Thanks: Thanks, as always to Dixie(whose advise I always listen to but seldom take) and Deb(my future "dorm mate" at Bellvue!!) my brilliant proofers who are always ready to offer support for my writers block, great ideas and suggestions and honest yet kind criticism. Also thanks this time for the 30 or so feedback letters I received from "Fifteen" all of whom "politely requested" a sequel to a story I thought was finished!
Credits: As always: Weekend Excursion: "What we deserve," "Hard Times," "Angel Window"and "Reunion" and Sarah MacLachlan: "I will remember you"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
......Try not to wonder 'bout what might have been 'cause , there's no way to tell.
Theres' nothing more to do, if you don't make an effort too
Will you remember that you deserve so much better, it will all be OK
if I remember the time seemed like forever, and it made my day.....
October 4, 2004
Dear Jake,
I just needed to tell you again how sorry I am for the pain I caused you. I miss you so much Jake. It hurts not being with you. I wish you were here with me now. LA is nice, really warm. A big change from autumn in New England. Did I say I wish you were here? I love you, Jake. I still love you...so much. I can't stop thinking about you...about us.
So, how are things with you? Do you miss me? Do you ever even think about me anymore?
Hamilton tore the letter from the pad and crunched it into a ball. He attempted to score two points as he tossed the paper toward the half-full waste basket. He glanced once again at the picture of he and Jake that sat on his desk at school. He smiled as he remembered the day he took it. It seemed like an eternity had passed since then. He picked up the pen and began again:
Dear Jake,
How are you? Los Angeles is great. I hope New York is too. I'm struggling with this letter...I want to tell you how much I miss you. I want you back in my life. I love you...
He awarded himself two more points as the new letter entered the trash. "Damn," he thought to himself, "why can't I do this? Probably because I'm not the English major here" he reasoned. A smile started on his lips, "Krudski" he said out loud to no one.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Krudski@cs.com
FROM: HPhleghm@aol.com
October 5, 2004 3:40pmEST
Hey Will, what's up? How's things in Rochester? LA is awesome man...Hey buddy...I need a really big favor....
Will finished reading his e-mail and considered his options. He clicked on "create mail" and began to enlist the help of his best friends.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: CinderBella @NewRaw.net
From: Krudski@aol.com
October 5, 2004 4:15pmEST
Hi Bella,
How's life back in New Rawley? Is Grace busy checking out all the Rawley "newbies"? LOL
I was just wondering if you've heard from Jake recently? She owes me lunch--ha ha and I was hoping to get in touch with her. Actually Bella...the truth is, Hamilton really wants to talk to her. Can you help??
BTW: Scout has been e-mailing me at nauseum. His Dad got him a new job as an intern at the White House, can you believe?? I gave him your address at the library...hope you don't mind. Oh well, too late now!
Will :)
October 12, 2004
Ring.....Ring.....Ring....
A brief click as then the answering machine picks up:
"Hey...you found me, but I'm not here right now. I'm sure you know what to do and when to do it...Ciao!"
Bella: "...um...Hi Jake, it's Bella...Just wondering how you are. Call me sometime...when you can...Bye"
Bella hung up the phone and hoped for the best. She hadn't spoken to Jake since shortly after graduation in June. She still felt a little uncomfortable about their breakup. She still felt responsible and she was determined to do what she could to set the wheels in motion.
October 13, 2004
Ring...Ring...Ring...
Bella: "Banks Service Station"
Jake: "Bella!...Hi!,,,how are you girlfriend? Just got your message I'm
glad you called I was wondering how you were too... So, how are you?"
Bella: "Fine thanks, Jake. How are you?"
Jake: "I'm good...busy but good. I've been working with this software company in Manhattan. Designing new things...I won't bore you with the details...but its been keeping me off the streets. So, what's up with you?"
Bella: "Not much...really. I'm taking some night classes at NRU...it's OK, not really the college experience I had hoped for...but it's good."
Jake: "Bella? What's up? I can hear it in your voice. Is anything wrong?"
Bella: "No...nothing's wrong..um...actually I got an e-mail a few days ago from Will. He's been trying to get in touch with you. Umm...lunch or something..."
Jake: "Oh right...he started at Rochester. I gotta find him...that's only like an hour from me...and on my bike...probably a lot less," (she chuckled into the phone)
---silence---
Jake: "Bella?
Bella: "hmmm?"
Jake: "What's really up? You sound funny. Are you Okay?"
Bella: "Nothing...just a little distracted I guess..."
Jake: "Distracted...well that can only mean one thing...Scout! Have you heard from him lately?
Bella: "Not lately...he's been really busy too. He's in Washington helping out with his Dad's campaign."
---silence again---
Jake: "So...have you heard from anyone else? (She had a positive and hopeful ring in her voice...she was sure that Bella would know she was asking about Hamilton, but after the Graduation Day fiasco she was embarrassed to be so obvious. She knew Hamilton left for Los Angles to attend a very prestigious art school. At the time she felt it was best not to pursue any communication with him., that it would make the separation easier on them both. But now, in retrospect, she wished she could get in touch with him just to see how he's doing.)
Bella: "no...sorry Jake..just Will.
Jake: "Mmmmm, well I suppose I shouldn't keep you. I'll get in touch with and feed our buddy Will. Keep in touch, Okay?"
Bella: "Yea.. you too..Bye Jake."
Jake: "Take care Bella. Bye"
As Jake hung up the phone she felt the familiar pains of loneliness creeping in on her. She missed Rawley and the sense of belonging she had when she lived there. She set the phone back in the cradle and went toward her lap top to find Will's address. As she did she looked toward the little framed picture she kept on her desk. She handled it gently and looked into the eyes of the only guy she'd ever truly been in love with. "I miss you" she said out loud.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Krudski@cs.co
FROM: SenCalsSon@whitehouse.org
October 18, 2004 11:27pmEST
Hey Buddy,
So what's the plan? I've been swamped here lately...but you know whatever you need man...I'm here. Keep me posted. --Scout
Scout clicked on the "send mail" key and when he saw the confirmation he shut down the computer and breathed a sigh of relief that the day was done. He was finding that he really hated politics and was unsure how he got himself to Washington in the first place. Then he remembered......right...Dear Old Dad!!
He thought about Bella as he always did just before bedding down for the night. He hoped that in someway it would inspire his dreams...although it never did. His life had become hectic and didn't feel like his own anymore. He longed for the peace and quiet of the lake at Rawley.
October 19, 2004
Dear Jake,
I hope this letter finds its way to you soon. I'm finding writing to you ten times a day, everyday, to be therapeutic. I'm almost thinking I should switch majors. I have a photography project due soon...my first one. I wish I could photograph you sitting by the lake. The trees must be beautiful there right now. I have a lot of pictures in my head...but the developing process with that is kind of tough. I miss you Jake!! I really, really, miss you!!
Two points...
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
To: Krudski@cs.com
From: RawleyGirl@aol.com
October 21, 2004 1:43am EST
Hi Will, How's things? Studying hard? I really want to get together with you sometime. Let's DO lunch or something. I can be on your doorstep in about 35 minutes...so just say where and when. OK?
Jacqueline
(aka Jake)
October 29, 2004
They hugged as if they hadn't seen each other in years...instead of just months. "How are you Will?" Jake said.
"You look great...haven't changed a bit!! Last time I saw you, you were a girl then too" Will laughed as Jake playfully punched him in the arm.
"No more disguises...just the real me, from now on. Let's get out of here...I'm starved" Will uneasily boarded the back of Jake's motorcycle and they zoomed off toward lunch. It was beautiful day for the end of October.
Halloween decorations covered the front doors of the houses they passed. Pumpkins lined the steps. The fall brought with it the cool and crisp feeling of change. The world beginning to shut itself down for a long winters nap. Jake felt the same way. She wished she could just shut down and awaken sometime in the spring, refreshed and renewed maybe even with a healed heart.
Jake and Will enjoyed their lunch in the park just outside of the Rochester campus. "So Jake, " Will started, "how are things in New York?"
"Okay. My mother is on tour again and doesn't know if she'll be back for Thanksgiving or not. Consuela and I are bonding again. " Jake laughed a little but Will could see through the laughter to the pain that was deep set in her eyes. "Bet you're looking forward to going home for the Thanksgiving break"
"Well I was...sort of...but I don't think I can swing it financially right now. Trying to save a few bucks for a bus ticket at Christmas. I don't want to ask my Mom...things are pretty tight at home."
"I hear you." Jake said, "You know...if you want...you could come to Manhattan and spend Thanksgiving with me. Consuela makes a mean turkey."
"Maybe...that'd be great," Will tried to be convincing although he knew he had an ulterior motive. "So...you talk to Bella lately?"
"Mmmm" she nodded her head, " a week ago or so. She told me about Scout being in Washington. An intern huh? Who would have thought?
"Well,...I chat with him on-line pretty frequently...I don't know how much he likes it but he is continuing with it to please his Dad."
"That kinda sucks" she said
"Gotta do what ya gotta do" he answered.
