By Dudley Dursley and the stoopid person (I told you, QUIT IT!!)
A/N: 'K, I've been thinking that I should make some sort of a Smeltings Diary where people write in it from the school to Dudley. Or just Dudley. Hey, I won't know unless you R/R and tell me!! We both...er, I thank you, and the people who could never read it before, Dudley got a new editing program so that there are capital letters. I can't promise you that he used the spell check, though.
Hay wossssssssssssssssssssup? I maked this again cause you peoople liekked the furst one so I goes to my nice new shny compouter and types a new one up and My names Dudley Dursley and I goto Smeltings somwthere in England but I don't know where that is and im still on a relay bad deit and it sucks but im two big for the cloothes that stoopid Smeltings gives me and so I have to do it so Laura the girl that I likes likes me back cause im just so pretty and evryone likes the greet dudley Dursley cause evrybody just does but um im still 14 years old and Hary stil lives here and I catches him one day writing and he was in a triwezard torunement or sommat and he won and then I wrips up the letter and makes him mad hee hee hee! Neways oi should get to the story now. But I havta tell you about what happened cause Hary's friend caled here I think it was roon weezley and dad was yellin at them and I laffed soooo hard!!!
Ok I was going back form a lite midnite snak which was 3 hamborgers 5 fizzy drinks 32 oz of potootes 2 bags of popscorn and 1 taapiooca puddin cause it was goross. And I sees Hary righting his homewoork, right? Hes not sopposed to do that but I let him neway and I stoppped to watch him and yoo woould never guess but 3 owls came thru the window!!! I got scareed and ran back then. The next moorning I wakes up and goes downstairs and watches my new tv that I gots as a weloome home preesent and I had to complaain about the looooong walk between the leving room and the frige cause 10 feet is just twoooooo long!! And then he sat between me and dad watching an uglee person that escaped and it turns out that that was Harys goddad and I was scareed.
Then dad wnet to pick up auntie marge and I watched dad bug Hary and I didnt wanna come cause tv was on and I smirrked cause Hary was being bullied...hehehehee!! And I told you what she did last time but im gonna tell you again ok when I was 5 at my berthday partay auntie marge wacked Hary hard to stop Hary form winning but I wouldhave won neway and then later I gots a relay cool robot from her and Hary got some doggie treats but I stole those and I eats em up. They wernt that bad and this is the funnist of em all and meen old Hary stepped on Ripper the dogs tale and hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK HARY STEPPs on rippers tale and ripper chased him hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!! And Hary was in a tree for lots and lots and lots of time!!!!!! I laffed soooooooooooooooooooooo hard!!!!
Neway I had to make meself smart for my auntie so mummy bought me a new bow tie and I rekon that I looked pretty smart but since im smart neway I realy didnot need it because I finally figoored out about a weak ago that 2+2 was 5 and me and stoopid peers learnt that neway Hary doesnt go to his skool nemore for a weak and he goes to st brotuses for incoorably croimanaall boys and he had to keep that up If he wanted to go to his skool hog-my skool I thinks thats what its called but neway I gets a 20 pound note in my hand and mum and auntie keesed and colonel fooboster is wtching over the other dogs and I can't rember much else after the furst 3 days but the next thingy I know is that Hary was gone and I didnt see him till next summer but all I can say about skool was that it was borrring and I gots more fantastiks and I beats up Dork again so I gets in trooble.
then, Hary comes back for the next sommer and thats when my stooopid deit started and stoooopid mum!!! Die mum!!! All I gets is a peice of rotten uglee gross stoopid grapefruit and mum is still very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very (*sigh* Dudley, we have the point again. Quit it!!) stoopid and so is this person who keeps tellin me to quit it your stoopid too!! (HEY!!!! I read that!!!) Neway, dont stoopid people get awfuls? (They're not awfuls, they're A's for outstanding!! Read your agenda sometime!!) I throws that away. (*sighs again* I quit!!!) Good. NEWAY before I was roodley intrupted Hary gots this funy letter it had stamps on it and this is what it said well I loses the letter but Hary is gettin picked up by the weezleys right the same peopple who called awhile ago and neways I learnt aboout qiddtch and Hary is goin to the world cup or whatevr and Hary makes me feel bad cause he was wering my cothes and he says "only after me finished with em" and im not that fat am I?
Well then he runs inter me and neerly knocks me over cause I wanted to heaar him get beat up and he tells me "that was an excellent breakiefast, doent yoo think I feel realy full dont yoo" and I was shooked and loked at him and he runs away and paks then at tomorow I was scareed cause even thow soorgery is cool the doktors told me of about my wight and I was upset and mum said "its ok duddeykins" and I was hapy after that so I pretends im a spy and walks sideways lookin for the wezard and I puts my hand ofer my bum al the time cause I dont wanna make mummmy and daddy think I want a piggy tail but I realy do and thats what im going to ask the wezard for hee hee hee!!
So I walks to the leving room to look smart so I can wait cause I thinks it wouldnt be moch longer right?? I mean it was 1/2 past 5 whatevr that is and I thinks they were sopposed ter be hear at 5. And then I heer nooses so I get scareed cause it may be ickle ghosties and im scareed off ickle ghosties but not ickle furst years o no we beats them up and then neways I runs away but it was only the wezards and they shot out and maked my leving room all messy including my tv so I was scareed that hed do it again so I comed back and gazzed at him and hid behind mum and ron I think that was the other uglee guys name ron almost laffed and it wasnt funny and I put my hands titer round my bum cause I gotta keep up the imege ya know. Then someone named Fred drops nummy lookin tofees so I pickes one up to help him and it looks good so I eats it. Then allof a sodden my tunge starts to gro turns purple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried to say "bye" and it come out as a gag and evryone turns round and im neeling by the cofe table and just cause I eite the stoopid tofee!! Die Fred!! THEN stoopid mum tries to pull it out and "mum stop it cause its my tonge" but it just comes out as "muu stoo i...cou i...m tnge!" and I was spootering lodly and tries to fite her of and I was soffocatng and I doesnt like soffocating!! Then dad starts throwing my china collecton at Hary and he left and I felt sad cause I didnt get so say bye and so the weezard makes my tunge normal and im happy again.
I go to Smeltings and I beats up dork, yoo know the drill. Hary comes back and I is sooo happy to meat him!! So I beats him up.
Dislaimer by the stoopid person hee hee!!: (HEY!!! Quit messin' with my stuff you fat ugly thing!! Ugh!!) Everything that you recognize from the book, well, actually every name except for Dork is J.K Rowling's. Dork and Laura are possibly going to be introduced, but I can't promise anything yet. Dork is Dudley's name for poor little Kevin Wardley.