AUTHOR: Kate Mulder
E-MAIL: Enigma806@aol.com
TITLE: Perspectives IV: Every A.D. Has His Day
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: The Perspectives series continues as the Skinman has his say.
ARCHIVE: Anywhere the rest of the series is--okay, anyone else just send me the link so I can visit.
FEEDBACK: I can't say how much I love it enough.
CLASSIFICATION: Vignette, angst, implied MSR, the usual suspects.
DISCLAIMER: Aw, do I hafta? Okay--not mine. Chris Carter's. Again, if he would like to give me Mulder or Krycek or Frohike as a birthday present, it's okay by me. I'd take Skinner, but I'd spend the rest of my life on the run from Walter's Wenches. I'm not making any money off this. It's all in fun. 1013 and FOX figure in here too. (God--just think. If X-Files were on NBC, what would Mulder's first name be then?) :-)
SPOILERS: The now prerequisite "Requiem" (man, I feel sorry for those who didn't see it originally!), "Hollywood A.D.", "S.R. 819", "Apocrypha", whichever ep Skinner was divorced in.
NOTES: Again, this series is getting places. Comes a long way from its beginnings. Thanks to feedback, it's continued (hint, hint). Yeah, this is probably post-Requiem story number 1,121 (yes, I did that purposely) but they're so fun! And CC set everything up for it. To understand what Scully and Skinner are doing at Bill & Tara's house in San Diego, you should probably read "Perspectives III: Frankly, My Dear..." Otherwise, the rest of the series is unnecessary to read, although I'd like it if you did. They're all vignettes. If you are missing one of them, contact Enigma806@aol.com. Fans of the Bill Scully POV--don't worry. I'll get back to him soon. I just can't progress beyond "Requiem" for fear of being wrong with my speculations. Maybe I'll do some "retro-spectives"... grin As for the title...don't try to decipher it too much, it just came to me. I know I'm getting a lot of stuff written recently...grins I have the time, and my major pet projects are done. I'll find something else to occupy my time fairly soon. :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perspectives IV: Every A.D. Has His Day
Looking back on it now, Mulder was right. The movie really did suck. I was too excited about it at the time to care (imagine being played by Richard Gere!), but "The Lazarus Bowl" was truly an awful movie.
I only wish he were around for me to tell him.
And he's gone. It's my fault. I let him out of my sight...I might as well have just handed Mulder over to the aliens and said, "Here. Take him. He's yours."
I failed him. I failed Scully. I failed myself.
When I was in the Marines, they told us never to let our failures haunt us for too long. I always had trouble with that one. Of course, they also told us that Marines never cry. I held up pretty well there.
Until Mulder disappeared. I thought I was going to be okay until I saw Scully, saw the anguish in her eyes, and saw the pain. The pain I'd caused her.
Logically, I know it's not my fault. That even if Scully had been there, hell, if the President himself had been there, Mulder would still have been abducted.
But *I* was there.
Now I have to help Scully deal with this while at the same time deal with my own feelings. It's not easy. But then again, I never took this job because it was easy. I've been shot, had my body invaded with nanites...all in the line of this job. My wife has divorced me because of it, although I get the impression that might have happened anyway.
Mulder and Scully, naturally, were not the only two agents I supervised. But just between you and me, I liked them the best. Still do.
Now I'm on my way back to Oregon with Scully. She's almost six months pregnant now, and I'm still not sure it was such a good idea for her to come. But she insisted upon it. And how could I deny her that? After losing Mulder, could I really deny her anything? I've been helping her to search for him, but he's still missing. And that's all that really matters when the day is done. Fox Mulder is somewhere out there, being subjected to God-knows-what. And that knowledge is what fuels the search.
Scully and I are staying the night at her brother's house before we continue on to Oregon. I wasn't so comfortable with it, but his wife insisted. It'll be good for Scully. She's been working too hard lately. Some would argue that I have too, but I'm not the one who's pregnant.
If I were, it would be the biggest X-File of all.
Bill and Tara go out for a few minutes, and their kid Matthew is upstairs, sleeping. So Scully and I are essentially alone. I sit down on the couch next to her, and notice that she's crying. These days, I can never be too sure if it's emotion or hormones, but I comfort her anyway.
This is what the movie got most wrong. Scully and I would never be lovers.
I see her as a daughter at times, but more often as a very close friend. I keep telling myself that I'm not old enough to be her father. Doesn't change the way I feel. Right now, she's like a little sister, needing to be protected from the big, bad bullies of the world.
She wipes away her tears, and looks at me. "Thanks, Walter."
Yeah, we're pretty much on a first-name basis now, at least outside the office.
"Dana?" I ask. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"I'll be okay," she whispers. "I just...God, I miss him so bad."
"Me too," I reply, "but we're going to find him. No matter how long it takes."
I know she's in love with Mulder. I know he's in love with her. What I don't know is why they had never acted on it before.
Her baby kicks, announcing its presence. She doesn't know whether she's having a boy or a girl yet, but I think she suspects the latter. That tiny kick, barely more than a flutter, is a way of reassuring us, almost. That life goes on, in the midst of every crisis. That everything works out in time.
I think she realizes this, because she smiles. She smiles so rarely these days. This baby is the only thing that's saved her from giving up all hope, I think. I remember what Mulder was like when she was gone. And they've grown even closer since then.
I shudder to think what Dana Scully might be like now if this tiny little miracle had not been brought into her life.
But until Mulder returns, I'll be there for her. I'll be there for both of them after he returns. I intend to be there to see this child grow up.
Maybe I wasn't the kind of friend to them that I could have been in the past. And I regret that. But I'll be that friend now.
Because, from the looks of things, they're really gonna need it.
Hell, *I'm* going to need it.