"I know that feeling" she responded.
"So...Bella...Scout...keeping in touch with anyone else?" she was annoyed with how absurdly obvious that sounded. "I mean...Finn..or Ryder..or" she laughed now as Will smiled. "Look Will, you don't have to avoid the subject of Hamilton. I mean...really, I'm okay with all this...talking about him...or...
"Thinking about him" Will interjected.
"Too obvious huh?"
"Yea...just a little." Will reached out to put a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Who says it's over?" he whispered.
"I did...four months ago." She shrugged and her face looked somber. "I pushed him away...told him to start a new life...and get over me. I can't go running back."
"Why not?" Will asked her.
"Besides, what if he's happy? What if he HAS moved on? What if he doesn't ever think about me? I'm not sure I could handle that. I told him I would always be there for him and he hasn't made a single attempt to get in touch with me."
"He's in LA you know" Will said, "I have his address." Anticipating this moment Will took a folded piece of paper from his pocket. He handed it to Jake. She stared at it.
"Maybe...I could just drop him a note or a card or something...just to see how he is? Ya think?"
"I think...I definitely think!!"Will replied.
Jake drove home from Rochester with the wind at her back. She felt like she was flying as the breeze passed through her now slightly longer hair. She raced into the apartment leaving the door slightly ajar in her haste. She tossed her backpack carelessly onto her bed as she opened the drawer of her desk. She searched under and around until she finally put her hand on a box of unopened stationary her Grandmother had given her years ago. In this age of modern technology Jake hadn't really found a use for it. She couldn't even remember the last time she bought stamps.
She sat at her desk and for the fourth time that day looked at her picture of Hamilton. Pen in hand she began to write:
October 29, 2004
Dear Hamilton,
How are you? I hope things are going well at school. Things are great here in New York...
She crossed out "great" and changed it to "good" not wanting to give him the impression that she could, in any way, be "great" without him.
I hope that your photography classes are going well. Taking pictures was something you've always been good at. As a matter of fact, I should thank you for the picture you gave me for graduation...I love it...and look at it everyday. It makes me think about you...about us....I really miss.....us. I Love you. I never stopped loving you and I wish that all that stuff in June..never happened. I want us to be US again.!!
Jake reread the letter before crumpling it up and tossing it into the trash. "Too desperate" she thought as she tried again:
Dear Hamilton,
Hi. How's it going? Is school good? Things here are OK. I had lunch with Will Krudski today and he gave me your address. Hope you don't mind. I wanted to thank you for the picture you gave me. I have it on my desk and I look at it daily. I just wanted to say hello and wish you well.......
The balled up letter flew through the air and landed just outside of the basket. "Damn girl...think...what do you really want to say to him...just be honest." She thought out loud...and then she smiled.
My Dearest Hamilton,
How I wish you were here.....in Manhattan......naked......
As the newly crumpled paper arced over her desk she thought..."two points" that's what he would say...if he were here. She sighed out loud.
"Damn...why is this so hard?" she thought..."maybe because I'm not an English major. Ah...Will!" she thought and opened her lap top.
...Somehow I don't even try to hold back tears or save my pride.
I want to be with you one more night...but your memory drifts away.
Hard times and we fall apart...what we had was from the heart.
We were together from the very start...so I can't let you go away...
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Cinderbella@NewRaw.net
CC: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
FROM: Krudski@cs.com
November 1, 2004 2:45pm EST
OK kids...the ball's in your court. 2-love. I think this just might work. Will :)
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: HPhleghm@aol.com
FROM: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
November 2, 2004 9:02pm EST
Hey Man. How's things? Life here at the Capital is interesting to say the least. I was looking forward to a break around Thanksgiving and was just wondering if you had any plans to go home to NewRawley?? Will's getting a little homesick already and I was thinking it might be a good chance to get together for some "male bonding" Let me know. --Scout
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
FROM: HPhleghm@aol.com
November 3, 2004 1:10pm EST
Hey Calhoun--good to hear from you. Really? A White House intern?? Will we be seeing you on the news someday?? And here I thought I'd be the first Rawley student to create scandal. LOL Anyway--in answer to you question. I have no plans to come home this month. Don't really see the point. I'll probably make it for the holidays. Maybe we can link up then. HAM
The day was bright although there was a chill in the air. She used to love the colors of the changing trees in the fall but not much excited her lately. She sipped her coffee by the kitchen window as Consuela entered. "Jac-wa-leeeeen, this was delivered yesterday, I sorry but I forgot to give to you." The housekeeper handed her a small green envelope addressed to her.
She immediately checked the return address. It wasn't from California "Thanks Consuela" she took the envelope and opened it. A smiling brown turkey graced the front of the card. The writing inside was familiar.
"You're Invited to Count Your Blessings"
Where: Bella's house
When: Thanksgiving Weekend
Time: Whenever you can get here!
RSVP: to Bella
I'm cooking my first Thanksgiving Dinner...so if the risk of salmonella doesn't scare you...I hope you can come. Please!!! Bella
Jake closed the card and placed it on the table in front of her. "Mmmm" she thought..."Back to New Rawley" she wondered if the memories would be to overwhelming for her. When she thought of Rawley...she thought of him.
She guessed she probably wouldn't go and made a mental note to call Bella later that day to let her know. " Of course it would be nice to see Bella again." she thought. She had no true friends in New York...just acquaintances and coworkers and she missed the girl talk. "Well,...I guess I could think about it...." She finished her coffee, put the cup in the sink and set off to work.
November 4, 2004
Dear Jake,
Its so late...I can't sleep. I have this paper due in the morning but I can't seem to get my shit together and finish it. God it's beautiful here tonight. The moon is just about full, there's just a small sliver missing. There you are..on the other side of the country...and you can see the same moon that I see. Makes me think that you're not so far away from me.
He stopped throwing the letters away. He wished he had the guts to actually send one of them to her. "Maybe she's sitting in New York right now hoping that I'll call her or write to her"He thought. "Maybe she's out tonight having a latte with some guy she just met. Maybe he's holding her hand. Maybe he kissed her and felt her body melt into his." He thought about the little sensitive spot on her neck and hoped that no one else had found it.
He rubbed his face..."You're making yourself crazy man!" he said out loud. He tried to concentrate on the paper he had been working on. Two lines later he gazed at the picture.
It had taken a minute to set up the tripod that day. Jake had refused repeatedly to let him photograph her. She was shy then and conscious of her appearance. He always thought she was beautiful. He still thought she was beautiful. She agreed to the photo but only if Hamilton was in the picture too. He stood beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist. His smile was genuine and he remembered thinking that life couldn't possibly get any better than this. But it had gotten better. Three days after that picture was taken...they had shared his bed and made love for the first time. He considered that picture special. A photographic memory of an innocence that would never return.
November 5, 2004
Ring...Ring...Ring...
Bella: Banks Service Station
Jake: Bella! Hi, it's Jake. How are you?
Bella: Great...and you?
Jake: Okay, listen I got you're invitation in the mail. Thanks a lot, really, I'm sure you're dinner will be great. The salmonella thing never even entered my mind. But, I can't really come. Not this time.
Bella: Oh Jake...I really wanted you to be here. I miss having you around.
Jake: I know, me too. But hey, why don't you come to New York sometime. We can visit Will and hang out...it'd be great.
Bella: (a hesitation in her voice as she thought of what to say next) Well, it's still early...I'm putting you down as a maybe. Okay?
Jake: Really Bella, I appreciate you including me and all. I just don't think it's a very good idea...coming back to Rawley.
Bella: Maybe, okay...just don't say no right away. Think about it and maybe you'll change your mind.
Jake: Okay Bella...Maybe...but probably not. (she chuckled, she really did miss Bella)
Bella: Okay, (the smile in her voice was evident...she felt a small victory in eliminating the NO response.) I'll talk to you again soon. I've got a customer at the pump.
Jake: Sorry...Okay...talk to you soon. Bye
Bella: Bye bye.
Bella hung up the phone and looked across at the empty gas pump. She made her way to the library.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO Krudski@cs.com
FROM: CinderBella@NewRaw.net
November 5, 2004 4:11pm EST
Will,
I got her to say maybe...but she's leaning toward NO!! HELP!!!
Bella
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Krudski@cs.com
FROM: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
November 5, 2004 5:50pm EST
Hey Bud....
This is tougher than I thought...I'll keep trying but Fleming has no plans to come home for Thanksgiving...any suggestions??
Scout
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO:CinderBella@NewRaw.net
CC: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
FROM: Krudski@cs.com
November 6, 2004 12:10pm EST
OK you two...the important thing to remember here is not to PANIC!! We still have a few weeks left and I think things are going to work out.
Will :)
The rain fell hard against the window. The pinging sounds echoed in the empty apartment. She had decided to work from home today...but clearly was not accomplishing anything significant. She felt distracted. She popped in her favorite Sarah MacLachlan CD and allowed the music to fill in the silence.
