A Different Passover Story
Narrator- Narrator
Moses- Moses
Aaron- Zangazangawoosh
Miriam- Kathangwop
Jochebed- Mo
The Bush- The Bush (G-d)
Pharaoh- Wakkafrakka
Pharaoh's daughter- Ninpooga
Egyptians- Zingbopnaaarghans
Egypt- Zingbopnaaargh
The Jews- Gangoogies
Scene 1
Narrator: Many humans have heard of only one Passover story. I'm about to tell you of a second one that few humans have heard. It doesn't start in Egypt, on planet Earth. It starts in Zingbopnaaargh, on Mars. It's about a man who defeats the evil ruler, Wakkafrakka, who has enslaved the Gangoogies, a peaceful people, for many years. He made them keep him cool by blowing into coffee straws on him. He also made them run around in circles all day. Yeah, that was pretty mean.
Now, let's look at a Gangoogie family in Zingbopnaaargh. A woman named Mo has given birth to a baby Martian, but she is afraid. King Wakkafrakka had decided that everyone should give him their newborn Martians and he would send them to Timbuktu. But Mo also had two other children; a girl named Kathangwop and a boy named Zangazangawoosh, but he doesn't appear in this scene.
Mo: What am I going to do with my baby? I don't want to give him to Wakkafrakka, (turns to Kathangwop) but what should I do?
Kathangwop: Maybe you could send him down the river. That way, someone might find him and take care of him. (gives Mo a basket) Put the baby in this. That way, he won't get wet.
Mo: What a wonderful idea! (puts baby into basket) when I place him into the river, I want you to follow him, making sure he doesn't get hurt.
Baby: (acts really angry) What are you doing?! You know that I'm allergic to baskets!!
Kathangwop: Oh, sorry. That's right! But what should we put you in? (turns to table and finds a large piece of Gouda cheese) What about this Cheese?
Mo: That will be wonderful. We can place him in the cheese and let him float down the river. (puts baby into cheese and is very sad) Good bye, Baby! Kathangwop, watch after him! I hope he'll be OK.
Scene 2
Narrator: So the baby floated down the river on the piece of cheese with his older sister watching closely behind him until he bumped into Wakkafrakka's daughter, Nonpooga, who was bathing.
Ninpooga: What a beautiful baby Martian in that cheese! I don't know where he came from, but I think I'll take him home with me. I hope my father won't mind. (opens up the cheese and takes baby out) I'll name him Moses. In my native language, that means, "I cut the cheese and took him out of the water." But who will take care of him?
Kangthwop: (comes out from hiding) I know a woman who will be willing to take care of your baby, Ninpooga. She's a Gangoogie who can be his permanent babysitter. But that's such a strange name to call a child.
Ninpooga: Why, that will be wonderful. Please bring her here at once. I must interview her first before excepting her.
Kangthwop: Yes, ma'am. (Exits the scene)
Ninpooga: You will be a wonderful son, Moses.
Narrator: So, as we all know, Moses' babysitter was his real mother. She taught him that he was a Gangoogie and that he should stand up for all Gangoogies. One day, he saw a Zingbopnaaarghan being very mean to a Gangoogie. Moses was so mad that he flicked the Zingbopnaaarghan on the nose, so the Zingbopnaaarghan turned into a twist tie. Soon, everyone knew about Moses' deed. He was afraid that if Wakkafrakka learned about hit, he would get in trouble. So he fled from Zingbopnaaargh. He then became a shepherd.
Scene 3
Moses: My, what a wonderful day. The sun is shining brightly, the grass is green, and my sheep are healthy. What more could a Martian want? Yeah, I want a lot more. I really want to help my people. But Zingbopnaaargh is so powerful. How could I ever help?
Sheep: Baaaaah!! Baaaaaah!!
Moses: That sheep seems to be afraid of something. (investigates and finds the burning bush) Eeek! A burning bush!
Bush: Moses, you have a really weird name!
Moses: Eeek! A burning bush that talks!
Bush: Moses, I am G-d! I want you to lead your people out of Zingbopnaaargh. They are suffering from hyperventilation and dizziness! Now, throw your afro upon the ground! OK.
Narrator: Moses threw his afro on the ground with a flop and it changed into a rabbit.
