X-Board; Joss Loves, Man Kills
Okay, I guess if you're not a member of the Buffy Cross & Stakes Message Board you're really not going to find this very amusing. Well, you might ;) We have this ongoing tradition we do over there called "Board Fics" where we take members of the board and splice them with over characters or put them in wacky places & events. Anthony started the whole idea for "X-Board" so I can't take all the credit. But the thing really has taken on a life of it's own.
So you don't get confused:
Magneto+Max=Maxneto
Mystique+Mitsy=Mistyique
Pyro+Heather=Heatro
The Blob+BoB=The BoB
Marrow+Maye=Mayerrow
Rogue+Berry=Berrogue
Gambit+Anthony=Gambant
Prof X+Angel X=Prof Angel X
Cyclops+Oz=Cycloz
Jean Grey+Bagel=Bagel Grey
Psylocke+Kira=Ki-Locke
Beast+Wwolfe=Wwolfe (okay, so this one's a stretch ;p)
Dr. Cece Reyes+Cherry Willow=Dr. Cheery Reyes
And now, on with the damn story already!
****************************************************************
NARRATION: They're gifted- and cursed. Blessed with neato powers to either save or destroy all that is. Yet, tragicly cursed because, hey, spandex is itchy. Or something like that.
MAXNETO: Welcome my Boarderhood of Evil Mutants!
MISTYIQUE: *claps*
MAXNETO: Um... shouldn't there be more here? It's not really an evil gang with just the two of us you know.
MISTYIQUE: Well, no one's really introed any new bad guys so it would be pretty much just us two.
NARRATION: Suddenly, there's a loud bang at the door of MAXNETO's hideout located somewhere in the ScoobyLand.
MAXNETO: They must be the new evil mutants that answer my personal ad, joy!
NARRATION: Three people stand in front of MAXNETO as he pulls the metal door open with his mind (hey, it's a cool party trick kids)
MAXNETO: Are you here to join the Evil Boarderhood of Mutants(c)?
HEATRO: That's right mate!
NARRATION: Heatro, real name Heather St. John with the awesome power of controlling fire and shooting it from her hands.
MAXNETO: Good to have you a-board. Get it, board?
HEATRO: That wasn't very funny mate.
MAXNETO: I'd kill you for that but the author won't let me.
NARRATION: Damn right, otherwise I'd have to think up more names, and it's harder than it looks. Oh, um, anyways, MAXNETO shakes HEATRO's hand and moves on to the next one in line.
MAXNETO: Damn you're fat!
THE BOB: Hi.
NARRATION: THE BOB, real name Bob J. Dukes, can increase his body's density until he is virtually immovable. This may allow him to actually increase his personal gravitational pull. He is also quite strong, and lately has been learning to actually control his mass, which allows him to mentally direct parts of his blubber.
MAXNETO: That's the nastiest power yet, ick. I guess it can't get any worse.
NARRATION: The third person comes forward. Another girl with short pink hair, quiet a beauty in fact... except for all the freaky bone growths coming out of her entire skin.
MAYERROW: Hello upworlder scum.
MAXNETO: Spoke too soon. Oh screw it, welcome to The Evil Boarderhood of Mutants(c) guys.
HEATRO: So, what are we going to do anyways mate?
MAXNETO: Oh, well, basically attack the Buffy studios.
HEATRO: Why mate?
MAXNETO: Because we can, need I explain myself further?
THE BOB: What about the X-Board? They'll try and stop us.
MAYERROW: Pretty pretty upworlders all have to burn, burn like the rotting sun!
MAXNETO: Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, okay there Mayerrow.
MISTYIQUE: I'm getting my daughter back. Without her, they shall not be able to beat us.
HEATRO: You really believe that mate?
MITSYIQUE: Well, no not really, but it'll cause angst and angst sells.
NARRATION: Yes, yes it does.
MAYERROW: The gene traitor among them will DIE!!! I don't care about the other pretty pretties, but the one will taste the bitter taste of blood before the night's out!
HEATRO: Sorry, but the sun's coming up in about an hour mate.
THE BOB: Do I really have to wear tight spandex? It tends to make my hips look wide.
MAXNETO: Maybe I should rethink this whole gang...
NARRATION: Meanwhile, back at the school where our hero's the X-Board call home, Berrogue sits in her room watching the falling ran from her window.
BERROGUE: Ah wish Ah could figure out the point of this fic is.
NARRATION: Don't bother, I don't think anyone does.
BERROGUE: Why's it called Joss Loves, Man kills? Ah don't get it.
NARRATION: Suddenly, there was a knock at the door
BERROGUE: Nice change of topic.
NARRATION: Thank you. Anyway, back to the knock...
BERROGUE: Oh yeah. *cough* Who is it?
GAMBANT: Just de Cajun mon chere.
BERROGUE: C'mon in sugah.
GAMBANT: Aw chere, you look unhappy, what's wrong?