November 7, 2004
Dear Hamilton,
I've been thinking a lot about us lately. I guess I've had some time to reflect on our past...and what could have been our future and I wonder if breaking up was the right thing to do. I think about you out in California...surrounded by all those blondes in bikini's and it makes me crazy!! When I think back...at the times we spent together I wouldn't trade a second of it either. I only wish that I had told you that.
Jake discarded the note. The box of stationary was nearly empty and she thought how proud her Grandmother would be to know that she was attempting to correspond the "old fashioned way."
...I will remember you...will you remember me...don't let you life pass you by...
weep not for the memories...."
Jake shut off the CD player. She grabbed her backpack from the desk and decided rain or not...she had to get out of there. The sidewalks of Manhattan were filled with endless lines of unfamiliar faces. She had grown up in this town. She should feel at home and yet...she felt like a stranger. As she glanced toward a display in a store window she caught sight of her reflection. The raindrops fell on her cheeks. Were they raindrops? She thought back to the night she watched Hamilton leave her dorm room. She wiped away the warm drops from her face. She decided to head back home and give Bella a call.
...How can I look back in sorrow...no memory would let me hide.
Each day there comes another tomorrow...a better tomorrow...yeah.
Those days that we took for granted...never knew what we had til it was gone
Now we had the chance to give ourselves...a better life..oh yeah.
So many words were left unspoken, and in a dream it came to me.
Cause in a blink, a smile--two hearts broken...explain that to me."
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO:RawleyGirl@aol.com
FROM: Krudski@cs.com
November 14, 2004 3:06pmEST
Hi Jake,
What's up? I just wanted to say thanks for the Thanksgiving invite...but my mother called and she really wants me to come home for the holiday. If I pick up a few extra shifts at the book store I can probably swing a bus ticket to Rawley. I just wanted to let you know.
Will :)
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO :Krudski@cs.com
FROM: RawleyGirl@aol.com
November 14, 2004 6:00pm EST
Hey Will
That's great. I hope you have a great time. Say hi to everyone for me. Okay?
--Jake
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO" RawleyGirl@aol.co
FROM: Krudski@cs.co
November 14, 2004 7:10pmEST
Here's a thought...why don't you come with me???
Will :)
November 15, 2004
Ring...Ring...Ring...
Bella: "Banks Service Station"
Will: "She's coming."
Bella: "What?"
Will: "Jake...she's coming to New Rawley for Thanksgiving. We're going to ride down together on her bike. I hope this works...three hours on the "bitchpad" could do some serious damage to any potential "little Krudski's". (he laughed)
Bella: " Oh God, that's great Will...one down and one to go!! I wonder how Scouts doing.
Will: "Ah...do you mean with the Jake and Hamilton thing or did you mean anything else."
Bella: "Both...I guess."
Will: "Well girl...gotta run...got a class in twenty minutes. I wanted you to be the first to know!!
Bella: "Thanks Will...Bye"
Bella smiled as she hung up the phone. Will was right...this will all work itself out...well...maybe with a little help from their friends.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: HPhleghm@aol.com
FROM: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
November 16, 2004 11:45pm EST
Hey Flemming...My Dad has to go to Boston next week to give a campaign speech. I've got a Celtics ticket with your name on it buddy. You just need to come to Washington and fly out with us. You'd get to be "MY date". Whadya think???
--Scout
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO:SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
FROM: HPhleghm@aol.com
November 17, 2004 1:10amEST
As much as I might have liked the thought of "dating" guys at one time in my life...you are SO not my type! LOL
Actually, thanks for the invite...I'd really love to go but I've got so much going on here right now. I'm not sure going home to Rawley, even for a few days, is a good idea. To much going on in my head...ok...and maybe in my heart. I'll catch up with you and Will another time though........Hope the Celtics win!!!
HAM
November 17, 2004
Dear Jake,
I can't stop thinking about you. I wish you were here with me. I was thinking of going home to Rawley for Thanksgiving...but...I know that it would be miserable if you weren't there too. The memories are just to hard to deal with right now. Do you think we'll ever see each other again??
I see you each night...in my dreams, but lately that's just not enough. I want you back in my life again, Jake. Do you know that? Do you feel the same things that I'm feeling? Or, are you happy now?
Hamilton tore the letter from the pad and folded it. He placed it in a steadily growing pile under the framed picture. As he lifted the picture up he looked at it. He traced the line of her face and kissed the tip of his finger and gently brought it to her face. "I will always love you" he said.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Cinderbella@NewRaw.net
FROM: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
November 19, 2004 12:15am EST
Buy a bigger turkey Bella. I have one idea left and its gotta work!!!
--Scout
Ring...Ring...Ring...
A brief click as the answering machine picks up:
"Hey...you found me, but I'm not here right now. I'm sure you know what to do and when to do it...Ciao!"
Will: Hey Jake...it's Will. Just wondering how things are going. Are we still on for Wednesday? Are you sure you don't want to take the bus?? (chuckling) OK..listen just let me know, okay?
A knock on Will's door:
"Hey Krudski...you've got a phone call."
"Thanks man......be right there."
Will opened the door and entered the main hallway. He headed for the phone and found the receiver dangling toward the floor.
Will: "Hello?"
Jake: "You're hard to get a hold of man."
Will: "Hi Jake...what's up?"
Jake: "Wednesday figured we'd leave around ten or so...does that work for you?"
Will: "Well...it does cut into my beauty sleep..but ya..ten is fine. How long will it take to get there?"
Jake: "I can do it in about three hours or so...you nervous 'bout my driving Krudski??"
Will: "Honestly? No comment!"
Jake: "That should be Scout's line..." (she laughed out loud) I am SO looking forward to seeing Bella. I didn't think I wanted to go...but now... I'm really looking forward to it."
Will: "Me too."
Jake: "Ok...see ya Wednesday"
Will: "See ya Wednesday"
As Will hung up the phone...he breathed on his finger tips and rubbed them against his chest. "Good job, Krudski" he said and he smiled.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO"Krudski@cs.com
CC: CinderBella@New Raw.net
November 21, 2004 10:01pm EST
Either of you heard from Fleming yet???
--Scout
November 21, 2004
Dear Hamilton,
I'm leaving for Rawley in the morning. I wish you were going to be there. I'm sure the memories will coming flooding back and I hope that I will be able to handle it. I guess part of the reason I'm looking forward to this trip is ...well...I hope that I'll feel closer to you again. I feel so "removed" in New York. Like I'm on the outside looking in." I feel like I don't belong here anymore. Rawley was the only place I've ever felt that I belonged...and I know that was because I felt like I belonged with you. I've always thought that I belonged with you.
"You're late" he said as he stood up on the front steps of Rochester University.
"Yea...well...fashionably late." she smiled. "Bitchpad baby...she said as she nodded toward the back seat of the sputtering motorcycle."
Will moved one hand toward the crotch of his jeans..."God help me..." he said as he lifted on leg over the bike and adjusted the helmet she handed him. They were off toward New Rawley and phase two of a seemingly well orchestrated plan.
...'cause what we need to realize is that it took us by surprise.
We shouldn't turn away from the things we need to say.
Now I'm stuck here with a choice 'cause I need to hear your voice.
This foolish pride is killing me....
"Bella!" Jake exclaimed as she hopped off her motorcycle and headed toward her friend. "It's great to be back...I missed you!"
"Hi Jake! It's great to see you too. I'm so glad you came" Bella said as she hugged her. Jake and Bella released from their embrace and turned to look at Will.
"You okay man?" Jake asked him.
"I will be..." Will said as he used both hands to aid his leg over the bike seat and adjusted himself back to a fully upright position. Once again his hand went to the crotch of his jeans and assured that all was intact, he moved toward Bella.
"Welcome home Will," she said as she hugged him. "Scout's here too. He flew in this morning, with his dad." She emphasized the last three words. Will knew by the look in her eyes that what she meant to say was Scout arrived without Hamilton.
"We tried Bella...we really tried" he whispered into her ear.
"You two must be exhausted. Come in." Bella motioned to the door with her hand.
"I'm gonna check in at home first, get cleaned up and I'll catch up with you two later." Will said.
"Buddy!" Scout said as he came out of the door of Bella's home. "What's up?"
"Hey man...good to see you" Will smiled. The boys exchanged high five's and a warm hug.
"Ladies..."Scout said toward the girls, "If you'll excuse us...Will and I have some male bonding to attend to.
"You want a ride?" Jake asked smiling, but she knew the answer.
"NO!" they said in unison.
"Don't mind walking...thanks...need to stretch my legs. We'll see you both later."
"So...how's that intern position?" Will asked.
Scout bent over..."This one?" he laughed, "Sorry man, Washington humor."The boys turned and walked in the familiar direction of Will's house.
Thursday, Late morning. Thanksgiving Day
Jake entered the kitchen and poured herself another cup of coffee. "What can I do to help?" she asked Bella, who looked a bit frazzled.
"Actually...everything is under control...I think." The two laughed.
"It smells great" Jake said as she seated herself at the kitchen table and stared out the window. "Wow...the foliage is still so beautiful here."