The End
5/31/00
E-MAIL: Enigma806@aol.com
TITLE: Perspectives IV: Every A.D. Has His Day
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: The Perspectives series continues as the Skinman has his say.
ARCHIVE: Anywhere the rest of the series is--okay, anyone else just send me the link so I can visit.
FEEDBACK: I can't say how much I love it enough.
CLASSIFICATION: Vignette, angst, implied MSR, the usual suspects.
DISCLAIMER: Aw, do I hafta? Okay--not mine. Chris Carter's. Again, if he would like to give me Mulder or Krycek or Frohike as a birthday present, it's okay by me. I'd take Skinner, but I'd spend the rest of my life on the run from Walter's Wenches. I'm not making any money off this. It's all in fun. 1013 and FOX figure in here too. (God--just think. If X-Files were on NBC, what would Mulder's first name be then?) :-)
SPOILERS: The now prerequisite "Requiem" (man, I feel sorry for those who didn't see it originally!), "Hollywood A.D.", "S.R. 819", "Apocrypha", whichever ep Skinner was divorced in.
NOTES: Again, this series is getting places. Comes a long way from its beginnings. Thanks to feedback, it's continued (hint, hint). Yeah, this is probably post-Requiem story number 1,121 (yes, I did that purposely) but they're so fun! And CC set everything up for it. To understand what Scully and Skinner are doing at Bill & Tara's house in San Diego, you should probably read "Perspectives III: Frankly, My Dear..." Otherwise, the rest of the series is unnecessary to read, although I'd like it if you did. They're all vignettes. If you are missing one of them, contact Enigma806@aol.com. Fans of the Bill Scully POV--don't worry. I'll get back to him soon. I just can't progress beyond "Requiem" for fear of being wrong with my speculations. Maybe I'll do some "retro-spectives"... grin As for the title...don't try to decipher it too much, it just came to me. I know I'm getting a lot of stuff written recently...grins I have the time, and my major pet projects are done. I'll find something else to occupy my time fairly soon. :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perspectives IV: Every A.D. Has His Day
Looking back on it now, Mulder was right. The movie really did suck. I was too excited about it at the time to care (imagine being played by Richard Gere!), but "The Lazarus Bowl" was truly an awful movie.
I only wish he were around for me to tell him.
And he's gone. It's my fault. I let him out of my sight...I might as well have just handed Mulder over to the aliens and said, "Here. Take him. He's yours."
I failed him. I failed Scully. I failed myself.
When I was in the Marines, they told us never to let our failures haunt us for too long. I always had trouble with that one. Of course, they also told us that Marines never cry. I held up pretty well there.
Until Mulder disappeared. I thought I was going to be okay until I saw Scully, saw the anguish in her eyes, and saw the pain. The pain I'd caused her.
Logically, I know it's not my fault. That even if Scully had been there, hell, if the President himself had been there, Mulder would still have been abducted.
But *I* was there.
Now I have to help Scully deal with this while at the same time deal with my own feelings. It's not easy. But then again, I never took this job because it was easy. I've been shot, had my body invaded with nanites...all in the line of this job. My wife has divorced me because of it, although I get the impression that might have happened anyway.
Mulder and Scully, naturally, were not the only two agents I supervised. But just between you and me, I liked them the best. Still do.
Now I'm on my way back to Oregon with Scully. She's almost six months pregnant now, and I'm still not sure it was such a good idea for her to come. But she insisted upon it. And how could I deny her that? After losing Mulder, could I really deny her anything? I've been helping her to search for him, but he's still missing. And that's all that really matters when the day is done. Fox Mulder is somewhere out there, being subjected to God-knows-what. And that knowledge is what fuels the search.
Scully and I are staying the night at her brother's house before we continue on to Oregon. I wasn't so comfortable with it, but his wife insisted. It'll be good for Scully. She's been working too hard lately. Some would argue that I have too, but I'm not the one who's pregnant.
If I were, it would be the biggest X-File of all.
Bill and Tara go out for a few minutes, and their kid Matthew is upstairs, sleeping. So Scully and I are essentially alone. I sit down on the couch next to her, and notice that she's crying. These days, I can never be too sure if it's emotion or hormones, but I comfort her anyway.
This is what the movie got most wrong. Scully and I would never be lovers.
I see her as a daughter at times, but more often as a very close friend. I keep telling myself that I'm not old enough to be her father. Doesn't change the way I feel. Right now, she's like a little sister, needing to be protected from the big, bad bullies of the world.
She wipes away her tears, and looks at me. "Thanks, Walter."
Yeah, we're pretty much on a first-name basis now, at least outside the office.
"Dana?" I ask. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"I'll be okay," she whispers. "I just...God, I miss him so bad."
"Me too," I reply, "but we're going to find him. No matter how long it takes."
I know she's in love with Mulder. I know he's in love with her. What I don't know is why they had never acted on it before.
Her baby kicks, announcing its presence. She doesn't know whether she's having a boy or a girl yet, but I think she suspects the latter. That tiny kick, barely more than a flutter, is a way of reassuring us, almost. That life goes on, in the midst of every crisis. That everything works out in time.
I think she realizes this, because she smiles. She smiles so rarely these days. This baby is the only thing that's saved her from giving up all hope, I think. I remember what Mulder was like when she was gone. And they've grown even closer since then.
I shudder to think what Dana Scully might be like now if this tiny little miracle had not been brought into her life.
But until Mulder returns, I'll be there for her. I'll be there for both of them after he returns. I intend to be there to see this child grow up.
Maybe I wasn't the kind of friend to them that I could have been in the past. And I regret that. But I'll be that friend now.
Because, from the looks of things, they're really gonna need it.
Hell, *I'm* going to need it.
The End
5/31/00