BERROGUE: Beside the usual 'Ah can't touch anyone' angst? Ah was just thinking 'bout how depressing the rain is.
GAMBANT: Oui. Too bad we don' have a mutant who's power could control de weather.
BERROGUE: Yeah, that would be too easy Ah guess.
NARRATION: You know, if you two want to take over, you can you know.
GAMBANT: Really?
NARRATION: No.
BERROGUE: Okay, Ah'm homesick, so Ah'm just gonna leave now to fly back down to Mississippi.
GAMBANT: Dat's sudden of ya'
BERROGUE: Well, *someone's* gotta move this story along.
GAMBANT: True dat.
NARRATION: BERROGUE & GAMBANT have a quick hug (because that's just about ALL they can do) before she flies threw her window. That would hurt most people, but BERROGUE is near invulnerable so there. Before GAMBANT can even steal anything from her room, PROF ANGEL X's voice speaks in his mind (along with all the other X-Boarder's minds)
PROF ANGEL X: My students, please meet me in the Danger room. Cerebro has found something.
GAMBANT: *swipes BERROGUE's locket* Well, one pinch for de road.
NARRATION: All the X-BOARDERS meet down stairs around PROF.
PROF ANGEL X: I've found a new mutant.
CYCLOZ: Okay. I'll assemble the team and we'll leave in 1400 hours.
PROF ANGEL X: *mentally bitchslaps CYCLOZ* The team's already here.
BAGEL GREY: Do I *really* have to be married to him?
NARRATION: You could always absorb the PHOENYX FORCE and go insane.
BAGEL GREY: But I'd still be married to him.
NARRATION: This is true.
WWOLFE: So anyway, who is this mutant we shall find upon our journey?
PROF ANGEL X: Her name is Dr. Cheery Reyes.
KI-LOCKE: Another doctor? But we already have Wwolfe, so what's the point of her?
PROF ANGEL X: Her mutant gift is to make a force field.
GAMBANT: How's dat gonna help us out mon prof?
PROF ANGEL X: Okay, let me put it this way. If you chose not to go along with the mission, I shall kick you out of the school and you'll have to actually WORK for a living instead of living off of me.
X-BOARD: Dr. Cheery Reyes it is!
KI-LOCKE: Gambant, get your bloody hand off of my ass or my psy-knife is going where no woman has gone before and NAN will become a reality.
Next up; finding Dr. Cheery Reyes, the Evil Boarderhood of Mutants(c) make their first move and the story may actually get a plot! ;)
Okay, I guess if you're not a member of the Buffy Cross & Stakes Message Board you're really not going to find this very amusing. Well, you might ;) We have this ongoing tradition we do over there called "Board Fics" where we take members of the board and splice them with over characters or put them in wacky places & events. Anthony started the whole idea for "X-Board" so I can't take all the credit. But the thing really has taken on a life of it's own.
So you don't get confused:
Magneto+Max=Maxneto
Mystique+Mitsy=Mistyique
Pyro+Heather=Heatro
The Blob+BoB=The BoB
Marrow+Maye=Mayerrow
Rogue+Berry=Berrogue
Gambit+Anthony=Gambant
Prof X+Angel X=Prof Angel X
Cyclops+Oz=Cycloz
Jean Grey+Bagel=Bagel Grey
Psylocke+Kira=Ki-Locke
Beast+Wwolfe=Wwolfe (okay, so this one's a stretch ;p)
Dr. Cece Reyes+Cherry Willow=Dr. Cheery Reyes
And now, on with the damn story already!
****************************************************************
NARRATION: They're gifted- and cursed. Blessed with neato powers to either save or destroy all that is. Yet, tragicly cursed because, hey, spandex is itchy. Or something like that.
MAXNETO: Welcome my Boarderhood of Evil Mutants!
MISTYIQUE: *claps*
MAXNETO: Um... shouldn't there be more here? It's not really an evil gang with just the two of us you know.
MISTYIQUE: Well, no one's really introed any new bad guys so it would be pretty much just us two.
NARRATION: Suddenly, there's a loud bang at the door of MAXNETO's hideout located somewhere in the ScoobyLand.
MAXNETO: They must be the new evil mutants that answer my personal ad, joy!
NARRATION: Three people stand in front of MAXNETO as he pulls the metal door open with his mind (hey, it's a cool party trick kids)
MAXNETO: Are you here to join the Evil Boarderhood of Mutants(c)?
HEATRO: That's right mate!
NARRATION: Heatro, real name Heather St. John with the awesome power of controlling fire and shooting it from her hands.
MAXNETO: Good to have you a-board. Get it, board?
HEATRO: That wasn't very funny mate.
MAXNETO: I'd kill you for that but the author won't let me.
NARRATION: Damn right, otherwise I'd have to think up more names, and it's harder than it looks. Oh, um, anyways, MAXNETO shakes HEATRO's hand and moves on to the next one in line.