"Mmmm" she acknowledged peeling potatoes. "Jake? What's wrong...I mean besides the obvious?"
"Nothing really...just strolling down memory lane I guess."
"I'm sorry Jake.
"Don't be sorry Bella...some people live their whole lives in a memory. It's just really hard for me to...forget."
"Do you want to forget?" Bella asked looking puzzled.
"No...I mean...not really...Oh I don't know. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm so confused. I was hoping that coming back here would help me sort through it.
"I know.." Bella said. "Dinner won't be ready for hours. Why don't you go outside and get some fresh air. Take a walk down by the lake..it will help to clear your head."
"Or cloud it up some more" she smiled as she thought of the hundreds of times she and Hamilton had been to the lake together.
"Trust me...now go" Bella ushered her friend out the door. "Don't come back until you feel better."
"Ah...right... I'll try" Jake grabbed her sweatshirt from the back of the chair and walked outside into the sunshine.
Bella set about peeling additional vegetables. She wished Grace had been around to help her. Grace and her mother were back in touch and she was spending the weekend in Carson. Bella was not ready to renew a loving mother-daughter relationship just yet but, was happy and supportive of Grace's decision. Charlie was having dinner with his new girlfriend. Bella and Grace had been invited too, but Bella refused to be a "third wheel" in their newly blossoming relationship.
The kitchen door creaked open and Bella didn't look up. She expected Will and Scout by now and they were late. She had assigned them chores for the day, wood for the fireplace, carving the turkey and she expected them to attempt to get out of their prearranged assignments.
Two hands came around the front of her face and covered her eyes. Bella smiled, "Scout? You're late, you better have a good excuse."
No answer.
"Will?" she sounded a little frightened now.
"Not Will or Scout" the familiar sexy voice whispered into her ear. Bella grabbed the hands from her face and turned to see Hamilton Flemming standing in her kitchen.
"Hamilton!" she screamed. A huge smile on her face as she grabbed his neck and hugged him.
"Man...I didn't get that kind of reception" Scout said sarcastically.
"Me either...and I've known her longer than both of you put together." Will affirmed.
"I though you weren't coming?" Bella said.
"Funniest thing happened," Hamilton began to explain. "I got this FedEx package yesterday with a round trip ticket from LA to New Rawley in it. I assumed my mother was missing her little Munchie...and sent it to me." He smiled, "But, when I arrived home today. Neither my mother or father admitted to sending it. Weird huh?"
Bella looked at Scout, "Ya..weird" she smiled at him and he returned her smile with a wink. "Well I'm SO glad you're here."
"Where's J....." Will started but was quickly interrupted by Bella.
"Hey Hamilton...have you been to the lake yet? It's gorgeous right now...I'm sure you brought your camera. Spectacular photo-op's right now." Without giving him time to answer she turned him around in the kitchen and ushered him toward the door.
"You guys want to join me?" Hamilton asked.
"Um..Sure we'd...." again Will's words were cut short by Bella.
"They can't...They need to stay here and help me." Bella shot Will a look and he quickly figured out what was going on.
"Well...OK...I'll see you guys later." Hamilton said as he exited the door.
Scout, Will and Bella looked at each other. All three held up crossed fingers and they smiled.
"Well," Will said. "The rest is up to them."
...The right time is gonna come...but maybe not just yet.
We could have gone our separate ways...could have missed the pain.
I know that I've seen better days.
(But I know) There's this feeling inside that won't go away.
It wasn't a mistake......
Hamilton moved skillfully around the lake. "Bella was right, this is beautiful." He thought to himself. He peered through the lens of his camera and caught the suns shimmer on the lake. Click--click--click the shudder sounded to break the silence.
He glanced at the old oak that sat on the edge of the water. He had spent the better part of his teenage years sitting under that tree. And now he thought he had spent the best part of his teenage years lying under that tree...with Jake. The stillness was deafening. The air was crisp and clean. Such a change from LA. He continued to survey the lake through the lens.
He scanned the tree again and photographed the colored leaves. As the crisp autumn breeze blew, a single leaf gently descended toward the ground. Hamilton followed the swirling flight with his camera..click--click--click. He looked again, and continued to click the shudder as the leaf passed the majestic trunk of the old tree. He saw her sitting there. She leaned back against the tree. Knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them for support. She was gazing into the lake. In a world of her own. A world he desperately wanted to be in.
"Jake?" he mouthed the words at first. He was afraid to remove the camera from his eye...in case the apparition would fade from view. "Jake?" he said as the whisper caught in his throat.
He ran toward the tree...
"Jake!!" he yelled out as he quickly closed the gap between where he had been standing and his destination.
She thought she heard her name, but assumed it was her imagination. "Jake!" That was clear...and she turned toward the somewhat familiar voice.
"Hamilton?" her eyes widened in disbelief. "Hamilton? Oh my God, Hamilton" She wanted to run toward him but her legs felt like jelly.
Hamilton ran up to her and without thinking..without remembering what had passed between them, he picked her up off the ground and enveloped her into his arms.
"Hamilton!!" she laughed.
"Oh Jake. I can't believe it's really you...that your here." He stuttered as he brought her feet back to earth. Again he lifted her off the ground and playfully swung her around in his arms. They hugged in a passionate embrace. Breathless he stepped back to look at her once again. "What are you doing here? I mean...I'm so glad you're here...but how come you're here?" he asked. His thoughts were random and confused.
"I came down with Will for the holiday. Bella invited me." She stepped further back and smiled at him. "I'm glad you're here too. I've been wanting to talk to you SO much. Look...Hamilton...all those things I said...in June..." Hamilton placed a finger to her lips to hush her.
"Later...okay?" he said. He sat himself down on the grass and leaned against the tree. He reached up and took her hand and gently pulled her down to rest beside him. "Let's not do all the apology stuff right now..."
"Who says I was going to apologize?" she tried to look indignant...but she stood no chance as she looked into his sapphire eyes.
"Jake...I've missed you so much. I thought about you every day. I even wrote to you"
"You did?" she asked. She smiled as she thought of her own stack of unsent letters.
"I never got a letter from you."
"I know...I was afraid to send them. I was afraid that maybe you had moved on with your life and you had stopped caring about me. Maybe even stopped loving me." She saw the mists forming in his eyes as he spoke. "I couldn't stand to think about my life without you...so I wrote to you. Kinda helped me feel like you were still there. I know...sounds silly doesn't it? he laughed and expected her to laugh too.
"Actually...it doesn't sound that silly. Would you believe....." she nodded her head in affirmation as he realized what she was saying.
"Man...we were so stupid..." he said in a hushed tone.
"No...we just needed some time and a little space to see things more clearly.
I guess you don't really know what you have until it's gone" Jake changed her position so that her head rested in his lap. The air was cool against her face but the warmth of his body comforted her. "Hey Ham..."
"Mmmm" he said as he gently stroke her hair. He looked down at her and the love that flowed out of him was almost tangible.
"Read me one of your letters." She said. He smiled at her.
"Dear Jake,
I miss you..I love you...and I want you back in my life. I'm not the same person that I was...when we were together. I wish you weren't so far away. I wish you were here with me now...I wish...I wish I'd never hurt you. I'd do anything Jake to make it right between us again..." his voice shook with emotion. "well....something like that. What about you... will you read one of your letters to me?"
"My dearest Hamilton" she started with a dramatic flair "I wish you were here...in Manhattan...naked" she laughed out loud and so did he.
"Naked huh? Is that the only thing you missed about me?" He reached his hand down and tickled at her sides.
"No..no!" she giggled. "I missed everything about you Hamilton. I missed your eyes, I missed the way you looked at me...like I was the most beautiful girl on the planet."
"You are..." he interrupted.
"I missed the way you made me feel."
"Grrrrr" he sexily growled.
"Not just physically....Gee...you're such a guy. I missed the way I felt when I was with you." She turned to look up at him. The tears fell against her cheeks. "I want you and me to be...us again."
He smiled and pulled her up to his lap. He held her for a long time until the autumn breeze dried his own cheeks. "I want that too"
As the afternoon slipped away...and the sun began to melt into the lake they returned hand in hand to Bella's house for dinner. As the walked in the door the three stood silently.
"You know something......"Hamilton said as he looked at Jake, things becoming cleared to him, "I think we were set up here."
.....How I long... to see your face...to be in your embrace now.
it wont be long til I see your face til I'm in that place beside you.
I cant stand to live without you ...I cant stand to walk away.
I cant stand to listen to what other people say.
Soon we'll be together...soon we'll be as one. Tonight I will be with you."
Hamilton walked out of the front of the school building. He descended the steps with his camera in hand. It was another gorgeous day. Everyday was beautiful since Thanksgiving. And best of all...only thirty-one more days untill Christmas break. He smiled broadly. He was setting off for a photography session hoping to finish a much over due project. He stopped at the mailbox outside of the dorms. He pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. Enclosed were the pictures he developed from their weekend in Rawley wrapped up in yet another letter, his third one this week. He had successfully preserved another memory, forever. Only these days...forever was looking really good. He placed a gentle kiss on the address...and dropped it in.
