IHTGTBUMB I Hired the Guys to Beat Up My Brother

Heero: You what?

Author: I'm getting revenge that's all.

WuFei: Injustice! That is dishonorable!

Treize: Oh, and you killed me, why then?

WuFei: That was a national emergency.

Treize: Sure.

Author: Break it up. Now on to business, I am Son-Relena, although I'm considering changing it to Relena Ichijouji (sp?). Anyway, you are going to beat my brother up. I'll pay you anything you want. (From now on I'm SR.)

Duo: Sounds fair. I'm in.

Heero: Mission accepted.

WuFei: Why does he always say that?

Heero: Omae......

Quatre: I'll do it. I think I'd better lose my mind again though.

Trowa: I'm in.

Zechs: Umm, this not a good idea, but okay.

Treize: Anything I want?

SR: Yep.

Treize: You may depend on me.

WuFei: Must I do it too?

SR: If you don't, you'll see what's it's like to say everything you think.

WuFei: Injustice! Count me in. *sulkly turns around*

SR: One more thing, Justice Boy! If you say on more word about justice, I'm gonna tell everyone about what you daydream about.

WuFei: *angrily turns around and glares*

Duo: Can we have our wishes first?

SR: If you want. Duo, you first.

Duo: I want 8 tons of candy and 9 tons of assorted sugars.

SR: Alright, it's at your house. Treize?

Treize: I want Lady Une split into two people.

Duo: Cool, can I borrow the dangerous one sometime?

SR: Your wish is my command, your Excellency. Quatre?

Quatre: *leans over and whispers*

SR: *amused* Trowa?

Trowa: Power weapons and ammunition.

SR: *starts laughing*

Trowa: What's so funny?

Quatre: *whispers to him*

Heero: *over heard*

T&H: * burst out laughing*

Duo: What the heck is so funny?

SR&T&H&Q: *laugh harder than ever*

WuFei: *had also overheard, but of course didn't laugh* Quatre and Trowa asked for the same thing.

Duo: *laughs*

Ten minutes later

SR: WuFei, what would you like?

WuFei: Why do you always pay us to do stuff?

SR: That way I keep on everybody's good side except yours.

WuFei: Whatever. I want you to kill Sally Po.

SR: Yo, 'Thou shalt not murder'.

WuFei: Fine. Lock her up and give me the key.

SR: Done. That just leaves Heero and Zechs. Heero?

Heero: Lock Relena with Sally and never ever write a a yaoi fic.

SR: Okay, but if you think I'd write yaoi, you are crazy. It goes against hormones.

Zechs: I want the Galatic Layline.

SR: I gave you that in We're Cornering the Gundam Boys.

Zechs: So?

SR: Although I enjoyed riding with Matt from Digimon up in space; that takes too darn long and you already have it!

Zechs: Then I want to make Relenee a perfect soldier with emotions showing partially.

SR: I can do that, but may I ask why?

Zechs: Everyone makes fun of her.

SR: Now Duo will be in charge. You will attack this kid. *holds up picture of her brother, Brian*

Duo: He looks little enough.

SR: He's over eleven. He's more annoying than Duo somtimes.

WuFei: That is immpossible.

Duo: I resent that, Wu-maaaa....

Heero: *grabs Duo's mouth* Shut up!

Trowa: What do propose we do?

SR: Easy. Talk him into a MS battle, a shoot out, a sword fight, a pokemon battle, a magic powers showdown, a bungee jumping contest and finally a single combat. Questions?

Quatre: What MS's did you have in mind?

SR: I rebuilt the Gundam Sandrock, complete with Zero system. Plus, I made him a Mercrius modified.

Duo: Which pokemon?

SR: Up to you.

Trowa: What magic?

SR: Uhhh, how 'bout telekinesis?

Trowa: Sure.

SR: Okay then, here we are. *waved author wand all are standing in a huge arena* WuFei, to the dueling section. Trowa magic. Quatre MS. Zechs bungee jumping. Treize shoot out. Heero combat area. Duo pokemon.

All: Yes ma'am.

SR: *waves wand* Oh, Brian, bet ya can't beat my friends.

Brian: Of course I can.

