"Plant Sitting"
STANDARD DISCLAIMER: OK, it's
boring already. Anything SW =
GL. Anything else is mine (well, except
for the one bit I shamelessly ripped off from the movie Risky Business). Speaking of which, the song "Old Time Rock
and Roll" belongs to Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. I'm not making any money from this… and when
you think about all the time I spend on this crap, it's a shame, really.
"Look, Anakin. This is all you have to do," Palpatine said, picking up a terra cotta
pot and inspecting the pink petunia growing in it. "Make sure to water them daily, but you don't want them too
moist."
"I don't?" Anakin asked. Palpatine shook his head.
"No. Too much water is bad. Just keep the soil damp. Make sure they're in full sunlight as much
as possible. And if you see any dead
flowers, pull them off so new ones will grow." Anakin watched carefully as Palpatine pinched off a dead flower and
tossed it over the edge of the balcony. "That's not too difficult, is it?" Anakin shook his head. "Good,"
Palpatine said, putting the plant down and walking back into his
apartment. Anakin followed close
behind. "Now, I'll do you an access
code so you can get in while I'm gone. I expect to be back in three or four days, but that could change
depending on how things go." He walked
Anakin to the door. "I really
appreciate your doing this," he confided. "It is so difficult to get dependable people one can trust." Anakin smiled.
"You know you can count on me, Palpster."
Anakin punched in the access code and walked into
Palpatine's apartment. Responding to
movement, lights came on as he walked through the empty apartment. Though it was only early afternoon, the
skies were darkening with the threat of impending rain, and the apartment held
that strange gloominess that seems to permeate buildings on rainy days. Anakin
unlocked the balcony door and stepped outside. A fierce wind whipped his Jedi robes as he knelt to inspect the plants. He felt droplets on his head. Oh man, Palpatine said not to give them
too much water… maybe I'd better bring them in. But if I bring them in, they won't be in direct sunlight
later. Now the rain was beginning to fall in earnest. Shit… wait a minute, I'll just stay here overnight and put them back outside
tomorrow morning. Palpatine won't care
– these plants are his babies. Pleased with his ingenuity, he began bringing the plants inside one by
one, setting them on the floor just inside the balcony doors. That task completed, he felt the soil around
each plant. A bit dry. Better water 'em. After going back outside to fetch the
watering can, he gave each plant a small amount of water, carefully feeling the
soil. Satisfied, he put the watering
can back out on the balcony. As he
walked back into the apartment, his stomach growled loudly. Wonder what the Palpster's got in the
kitchen, Anakin thought.
Man, how can he EAT this crap? Anakin wondered,
eyeing the contents of Palpatine's kitchen cupboards with disgust. He knew that the Nubians in general had
strange taste in food, but some of this stuff was just plain weird. Granola bars. Oatmeal. Melba toast. Cream of Wheat. Ugh. The
refrigeration unit was no better. Lowfat yogurt. Skim milk. Fresh broccoli…. eewww! With a shudder, Anakin shut the fridge
door. His stomach growled again. I have GOT to get some food.
"Thank you for calling Pizza the Hutt, will this be
delivery or carry out?" the voice on the other end of the voicephone asked.
"Uh, delivery," Anakin replied, digging around his
pockets to see how much money he had.
"Can I have your 'phone code, please?" Anakin almost gave his code at the Jedi
Temple, then recalled that Pizza the Hutt used 'phone codes to index their
customers. He gave Palpatine's 'phone
code and waited while the person taking his order ran it through his
computer. "OK, Mr. Palpatine," the
voice said. "Would you like to pay on
delivery, or do you want us to put this order on your account?" It took a second for the man's words to
register in Anakin's brain. When they
finally did, he broke into a huge grin and stopped digging in his pockets.
"Yeah, put it on my account," Anakin said. Hey, I'm staying here taking care of his
plants, Anakin rationalized. Besides,
he can spare the money.
As promised, the extra large specialty pizza with
everything arrived in less than thirty minutes. Anakin stood in the middle of Palpatine's living room, inhaling
the promising aroma of warm pizza. He
carried it into the kitchen, planning to have a decent dinner of pizza washed
down with… skim milk. Damn, that's
all he has in the fridge, Anakin recalled. Glancing around the kitchen, Anakin's eyes fell on a wine rack standing
against the wall. He wasn't much of a
wine drinker (he preferred Guinness), but beggars couldn't be choosers; it was
that or the skim milk. Anakin grabbed a
bottle at random and began searching the drawers for a corkscrew.