The End
Credits: As always: Weekend Excursion: "What we deserve," "Hard Times," "Angel Window"and "Reunion" and Sarah MacLachlan: "I will remember you"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
......Try not to wonder 'bout what might have been 'cause , there's no way to tell.
Theres' nothing more to do, if you don't make an effort too
Will you remember that you deserve so much better, it will all be OK
if I remember the time seemed like forever, and it made my day.....
October 4, 2004
Dear Jake,
I just needed to tell you again how sorry I am for the pain I caused you. I miss you so much Jake. It hurts not being with you. I wish you were here with me now. LA is nice, really warm. A big change from autumn in New England. Did I say I wish you were here? I love you, Jake. I still love you...so much. I can't stop thinking about you...about us.
So, how are things with you? Do you miss me? Do you ever even think about me anymore?
Hamilton tore the letter from the pad and crunched it into a ball. He attempted to score two points as he tossed the paper toward the half-full waste basket. He glanced once again at the picture of he and Jake that sat on his desk at school. He smiled as he remembered the day he took it. It seemed like an eternity had passed since then. He picked up the pen and began again:
Dear Jake,
How are you? Los Angeles is great. I hope New York is too. I'm struggling with this letter...I want to tell you how much I miss you. I want you back in my life. I love you...
He awarded himself two more points as the new letter entered the trash. "Damn," he thought to himself, "why can't I do this? Probably because I'm not the English major here" he reasoned. A smile started on his lips, "Krudski" he said out loud to no one.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Krudski@cs.com
FROM: HPhleghm@aol.com
October 5, 2004 3:40pmEST
Hey Will, what's up? How's things in Rochester? LA is awesome man...Hey buddy...I need a really big favor....
Will finished reading his e-mail and considered his options. He clicked on "create mail" and began to enlist the help of his best friends.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: CinderBella @NewRaw.net
From: Krudski@aol.com
October 5, 2004 4:15pmEST
Hi Bella,
How's life back in New Rawley? Is Grace busy checking out all the Rawley "newbies"? LOL
I was just wondering if you've heard from Jake recently? She owes me lunch--ha ha and I was hoping to get in touch with her. Actually Bella...the truth is, Hamilton really wants to talk to her. Can you help??
BTW: Scout has been e-mailing me at nauseum. His Dad got him a new job as an intern at the White House, can you believe?? I gave him your address at the library...hope you don't mind. Oh well, too late now!
Will :)
October 12, 2004
Ring.....Ring.....Ring....
A brief click as then the answering machine picks up:
"Hey...you found me, but I'm not here right now. I'm sure you know what to do and when to do it...Ciao!"
Bella: "...um...Hi Jake, it's Bella...Just wondering how you are. Call me sometime...when you can...Bye"
Bella hung up the phone and hoped for the best. She hadn't spoken to Jake since shortly after graduation in June. She still felt a little uncomfortable about their breakup. She still felt responsible and she was determined to do what she could to set the wheels in motion.
October 13, 2004
Ring...Ring...Ring...
Bella: "Banks Service Station"
Jake: "Bella!...Hi!,,,how are you girlfriend? Just got your message I'm
glad you called I was wondering how you were too... So, how are you?"
Bella: "Fine thanks, Jake. How are you?"
Jake: "I'm good...busy but good. I've been working with this software company in Manhattan. Designing new things...I won't bore you with the details...but its been keeping me off the streets. So, what's up with you?"
Bella: "Not much...really. I'm taking some night classes at NRU...it's OK, not really the college experience I had hoped for...but it's good."
Jake: "Bella? What's up? I can hear it in your voice. Is anything wrong?"
Bella: "No...nothing's wrong..um...actually I got an e-mail a few days ago from Will. He's been trying to get in touch with you. Umm...lunch or something..."
Jake: "Oh right...he started at Rochester. I gotta find him...that's only like an hour from me...and on my bike...probably a lot less," (she chuckled into the phone)
---silence---
Jake: "Bella?
Bella: "hmmm?"
Jake: "What's really up? You sound funny. Are you Okay?"
Bella: "Nothing...just a little distracted I guess..."
Jake: "Distracted...well that can only mean one thing...Scout! Have you heard from him lately?
Bella: "Not lately...he's been really busy too. He's in Washington helping out with his Dad's campaign."
---silence again---
Jake: "So...have you heard from anyone else? (She had a positive and hopeful ring in her voice...she was sure that Bella would know she was asking about Hamilton, but after the Graduation Day fiasco she was embarrassed to be so obvious. She knew Hamilton left for Los Angles to attend a very prestigious art school. At the time she felt it was best not to pursue any communication with him., that it would make the separation easier on them both. But now, in retrospect, she wished she could get in touch with him just to see how he's doing.)
Bella: "no...sorry Jake..just Will.
Jake: "Mmmmm, well I suppose I shouldn't keep you. I'll get in touch with and feed our buddy Will. Keep in touch, Okay?"
Bella: "Yea.. you too..Bye Jake."
Jake: "Take care Bella. Bye"
As Jake hung up the phone she felt the familiar pains of loneliness creeping in on her. She missed Rawley and the sense of belonging she had when she lived there. She set the phone back in the cradle and went toward her lap top to find Will's address. As she did she looked toward the little framed picture she kept on her desk. She handled it gently and looked into the eyes of the only guy she'd ever truly been in love with. "I miss you" she said out loud.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Krudski@cs.co
FROM: SenCalsSon@whitehouse.org
October 18, 2004 11:27pmEST
Hey Buddy,
So what's the plan? I've been swamped here lately...but you know whatever you need man...I'm here. Keep me posted. --Scout
Scout clicked on the "send mail" key and when he saw the confirmation he shut down the computer and breathed a sigh of relief that the day was done. He was finding that he really hated politics and was unsure how he got himself to Washington in the first place. Then he remembered......right...Dear Old Dad!!
He thought about Bella as he always did just before bedding down for the night. He hoped that in someway it would inspire his dreams...although it never did. His life had become hectic and didn't feel like his own anymore. He longed for the peace and quiet of the lake at Rawley.
October 19, 2004
Dear Jake,
I hope this letter finds its way to you soon. I'm finding writing to you ten times a day, everyday, to be therapeutic. I'm almost thinking I should switch majors. I have a photography project due soon...my first one. I wish I could photograph you sitting by the lake. The trees must be beautiful there right now. I have a lot of pictures in my head...but the developing process with that is kind of tough. I miss you Jake!! I really, really, miss you!!
Two points...
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
To: Krudski@cs.com
From: RawleyGirl@aol.com
October 21, 2004 1:43am EST
Hi Will, How's things? Studying hard? I really want to get together with you sometime. Let's DO lunch or something. I can be on your doorstep in about 35 minutes...so just say where and when. OK?
Jacqueline
(aka Jake)
October 29, 2004
They hugged as if they hadn't seen each other in years...instead of just months. "How are you Will?" Jake said.
"You look great...haven't changed a bit!! Last time I saw you, you were a girl then too" Will laughed as Jake playfully punched him in the arm.
"No more disguises...just the real me, from now on. Let's get out of here...I'm starved" Will uneasily boarded the back of Jake's motorcycle and they zoomed off toward lunch. It was beautiful day for the end of October.
Halloween decorations covered the front doors of the houses they passed. Pumpkins lined the steps. The fall brought with it the cool and crisp feeling of change. The world beginning to shut itself down for a long winters nap. Jake felt the same way. She wished she could just shut down and awaken sometime in the spring, refreshed and renewed maybe even with a healed heart.
Jake and Will enjoyed their lunch in the park just outside of the Rochester campus. "So Jake, " Will started, "how are things in New York?"
"Okay. My mother is on tour again and doesn't know if she'll be back for Thanksgiving or not. Consuela and I are bonding again. " Jake laughed a little but Will could see through the laughter to the pain that was deep set in her eyes. "Bet you're looking forward to going home for the Thanksgiving break"
"Well I was...sort of...but I don't think I can swing it financially right now. Trying to save a few bucks for a bus ticket at Christmas. I don't want to ask my Mom...things are pretty tight at home."
"I hear you." Jake said, "You know...if you want...you could come to Manhattan and spend Thanksgiving with me. Consuela makes a mean turkey."
"Maybe...that'd be great," Will tried to be convincing although he knew he had an ulterior motive. "So...you talk to Bella lately?"
"Mmmm" she nodded her head, " a week ago or so. She told me about Scout being in Washington. An intern huh? Who would have thought?
"Well,...I chat with him on-line pretty frequently...I don't know how much he likes it but he is continuing with it to please his Dad."
"That kinda sucks" she said
"Gotta do what ya gotta do" he answered.
"I know that feeling" she responded.
"So...Bella...Scout...keeping in touch with anyone else?" she was annoyed with how absurdly obvious that sounded. "I mean...Finn..or Ryder..or" she laughed now as Will smiled. "Look Will, you don't have to avoid the subject of Hamilton. I mean...really, I'm okay with all this...talking about him...or...