Moses: Whoa! Cool! Let me guess, you want me to go to Zingbopnaaargh, show my people this, and ask them to come with me out of Zingbopnaaargh?
G-d: Yup. You got the picture
Moses: But they won't listen to me! I've always been a little stage fright.
G-d: Then bring your brother Zangazangawoosh to speak for you. Do you remember him? Now go! I will leave you, your sheep and your afro for now. Go to Zingbopnaaargh and free your people, Moses.
Scene 4
Narrator: Moses met his brother Zangazangawoosh and they reunited.
Moses: (points to Zangazangawoosh) I think that's my brother, Zangazangawoosh!
Zangazangawoosh: Dude! Moses is that you, man? Woa, freekish name, man. Where've ya' been, dude?
Moses: Many places, my budda'! But before we get too mushy, we have to save the Gangoogies from Wakkafrakka!
Zangazangawoosh: Dude! That's so cool, man! We're gonna' be like… uh… those cool guys who wear capes on TV! Cool!
Scene 5
Narrator: After their long and mushy reunion, Zangazangawoosh and Moses went to talk to Wakkafrakka. But things did not go as they planned…
Zangazangawoosh: Yo! Hey, Wakkafrakka dude! Wazzzaaaaaaap?? Dude, listen. My bro' Moses and I have, like, come to, like, uh, take the Jews out of Zingbopnaaargh. Ok, man? Cuz, like, their G-d, like, uh, told us to, like, save them. Yeah.
Wakkafrakka: Moses?? That's such a weird name! And G-d? Who is he? Show me some of his powers.
Zangazangawoosh: Um, OK, dude. (throws stick upon ground) Woa!! Dude!! It, like, turned into a freekish snake, man!
Wakkafrakka: I can do that!! (Throws stick upon ground) oh no!
Moses: See, our snake has eaten your snake. (Mockingly) Our G-d is more powerful than yours! Ha ha ha!!
Zangazangawoosh: That was so cool!
Wakkafrakka: (yells) Get out!! And your Gangoogies will have 2,.495 times the amount of work than they had before!! Get oouuuuuttt!!!!!!!!!!
(Zangazangawoosh and Moses walk out)
Zangazangawoosh: Dude, what happened back there? We were doing so good and then, like, Booom!!
Moses: (puts hand up to the sky) Oh G-d!! What did we do wrong??
G-d: Moses, don't worry! Be happy! Everything will be alright. We'll soon show them. The next time Wakkafrakka takes a bath, to into his tub and take the plug. Now, go!
Scene 6
Narrator: Zangazangawoosh and Moses went to Wakkafrakka's house, unplugged the tub, and…
A random Zingbopnaaarghan: Eeep!! My bathtub is filled with slime!!
Zangazangawoosh: Dude, this is so cool! Every bathtub in Zingbopnaaargh is filled with Oobleck!
Moses: Maybe this will make them change their minds.
Narrator: So for a week, all of the bathtubs were filled with Oobleck and the Zingbopnaaarghans were very smelly. But then it cleared up. So Moses went to speak to Wakkafrakka again.
Moses: Wakkafrakka, you have seen what my G-d can do. If you do not let my people go, then you shall have even more difficulties.
Wakkafrakka: Nope
Narrator: So, can you guess what happened? Yes, you're right. Thousands of neon pink frogs eating baloney appeared all over Zingbopnaaargh. It was really nasty too.
Wakkafrakka: Ok, Ok! I hate baloney!! Get it off of me! Moses, if you make the baloney go away, your Gangoongies can go… wait, I changed my mind! Make them stay!
Narrator: Remember what came next? Yup. Dandruff.
Zanazangawoosh: He didn't change his mind, did he?
Moses: Nope.
Narrator: And then came…bunches of humans who invaded the castle. But that didn't bother Pharaoh. So then, what came next, you ask? Why, mad cow disease and foot and mouth of coarse!
Moses: He ain't budging.
Narrator: (yawn) What? Did you say something?
Zangazangawoosh: 6th plague, man. Come on dude, get with it!
Narrator: Oh, yeah. Sorry. That would be dipper rashes and shaving scars.
Moses: And then it rained meatballs. After that, Mexican jumping beans. And-
Narrator: Hey, hey, hey!! Those are my lines! That's not fair! Anyway, Wakkafrakka still refused to set the Gangoongies free. So then G-d plagued the Zingbopnaaarghans with a huge electrical blackout…
Wakkafrakka: Hey! Who turned out the lights? (bumps into a wall) Moses? Zangazangawoosh? Where are you? And don't even ask me about the Gangoogies. They still will not be freed.