MAXNETO: Damn you're fat!
THE BOB: Hi.
NARRATION: THE BOB, real name Bob J. Dukes, can increase his body's density until he is virtually immovable. This may allow him to actually increase his personal gravitational pull. He is also quite strong, and lately has been learning to actually control his mass, which allows him to mentally direct parts of his blubber.
MAXNETO: That's the nastiest power yet, ick. I guess it can't get any worse.
NARRATION: The third person comes forward. Another girl with short pink hair, quiet a beauty in fact... except for all the freaky bone growths coming out of her entire skin.
MAYERROW: Hello upworlder scum.
MAXNETO: Spoke too soon. Oh screw it, welcome to The Evil Boarderhood of Mutants(c) guys.
HEATRO: So, what are we going to do anyways mate?
MAXNETO: Oh, well, basically attack the Buffy studios.
HEATRO: Why mate?
MAXNETO: Because we can, need I explain myself further?
THE BOB: What about the X-Board? They'll try and stop us.
MAYERROW: Pretty pretty upworlders all have to burn, burn like the rotting sun!
MAXNETO: Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, okay there Mayerrow.
MISTYIQUE: I'm getting my daughter back. Without her, they shall not be able to beat us.
HEATRO: You really believe that mate?
MITSYIQUE: Well, no not really, but it'll cause angst and angst sells.
NARRATION: Yes, yes it does.
MAYERROW: The gene traitor among them will DIE!!! I don't care about the other pretty pretties, but the one will taste the bitter taste of blood before the night's out!
HEATRO: Sorry, but the sun's coming up in about an hour mate.
THE BOB: Do I really have to wear tight spandex? It tends to make my hips look wide.
MAXNETO: Maybe I should rethink this whole gang...
NARRATION: Meanwhile, back at the school where our hero's the X-Board call home, Berrogue sits in her room watching the falling ran from her window.
BERROGUE: Ah wish Ah could figure out the point of this fic is.
NARRATION: Don't bother, I don't think anyone does.
BERROGUE: Why's it called Joss Loves, Man kills? Ah don't get it.
NARRATION: Suddenly, there was a knock at the door
BERROGUE: Nice change of topic.
NARRATION: Thank you. Anyway, back to the knock...
BERROGUE: Oh yeah. *cough* Who is it?
GAMBANT: Just de Cajun mon chere.
BERROGUE: C'mon in sugah.
GAMBANT: Aw chere, you look unhappy, what's wrong?
BERROGUE: Beside the usual 'Ah can't touch anyone' angst? Ah was just thinking 'bout how depressing the rain is.
GAMBANT: Oui. Too bad we don' have a mutant who's power could control de weather.
BERROGUE: Yeah, that would be too easy Ah guess.
NARRATION: You know, if you two want to take over, you can you know.
GAMBANT: Really?
NARRATION: No.
BERROGUE: Okay, Ah'm homesick, so Ah'm just gonna leave now to fly back down to Mississippi.
GAMBANT: Dat's sudden of ya'
BERROGUE: Well, *someone's* gotta move this story along.
GAMBANT: True dat.
NARRATION: BERROGUE & GAMBANT have a quick hug (because that's just about ALL they can do) before she flies threw her window. That would hurt most people, but BERROGUE is near invulnerable so there. Before GAMBANT can even steal anything from her room, PROF ANGEL X's voice speaks in his mind (along with all the other X-Boarder's minds)
PROF ANGEL X: My students, please meet me in the Danger room. Cerebro has found something.
GAMBANT: *swipes BERROGUE's locket* Well, one pinch for de road.
NARRATION: All the X-BOARDERS meet down stairs around PROF.
PROF ANGEL X: I've found a new mutant.
CYCLOZ: Okay. I'll assemble the team and we'll leave in 1400 hours.
PROF ANGEL X: *mentally bitchslaps CYCLOZ* The team's already here.
BAGEL GREY: Do I *really* have to be married to him?
NARRATION: You could always absorb the PHOENYX FORCE and go insane.
BAGEL GREY: But I'd still be married to him.
NARRATION: This is true.
WWOLFE: So anyway, who is this mutant we shall find upon our journey?
PROF ANGEL X: Her name is Dr. Cheery Reyes.
KI-LOCKE: Another doctor? But we already have Wwolfe, so what's the point of her?
PROF ANGEL X: Her mutant gift is to make a force field.
GAMBANT: How's dat gonna help us out mon prof?
PROF ANGEL X: Okay, let me put it this way. If you chose not to go along with the mission, I shall kick you out of the school and you'll have to actually WORK for a living instead of living off of me.
X-BOARD: Dr. Cheery Reyes it is!
KI-LOCKE: Gambant, get your bloody hand off of my ass or my psy-knife is going where no woman has gone before and NAN will become a reality.
Next up; finding Dr. Cheery Reyes, the Evil Boarderhood of Mutants(c) make their first move and the story may actually get a plot! ;)