CATCH ME WHEN I FALL

CATCH ME WHEN I FALL

Written by Twinstar

In response to Cynamin's question of Angel not being entirely perfect. I thought it would be a great excuse of continuing where my series 'A Modern Fairytale' left off.

Angel has his dream come true, he is finally human. When he thought everything was perfect, his past catches up on him.

Some quotes are taken directly from season two.

Please send feed back I love the stuff! twinstar_dust@hotmail.com

Enjoy!

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BUZZ BUZZ

I wake up and I feel arms wrapped around me. The quiet movement and soft sigh of my love beside me warms my heart. My heart, that's still so weird for me to say might less think. I can feel the steady beating of my heartbeat and I 'm just in awe. I never realized how much I missed the simple everyday indications of being alive until I felt them again. My body is warm and if I concentrate I can actually feel the blood flowing through my veins, I'll never be cold again. It has been five months since I've turned human again. I'm getting use to the routine of normal 'life'. The simplicity of eating food, oh the heavenly taste of food in my mouth. The feeling of warm sunlight on my face and walking out during the day was the biggest change. I have a lot of adjustments to make considering I haven't been human for over two hundred years. I'm leading such a normal life now. Well, as normal as it's going to get living in Sunnydale; having a fiancée for a slayer; and ex-watchers, a witch, a seer, a werewolf, an ex-demon and a Zander for friends.

I start to caress Buffy's hair and I lightly touch her face.

"Hummm that feels good. Is that a sign that you want to wake up? I can stay in bed forever with you."

"Honey if you still want to go back to sleep go ahead. I just can't get over that I'm here with you and we are going to get married and oh yeah that I have a heartbeat."

"I love that heart beat." Buffy trails a finger down my chest, momentarily stops to feel the thumping of my heart and continues on.

"Hey you know that tickles and gives me goose bumps."

"I love those goose bumps," Buffy starts placing tiny sweet kisses on my chest "I wonder what else I can do…"

"MMMM this is a nice way to start the day." I swiftly pin Buffy down to the bed and devour her mouth in a lingering kiss. Yes this is what I have always wanted and more. Everything is perfect…

* * * * *

Meanwhile in another part of town a bus pulls over and the doors open. A woman steps out and puts her hand over her eyes to shield her eyes from the bright morning sun.

"I am never going to get use to that."

"Miss excuse me miss can I help you with your bags?" The man in charge of the baggage inquires.

"Certainly."

"How long are you staying here in Sunnydale, may I as? Are you here visiting friends or family?"

"I don't know how long I'm staying. I'm here to visit family…my umm father…actually we have some issues to work out."

"Ahh with that accent of yours you must be visiting from England, am I right" With that he walks away to put her luggage onto a chart.

"It's good to be back in good old Sunnydale. I wonder if daddy will be surprised?"

* * * * *

Giles' house

"Well everyone's here with the exception of Zander and Anya so let's get on with the meeting and fill them in later," Giles putting the meeting into order.

"It's pow-wow time." Willow chuckles.

"Buffy how's the vampire situation doing?" Giles asked.

"Nothing spectacular just lowly minions no biggie."

"So all is quiet in the Sunnydale front." Willow interrupts. "I'm getting use this no fighting for our lives bit or saving the earth from total destruction."

"Alright so if nothing important is happening right now, we better start looking for Spike." Giles says adjusting his glasses

"Ahh do we have too. It's been so peaceful here since he disappeared," interrupted Buffy.

"Well I know he is not anyone's favourite person…er vampire but he has helped us in the past and he might be in trouble."

The front door crashes open and a winded Zander stumbles in dragging Anya.

"Guuys…you…won't…believe…who I just saw?"

"Who?" We all asked at the same time.

"Drusilla or an identical facsimile. A dead ringer no pun intended."

"You must be mistaken…it is still sunlight outside unless she is lurking in the shadows," Buffy answers back.

"No no she was out there, in the sunlight. She was walking in the sun like any regular human being. It seriously gave me the wiggins."

"I was afraid of that," Giles interjects.

"When were you going to let us on your little hunch? When we invite her over for a beach party?"

Giles shaking his head and giving an icy glare in the direction of Zander before he continued with what he was going to say.

