Wesley and pins him to the wall in a deep and elaborate kiss.
Hardra6 appears, brushing Angel off and tsk-ing. Behind her appears Mulder, in boxer shorts and messed up hair with a more ore less happy expression on his face.
Hardra6: (to herself) Imagine that, interrupting a girl in her most important hour.....
Angel: But, But, But what about....?
Hardra6: Us? Oh. Yeah.
Mulder disappears and Angel forgets about Mulder. Hardra6 snuggles with *her* nice handsome vampire.
Sailor Moon: But what about the other--
Sailor Moon's face becomes covered in duct tape.
Suddenly a pack of raptors run into Angel's living room. Hardra6 screams and disappears.
Hardra6: (echoing around room) Great this is what I get for watching Jurassic Park last night!!!
Angel takes out a pointy stick and starts to jab it at the raptors. The raptors ignore him and begin to dance to an ancient raptor dance. At this point Hardra6 gets bored and decides to switch back to Mulder and the Tacos.
Mulder is sitting at his desk eating the tacos when all of a sudden 37 bluebirds pop into existence. Mulder stares at them.
Mulder: frunna thalco?
Subtitles: Wanna Taco?
Birds: We have come to take over the world. Resistance is futile.
Mulder: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Subtitles: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Mulder gets up and runs away. The birds eat all of the remaining tacos and then fly to the white house.
Birds: We are here to destroy the leader! Destroy! Destroy!
Suddenly the Sailor Scouts, Ash and Pikachu, TK and Davis and everybody from Digimon, the X-men and the Animorphs all appear.
Everyone: No! We will stop you!!
Everyone looks at each other.
Everyone: Hey!!! WE're Saving the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! WE ARE!!
Everyone starts to fight. The Bluebirds proceed to get into the White House and peck at President Bush. He gets out a rifle and blasts little holes in them.
Bush: Hey, can somebody mount these for me????
M/W, Mulder was scared so he ran, and Hardra6 caught him in time. He appears tied to a bed wearing only his silk black boxers again.
Mulder: I'm um, kind of getting tired of this....what did you do with Scully?
Hardra6: Hmmmm, what did I do with Scully?
******
Somewhere in Tahiti
Scully dances in only a lei and a hula skirt.
Scully: hum naka la de da doo de MACARENA!! HEY! MACERENA! HA!
The people applaud and Scully giggles
******
Skinner wakes up in a strange bed and looks across from him. Cordelia is smoking a cigarette.
Skinner: Scully, you've died your hair.
Cordy: Who's Scully?
Skinner: (tensing up and looking strangely constipated, his eyes glazing over) ummmm......Scully who....??
Skinner and Cordelia fall back into bed
******
M/W....
The raptor king places a triceratops-bone crown on Angel's head.
Raptor King: I pronounce thee, Lord of Raptors!
Angel: Joy!
******
Mulder is about to be in a lot of trouble....well.....anyway, when the news turns on.
News: Anyway, today the president was attacked by alien bluebirds. Luckily, he shot them and is currently getting them mounted. He's okay.
Hardra6: (sitting bolt upright holding the sheets over herself) What??? He was supposed to be pecked to death!!
Mulder: Ha, ha, ha. Maybe you're not as great a FanFiction writer as you think!
Hardra6: Oh yeah? How about I write a story about how Mulder loses his virginity?
Mulder: H-hey, nobody is supposed to know about that...
Hardra6: With a 15-year-old FanFiction writer from rural Virginia?
Hardra6 is leaning in towards Mulder.
Mulder: Erm,
Hardra6 jumps on Mulder. Suddenly the alien anteaters appear, their mouths covered in Spicy Gordita sauce.
Anteater #2: Oh, Lord of Spicy Gordita, we have come to Save--
Hardra6: (sitting up) I've had enough of this!!! You guys, go and give Scully her senses back, Mulder, fall head over heels for me, Angel--I mean, Raptor Lord--Go get Skinner out of Cordelia's bed and President Bush, get a brain!!!