Narrator: So, as humans know, the last plague came down on the Zingbopnaaarghans. This was the spontaneous combustion of the 1st born martians.
Zangazangawoosh: Dude, what are we going to do? I mean, I'm not sure if I'm the 1st born or not.
Moses: You're not sure of anything. But I think you're 2nd born. But that's ok. I'm going to get all of the Gangoogies to put orange juice on their doorknobs. That way the death will not come in our houses.
Narrator: And so, after the round of Zingbopnaaarghans spontaneously combusting, our heroes learn that Wakkafrakka's son had died. It was very sad, but in a happy sort of way.
Wakkafrakka: You're mean! But since you are almost as evil as I am, (laughs evilly) I will let your Gangoogies go. But go fast so I won't change my mind.
Narrator: So, the Gangoogies packed up their stuff and were ready to go. They didn't have time to bake their cookies long enough, so they just had to leave. That's how we got those square pre-made cookies that you divide and put into the oven. The Gangoogies were head off to the Purple Sea when…
Zangazangawoosh: Uh, Moses, don't look behind you but I think those Zingbopnaaarghans are coming after us!
Moses: Oh, G-d, please don't fail me now!
G-d: Pull the cork out of the sea!
Moses: Um… that's kinda' weird, but if you say so…
Narrator: Moses did pull the cork out of the sea. The water of the sea went down the drain and the Gangoogies could walk across!
Moses: Wow! Now we can go across!
Zangazangawoosh: But G-d, what about the Zingbopnaaarghans?
G-d: Hold your horses! You'll be safe. Trust me.
Narrator: And so G-d was right. For once the Gangoogies crossed the Purple sea, they heard a big rumble and the sea sprang out of the ground and filled its original position. All of the Gangoogies rejoiced and it was good.
Gangoogies (all): Yey!
Zangazangawoosh: Uh, and the Gangoogies, like, went on to their Promised Land, but that's another, uh, book. Yeah.
All: The End
Narrator- Narrator
Moses- Moses
Aaron- Zangazangawoosh
Miriam- Kathangwop
Jochebed- Mo
The Bush- The Bush (G-d)
Pharaoh- Wakkafrakka
Pharaoh's daughter- Ninpooga
Egyptians- Zingbopnaaarghans
Egypt- Zingbopnaaargh
The Jews- Gangoogies
Scene 1
Narrator: Many humans have heard of only one Passover story. I'm about to tell you of a second one that few humans have heard. It doesn't start in Egypt, on planet Earth. It starts in Zingbopnaaargh, on Mars. It's about a man who defeats the evil ruler, Wakkafrakka, who has enslaved the Gangoogies, a peaceful people, for many years. He made them keep him cool by blowing into coffee straws on him. He also made them run around in circles all day. Yeah, that was pretty mean.
Now, let's look at a Gangoogie family in Zingbopnaaargh. A woman named Mo has given birth to a baby Martian, but she is afraid. King Wakkafrakka had decided that everyone should give him their newborn Martians and he would send them to Timbuktu. But Mo also had two other children; a girl named Kathangwop and a boy named Zangazangawoosh, but he doesn't appear in this scene.
Mo: What am I going to do with my baby? I don't want to give him to Wakkafrakka, (turns to Kathangwop) but what should I do?
Kathangwop: Maybe you could send him down the river. That way, someone might find him and take care of him. (gives Mo a basket) Put the baby in this. That way, he won't get wet.
Mo: What a wonderful idea! (puts baby into basket) when I place him into the river, I want you to follow him, making sure he doesn't get hurt.
Baby: (acts really angry) What are you doing?! You know that I'm allergic to baskets!!
Kathangwop: Oh, sorry. That's right! But what should we put you in? (turns to table and finds a large piece of Gouda cheese) What about this Cheese?
Mo: That will be wonderful. We can place him in the cheese and let him float down the river. (puts baby into cheese and is very sad) Good bye, Baby! Kathangwop, watch after him! I hope he'll be OK.
Scene 2
Narrator: So the baby floated down the river on the piece of cheese with his older sister watching closely behind him until he bumped into Wakkafrakka's daughter, Nonpooga, who was bathing.