"I started having my suspicions when Spike suddenly made himself scarce after Angel turned human. I began looking up information in our collection of books. At first I believed that it was just lore, but most of the things we see in movies or read in novels today have a real connection to the vampires we face. There are beliefs that once a sire has reverted back into human form then all of the children he created would do the same as well. It has never happened so therefore it was just a hypothesis…until now."

"Does that mean that Spike is probably human as well?"

"Yes it does. He's probably hanging low because he still has to process what being human again means." I state. "He has always been an highly emotion guy, you should have seen him before …Scratch that I didn't mean to sound so…"

"Vampire-like?" Zander tries to help me out.

"Do you think that either Spike or Drusilla could be harmful in anyway now that they are human? They have souls now right? "Asks Willow.

"I think that Angel is the best person to ask that considering he knew them before they were vampires." Giles turns and looks over to me.

"Well they shouldn't be a problem to others but…to themselves that's another question. I'll go out and look for Dru first because I have a feeling I know were he is holding up. Buffy why don't you and the rest of the gang go and look for Spike."

"Are you sure you want to look for Drusilla by yourself?" Buffy asks.

"Buffy you have to understand, I owe her. I owe both of them so when you find Spike please be gentle. He is probably confused and scared. They are after all innocent in all of this."

"Wow I never would have imagined thinking Spike and Drusilla being innocent," Zander chuckles before we all went our separate ways.

* * * * *

I start walking to the abandoned warehouse were Dru and Spike hid out when they first arrived in Sunnydale and the same place that was half burned down when I was Angelus. I start walking faster because I have a weird feeling in my gut that she needs help. Just when I thought that all the heinous things I did when I was a vampire, when I was Angelus, could be put behind me, I get a jolt backwards. I'm never going to be entirely free from my past I have to learn to live with it. I still can't believe that I was given a second chance in life. I don't deserve it considering all the sins I have committed…but because of love. A love for a slayer, I am no longer a demon of the night but a being of the light again.

I see her; she is staring at the ruins of the building as if in a trace. She turns around before I get a chance to say anything.

"Angel I knew you would come. You have damned me forever."

"Dru I know I can right the wrongs I have done to you but…you have wronged me as well. The only thing that we can do is to try and separate the lives we live as demons away from our lives now. If we don't, we will never have peace."

"Don't you think I tries that? The things I did when I was a vampire live in me. I can't shake it. I want to kill everyday I try not to subsume into my impulses and it's driving me insane. I remember every single detail; the pain and suffering haunt my thoughts. I can hear all my victims' fears in my head and they are drowning my very essence. Remember what you did to me before you turned me?"

"How can I forget? I have not forgiven myself. You should have come to me sooner once you turned human. I could have helped you."

"How can I come to you when you turned me into a monster, a freak of humanity? Now that I have a soul again I remember everything and there is so much pain. You killed my family; you stalked me until I was insane. I just want to die but do you know what is stopping me Angel?"

"What?"

"Fear. Fear that I won't go to heaven because I do not deserve it. I want to see my family again to hold them and to tell them I'm sorry."

"Drusilla please"

I didn't know what to say to her because she looks so lost, and it's my entire fault. When I turned human I never thought that the ones I turned would become human again as well. The last time I saw Dru I thought I could never forgive her. She was the one that turned Darla back into a vampire but now I just want to hold her in my arms and beg for her forgiveness.

I take her hand and we head back to the mansion. I know it will be weird for everyone to try to help someone they have been fighting as enemies for so long. But if I know them, they will welcome her with open arms because like me, she's a lost soul that is found again.

Drusilla reminded me of a thought that I didn't want to ponder. Family. I killed my family and I remember it as a hazy dream but it's a memory never the less. When I meet them again, will they still love me, will they forgive me?

* * * * *

Elsewhere…

"Spike are you here?" Buffy questions and suddenly hears with her slayer hearing a faint inhale.

"Guys he's not here. Why don't you guys go to the mansion and see if Angel's back yet. I have another place to check out and I'll be right behind you."

"Are you sure Buffy?" answers Willow.

"Don't worry if I encounter Spike he will be no match for me now that he's human."

"Okay we will see you later then" Zander says leading everyone back to the mansion.