The scenery changes. Hardra6 is several years older, and her belly is round. Mulder has his arm around her waist and they are looking out in their suburban yard where six or seven little Mulder-hardra6lets are running and playing.
Mulder: Oh, Hardra, you're the only one I will ever love.
Hardra6 grins evilly. She presses the button on her little Austin Powers action figure stand thing.
Austin: Yeah, Baby, Yeah!
Hardra6: you go, fake little Austin action figure!
Suddenly Hardra6 frowns. She smacks her head.
Hardra6: If mom and dad find out I've married Fox Mulder, I'll never hear the end of it!
Mulder: Darling, what's the matter??
Hardra6: Oh, uh, nothing, dear....
Hardra6 snaps her fingers. Mulder and Scully are sitting in their office reading case reports. They turn on the tv and it says that President bush has activated a plan that will give the rich less money and the poor more money.
Mulder: That's actually smart!!
Scully: It sure is!
They smile and go back to work.
******
Hardra6 smiles down from the invisible FanFiction world as Angel and Cordelia are sitting in Angel's living room, going over a case. Cordelia has a vision.
Angel: Cordelia! Cordelia! You ok???
Cordy: SHH!! I can't hear!!
Angel is very quiet. Cordelia stays in her vision for another half hour. Angel shakes her arm and she snaps out of it. Cordelia smacks Angel hard.
Cordelia: you doofus! Victor was about to marry Suzan and Alice was hiding in the shadows!!
Angel starts to cry and a pack of Raptors run in and eat Cordelia. Angel jumps up and down on her.
Angel: Don't hit Angel! Not nice!!!
Raptors: Oh, Raptor Lord, we serve you!!
Angel: No thanks, I eat blood, not extinct lizards.
Raptors: Shucks.
The raptors run away. Angel sits down and watches the News.
News: Today we found out that a teenage girl in Japan is Sailor Moon! More details later!
Angel: I LOVE SAILOR MOON!!! FIGHTING EVIL BY MOON LIGHT! WINNING LOVE BY DAY LIGHT! NEVER RUNNING FROM A REAL FIGHT! SHE IS THE ONE NAMED SAILOR MOON!!!!!
Sailor Moon peeks out from behind the tv.
Sailor Moon: Please! Hide me!
Angel laughs at the two chocolate bunnies stuck in her eyes. Sailor Moon starts to cry.
SM: People know my real identity! What will I do!?!?
Angel: Duh! Go star in movies, become really popular and sign autographs all day? Like me?
SM: oh, yeah, I forgot. SAILOR MOON!
Sailor Moon flies away. Angel starts pacing.
Angel: Where is Wesley???
Wesley comes out of Angel's office with his shirt on inside out and his pants on backwards. His glasses are askew, too. He looks more or less happy.
Angel: What have you been....(smells)....or should I say, who have you been doing?
Minerva 7 runs away wearing a leather push-up bra, leather boots and zip-up underwear, holding a whip in one hand. Hardra6 intercepts her and drags her away for a little woman-to-woman chat.
Wesley: Oh, I've been doing......er.......very little......
M/W....
Hardra6 frowns at Minerva7.
Hardra6: You can't sleep with your fanfic characters. First of all, they're not yours, and second of all, your parents will throw a fit.
Minerva 7: But I LOOOOOOOOVE Wesley!
Hardra6: (sarcastically) yeah and I LOOOOOOOOOOVE Fox Mulder but I don't bed him ever other second!!!
Minerva 7: WHY THE HELL NOT?????
Hardra6: Because.....well...............................
There is an uneasy pause. Hardra6 sighs, defeated, and snaps her fingers. Mulder appears in Angel's office and she yanks off her conservative tee shirt, revealing an outfit similar to Minerva's.
Hardra6: (grabbing Mulder's head and wrapping her legs around his waist) What the freakin' hell.
~ The End ~
Ha ha, Hardra6 wins, like usual! Okay! Fine! I know it sucked! But it sure was freakin fun to write! :) -- that's a gigantic smile, BTW. Chow!