Ninpooga: What a beautiful baby Martian in that cheese! I don't know where he came from, but I think I'll take him home with me. I hope my father won't mind. (opens up the cheese and takes baby out) I'll name him Moses. In my native language, that means, "I cut the cheese and took him out of the water." But who will take care of him?
Kangthwop: (comes out from hiding) I know a woman who will be willing to take care of your baby, Ninpooga. She's a Gangoogie who can be his permanent babysitter. But that's such a strange name to call a child.
Ninpooga: Why, that will be wonderful. Please bring her here at once. I must interview her first before excepting her.
Kangthwop: Yes, ma'am. (Exits the scene)
Ninpooga: You will be a wonderful son, Moses.
Narrator: So, as we all know, Moses' babysitter was his real mother. She taught him that he was a Gangoogie and that he should stand up for all Gangoogies. One day, he saw a Zingbopnaaarghan being very mean to a Gangoogie. Moses was so mad that he flicked the Zingbopnaaarghan on the nose, so the Zingbopnaaarghan turned into a twist tie. Soon, everyone knew about Moses' deed. He was afraid that if Wakkafrakka learned about hit, he would get in trouble. So he fled from Zingbopnaaargh. He then became a shepherd.
Scene 3
Moses: My, what a wonderful day. The sun is shining brightly, the grass is green, and my sheep are healthy. What more could a Martian want? Yeah, I want a lot more. I really want to help my people. But Zingbopnaaargh is so powerful. How could I ever help?
Sheep: Baaaaah!! Baaaaaah!!
Moses: That sheep seems to be afraid of something. (investigates and finds the burning bush) Eeek! A burning bush!
Bush: Moses, you have a really weird name!
Moses: Eeek! A burning bush that talks!
Bush: Moses, I am G-d! I want you to lead your people out of Zingbopnaaargh. They are suffering from hyperventilation and dizziness! Now, throw your afro upon the ground! OK.
Narrator: Moses threw his afro on the ground with a flop and it changed into a rabbit.
Moses: Whoa! Cool! Let me guess, you want me to go to Zingbopnaaargh, show my people this, and ask them to come with me out of Zingbopnaaargh?
G-d: Yup. You got the picture
Moses: But they won't listen to me! I've always been a little stage fright.
G-d: Then bring your brother Zangazangawoosh to speak for you. Do you remember him? Now go! I will leave you, your sheep and your afro for now. Go to Zingbopnaaargh and free your people, Moses.
Scene 4
Narrator: Moses met his brother Zangazangawoosh and they reunited.
Moses: (points to Zangazangawoosh) I think that's my brother, Zangazangawoosh!
Zangazangawoosh: Dude! Moses is that you, man? Woa, freekish name, man. Where've ya' been, dude?
Moses: Many places, my budda'! But before we get too mushy, we have to save the Gangoogies from Wakkafrakka!
Zangazangawoosh: Dude! That's so cool, man! We're gonna' be like… uh… those cool guys who wear capes on TV! Cool!
Scene 5
Narrator: After their long and mushy reunion, Zangazangawoosh and Moses went to talk to Wakkafrakka. But things did not go as they planned…
Zangazangawoosh: Yo! Hey, Wakkafrakka dude! Wazzzaaaaaaap?? Dude, listen. My bro' Moses and I have, like, come to, like, uh, take the Jews out of Zingbopnaaargh. Ok, man? Cuz, like, their G-d, like, uh, told us to, like, save them. Yeah.
Wakkafrakka: Moses?? That's such a weird name! And G-d? Who is he? Show me some of his powers.
Zangazangawoosh: Um, OK, dude. (throws stick upon ground) Woa!! Dude!! It, like, turned into a freekish snake, man!
Wakkafrakka: I can do that!! (Throws stick upon ground) oh no!
Moses: See, our snake has eaten your snake. (Mockingly) Our G-d is more powerful than yours! Ha ha ha!!
Zangazangawoosh: That was so cool!
Wakkafrakka: (yells) Get out!! And your Gangoogies will have 2,.495 times the amount of work than they had before!! Get oouuuuuttt!!!!!!!!!!
(Zangazangawoosh and Moses walk out)
Zangazangawoosh: Dude, what happened back there? We were doing so good and then, like, Booom!!