After they are out of sight Buffy turns the direction of the sound she heard earlier and says, "Spike I know you are there. Why don't you come out?"

"How come you let the others go?" Spike walks out of his hiding place.

"I sensed that you wanted some private time with me and…"

"Oh you and your slayer instincts"

"Actually it's my woman's intuition that needs to take credit this time. After all the issues we aired out the last time we saw each other. I though you would want to be alone with me."

"So you feel sorry for me now?"

"Yes but…"

"Bloody hell." shouts Spike and in a whisper he adds," Has anything changed now that I'm part of the human race again?"

"Umm no. You know Angel has always been the one for me and now that he's human too…"

"I knew that would be your answer but I had to say what I felt if only once. I envy that bloke of yours. He has your undying love and I wish…that you felt just an inkling of that love for me."

"I don't know what to say. I never thought of you like that…Okay but I'll just say this once. Yes I did feel something but it's not like what feel for Angel. It was a twisted form of lust. You ignited that dark feeling that I think everyone has inside themselves and it's something I wanted to remain buried."

"Was it exciting even for a little while?"

"Yes in a way. Thank you for letting me feel that darkness. In your own way you made me a stronger woman. I know the temptations but I never let them control me and it has made me the person I am today."

"I'm not going to say that I like where this is going. Now that I am human again, my soul cries out for you. I just want you to love me."

"Oh Spike I'm so sorry. All of my hatred for you has disappeared and all I want is your happiness. In hindsight I realize now how hard it was for you to confess your love for me when you were still a vampire. It must have killed you, no pun intended, to admit it. Who would have thought a vampire in love with a slayer huh?" Buffy chuckles the last part trying to lighten a heavy situation.

"Yeah what only twice in your lifetime." Spike laughs back.

"So are you okay with this human thing?"

"It's going to take sometime to get use to but now that I have a soul again…anything is possible. I had nightmares for the first couple of nights…about all the things I did when I was a vamp…but it got better when I began thinking of those things as a separate entity."

"I always accused you of being dumb but you are starting to be one of the smartest ones I know. You are going to make it in this world…Spike"

"No, call me William. Buffy I wanted to see you before…I have to leave Sunnydale and all the things that remind me of my former life…mostly you…But I have one request…Can I kiss you good bye… I want that memory in my new human form. Just this once to remember you by."

Buffy takes his face in her hands and slowly kisses his mouth in a bittersweet embrace.

"I will miss you…William. You have been…a good friend."

Buffy turns around and walks away and can't help wondering what might have been.

* * * * *

Later back at the mansion.

"We all have to be quiet. I gave Drusilla a potion so that she can sleep." Willow whispers.

"Did you get in touch with your friend from the council Giles?" Zander looking at the closed door that Dru was behind.

"Yes and she will be here as soon as possible. I hate to ask the council for anything but in this situation they are the best people to help Drusilla and also it will help us better understand what has happened. This information might help us in the future. We might be able to save people turned by killing the source."

"Yes it has been an interesting turn of events. So Buffy are you sure that Spike is alright?" Willow turning her attentions to Buffy and a silent understanding passes through the two close friends.

"William will be okay. It will take time but I agreed with him that it couldn't be done here in Sunnydale. Who knows we might see him again…"

I notice that Buffy says Spike's old name, the one he had before he was a vampire. There was something more between them then she said but I won't press. She had a relationship with Spike…sorry William when I was away in LA. Maybe in time she will tell me why she has a sad look in her eyes whenever she says his name.

"Angel…if Dru and Will are human do you think that Darla's human again as well?" Buffy takes my hand into hers for support.

"I think so. I hope she has found people that can help her. If she is human again…that means she is dying…"

There is silence in the room and I can feel the strength coming from Buffy holding my hand. Without her…I don't know were I would be. I probably would be in the same situation that Dru is in now.

"Angel…"Buffy whispers into my ear," I have a feeling that Darla has someone to take care of her so please so not worry."

She has never been wrong when it comes to her slayer's six sense. Yes Darla is all right she has to be…

I touch the ring on Buffy's hand. The one I gave to her to show my commitment and my love. "What would I do without you my love?"

"Don't worry you never have to find out." Buffy touches my face and gives me a kiss to seal our promise.