"Thinking about him" Will interjected.
"Too obvious huh?"
"Yea...just a little." Will reached out to put a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Who says it's over?" he whispered.
"I did...four months ago." She shrugged and her face looked somber. "I pushed him away...told him to start a new life...and get over me. I can't go running back."
"Why not?" Will asked her.
"Besides, what if he's happy? What if he HAS moved on? What if he doesn't ever think about me? I'm not sure I could handle that. I told him I would always be there for him and he hasn't made a single attempt to get in touch with me."
"He's in LA you know" Will said, "I have his address." Anticipating this moment Will took a folded piece of paper from his pocket. He handed it to Jake. She stared at it.
"Maybe...I could just drop him a note or a card or something...just to see how he is? Ya think?"
"I think...I definitely think!!"Will replied.
Jake drove home from Rochester with the wind at her back. She felt like she was flying as the breeze passed through her now slightly longer hair. She raced into the apartment leaving the door slightly ajar in her haste. She tossed her backpack carelessly onto her bed as she opened the drawer of her desk. She searched under and around until she finally put her hand on a box of unopened stationary her Grandmother had given her years ago. In this age of modern technology Jake hadn't really found a use for it. She couldn't even remember the last time she bought stamps.
She sat at her desk and for the fourth time that day looked at her picture of Hamilton. Pen in hand she began to write:
October 29, 2004
Dear Hamilton,
How are you? I hope things are going well at school. Things are great here in New York...
She crossed out "great" and changed it to "good" not wanting to give him the impression that she could, in any way, be "great" without him.
I hope that your photography classes are going well. Taking pictures was something you've always been good at. As a matter of fact, I should thank you for the picture you gave me for graduation...I love it...and look at it everyday. It makes me think about you...about us....I really miss.....us. I Love you. I never stopped loving you and I wish that all that stuff in June..never happened. I want us to be US again.!!
Jake reread the letter before crumpling it up and tossing it into the trash. "Too desperate" she thought as she tried again:
Dear Hamilton,
Hi. How's it going? Is school good? Things here are OK. I had lunch with Will Krudski today and he gave me your address. Hope you don't mind. I wanted to thank you for the picture you gave me. I have it on my desk and I look at it daily. I just wanted to say hello and wish you well.......
The balled up letter flew through the air and landed just outside of the basket. "Damn girl...think...what do you really want to say to him...just be honest." She thought out loud...and then she smiled.
My Dearest Hamilton,
How I wish you were here.....in Manhattan......naked......
As the newly crumpled paper arced over her desk she thought..."two points" that's what he would say...if he were here. She sighed out loud.
"Damn...why is this so hard?" she thought..."maybe because I'm not an English major. Ah...Will!" she thought and opened her lap top.
...Somehow I don't even try to hold back tears or save my pride.
I want to be with you one more night...but your memory drifts away.
Hard times and we fall apart...what we had was from the heart.
We were together from the very start...so I can't let you go away...
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Cinderbella@NewRaw.net
CC: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
FROM: Krudski@cs.com
November 1, 2004 2:45pm EST
OK kids...the ball's in your court. 2-love. I think this just might work. Will :)
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: HPhleghm@aol.com
FROM: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
November 2, 2004 9:02pm EST
Hey Man. How's things? Life here at the Capital is interesting to say the least. I was looking forward to a break around Thanksgiving and was just wondering if you had any plans to go home to NewRawley?? Will's getting a little homesick already and I was thinking it might be a good chance to get together for some "male bonding" Let me know. --Scout
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
FROM: HPhleghm@aol.com
November 3, 2004 1:10pm EST
Hey Calhoun--good to hear from you. Really? A White House intern?? Will we be seeing you on the news someday?? And here I thought I'd be the first Rawley student to create scandal. LOL Anyway--in answer to you question. I have no plans to come home this month. Don't really see the point. I'll probably make it for the holidays. Maybe we can link up then. HAM
The day was bright although there was a chill in the air. She used to love the colors of the changing trees in the fall but not much excited her lately. She sipped her coffee by the kitchen window as Consuela entered. "Jac-wa-leeeeen, this was delivered yesterday, I sorry but I forgot to give to you." The housekeeper handed her a small green envelope addressed to her.
She immediately checked the return address. It wasn't from California "Thanks Consuela" she took the envelope and opened it. A smiling brown turkey graced the front of the card. The writing inside was familiar.
"You're Invited to Count Your Blessings"
Where: Bella's house
When: Thanksgiving Weekend
Time: Whenever you can get here!
RSVP: to Bella
I'm cooking my first Thanksgiving Dinner...so if the risk of salmonella doesn't scare you...I hope you can come. Please!!! Bella
Jake closed the card and placed it on the table in front of her. "Mmmm" she thought..."Back to New Rawley" she wondered if the memories would be to overwhelming for her. When she thought of Rawley...she thought of him.
She guessed she probably wouldn't go and made a mental note to call Bella later that day to let her know. " Of course it would be nice to see Bella again." she thought. She had no true friends in New York...just acquaintances and coworkers and she missed the girl talk. "Well,...I guess I could think about it...." She finished her coffee, put the cup in the sink and set off to work.
November 4, 2004
Dear Jake,
Its so late...I can't sleep. I have this paper due in the morning but I can't seem to get my shit together and finish it. God it's beautiful here tonight. The moon is just about full, there's just a small sliver missing. There you are..on the other side of the country...and you can see the same moon that I see. Makes me think that you're not so far away from me.
He stopped throwing the letters away. He wished he had the guts to actually send one of them to her. "Maybe she's sitting in New York right now hoping that I'll call her or write to her"He thought. "Maybe she's out tonight having a latte with some guy she just met. Maybe he's holding her hand. Maybe he kissed her and felt her body melt into his." He thought about the little sensitive spot on her neck and hoped that no one else had found it.
He rubbed his face..."You're making yourself crazy man!" he said out loud. He tried to concentrate on the paper he had been working on. Two lines later he gazed at the picture.
It had taken a minute to set up the tripod that day. Jake had refused repeatedly to let him photograph her. She was shy then and conscious of her appearance. He always thought she was beautiful. He still thought she was beautiful. She agreed to the photo but only if Hamilton was in the picture too. He stood beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist. His smile was genuine and he remembered thinking that life couldn't possibly get any better than this. But it had gotten better. Three days after that picture was taken...they had shared his bed and made love for the first time. He considered that picture special. A photographic memory of an innocence that would never return.
November 5, 2004
Ring...Ring...Ring...
Bella: Banks Service Station
Jake: Bella! Hi, it's Jake. How are you?
Bella: Great...and you?
Jake: Okay, listen I got you're invitation in the mail. Thanks a lot, really, I'm sure you're dinner will be great. The salmonella thing never even entered my mind. But, I can't really come. Not this time.
Bella: Oh Jake...I really wanted you to be here. I miss having you around.
Jake: I know, me too. But hey, why don't you come to New York sometime. We can visit Will and hang out...it'd be great.
Bella: (a hesitation in her voice as she thought of what to say next) Well, it's still early...I'm putting you down as a maybe. Okay?
Jake: Really Bella, I appreciate you including me and all. I just don't think it's a very good idea...coming back to Rawley.
Bella: Maybe, okay...just don't say no right away. Think about it and maybe you'll change your mind.
Jake: Okay Bella...Maybe...but probably not. (she chuckled, she really did miss Bella)
Bella: Okay, (the smile in her voice was evident...she felt a small victory in eliminating the NO response.) I'll talk to you again soon. I've got a customer at the pump.
Jake: Sorry...Okay...talk to you soon. Bye
Bella: Bye bye.
Bella hung up the phone and looked across at the empty gas pump. She made her way to the library.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO Krudski@cs.com
FROM: CinderBella@NewRaw.net
November 5, 2004 4:11pm EST
Will,
I got her to say maybe...but she's leaning toward NO!! HELP!!!
Bella
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Krudski@cs.com
FROM: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
November 5, 2004 5:50pm EST
Hey Bud....
This is tougher than I thought...I'll keep trying but Fleming has no plans to come home for Thanksgiving...any suggestions??
Scout
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO:CinderBella@NewRaw.net
CC: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
FROM: Krudski@cs.com
November 6, 2004 12:10pm EST
OK you two...the important thing to remember here is not to PANIC!! We still have a few weeks left and I think things are going to work out.
Will :)
The rain fell hard against the window. The pinging sounds echoed in the empty apartment. She had decided to work from home today...but clearly was not accomplishing anything significant. She felt distracted. She popped in her favorite Sarah MacLachlan CD and allowed the music to fill in the silence.
November 7, 2004
Dear Hamilton,
I've been thinking a lot about us lately. I guess I've had some time to reflect on our past...and what could have been our future and I wonder if breaking up was the right thing to do. I think about you out in California...surrounded by all those blondes in bikini's and it makes me crazy!! When I think back...at the times we spent together I wouldn't trade a second of it either. I only wish that I had told you that.