Anakin soon learned that opening a bottle of wine wasn't
as easy as it looked. He'd managed to
get the foil off the top of the bottle, but the corkscrew didn't seem to want
to cooperate. Having screwed it into
the cork rather crookedly, Anakin tugged on it several times but to no
avail. Finally, he set the wine bottle
upright on the kitchen table. Holding
it still with both hands, he used the Force to yank the cork out. He was very happy with himself until he
poured a glass of wine and saw pieces of shattered cork floating in it. Shrugging, he took a sip of the rich red liquid. Hey, this isn't bad, he thought. He chugged the whole thing, cork and all,
and poured another, then sat down and began eating his pizza.
Throwing his empty pizza carton in the garbage, he downed
the remainder of his wine and burped loudly. "Pardon me!" he said, and giggled drunkenly. That wine was pretty damn good, he thought, tossing the
empty bottle in the trash. I wonder
if he has any more…
A piano riff blared out of Palpatine's stereo, echoing
through the empty apartment. Anakin,
now clad only in a white shirt, his underwear, and socks came sliding across
the hardwood floor of the foyer. He was
clutching a half-empty bottle of wine. He began singing along with the song:
Just take
those old records off the shelf
I'll sit and
listen to them by myself
Today's music ain't got the same
soul
I like that old time rock and
roll.
Now he was dancing around the apartment, still singing,
only pausing to take sips from the wine bottle.
Don't try
to take me to a disco
You'll never
even get me out on the floor
In ten minutes I'll be late for
the door
I like that old time rock and
roll.
He was really getting into it now. He stood on the red sofa, swigging from the bottle and belting the song out at the top of his lungs.
Still
like that old time rock and roll
That kind of
music just soothes the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old time rock and roll.
Won't go to hear them play a
tango
I'd rather hear some blues or
funky old soul -
Though the music had stopped, Anakin continued singing
for a few more lines, before opening his eyes to see….
A
rather amused Palpatine was standing in the living room, his arms folded across
his chest. And standing beside
Palpatine was…
"Padmé!" Anakin squeaked, crimsoning. The Queen was trying very hard to keep a
straight face. A female giggle drew
Anakin's attention to Sabé, who was standing behind Palpatine. Mortified, Anakin tried in vain to pull his
shirt down to hide his underwear. There
was a very long silence.
"Well," Palpatine said, trying unsuccessfully to sound
stern and angry when he was actually on the verge of hysterical laughter. "Now we see what sort of things you get up
to when you're alone."
"But… I… you… they…." Palpatine smiled.
"I arrived at the spaceport to find my trip had been
canceled. Then I ran into Her Majesty
and Sabé, who were arriving for a meeting tomorrow."
"I was going to go over to the Temple and surprise you,
Anakin," Padmé said, giggling.
"Trust me, I'm surprised," Anakin managed. He climbed down off the sofa. "But look, Palpatine," he said, swaying a
bit drunkenly, "I did take care of your petunias!" He indicated the neat row of terra cotta pots sitting in front of
the patio doors.
"Yes,
I see that," Palpatine murmured. Anakin
followed Palpatine's gaze and did a double take. In his haste to get the plants inside, he had set the pots
directly on the red carpeting. He was
horrified to see that each pot was surrounded by a ring of muddy water that was
slowly seeping into the carpet. He
groaned.
"Oh gods, I'm sorry – " he began.
"I smell pizza," Sabé said suddenly. Anakin smiled sheepishly.
"Yeah… I… er… I sort of ordered a pizza. And then there was nothing to drink but
wine…" His voice trailed off as he thought about what he'd done. Palpatine trusted me, and look how I
acted. "Sorry," he muttered,
hanging his head. "I'm an
asshole."
"Oh, I don't know if I'd say that," Palpatine said. "Did you happen to save us any pizza?"
"No," Anakin said quietly. "I ate it all."
"Well in that case, you ARE an asshole," Palpatine told
him cheerfully, giving Anakin a good-natured thump on the shoulder. Anakin's head jerked up.
"You're not mad?" he asked hopefully. Palpatine shrugged.
"There's no real damage done," he said
philosophically. "The carpeting can be
cleaned. Besides, witnessing Anakin
Skywalker's Nearly Naked Singing Debut more than makes up for it. My only regret is not having a holovid
camera to capture the moment in all its glory." Anakin blushed again. "Now," Palpatine continued, "why don't you put some pants on and we'll
see about ordering some more pizza."
FINIS.