SR: Alright. Pick your pokemon.

Brian: I choose a level 100 Machamp.

SR: Duo?

Brian: You mean you got the Gundam Boys for a team?

SR: Yeah, so.

Brian: Oh nothing. *gulps*

Duo: Ready. Go Nidoqueen.

Brian: You've got to be kidding. Go Machamp!

This round is of course over in 30 seconds. Brian wins.

SR: You won't be so lucky on the shoot out with Treize. Pick a weapon.

Brian: 44 magnum.

SR: Begin.

Treize: *fires his hunting shotgun*

Brian: *falls down*

Treize: *walks over to target* We all must lose sometimes.

Brian: *springs up and shoots Treize in the head* Righto!

Treize:X_X

SR: Okay so you won twice. Bungee jumping is next, with Zechs.

Zechs: You first.

Brian: *comes out from behind him and jumps*

Zechs: *jumps and cord snapps, he falls into a rushing river*

SR: Dang it! I hope Trowa does better.

Brian: What's his category?

SR: Magic powers. Pick a power.

Brian: Teleportation.

Trowa: Let's go.

Brian: *goes into fast mode*

Trowa: *confused*

Brian: *still in fast mode*

Trowa: This is tough, but 'one must never give up til the end'.

Brian: Which is now. *appears behind Trowa and karate chops his neck*

Trowa: *falls over*

Brian: These guys are better on tv. Man does my hand hurt though.

SR: I'm supposed to be winning here. Next time I will call on Tenchi and company.

Brian: WuFei's up.

WuFei: I will destroy the enemy!

SR: That's the spirit!

WuFei: *rushes the kid*

Brian: *kicks him below the belt*

WuFei: *collapses* Vile fiend.

Brian: Whatever you say.

SR: What the heck gosh dang thing is wrong with these jerks?

Quatre: Let me at him!

Brian: Let's get it on.

Quatre: *swipes with heat blades*

Brian: *dodges and fires buster rifle*

Quatre: *turns on the zero system and the door flies open and his seat belt let's go* Ahhhhhhhhh!

SR: Not again! It worked fine when I used it!

Brian: Who loses next?

Heero: I'm next but you will lose.

Brian: Don't count on it. *immediately swings his fist into the stomach area*

Heero: *staggers*

SR: This is awful!

Brian: *drops and kicks Heero legs*

Heero: *falls on a anvil mysteriously placed there*

Brian: I won, I won!

SR: *waves wand and takes everyone to a secret author chamber*

Duo: *high fives SR and Brian* We actually pulled it off!

WuFei: What is going on, Maxwell?!

SR: Oh, this whole thing was a set up. Man, did we get you guys.

Heero: I hate authors.

Quatre: Where's Treize?

SR: Well, I figured he was dead anywayz so I just left him.

Trowa: Why did you do this?

SR: Let me see....I started with the intention of beating up my little bro, but I thought this would be funnier.

WuFei: Injustice, injustice, injustice!

SR: You asked for it. Everybody listen to this recording of Wuffie sleeping.

Recording: *is in suround sound*
I know a girl who's nothin' but sweet,
Ain't no finer girl to meet,
...I want Sally,
I want Sally,
...Sally on the beach there's nothin' better,
But I like Sally when it's wrapped in a sweater,
.......

Zechs: Weirdo! That just creepy!

WuFei: I never heard "I Want Candy" before how could I have changed the words?

Everyone: *laughs harder than the first time*

Half hour later.

Brian: We need to go sis.

SR: Right. I promise I'll make it up to you guys later. *disappears*

Duo: Hmmm, how do we get out?

Heero: Here's a note.

Duo: Oh yeah, we have to sing the disclaimer to get out. It was my idea.

WuFei: *scolds*

All: Thissss isss a dissssclllaaiiimeerr: Iiii dooon'ttt oooowwnnnn aaannnyyythingggggg eeexxxxxxcepppttt mmyyyysssssselfffff annnnnnddd Brrrrrrriiiiiiiaaaaaannnnnn.

WuFei: This is dishonorable! This is injustice!

Recording: *plays I Want Sally again*

Goodbye! R&R! Flames too (it's been wet and cold around here lately).