Body
The Twin Viper
By The Last Little Kodamas
It was another day and all was going well. Yuffie was out and everyone was free from the wrath of her and her twin Viper for a few precious hours, the Pinwheel having been long discarded since the discovery of her Twin Viper's uhhh.... 'Dual capacity.'
Cloud was looking for his toothbrush, which was made out of an old deathblow materia (he whittled it with his Ultima Weapon). He passed Cid and Barret in the living room, which was now full of exercise equipment.
"Hey guys, have you seen my toothbrush? It's kinda yellow and shiny."
"No, uhhh, I haven't, arg." Grunted Cid, who was doing bicep curls with free weights.
"Still on the ol' one pounders eh?" Asked Cloud, grinning.
"I'm on the five's!!" Exclaimed Barret from the couch.
"Well I have to start somewhere!!" Said Cid.
"Sure, sure." Replied cloud and he went off to continue his search for the missing toothbrush.
Cloud searched everywhere. He even resorted to paying Cait Sith five gil for advice. But still no luck. Cloud had no toothbrush and now he didn't have five gil either. Feeling completely beaten, and with plaque building up on his teeth with every passing second, he wandered down the hall and passed Yuffie's room, the door wide open.
Eureka! He thought, because a) Yuffie was a dirty little thief, and b) Yuffie was a dirty little materia thief.
He gingerly stepped into the back maw of dirty clothes, weapons, and old food that was clustered all over the floor. It was worse than cid and Barret's room, I mean, she had a little garden growing in her room... Naturally!!
As Cloud searched, his foot hit something sharp and pointy. He turned around to see what it was. Whoah!! He thought, I've hit the jackpot!! It was Yuffie's Twin Viper, and Yuffie wasn't home...
Cloud picked it up and ran out of the room, prepared to hide it. He was thinking in Barret and Cid's room, she's never go in there!! However, as he held it in his hands, he began to feel... Odd. Almost possessed somehow, like when Sephiroth was controlling him.
He crept down the hall, and ran straight into Tifa.
"T-Tifa, hi" he said, hiding the Twin Viper behind his back.
"Hey. What's that behind your back?" She asked, trying to see what he was hiding.
"N-nothing."
"No, you're hiding something, what is it?"
Tifa then quickly jumped behind him and saw the Twin Viper. She gasped.
"Cloud!! Drop it!! It's cursed!!"
"What!? No it's not!!" Said Cloud.
Tifa tried to grab it, but Cloud jumped back.
"No!! I won't let you!!"
"Cloud, can't you see?? It's taking you already!!"
"No!! Come any closer and I'll shove it up your anal cavity!!"
Tifa deftly jumped in front of him and grabbed it.
"Hey!! Give me that back, Tifa!"
"Not on your life!!"
Red 13 heard the screaming and popped his head out of his bedroom door.
"What's going on??" He asked.
"Nothing red, you just go on back inside now."
"Alright..."
Red 13 very quickly ducked his head into his room.
Tifa and Cloud squared off, Tifa holding the Twin Viper. Cloud slowly started to move towards her, when Cait Sith and Vincent came up the stairs from the basement, talking.
"So you're saying that my desire for blood is based on the stereotypical version of a vampire and the fact that I look like it, and several crazy fanfic writers?" Asked Vincent.
"Yes, you see... Oh, excuse us Cloud. Tifa." Said Cait Sith.
"Oh, terribly sorry." Said Cloud and tifa, and they quickly moved out of the way, while Cait and vincent continued down the hall. Cloud and Tifa squared off again.
"Give me the weapon." Said Cloud.
"Not before I shove it up your ass!!"
They charged and grappled for the weapon. They both got a few pretty good hits of each other (well, mostly Tifa got a whole bunch of pretty good hits.). And then a high-pitched, annoying voice said:
"What do you think you're doing?"
Cloud and Tifa looked up from their positions on the floor. There stood Yuffie, hands on her hips.
"Is that my Twin Viper?"
"Uhhhh... No." They said sheepishly, and they hid it behind their backs.
"Hey that is my Twin Viper!!" Yuffie grabbed it, and clutched it possessively to her chest.
'What were you doing with this?"
"Uhhh... Playing?"
"What the hell!?"
"All right. All right, I know!! See that room over there?"
"Yes, It's my room."
"Well I was looking for something in there...."
"You went in my room!? DIE!!"
"Wait-a-second!"
"Fine, but you die when you're finished."
"Well anyways, I was looking for something, and then I found your Twin Viper, and then I kinda like took it."
"YOU STOLE MY TWIN VIPER!"
"YES"
Yuffie freaked out for a few moments, but then composed herself.
"Go on."
"Then um, Tifa and I fought over it."
"Is that right Tifa?"
"Yes." Said Tifa.
"Kay. You die now Cloud."
"Be gentle please."
"I don't think that's possible."
"NO! Yuffie wait, it possessed us!" Yelled Tifa.
"Possessed you?"
"Yes, we had no control over ourselves!"
"Oh right, the curse. I forgot about that."
"CURSE!! OH MY GOD!!" Screamed Cloud.
""Yes. You see, it all started when I taunted one of those wise people at Cosmo Canyon. She then proclaimed that I must always take my anger out by shoving a Pinwheel up--"
"Your Pinwheel!? We're talking about Your Twin Viper!!" Said Tifa.
"Well, I unno then. I just liked the heft of that."
"YOU DON'T KNOW!!"
"No, where'd you find this thing anyways, Cloud?"
"Ummmm... Shinra Mansion?"
"oh, well there's your answer."
"What answer!! I don't get it!!" moaned Cloud.
"Oh yeah. Cloud, I hocked your toothbrush for 700 000 gil." Said Yuffie.
"WHAT!?'
THE END.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: hey, this wasn't so bad. Almost... Funny. If you didn't get some of ti, you might want to read some of my other ff7 fics. Hey, don't forget to review!!