Moses: (puts hand up to the sky) Oh G-d!! What did we do wrong??
G-d: Moses, don't worry! Be happy! Everything will be alright. We'll soon show them. The next time Wakkafrakka takes a bath, to into his tub and take the plug. Now, go!
Scene 6
Narrator: Zangazangawoosh and Moses went to Wakkafrakka's house, unplugged the tub, and…
A random Zingbopnaaarghan: Eeep!! My bathtub is filled with slime!!
Zangazangawoosh: Dude, this is so cool! Every bathtub in Zingbopnaaargh is filled with Oobleck!
Moses: Maybe this will make them change their minds.
Narrator: So for a week, all of the bathtubs were filled with Oobleck and the Zingbopnaaarghans were very smelly. But then it cleared up. So Moses went to speak to Wakkafrakka again.
Moses: Wakkafrakka, you have seen what my G-d can do. If you do not let my people go, then you shall have even more difficulties.
Wakkafrakka: Nope
Narrator: So, can you guess what happened? Yes, you're right. Thousands of neon pink frogs eating baloney appeared all over Zingbopnaaargh. It was really nasty too.
Wakkafrakka: Ok, Ok! I hate baloney!! Get it off of me! Moses, if you make the baloney go away, your Gangoongies can go… wait, I changed my mind! Make them stay!
Narrator: Remember what came next? Yup. Dandruff.
Zanazangawoosh: He didn't change his mind, did he?
Moses: Nope.
Narrator: And then came…bunches of humans who invaded the castle. But that didn't bother Pharaoh. So then, what came next, you ask? Why, mad cow disease and foot and mouth of coarse!
Moses: He ain't budging.
Narrator: (yawn) What? Did you say something?
Zangazangawoosh: 6th plague, man. Come on dude, get with it!
Narrator: Oh, yeah. Sorry. That would be dipper rashes and shaving scars.
Moses: And then it rained meatballs. After that, Mexican jumping beans. And-
Narrator: Hey, hey, hey!! Those are my lines! That's not fair! Anyway, Wakkafrakka still refused to set the Gangoongies free. So then G-d plagued the Zingbopnaaarghans with a huge electrical blackout…
Wakkafrakka: Hey! Who turned out the lights? (bumps into a wall) Moses? Zangazangawoosh? Where are you? And don't even ask me about the Gangoogies. They still will not be freed.
Narrator: So, as humans know, the last plague came down on the Zingbopnaaarghans. This was the spontaneous combustion of the 1st born martians.
Zangazangawoosh: Dude, what are we going to do? I mean, I'm not sure if I'm the 1st born or not.
Moses: You're not sure of anything. But I think you're 2nd born. But that's ok. I'm going to get all of the Gangoogies to put orange juice on their doorknobs. That way the death will not come in our houses.
Narrator: And so, after the round of Zingbopnaaarghans spontaneously combusting, our heroes learn that Wakkafrakka's son had died. It was very sad, but in a happy sort of way.
Wakkafrakka: You're mean! But since you are almost as evil as I am, (laughs evilly) I will let your Gangoogies go. But go fast so I won't change my mind.
Narrator: So, the Gangoogies packed up their stuff and were ready to go. They didn't have time to bake their cookies long enough, so they just had to leave. That's how we got those square pre-made cookies that you divide and put into the oven. The Gangoogies were head off to the Purple Sea when…
Zangazangawoosh: Uh, Moses, don't look behind you but I think those Zingbopnaaarghans are coming after us!
Moses: Oh, G-d, please don't fail me now!
G-d: Pull the cork out of the sea!
Moses: Um… that's kinda' weird, but if you say so…
Narrator: Moses did pull the cork out of the sea. The water of the sea went down the drain and the Gangoogies could walk across!
Moses: Wow! Now we can go across!
Zangazangawoosh: But G-d, what about the Zingbopnaaarghans?
G-d: Hold your horses! You'll be safe. Trust me.
Narrator: And so G-d was right. For once the Gangoogies crossed the Purple sea, they heard a big rumble and the sea sprang out of the ground and filled its original position. All of the Gangoogies rejoiced and it was good.
Gangoogies (all): Yey!
Zangazangawoosh: Uh, and the Gangoogies, like, went on to their Promised Land, but that's another, uh, book. Yeah.
All: The End