* * * * *

"Why? Why didn't you just attack me when you had the chance? Was it a joke? To make me feel for you and then…I've killed a lot of vampires. I've never hated one before." Buffy says

"Feels good, doesn't it? Feels simple." I answer back.

"I invited you into my home. And then you attacked my family."

"Why not? I killed mine."

# # #

"I killed their friends and their friends' children. For hundred years, I offered an ugly death to everyone I met. And I did it with a song in my heart."

# # #

"My mum says I'm cursed. My seeing things is an affront to the Lord. That only He's supposed to see anything before it happens. But I don't mean to, Father, I swear. I try to be pure in His sight and do my penance. I don't want to be a thing of evil," Drusilla confesses.

Posing as a priest I answer back, "Hush child. The Lord has a plan for all creatures. Even a devil child like you."

"A devil…"

"Yes, you're a spawn of Satan, all the Hail Marys in the world aren't going to help. The Lord will use you and then smite you down. He's like that."

"What can I do?"

"Fulfill His plan for you, child. Be evil. Perform evil works. Attack the less fortunate. You can start small: laugh at a cripple. You'll feel better. Just give in…"

"No…I want to be good…I want to be pure…"

"We all do, at first. World doesn't work that way."

# # #

"I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was…an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste." I confront Buffy.

"You made her a vampire." Buffy responds.

"First I made her insane. Killed everyone she loved, visited every torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to the convent, and the day she took her Holy Orders, I turned her into a demon."

# # #

Drucilla mumbling incoherently," My mummy ate lemons. Raw. She said she loved the way they made her mouth tingle. Little Anne, her favourite was custard…brandied pears…"

I try to silence her, "Dru…"

"Ssshhhhh. And pomegranates. They used to make her face and fingers all red. Remember little fingers? Little hands? Do you?"

"If I could, I…"

"Bite your tongue! They used to eat. Cake. And eggs. And honey. Until you came and ripped their throats out."

# # #

"When you become a vampire, the demon takes your body. But it doesn't take you soul. That's gone. No conscience, no remorse…it's an easy way to live. You have no idea what it's like to have done the things I've done, and to care."

# # #

"This one cannot be burned. He is clean." The demon The Judge states.

"Clean? You mean he's…"stutters Spike.

"There's no humanity in him." answers The Judge.

"Angel?" questions Drusilla.

I tell them all, "Yeah, baby, I'm back."

* * * * *

"NO!"

"Angel honey wake up. It's all a bad dream." Buffy says shaking me awake.

"What? What happened?" I jump out of sleep and drenched in my own sweat.

"You had a dream. You have been tossing and turning all night. It must be all the happenings with Drusilla and William."

"You must be right…Buffy please hold me…. "

Buffy sensing that I needed strength just holds me tight and whispers, "No matter what happens I'll always be here for you. I know it must be hard being human again…but I'm here by your side. We all are."

"I think you should start calling me Liam…"

"You have nothing to be ashamed of… you will always be an angel to me regardless of your past. It is not your past you must remember, you have to concentrate on the future. It was another lifetime, that was then this is now. After all the years of angst you endured because you were a vampire with a soul, you just didn't cower away your existence. Instead you fought for the weak and the defenceless. It made you a stranger with the demon world and an abomination to the human one. I have no idea how you were able to survive without belonging. But…you did and you won a second chance, you won your redemption. Even after you gained your humanity, it didn't stop you from continuing the fight over evil. I am so proud of you and mere words can never express what I feel.'

"But… I have done the unspeakable, that can never be erased."

"You must not fight it…just accept and learn. You must live a different life and put everything else behind. It won't be a piece of cake but we are in this together." Buffy looks into my eyes with open devotion and love. No matter what I have done, and I have done unspeakable things to her and her family and friends, she has forgiven me. If she can do that I probably can forgive myself…

"I love you beloved…you always catch me when I fall…"

The sun is breaking over the horizon and we both watch it together…it's a sign of new beginnings.

THE –END

"Redemption is difficult. It takes a long time, and there isn't always a goal in sight. You have to keep trying to do right, and if you make it easy, that's kind of a false hope. The thing about Angel is that even when it doesn't look like there's light at the end of the tunnel, he's going to keep digging, just because that's who he is."

-Joss Whedon