Jake discarded the note. The box of stationary was nearly empty and she thought how proud her Grandmother would be to know that she was attempting to correspond the "old fashioned way."
...I will remember you...will you remember me...don't let you life pass you by...
weep not for the memories...."
Jake shut off the CD player. She grabbed her backpack from the desk and decided rain or not...she had to get out of there. The sidewalks of Manhattan were filled with endless lines of unfamiliar faces. She had grown up in this town. She should feel at home and yet...she felt like a stranger. As she glanced toward a display in a store window she caught sight of her reflection. The raindrops fell on her cheeks. Were they raindrops? She thought back to the night she watched Hamilton leave her dorm room. She wiped away the warm drops from her face. She decided to head back home and give Bella a call.
...How can I look back in sorrow...no memory would let me hide.
Each day there comes another tomorrow...a better tomorrow...yeah.
Those days that we took for granted...never knew what we had til it was gone
Now we had the chance to give ourselves...a better life..oh yeah.
So many words were left unspoken, and in a dream it came to me.
Cause in a blink, a smile--two hearts broken...explain that to me."
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO:RawleyGirl@aol.com
FROM: Krudski@cs.com
November 14, 2004 3:06pmEST
Hi Jake,
What's up? I just wanted to say thanks for the Thanksgiving invite...but my mother called and she really wants me to come home for the holiday. If I pick up a few extra shifts at the book store I can probably swing a bus ticket to Rawley. I just wanted to let you know.
Will :)
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO :Krudski@cs.com
FROM: RawleyGirl@aol.com
November 14, 2004 6:00pm EST
Hey Will
That's great. I hope you have a great time. Say hi to everyone for me. Okay?
--Jake
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO" RawleyGirl@aol.co
FROM: Krudski@cs.co
November 14, 2004 7:10pmEST
Here's a thought...why don't you come with me???
Will :)
November 15, 2004
Ring...Ring...Ring...
Bella: "Banks Service Station"
Will: "She's coming."
Bella: "What?"
Will: "Jake...she's coming to New Rawley for Thanksgiving. We're going to ride down together on her bike. I hope this works...three hours on the "bitchpad" could do some serious damage to any potential "little Krudski's". (he laughed)
Bella: " Oh God, that's great Will...one down and one to go!! I wonder how Scouts doing.
Will: "Ah...do you mean with the Jake and Hamilton thing or did you mean anything else."
Bella: "Both...I guess."
Will: "Well girl...gotta run...got a class in twenty minutes. I wanted you to be the first to know!!
Bella: "Thanks Will...Bye"
Bella smiled as she hung up the phone. Will was right...this will all work itself out...well...maybe with a little help from their friends.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: HPhleghm@aol.com
FROM: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
November 16, 2004 11:45pm EST
Hey Flemming...My Dad has to go to Boston next week to give a campaign speech. I've got a Celtics ticket with your name on it buddy. You just need to come to Washington and fly out with us. You'd get to be "MY date". Whadya think???
--Scout
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO:SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
FROM: HPhleghm@aol.com
November 17, 2004 1:10amEST
As much as I might have liked the thought of "dating" guys at one time in my life...you are SO not my type! LOL
Actually, thanks for the invite...I'd really love to go but I've got so much going on here right now. I'm not sure going home to Rawley, even for a few days, is a good idea. To much going on in my head...ok...and maybe in my heart. I'll catch up with you and Will another time though........Hope the Celtics win!!!
HAM
November 17, 2004
Dear Jake,
I can't stop thinking about you. I wish you were here with me. I was thinking of going home to Rawley for Thanksgiving...but...I know that it would be miserable if you weren't there too. The memories are just to hard to deal with right now. Do you think we'll ever see each other again??
I see you each night...in my dreams, but lately that's just not enough. I want you back in my life again, Jake. Do you know that? Do you feel the same things that I'm feeling? Or, are you happy now?
Hamilton tore the letter from the pad and folded it. He placed it in a steadily growing pile under the framed picture. As he lifted the picture up he looked at it. He traced the line of her face and kissed the tip of his finger and gently brought it to her face. "I will always love you" he said.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO: Cinderbella@NewRaw.net
FROM: SenCalsSon@WhiteHouse.org
November 19, 2004 12:15am EST
Buy a bigger turkey Bella. I have one idea left and its gotta work!!!
--Scout
Ring...Ring...Ring...
A brief click as the answering machine picks up:
"Hey...you found me, but I'm not here right now. I'm sure you know what to do and when to do it...Ciao!"
Will: Hey Jake...it's Will. Just wondering how things are going. Are we still on for Wednesday? Are you sure you don't want to take the bus?? (chuckling) OK..listen just let me know, okay?
A knock on Will's door:
"Hey Krudski...you've got a phone call."
"Thanks man......be right there."
Will opened the door and entered the main hallway. He headed for the phone and found the receiver dangling toward the floor.
Will: "Hello?"
Jake: "You're hard to get a hold of man."
Will: "Hi Jake...what's up?"
Jake: "Wednesday figured we'd leave around ten or so...does that work for you?"
Will: "Well...it does cut into my beauty sleep..but ya..ten is fine. How long will it take to get there?"
Jake: "I can do it in about three hours or so...you nervous 'bout my driving Krudski??"
Will: "Honestly? No comment!"
Jake: "That should be Scout's line..." (she laughed out loud) I am SO looking forward to seeing Bella. I didn't think I wanted to go...but now... I'm really looking forward to it."
Will: "Me too."
Jake: "Ok...see ya Wednesday"
Will: "See ya Wednesday"
As Will hung up the phone...he breathed on his finger tips and rubbed them against his chest. "Good job, Krudski" he said and he smiled.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
TO"Krudski@cs.com
CC: CinderBella@New Raw.net
November 21, 2004 10:01pm EST
Either of you heard from Fleming yet???
--Scout
November 21, 2004
Dear Hamilton,
I'm leaving for Rawley in the morning. I wish you were going to be there. I'm sure the memories will coming flooding back and I hope that I will be able to handle it. I guess part of the reason I'm looking forward to this trip is ...well...I hope that I'll feel closer to you again. I feel so "removed" in New York. Like I'm on the outside looking in." I feel like I don't belong here anymore. Rawley was the only place I've ever felt that I belonged...and I know that was because I felt like I belonged with you. I've always thought that I belonged with you.
"You're late" he said as he stood up on the front steps of Rochester University.
"Yea...well...fashionably late." she smiled. "Bitchpad baby...she said as she nodded toward the back seat of the sputtering motorcycle."
Will moved one hand toward the crotch of his jeans..."God help me..." he said as he lifted on leg over the bike and adjusted the helmet she handed him. They were off toward New Rawley and phase two of a seemingly well orchestrated plan.
...'cause what we need to realize is that it took us by surprise.
We shouldn't turn away from the things we need to say.
Now I'm stuck here with a choice 'cause I need to hear your voice.
This foolish pride is killing me....
"Bella!" Jake exclaimed as she hopped off her motorcycle and headed toward her friend. "It's great to be back...I missed you!"
"Hi Jake! It's great to see you too. I'm so glad you came" Bella said as she hugged her. Jake and Bella released from their embrace and turned to look at Will.
"You okay man?" Jake asked him.
"I will be..." Will said as he used both hands to aid his leg over the bike seat and adjusted himself back to a fully upright position. Once again his hand went to the crotch of his jeans and assured that all was intact, he moved toward Bella.
"Welcome home Will," she said as she hugged him. "Scout's here too. He flew in this morning, with his dad." She emphasized the last three words. Will knew by the look in her eyes that what she meant to say was Scout arrived without Hamilton.
"We tried Bella...we really tried" he whispered into her ear.
"You two must be exhausted. Come in." Bella motioned to the door with her hand.
"I'm gonna check in at home first, get cleaned up and I'll catch up with you two later." Will said.
"Buddy!" Scout said as he came out of the door of Bella's home. "What's up?"
"Hey man...good to see you" Will smiled. The boys exchanged high five's and a warm hug.
"Ladies..."Scout said toward the girls, "If you'll excuse us...Will and I have some male bonding to attend to.
"You want a ride?" Jake asked smiling, but she knew the answer.
"NO!" they said in unison.
"Don't mind walking...thanks...need to stretch my legs. We'll see you both later."
"So...how's that intern position?" Will asked.
Scout bent over..."This one?" he laughed, "Sorry man, Washington humor."The boys turned and walked in the familiar direction of Will's house.
Thursday, Late morning. Thanksgiving Day
Jake entered the kitchen and poured herself another cup of coffee. "What can I do to help?" she asked Bella, who looked a bit frazzled.
"Actually...everything is under control...I think." The two laughed.
"It smells great" Jake said as she seated herself at the kitchen table and stared out the window. "Wow...the foliage is still so beautiful here."
"Mmmm" she acknowledged peeling potatoes. "Jake? What's wrong...I mean besides the obvious?"
