"Saucy Conversation"
STANDARD DISCLAIMER: The characters belong
to George Lucas, and I'm not making any money from this, so there.
Obi-Wan purchased a
pint of Guinness and made his way over to the table at the rear of Liam's
Lounge where Anakin and Palpatine were engrossed in conversation.
"Hi," he said, sitting.
"So," Palpatine continued,
acknowledging Obi-Wan with a nod, "Sabé knows how much I enjoy eating
it, but the taste can be… unpleasant."
"Don't I know it!"
Anakin agreed.
"What she does is prepare
it a special way first."
"Huh. I've never heard
of that. Go on," Anakin said. Intrigued, Obi-Wan leaned back in his seat
and sipped his pint, idly wondering how much booze the Chancellor had consumed
that evening. Usually he was reticent about discussing personal matters,
and sexual activities with his new wife would certainly fall under that
category.
"First, she washes
it very carefully - every nook and cranny. She makes sure to get all that
nasty stuff out that can make it taste bad."
"Eeewwwwwww!" Obi-Wan
said, shuddering.
"What's wrong with
him?" Palpatine asked, indicating Obi-Wan.
"Beats me," Anakin
said, shrugging. "Hey, maybe I should be writing this stuff down for Padmé.
Anyway, go on - what does she do next?"
"Well, next she dries
it thoroughly and sprinkles some kind of powder on it. Then, I think she
rubs some sort of special oil on it too."
"Wait a minute," Obi-Wan
interrupted. "Did Anakin use the Mind Trick on you again or something?"
Palpatine gave him an odd look.
"No… why?" Obi-Wan
shook his head in amazement.
"Just wondering."
"What does she do next?"
Anakin asked.
"Next, she pours a
flavored sauce on it. It makes it taste very good indeed, I can tell you.
I could eat it every night, to be honest with you." Obi-Wan choked, spewing
beer all over the table.
"Dude," Anakin said,
handing him some napkins. "That is way not cool. Try to control yourself,
'kay?"
"I cannot believe I
am listening to this conversation!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "I am absolutely
shocked. Words fail me. I can't believe you got Palpatine to discuss stuff
like this with you!"
"What's the big deal?"
Anakin asked.
"And Sabé! She'd
KILL you if she knew you were telling us this stuff." Obi-Wan told Palpatine.
"I doubt that. Sabé
is quite proud of being able to make it palatable." Palpatine told him.
"She'd tell you herself how good it tastes when she's done with it."
"This is unbelievable."
Obi-Wan muttered. Anakin and Palpatine exchanged puzzled glances.
"Anyway," Anakin said,
"if Padmé went to all that trouble, I'd probably eat it too."
"Have you eaten it
before?"
"Only once, but I couldn't
stand the taste. It was really strong," Anakin replied. "Padmé
really likes it and she keeps begging me to try it again."
"Oh, well, you should
try Sabé's sometime," Palpatine told Anakin. Obi-Wan choked
on his beer again. The other two ignored him. "It's wonderful,"
Palpatine enthused. "In fact, just thinking about how good it tastes makes
me - "
"OK, that's it!" Obi-Wan
said, standing. "I can't take any more of this sick, twisted, perverted
discussion. Whatever you guys do with your wives in your bedrooms is your
own business. I don't think it needs to be discussed among us, and it certainly
doesn't need to be discussed in the middle of Liam's Lounge! Don't you
guys have any respect for your wives? Good grief!"
"What an extraordinary
outburst," Palpatine said, eyebrows raised.
"Really. Geeze, Obi-Wan…"
Anakin added.
"Ah…" Obi-Wan said,
looking from one man to the other. "Um… OK, maybe you could tell me what
you're discussing."
"Sabé prepares
an excellent barbecued Nubian Grak-Nak. The meat usually has a very strong,
unpleasant taste, so preparing it is quite a skill, I can assure you."
Palpatine frowned at Obi-Wan as a new thought entered his mind. "What on
Naboo did you THINK we were discussing?" Obi-Wan blushed.
"Never mind. You don't
want to know."
"Dude," Anakin said
as comprehension finally hit him. He shook his head. "That's
really sick."
FINIS.