"Nothing really...just strolling down memory lane I guess."
"I'm sorry Jake.
"Don't be sorry Bella...some people live their whole lives in a memory. It's just really hard for me to...forget."
"Do you want to forget?" Bella asked looking puzzled.
"No...I mean...not really...Oh I don't know. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm so confused. I was hoping that coming back here would help me sort through it.
"I know.." Bella said. "Dinner won't be ready for hours. Why don't you go outside and get some fresh air. Take a walk down by the lake..it will help to clear your head."
"Or cloud it up some more" she smiled as she thought of the hundreds of times she and Hamilton had been to the lake together.
"Trust me...now go" Bella ushered her friend out the door. "Don't come back until you feel better."
"Ah...right... I'll try" Jake grabbed her sweatshirt from the back of the chair and walked outside into the sunshine.
Bella set about peeling additional vegetables. She wished Grace had been around to help her. Grace and her mother were back in touch and she was spending the weekend in Carson. Bella was not ready to renew a loving mother-daughter relationship just yet but, was happy and supportive of Grace's decision. Charlie was having dinner with his new girlfriend. Bella and Grace had been invited too, but Bella refused to be a "third wheel" in their newly blossoming relationship.
The kitchen door creaked open and Bella didn't look up. She expected Will and Scout by now and they were late. She had assigned them chores for the day, wood for the fireplace, carving the turkey and she expected them to attempt to get out of their prearranged assignments.
Two hands came around the front of her face and covered her eyes. Bella smiled, "Scout? You're late, you better have a good excuse."
No answer.
"Will?" she sounded a little frightened now.
"Not Will or Scout" the familiar sexy voice whispered into her ear. Bella grabbed the hands from her face and turned to see Hamilton Flemming standing in her kitchen.
"Hamilton!" she screamed. A huge smile on her face as she grabbed his neck and hugged him.
"Man...I didn't get that kind of reception" Scout said sarcastically.
"Me either...and I've known her longer than both of you put together." Will affirmed.
"I though you weren't coming?" Bella said.
"Funniest thing happened," Hamilton began to explain. "I got this FedEx package yesterday with a round trip ticket from LA to New Rawley in it. I assumed my mother was missing her little Munchie...and sent it to me." He smiled, "But, when I arrived home today. Neither my mother or father admitted to sending it. Weird huh?"
Bella looked at Scout, "Ya..weird" she smiled at him and he returned her smile with a wink. "Well I'm SO glad you're here."
"Where's J....." Will started but was quickly interrupted by Bella.
"Hey Hamilton...have you been to the lake yet? It's gorgeous right now...I'm sure you brought your camera. Spectacular photo-op's right now." Without giving him time to answer she turned him around in the kitchen and ushered him toward the door.
"You guys want to join me?" Hamilton asked.
"Um..Sure we'd...." again Will's words were cut short by Bella.
"They can't...They need to stay here and help me." Bella shot Will a look and he quickly figured out what was going on.
"Well...OK...I'll see you guys later." Hamilton said as he exited the door.
Scout, Will and Bella looked at each other. All three held up crossed fingers and they smiled.
"Well," Will said. "The rest is up to them."
...The right time is gonna come...but maybe not just yet.
We could have gone our separate ways...could have missed the pain.
I know that I've seen better days.
(But I know) There's this feeling inside that won't go away.
It wasn't a mistake......
Hamilton moved skillfully around the lake. "Bella was right, this is beautiful." He thought to himself. He peered through the lens of his camera and caught the suns shimmer on the lake. Click--click--click the shudder sounded to break the silence.
He glanced at the old oak that sat on the edge of the water. He had spent the better part of his teenage years sitting under that tree. And now he thought he had spent the best part of his teenage years lying under that tree...with Jake. The stillness was deafening. The air was crisp and clean. Such a change from LA. He continued to survey the lake through the lens.
He scanned the tree again and photographed the colored leaves. As the crisp autumn breeze blew, a single leaf gently descended toward the ground. Hamilton followed the swirling flight with his camera..click--click--click. He looked again, and continued to click the shudder as the leaf passed the majestic trunk of the old tree. He saw her sitting there. She leaned back against the tree. Knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them for support. She was gazing into the lake. In a world of her own. A world he desperately wanted to be in.
"Jake?" he mouthed the words at first. He was afraid to remove the camera from his eye...in case the apparition would fade from view. "Jake?" he said as the whisper caught in his throat.
He ran toward the tree...
"Jake!!" he yelled out as he quickly closed the gap between where he had been standing and his destination.
She thought she heard her name, but assumed it was her imagination. "Jake!" That was clear...and she turned toward the somewhat familiar voice.
"Hamilton?" her eyes widened in disbelief. "Hamilton? Oh my God, Hamilton" She wanted to run toward him but her legs felt like jelly.
Hamilton ran up to her and without thinking..without remembering what had passed between them, he picked her up off the ground and enveloped her into his arms.
"Hamilton!!" she laughed.
"Oh Jake. I can't believe it's really you...that your here." He stuttered as he brought her feet back to earth. Again he lifted her off the ground and playfully swung her around in his arms. They hugged in a passionate embrace. Breathless he stepped back to look at her once again. "What are you doing here? I mean...I'm so glad you're here...but how come you're here?" he asked. His thoughts were random and confused.
"I came down with Will for the holiday. Bella invited me." She stepped further back and smiled at him. "I'm glad you're here too. I've been wanting to talk to you SO much. Look...Hamilton...all those things I said...in June..." Hamilton placed a finger to her lips to hush her.
"Later...okay?" he said. He sat himself down on the grass and leaned against the tree. He reached up and took her hand and gently pulled her down to rest beside him. "Let's not do all the apology stuff right now..."
"Who says I was going to apologize?" she tried to look indignant...but she stood no chance as she looked into his sapphire eyes.
"Jake...I've missed you so much. I thought about you every day. I even wrote to you"
"You did?" she asked. She smiled as she thought of her own stack of unsent letters.
"I never got a letter from you."
"I know...I was afraid to send them. I was afraid that maybe you had moved on with your life and you had stopped caring about me. Maybe even stopped loving me." She saw the mists forming in his eyes as he spoke. "I couldn't stand to think about my life without you...so I wrote to you. Kinda helped me feel like you were still there. I know...sounds silly doesn't it? he laughed and expected her to laugh too.
"Actually...it doesn't sound that silly. Would you believe....." she nodded her head in affirmation as he realized what she was saying.
"Man...we were so stupid..." he said in a hushed tone.
"No...we just needed some time and a little space to see things more clearly.
I guess you don't really know what you have until it's gone" Jake changed her position so that her head rested in his lap. The air was cool against her face but the warmth of his body comforted her. "Hey Ham..."
"Mmmm" he said as he gently stroke her hair. He looked down at her and the love that flowed out of him was almost tangible.
"Read me one of your letters." She said. He smiled at her.
"Dear Jake,
I miss you..I love you...and I want you back in my life. I'm not the same person that I was...when we were together. I wish you weren't so far away. I wish you were here with me now...I wish...I wish I'd never hurt you. I'd do anything Jake to make it right between us again..." his voice shook with emotion. "well....something like that. What about you... will you read one of your letters to me?"
"My dearest Hamilton" she started with a dramatic flair "I wish you were here...in Manhattan...naked" she laughed out loud and so did he.
"Naked huh? Is that the only thing you missed about me?" He reached his hand down and tickled at her sides.
"No..no!" she giggled. "I missed everything about you Hamilton. I missed your eyes, I missed the way you looked at me...like I was the most beautiful girl on the planet."
"You are..." he interrupted.
"I missed the way you made me feel."
"Grrrrr" he sexily growled.
"Not just physically....Gee...you're such a guy. I missed the way I felt when I was with you." She turned to look up at him. The tears fell against her cheeks. "I want you and me to be...us again."
He smiled and pulled her up to his lap. He held her for a long time until the autumn breeze dried his own cheeks. "I want that too"
As the afternoon slipped away...and the sun began to melt into the lake they returned hand in hand to Bella's house for dinner. As the walked in the door the three stood silently.
"You know something......"Hamilton said as he looked at Jake, things becoming cleared to him, "I think we were set up here."
.....How I long... to see your face...to be in your embrace now.
it wont be long til I see your face til I'm in that place beside you.
I cant stand to live without you ...I cant stand to walk away.
I cant stand to listen to what other people say.
Soon we'll be together...soon we'll be as one. Tonight I will be with you."
Hamilton walked out of the front of the school building. He descended the steps with his camera in hand. It was another gorgeous day. Everyday was beautiful since Thanksgiving. And best of all...only thirty-one more days untill Christmas break. He smiled broadly. He was setting off for a photography session hoping to finish a much over due project. He stopped at the mailbox outside of the dorms. He pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. Enclosed were the pictures he developed from their weekend in Rawley wrapped up in yet another letter, his third one this week. He had successfully preserved another memory, forever. Only these days...forever was looking really good. He placed a gentle kiss on the address...and dropped it in.
The End